


Dirty Little Secret

by NissaFox



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Bi-Curiosity, Bisexuality, Bullying, Closeted, Closeted Character, Crushes, Gay, Gay Bashing, High School, M/M, Secret Relationship, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:53:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 120,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25806178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NissaFox/pseuds/NissaFox
Summary: AU: Grimmjow is the most popular student in Karakura High. When he learns a secret about his ex-best friend, Ichigo, he makes it his duty to keep it hidden. But does Ichigo really want his help or will something else come from it? Grimmichi, story heavy, smut in the later chapters. Rated explicit despite it not having too much smut. This story is going to be a long ride so only a bit of what this story is about is in the summary, please understand.
Relationships: Grimmjow Jaegerjaques/Kurosaki Ichigo
Comments: 154
Kudos: 222





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Updates weekly on Sunday or at least I'll try. This is my first time on AO3 so please be patient.

It isn’t a party until Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez walks in. The house can be jammed with sweaty high schoolers grinding up against each other, blasting music that made the house shake and ears pop, and enough alcohol to kill two elephants, but once Grimmjow makes his presence known that is when things get really crazy. Any crazy party story that has been born from Karakura High in the past three years has originated from the crazy shit that has come from Grimmjow’s presence at a party.

The crazy story about the skinny dipping in the neighbor’s pool? Grimmjow’s. That time where the school hottie, Rangiku Matsumoto got so drunk that she took her top off and had people do jello shots off of her stomach? Grimmjow’s. That time an innocent movie night turned into everyone watching porn that eventually led to an orgy? Mother fuckin’ Grimmjow’s.

Grimmjow was the most attractive and popular kid in school, a living legend and it wasn’t subtle. He used to be the star of the American football team, but left it because it became too boring and going to practice became such a bother. Walking down the hall made people’s heads turn. Despite the school having plenty of people with weirdly colored hair like his school was from an anime, natural blue hair stood out. It wasn’t the thing that grabbed people’s attention though, but it did help. His very demeanor was enough to leave people in awe. It left an impression.

He never had to bully anyone to give them their homework, like Nnoitra or Kenpachi. Girls would just throw their answers at him without asking for anything in return. Life was easy. He never had to put an ounce of effort into anything.

The party of the week was going to celebrate Tier Harribel’s birthday which already passed, but this time her parents weren’t home. She was his ex after only a week or two of dating and the breakup was still pretty fresh. Grimmjow was never thought of as a nice guy, but every now and then he was willing to do a little bit of charity, especially if it was to someone he has wronged in the past. It wasn’t a good idea to be on bad terms with Tier Harribel. She was dangerous and fought dirty and breaking up with her the day before her birthday was probably not the best thing he ever did, but if Grimmjow didn’t show up to her party then it was really going to suck. She’ll thank him later, not literally, but she will.

Grimmjow being himself wanted to avoid her at all costs. Later she will learn that the reason why her party was so badass was because he has graced it with his presence. But also Grimmjow being himself, he wanted to get laid at all costs and he couldn’t exactly do that when all the girls who were potential enough for him to bang were at her house. It wasn’t going to be the first time he would be naked at this house, but he doesn’t think Harribel would be appreciative this time.

The pros and cons of showing up aside there were plenty of people so the chances of their paths crossing was small even if he does create a large commotion.

Well, that was his hopes at least, but the moment he stepped through the doors of Harribel’s luxurious home and taken in the already electrifying party he came face to face with a tan beauty with blond hair the color of corn and impossibly green eyes which were framed by long eyelashes the same color of her hair. Despite her lack of emotions her exotic look allowed her to climb the ranks of popularity. As usual her face was void of any emotions. Despite the common sense of turning around and leaving before spiking major drama Grimmjow let himself in with a big toothy smile and his trademark blue, evil eyes.

“Hey, Hal.” Grimmjow said as confident as ever as if it wasn’t a crime to walk into his ex’s party that he recently broke up with without even bringing a present or a bottle of alcohol of his choice to supply even more life into the chaos.

Harribel’s nose scrunched up at the nickname that Grimmjow used while dating her, but her expression quickly reverted back to the expressionless one that she produced before. “Grimmjow,” She responded in a monotone voice. No nickname, no tears, no viewable resentment, just the way Grimmjow liked it.

“What exactly do you think you are doing here?” She asked the blue haired former jock, squinting her eyes and crossing her arms over her oversized chest, a chest that Grimmjow has become  _ well _ acquainted with. Yeah, that chest is the only thing he misses.

“Breathing life into your stupid party, no need to thank me,” Grimmjow said in his usual cocky voice that has become a trademark for him, confident, attractive, powerful.

Harribel bit down on her lips, restraining herself from screaming at him. If she went ballistic it would be clear that he had the upper hand. “It would have been better if you weren’t here.” She scowled, gripping her arms tightly. Her talon-like nails were probably going to leave bruises as they buried into her skin just like how they left bruises on Grimmjow’s back.

“I’m not asking for your permission.” Grimmjow retorted pushing his way past her and entering a swarm of people, continuing to advance through the swaying crowd of sweaty bodies. She couldn’t even call after him. No one dared to fight Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez in his element. It would make more sense for her to leave her own party then to try and kick him out. The best she could do is try to enjoy the rest of her night and cry about it while she cleaned up the huge mess the party will make before her parents come home.

He made his way to the table of drinks which has included a bowl of mystery punch that he knew better than partaking in. He may have always been the life of the party, but he never knew what kind of reaction he would get from playing with that wild card. He downed two cups of bitter alcohol without taking note of what exactly he was drinking. With a slight burn in the back of the throat he deemed himself smashed enough to pick up the pace of the party.

He was cheered on as he sank his last ping pong ball in the red solo cup of beer. He destroyed Sexy Mila without having to take a sip. The game was completely fair this time too. He was already feeling it plenty, more than he should actually so it was a good thing he was good at beer pong.

Girls are always excited to take up a challenge with Grimmjow since they think that if they get him anymore drunk they could have him on his back with them on top, but she was clearly new to parties if she thought she could take him down even if he was already past his limit when it came to drinks.

She would have been easy to take into another room so he could have his way with her. In fact, that’s probably what she wanted. Instead he decided to sacrifice his win and leave her to the thirsty wolves surrounding the table. There were plenty of guys there who came with the soul intent of losing their virginity that night and with Sexy Mila drunk enough to not even stand up straight much less judge who was hot or not he can make some dreams come true that night. They’ll probably have her on her knees with one guy occupying her front while the other occupies her back. It wouldn’t be the first time it happened at one of these parties and it definitely won’t be the last. This is Karakura High after all.

It wasn’t a major story to create, but it was enough to be viewed as a hero in the eyes of those losers who still relied on their right hand as their primary method of getting off. Those poor souls.

That seemed to be the least Grimmjow could do for the night, and probably all he could do. He may have reached his limit. He was usually a good drinker, but he didn’t know why he was pushing himself past his limit. He made his rounds and once he made a rotation he scooped up two more drinks which he downed faster than what was probably wise earning him a pounding headache.

The loud music that was blaring through the overhead speakers causing the house to vibrate and hum along to the song that can only be heard at clubs wasn’t helping to remedy his head either. Grimmjow’s head pounded faster to the beat of the music and made it impossible to hear his own thoughts.

Things turned worse when he turned a corner to try and find a more silent location of Harribel’s house. His already pounding head came in contact with what felt like stone. “Hey,” came a loud obnoxious voice in response that only made his headache throb more as an added punishment. Grimmjow rubbed his head and opened one eye that he didn’t realize was closed. He looked up at the girl who seems unphased by the fact that their foreheads collided. “Are you doing alright, Grimm? Did you run into Harribel yet?”

Grimmjow groaned at his supposed best friend’s questions that put strain on him. Why must she ask him to use brain activity even if they were relatively easy questions to answer?

“Yeah, I did.” Grimmjow groaned. “But don’t worry; she’s got nothing on me.”

Nelliel pouted, pursing her lips out and crossing her arms over her oversized chest just like how Harribel did. Grimmjow half expected her to start tapping her foot as well. “That’s not the thing I was worried about.” He was reminded how motherly Nel could be sometimes and how she has warned him that it may be dangerous to get on Harribel’s bad side so he should avoid dating her.

He has heard horror stories of the people who have wronged her that make him shudder, ruined reputation, destroyed belongings, and one of the boys she has dated even ended up in jail. He has never been one to deny beauty though and neither was his buddy in his pants. They have had a lot of fun together until Grimmjow couldn’t deal with commitment anymore and broke up with her before he could end up cheating with her. The problem was that his timing was terrible, right before her birthday. How was he supposed to know it was her birthday? It was a careless mistake too. Never date a girl too close to her birthday, Valentine’s Day, or Christmas. That’s the rule.

Grimmjow groaned in response to the lecture that he knew he was about to get. He absentmindedly twirled the remainder of the drink in his cup around. “She’s smart. She knows that if she does anything bad to me I can hit her ten times worse. She knows who I am and she knows better than to cross me.”

Nel’s rosy lips curled into a disgusted snarl at the sound of Grimmjow’s drunken cockiness. If observed closely you can see that pity was hidden in her big brown eyes. “It is undeniable that you are a powerful force at school, but I worry about you sometimes. It isn’t impossible to gain a bad reputation and I’m afraid that if something happens you’ll end up getting hurt.” She started to lecture, resting her hands on her hips as she started to monologue about how she loves him and didn’t want any harm to come of him and how he needs to learn how to actually use his brain instead of thinking with his dick.

Grimmjow has heard this a million times and his head was not ready to have this conversation again. His head wasn’t ready for anything. He was too drunk and bothered to have to deal with this kind of shit. He needed to stop her before he was stranded there for the rest of the night with her going off on him.

“Shit, it’s your ex.” Grimmjow said, pointing at the huge crowd of people that seemed to be more focused on the pounding beat of the music then anything they had to say. “You’ve got to hide.” He said faking urgency, pushing her lightly on her back to lead her into the more unoccupied parts of the house. It wasn’t a complete lie. He may have not seen her ex, but her ex was Sexy Mila’s best friend so if Mila Rose was there that means that he was there too. After Nel was properly alone Grimmjow peaked around the corner to look at the crowd, searching for a person who wasn’t there from the start.

“Shit, I can’t see him. I’ll try to get closer.” Grimmjow nodded, putting on his best helpful friend act. “Stay here.”

Grimmjow headed back towards the crowd of people, but before he could rejoin the party he made a quick turn and exited down a different hallway. Nel wouldn’t see him if he headed down that way instead. She would figure out that he has lied to her eventually after he doesn’t come back. He has done something like this before since he learned that it’s better than dumping a drink on her shirt to get her to go away. It wasn’t the best experience, his body suffered for it and so did his wallet when he had to replace her skirt...and three more as interest.

It wasn’t long until all of the alcohol he had allowed into his system traveled down to his junk. He needed to take a leak and though he has been to Harribel’s house multiple times his intoxicated mind made it hard for him to tell where he was or where to find the closest restroom. Once he was drunk his sense of direction was just as bad as Zoro’s from  _ One Piece.  _ Heck he could probably compete with him.

He headed down an unlit hallway. Going through a checklist of things to do at the party, get smashed, check, act of kindness, check, lectured by Nel, (yes, he knew that was coming,) check, get laid...once he relieves himself he’ll look for  _ that _ way of relieving himself.

He opened a random door hoping that it was the bathroom or at least hope the room gave him some indication where he was. The lights were off when he entered the room. Grimmjow squinted his eyes to try to make out the shapes of the room before his intoxicated brain caught up to him as he realized that he could just turn on the lights. He reached his hand out to the side and groped around to find the switch. Light illuminated the room, bathing it in a bright white light that irritated Grimmjow’s eyes and causing his headache to groan in response.

That was when his head jerked as a loud banging sound erupted next to him. Grimmjow jolted at the sound and his head whipped around causing his vision to swim. Blinking a few times was able to clear the stars dancing in his eyes, but it didn’t stop his stomach from turning. He observed the abnormality that he has not noticed before. He wasn’t on the ground floor like he thought he was at one point he must have walked upstairs without realizing it during his quest to find a bathroom and found his way to Harribel’s bedroom.

How long was this quest to find a bathroom exactly? The fact that he wasn’t where he thought he was may have been strange, he couldn’t underestimate his drunk self’s terrible sense of direction or perception of time apparently, but the even stranger sight was the chair that was leaned up against Harribel’s closet door. Coming from that said closet door was the sound of banging. The light was turned off in there, but there was clearly someone that was trapped inside and the fact that the lights in Harribel’s room were turned off gave the perception of being alone.

Grimmjow pondered the idea of leaving and allowing whatever prank was made to carry out. It may have been funny if whoever it was in there was forgotten and everyone left while the poor kid was still in there and while Harribel is cleaning up she is left with one last surprise. As funny as that would be Grimmjow’s curiosity was getting the better of him as he pondered who was unlucky enough to be on the receiving end of such a cruel, uncreative prank.

Grimmjow responded to the banging on the door and pulled the chair that was holding the doorknob in place away from the door. As soon as the sound of the chair sliding across the hardwood floor became audible the closet door swung open and a sigh escaped the victim’s mouth and his eyes scanned upwards to meet Grimmjow’s.

It took Grimmjow a moment to recognize who was standing in front of him and he immediately wanted to beat himself up for not recognizing him right away. On the other hand the victim looked half tempted to close the door again and wait for him to leave, but Grimmjow was having none of it.

“Ichigo?” He asked curiously, the name sounding odd as it slipped from his mouth. He hasn’t heard that name in a long time, much less spoke it.

The boy scrunched his eyebrows closer together as irritation became visible on his face. Grimmjow was debating whether the irritation came from him being locked in a closet or having to deal with the fact that Grimmjow was the one to rescue him. He sincerely hoped it was the closet; he was too drunk to deal with Ichigo’s lack of respect.

Opposite from Ichigo, Grimmjow was just straight up confused. He couldn’t tell how they ended up in this position. He hasn’t seen him in a long time, he assumed that he transferred or something and he didn’t hear a word since it just seemed like he dropped off the face of the Earth. Not only that, the Ichigo he knew was feisty and would never end up in a position where he was on the receiving end of a prank. He didn’t know who did that to him, but the guy that picked a fight with him must have been huge or Ichigo must have let himself go.

Ichigo hasn’t said a word. His face was downcast, staring at Grimmjow’s shoes deeming them more worthy to look at than his face. His fists were clenched tightly and he waited for Grimmjow to move out of the way so that he could step out of his prison without having to get any closer to him.

Ichigo hasn’t said a word to him during this entire exchange almost as if he has forgotten how to speak, the possibility of that being unlikely as he remembered the many verbal arguments he has gotten into with him. Ichigo used to be his best friend throughout their childhood and through middle school. Their powerful friendship didn’t exactly carry through high school though. Grimmjow joined the popular crowd when he was recognized as worthy and then eventually took over. Ichigo on the other hand focused more on his studies and joined more difficult classes. Despite being relatively attractive he gave off an air that he looked down on those around him that approached him with less than pure intentions.

The differences in interest slowly broke them apart until their friendship was left as just a memory. It’s been a long time since Grimmjow has even seen his striking orange hair in the hallway much less talked to him. They barely even made eye contact, crossing paths without meeting. Despite them not talking to each other anymore Grimmjow wasn’t purposely trying to separate himself from Ichigo nor was he willing to give him up as a friend so seeing him on the receiving end of a prank made him genuinely uncomfortable, scratch that he was furious.

“Who did that to you?” Grimmjow growled. Any sign of him being under the influence was gone. His determination to beat the shit out of the person who shoved Ichigo in there was more powerful than the alcohol he consumed. Okay, he was clearly still under the influence and the alcohol that traveled to his junk miraculously traveled upwards to his head and fists. His face was red in fury that made complete sense to his drunken mind.

Ichigo cocked his head to the side as he studied the man standing in front of him and then shrugged as if he wasn’t entirely surprised by his angry response. “Some assholes, just forget about it.” Ichigo responded, speaking for the first time and noticeably getting impatient with Grimmjow who still hasn’t moved out of the way to allow him to step out of the closet, having to resort to shoving Grimmjow aside so that he could just get the hell out of that room.

Grimmjow caught him by the shoulder while Ichigo attempted to shove past him. He eyed his former best friend skeptically as if the answer would appear on his face if he held him there long enough, but since that wasn’t working he resorted to words. “Which assholes?” Grimmjow asked insistently with a slight slur in his words. “Why the fuck would they do that to you?”

Ichigo ignored him; his eyes downcast, not meeting Grimmjow’s unclear blue eyes that were obvious evidence of how intoxicated he was. Grimmjow shook him to try and get an answer, but all it did was make Ichigo sway back and forth and return his eyes back to Grimmjow with his eyebrows a bit more scrunched up.

Grimmjow growled in response, clenching his jaw tight as he took a large purposeful step towards Ichigo causing him to have to back up until his back hit the wall. He grabbed a fist full of his shirt around the collar causing part of his smooth toned stomach to become bare. Most of the kids in Ichigo’s nerdy classes would have been hyperventilating by now. A big buff former American football star pinning him against the wall, the king of the school,  _ The Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez  _ locked him in place, but this wasn’t some loser kid in some AP advanced biology class or whatever. This was Ichigo and Ichigo doesn’t step down from a challenge especially if the challenger was him.

Ichigo glared into Grimmjow’s eyes, attempting to convey a message to Grimmjow’s mind directly which clearly wasn’t in the right frame of mind. The message was probably something along the lines of ‘if you want your friends below your waist to stay intact then you better let me go.’ He gripped onto the wrist that was holding him in place ready to pry him off of him if things got dicey or he needed to take more assertive actions that were more related to his telepathic threat that didn’t get through to his drunk ex-friend.

Despite Ichigo clearly being unamused by Grimmjow’s forward actions that can be seen as threatening Grimmjow continued to interrogate Ichigo, “If you don’t tell me who did that to you then you can bet your ass that I’m throwing you back in the closet.” He threatened not really sure if continuing the bullying on this now stranger was the best course of action when he was in fact trying to learn who did this to him so that he could teach them a lesson. He kind of contradicted himself and it seemed that Ichigo picked up on that because his immediate response was to roll his eyes. “You’re drunk.” Ichigo said flatly with no amusement in his voice.

“No shit.” Grimmjow slurred, eyes still piercing into his as he waited for a response. After a few more seconds of holding him Ichigo started attempting to pry his hands off.

Grimmjow only tightened his grip on him, but Ichigo shut his eyes and bit his lips. “Grimm,” Ichigo pleaded using his old nickname. Hearing that one syllable was enough to pull at Grimmjow’s heart strings causing him to loosen up his grip. “It would be better for the both of us if you just forgot that you saw me here.” Ichigo insisted. Ichigo allowed his hand to fall from Grimmjow’s wrist, letting it fall to his side. His face was unscrunched, not holding any signs of hostility that was there before. He gave Grimmjow an almost pleading look and without realizing it Grimmjow’s own hand dropped and he took a step back so that Ichigo could let himself off of the wall.

Ichigo let himself off of the wall and made a beeline past Grimmjow out of the room without so much as saying a goodbye or a thank you. Even though Grimmjow was furious at whoever did that to him he couldn’t help stare at the door frame that his former best friend walked through.

He couldn’t recall a time that Ichigo has ever looked at him like that. Ichigo without having his eyebrows knit together and having a somewhat gentle expression like he cared for Grimmjow’s wellbeing. Then there were the words that Ichigo said to him. What did he mean that it would have been better for him to forget that he was there? Like hell he was able to let that go. He was the king of Karakura High and if someone was going to mess with his former best friend then they were going to pay. He didn’t want to let people see Ichigo as weak. They didn’t know shit about him and what he was capable of not that he had much to say either.

If Ichigo didn’t want to tell him anything then so be it. Heck even if he wanted to keep away from Grimmjow and never allow him the opportunity of being friends again then that was his decision too. That doesn’t mean that Grimmjow was going to sit back and allow people to mess with him. Messing with him was his responsibility and that was only because that was his way of showing his best friend any form of affection. If he couldn’t do it then nobody can.

He may have not seen Ichigo in years. He was surprised to see him at a party of all places since it didn’t really seem like his kind of scene. It was a bummer too. He was attractive if he wasn’t such a nerd, been a bit more outgoing and went to more parties he would have definitely been popular. His bright orange hair was more vibrant than Grimmjow’s. His face was a lot softer than his and if he could get rid of his habit of frowning that he seemed to have kept over the past three years then he could probably even convince people he was a nice guy.

He grew taller obviously, not quite as tall as Grimmjow who shot up like a weed, but comparing the two of them would be unfair. His legs traveled for miles and it made him look graceful despite probably being about three inches shorter than him. Then there was his body. It is magnificent. It’s toned, and muscular even if he was a bit skinny. Grimmjow was amazed that someone was able to get the upper hand on him since he was always able to put up a fight when Grimmjow roughhoused with him in middle school. He would hate to see what the other looked like if Ichigo actually did put up a fight. Women would be throwing themselves at him and maybe, just maybe Grimmjow would be willing to share.

Seeing him again may have been a sign to get his best friend back. Drag him away from his beloved books and get his mind off studying for a while. It seemed that some good had come from coming to this party even if he didn’t get laid. It may have not been too late to check that off of his checklist, but honestly he lost interest. If he did manage to find a hot girl and get her on her back or knees he wouldn’t really be into it. There was no way he could get his mind off of what just happened.


	2. Chapter 2

Ichigo knew that he shouldn’t have gone to that party. He already had a hard time saying no which made it nearly impossible when his favorite student that he tutored insisted on him coming. Even though he tried to explain to her that it wasn’t exactly his scene she insisted on introducing him to her friends so they can possibly help him get rid of his virginity.

He didn’t know how she found out that his virginity was still intact since he had never brought it up. Despite it now apparently being a sin to be a high school senior who isn’t sexually active he hasn’t really taken too much interest in abandoning his virginity, but he already knew that she had the wrong idea about his interests. It’s not like he made those said interests well known. He kept mostly to himself and he only told his immediate family and his best friend about where his interests lie.

His best friend Rukia said he would be fine and that he should see what it was like to experience a party since it was so far out of his comfort zone. She always tried to encourage him to try new things, but he always thought he would pick up something like tabletop board games or web design. Parties weren’t exactly what he had in mind when shopping for new hobbies.

All he wanted to do was spend his night with a book and maybe a cup of tea, but while he was changing into his sweatpants to spend the rest of the night in bed he got a text from his student, Harribel reminding him that he better come. She always insisted that he was so uptight and that he would have fun if he learned how to live a little. He didn’t know how to explain to her that spending his night in sweats without any obligation to anyone but himself was his idea of a good time. He had no idea why Harribel seemed so insistent for him to lose his virginity at her house.

When he tried to refuse she pulled the birthday card and he found himself sighing and changing into clothes that he thought was more appropriate for a party. He may have had to make a Google search just to find that his usual t-shirt and skinny jeans which he wore on weekends was enough. It was honestly embarrassing how much he found himself overthinking things.

He should have turned back as soon as he entered the party. By the time he had gotten there the party was in full swing and it reeked of alcohol and body odor. The music boomed in his ears and made him crave his quiet room even more. If the music wasn’t so loud he could have sworn that he could hear his book that he was so close to finishing call out to him. Each body that swayed and knocked into him made him feel more and more claustrophobic. He made a plan, find Harribel and say happy birthday. As soon as he did that he was going to make a break for it, run back home and shower while sitting in the fetal position for as long as he needed no matter how much water was wasted.

Then he slipped. He should have listened more to his own common sense than get influenced by those around him. He got lost in the party. The crowd swayed and the only way to prevent more bodies from falling on top of them was to sway with it. Then it happened, some guy grabbed a hold of him and started to grind against him. He didn’t know how to react so he just stood there awkwardly as the admittedly attractive guy had his fun with him in the middle of the crowd without any regard to how they looked at him or how he felt. Despite the so-called dance floor being dark he could still make out the moving shapes and the guy he didn’t recognize despite them seemingly going to the same school. Everyone seemed a bit too busy with their own business to notice what was going on. Ichigo tried to articulate that he wanted to leave, and he wasn’t sure whether he said something to make him misunderstand or that guy was too under the influence to comprehend what he was screaming over the loud music.

The guy took Ichigo by the hand, the first time Ichigo has ever held hands with a boy. Maybe he should have pulled away, but he was curious about where things were going. He blamed the party. He thought that he was taking him to a more silent part of the house so that they could talk and maybe even learn his name. That was when the guy slurred that he wanted to have sex with him making Ichigo swallow the lump in his throat. He never so much as had his first kiss yet here he was getting offered to skip right to the last chapter. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it. It could be his only chance after all.

He should have seriously known better. Life doesn’t just give you what you want and neither do parties. When the guy flicked the lights on in a solitary room in the house that was far from the bustling noise that took place down below he found that he wasn’t alone with the guy, but shared the space with not only the boy who has been making a move on him, but two more guys that he has recognized as members of the American football team. From the looks on those guys’ faces he knew that he wasn’t skipping ahead, or skipping  _ way  _ ahead anytime soon, not that he had any intention of doing so.

Ichigo turned around to see the guy that brought him there blocking the door. It took him a moment to recognize the guy as one of those so called popular kids. Ichigo had to rack his brain to remember the name of the not so significant guy who had tricked him. It was Tesra, right? One of these American football guy’s little pet that followed him around? Not that it mattered; he should be more focused on the state of his own life rather than some name.

If the guy standing in front of Ichigo wasn’t so freakishly tall they would have been standing nose to nose. The lanky tall guy he actually recognized as Nnoitra immediately. He used to be on the basketball team, but he was way too aggressive for it so he joined American football so that he could be as violent as he wanted until they gave him a penalty. He heard that Tesra followed his every command. It would make sense that Nnoitra was the ringleader behind this little prank. The guy standing next to him was the notoriously violent Kenpachi Zaraki. Ichigo has forgotten the number of people he has injured in the games he has played nor has he really thought much about it until now.

Nnoitra took a fist full of Ichigo’s hair, forcing him to look up at him. “Looks like we fished up a fag,” he hummed. Ichigo gripped onto Nnoitra’s wrist and glared at him with fire in his eyes and eyebrows pushed together. His father would be so disappointed to see him frowning all the time. He always insisted that he was going to get frown lines if he kept it up. “A feisty one at that.” He laughed.

“I was just going to tell your friend that I was planning on leaving. I didn’t choose to get dragged here.” Ichigo said directing most of what he was saying to the boy standing behind him as to remind him rather than pay any mind to the guy pulling at his scalp.

Nnoitra glanced at Tesra. His eyes widened when the lean jock glared at him with so much malice that Ichigo could feel it resonating off of him in waves. He was pale and his eyes shifted from every person in the room. “He didn’t push me off when I danced with him nor did he object when I said that I wanted to have sex with him or took him here.” Tesra said defending himself, trying to vocally use Ichigo as a shield.

“Guess you didn’t get the memo.” Nnoitra cooed, gripping onto Ichigo’s cheeks making them push forward in front of the rest of his facial features. “No fags allowed.”

Ichigo didn’t keep up with the sports in the school even though the schools hierarchy is determined by the sports you play, the people you fuck, and the parties you throw yet he knew the stories that came from these two guys. Looks like he was in trouble and he knew better than to fight a battle he couldn’t win. He was out numbered so he knew that the best way to walk out of the party with minimal injuries was to surrender.

He felt super lame being trapped in the closet with something as small as a chair blocking his way out. He felt weak for allowing two monstrous guys to put him in that position. They shoved him around a little and there will probably be some light bruising under his clothes, but other than that he was relatively unhurt.

The lights were turned off in the closet and then the room, not even allowing a little light to leak in from the outline of the door. He was left alone in the dark. He got tired of knocking, hoping that someone would hear him. He sat on the floor, right next to Harribel’s impressively oversized and diverse shoe collection all with heels almost the size of his hand, waiting for some sign that someone would walk in and hopefully not to make use of the bed. He texted Harribel where he was, but she didn’t even open the message. He lost track of how long he sat there, his phone died while he was in an intense game of  _ Mario Kart  _ and no one wore watches anymore and even if he did it would be too dark to read it. He was just left sitting there counting prime numbers to at least keep his mind occupied.

Around the time he lost count light illuminated the outline of the closet door he was trapped behind allowing light to pour in the darkness that he was trapped in, a sign that someone walked in the room. He immediately shot up to his feed and pounded on the door to give a sign that he was there before the room was left abandoned again. There was a moment of silence before he heard the chair sliding out from under the doorknob before he opened the door himself, not realizing how anxious he was being in the small space until he was given the option to leave.

It would have been less embarrassing if it was anyone else, but no it had to be his old best friend that has abandoned him for popularity. Okay, it was unfair to blame him for that since it was more of a mutual thing and he could be held at fault just as much. They hung out less and less until they were nonexistent in each other’s lives. It wasn’t either of their faults that they had different interests. Ichigo was interested in books, his studies, and securing a proper future for himself while Grimmjow seemed a bit more interested in fucking any moving thing with a vagina. Their friendship ended healthily and they winded up never having to see each other. Sometimes he would notice Grimmjow’s blue hair bobbing above every other head at the school and Ichigo may or may not look downward when he saw him as to hide his own head of hair that acted like a beacon.

Grimmjow seemed surprised to see him like he was a ghost of his past yet Ichigo cringed at the sight of him. Grimmjow must have thought that Ichigo disappeared or maybe he had forgotten him already and seeing him there was a reminder that he had a friend that he no longer existed even though he knew him for practically his entire life.

The worst part was that Grimmjow acted like how he did when they were still friends. Even though he was drunk he recognized Ichigo immediately and demanded to know who shoved him into the closet. He wanted to protect him just like how he used to insist when they were still kids. There was no way he could let him do that. He wasn’t planning on telling him anything. He didn’t need a drunk man to defend his honor much less if that drunk man was his former best friend, his former best friend that he used to have complicated feelings for. He managed to escape Grimmjow’s investigation once he let him go and all that was left was to leave the party which wasn’t too difficult since it was starting to get late. Even as he left he could tell that Grimmjow wanted to keep talking to him, find out what happened, or maybe even try to catch up with him.

Adding to the worst part was that Ichigo kind of wanted to do the same. He wanted to find out if Grimmjow was able to stay out of trouble without him there. He was tempted to tell him the people who dared bully him so that he could let Grimmjow at them like a wild dog. He may have even wanted to rekindle the friendship that he tried so hard to forget, but he knew better than to get involved with him. If he went back to him then he would be brought into the limelight. He could become popular and even though that may have seemed like the dream to some people who shared the same social standing as him it wasn’t his dream. He just wanted to remain unnoticed. The less people who know him the less people there are to drag him out of his comfort zone or learn about his secret. He didn’t need his old friend and he definitely didn’t need to worry about his old feelings on top of that.

He hoped that Grimmjow was too intoxicated to remember anything on Monday morning, but his hopes were dashed when he noticed people staring at him as he walked through the hallways. The only thing that makes people notice him was the bright color of his hair, but these stares weren’t the same as the ones he has received before. There was an air of enmity in their eyes, casting him out as an ‘other.’ Not accepted. Harribel’s party was supposedly big even by this school’s standards so the rumors about him must have spread somehow. Grimmjow could have said something, but he knew Grimmjow wasn’t the type to say anything that can hurt Ichigo even if it meant that he couldn’t brag about coming to his rescue. At least he hoped that didn’t change.

At this rate everyone at the school was going to learn what happened, not just the popular cliques that gossiped like it was essential as breathing, but loners and maybe even the faculty.

Hate mail was shoved into the vents of his locker causing a few slips of paper to fall out when he opened it all labeled ‘fag.’ He never came out. Never felt it safe to come out. He hated how he was forced out of the closet because of an assumption and rumor spread about him. The irony of all of this was that the bullies that discovered his sexual orientation locked him in a closet, but at the same time forcefully dragged him out by his hair. There was no point in trying to claw the hands that gripped him since everyone could hear him screaming so all he could do was allow himself to be dragged through the dirt and hope that the pain would eventually stop.

He made it to his first period class early. His AP English class was his favorite since it revolved around his favorite subject. He loved books and nobody was going to bother him when he was the smartest and most intimidating person in the room for a class that was already difficult to begin with. There weren’t a lot of people in his class since there weren’t a lot of people who wanted to take AP classes during their senior year. Also it was hard to bully him when his teacher was in the front of the room with a book of literature open and held in front of his nose especially since Ichigo was his favorite student.

He sat silently at his desk; usually he would open a book of his own or ogle at Mr. Ukitake who was no doubt one of the most attractive people he has ever seen. He was almost 18. He was allowed to have a crush on an older man. Mr. Ukitake noticed him staring off into nothing and he gave Ichigo a light smile before standing up and taking long strides to reach Ichigo’s assigned desk.

“What’s wrong, Ichigo?” He asked without getting too close to his student.

Ichigo blinked as his attractive teacher questioned him directly, pulling him out of his daydream. Ichigo never showed a glum face in his class even though he didn’t exactly consider himself a happy person. “I’m fine.” Ichigo reassured him.

Mr. Ukitake looked at him skeptically, but then shrugged, knowing that Ichigo wasn’t exactly planning on having a heart to heart with him right before class started. Maybe he could impose on him later. He walked back to his desk and retrieved a book from his satchel and walked back before offering it to Ichigo. “I don’t know what’s bothering you, but I personally find it comforting to get lost in another world. You can borrow that book from me for a while.” He said with a sympathetic smile on his face while he leaned against another student’s unoccupied desk.

Ichigo quizzically flipped the book over and examined the cover. “ _ Romeo and Juliet? _ ” Ichigo questioned. In the list of literature related clichés this was towards the top and it didn’t help that he was receiving this book from the teacher that he had a crush on. He felt his nose scrunch up and a smile attempt to pull at his face as he looked at the book that his teacher lent him. Wasn’t that a good sign that he was lending him one of his own possessions? Even so he shouldn’t look so happy. “I’ve already read this one more than once, sir.” Ichigo said, holding the book back to his professor. Ichigo’s mind immediately went dark as he realized what he was doing. Is he some kind of idiot? Just take the damn book! Don’t give it back.

Ukitake shrugged and pushed the book back into Ichigo’s chest. “I find it the most comforting to revisit stories you have already read. Maybe you’ll find something there that you haven’t noticed before.”

Not giving Ichigo time to respond, Mr. Ukitake turned around to take his seat back at his desk. His white hair swayed behind him moving elegantly behind the thin framed man. He took a seat back at his desk, reopened his book and gave Ichigo another gentle smile.

Ichigo was in awe as his teacher quickly changed gears and buried himself back in his book as if he had never left it. Ichigo stared at the book in between his two hands. He stared at the cursive writing at the front of the light pink book.  _ Romeo and Juliet  _ wasn’t exactly his favorite out of Shakespeare’s plays. Call him cliché, but he really enjoyed  _ Hamlet _ and  _ Macbeth _ and even if the complex wording of the bard can occupy him it wouldn’t do much to take his mind off of things.

He opened the book and tried to focus on it. Hell he wanted to enjoy it. His crush freaking handed the book to him despite him probably reading it himself, sacrificing his beloved reading time to lend the book to a student that he had no obligation to except to teach him and give him a grade.

His peace was disturbed when his best friend Rukia came charging into the room. She grabbed Ichigo by the back of his collar and pulled him back without even muttering a greeting, nearly causing him to fall backwards on his chair or tear his shirt. He quickly scrambled from his seat while Ukitake looked up from his book at the commotion that Rukia was causing and chuckled at Ichigo’s sudden surprised expression at his best friend’s intrusive actions. He was used to this sight since they shared the same class and Rukia can cause quite a commotion with Ichigo at the other end of it.

Ichigo stood to his full height to break Rukia’s grip on his now crumpled up shirt and followed her out. She led him to the stairway that no one uses. People tend to use it to smoke in between classes and teachers don’t care enough to stop them since it was too much of a bother to punish every student who did that. It was almost time for first period so everyone smoked outside the school already, leaving this stairway a good, quiet place to talk.

“When did you come out?” Rukia asked insistently. She looked like she was about ready to flip some tables which only meant that she has heard some of the indecent things people have been saying about him and she needed to find a way to take out her anger in a nondestructive way. She should have figured out by now that he didn’t come out using his own volition, but she definitely needed to yell about it to someone and who better to complain about to then Ichigo himself.

“It’s clearly new to me too.” Ichigo said, rolling his eyes. “I didn’t come out. It’s a rumor. Things will settle down if people ever learn that it isn’t true.”

Rukia growled at Ichigo’s nonchalant response. It was obvious that she was irritated with how Ichigo was putting it off like it was no big deal. Ichigo should know better than to act like this to try to protect her. He thought that if he didn’t act like this was a big deal then she wouldn’t have to worry. He really should give Rukia more credit, she can be smarter than him most times. That protective side of Ichigo did wonders to piss her off after all and he knew full well that his act wasn’t exactly convincing her.

She crumpled her hands into fists, stood on the first step in the stairway to make up for her short height so that she can at least reach Ichigo’s height slightly, and knit her eyebrows together so that hers matched Ichigo’s.

“But it is true. You don’t have much of a reputation so it will be a lot harder to convince people that you are straight.” Rukia fought. She made valid points. The only way he could really clear the rumor was to make himself more well-known and date a girl, two things that went against his interests. He missed becoming one of the shadows that walked the school silently excelling in his classes. He was probably going to be valedictorian, but even if he was he would refuse the position so that he wouldn’t have to give a speech and leave the school relatively unnoticed.

He took the risk of becoming a tutor and accepting a popular girl to be one of his students just so he can earn a little extra cash. He should have been colder to her so that he wouldn’t come off as so ‘lovable,’ her words, not his. She wouldn’t have insisted on him coming to her party to help him lose his virginity that he never told her about. Seriously it was embarrassing enough to see all of her missed messages when he got home asking if he was okay and if the rumors are true. He didn’t want to become her friend. He had no intention of making friends at school. Sure he loved Rukia, but she would never do anything to hurt him and she was all he needed as an ally in the student body.

Before Ichigo could say anything the bell rang signaling that it was time for them to head back to class. Ukitake wouldn’t be strict on them since they were in class before and Rukia only dragged him out to try and cheer him up. Ichigo let out a sigh that was almost as long as the bell ringing. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other while Rukia turned her head towards the floor. He clicked his tongue and faced the door that led to the stairway exit. “We should probably head to class. I want this day to be over with already.”

Ichigo knew it was going to be a shitty day, but he didn’t expect it to be as bad as it was. By lunchtime he was hiding in the library. The library was a sacred ground for him. He already read half of the books in the fantasy and sci-fi section and he didn’t regret a thing. The best part of the library was that it was silent and only people like him that were passionate about reading ever went there on a regular basis. Even people who also took hard classes just like he did didn’t go there, preferring to study at home and not during their lunch period. There he was able to escape the reality of the outside world. Those popular kids stayed out of the library like demons would to a church. The difference was that they were welcome there since the library is for everyone.

It was too bad that Ichigo was reminded of that a little too late. Hovering above him was one of the very people he has been attempting to avoid. He hasn’t run into him in years of semi avoiding him yet here he was towering above him as he attempted to sink further into his book, hoping to hide inside which was probably not the best idea since the book that he has picked up off the shelf was  _ The Shining _ and a horror story wasn’t exactly the best book to Blue Skidoo inside of. Still hiding inside of that hotel may have been better than what was about to happen if he stayed there.

“This is where you’ve been hiding for the past three years?” Grimmjow growled above him, yanking the book out of Ichigo’s hands not even being considerate enough to place his finger in between the pages so that he wouldn’t lose his place. He observed the black book and grimaced at the title. “You know that there is a movie for this right?” He asked like he was proud of himself for recognizing the title of an incredibly famous horror film that was based off of the novel he was holding.

Ichigo frowned and lifted his hand above his head without voicing anything, requesting for Grimmjow to hand his book back. Grimmjow did the exact opposite of oblige, holding the copy of the famous story further away from him so that he could talk to Ichigo without any distractions. He slid in the seat next to him causing the chair to make a small sound while it dragged across the carpeted floor. Ichigo glared at him to make it clear that he wasn’t welcome, but he clearly didn’t take the hint. It seemed like he was able to stick his nose where it didn’t belong even when he was completely sober, not that that was anything new.

“Are those rumors true about you?” Grimmjow asked cutting right to the chase. Ichigo sighed tempted to leave his temple to spend the rest of his lunch period at his other hiding place, but decided against it knowing that Grimmjow would just follow him. So Ichigo decided to indulge him a bit if he knew more then maybe he would finally leave him alone.

“Which ones?” Ichigo asked playing innocent yet not meeting Grimmjow’s eyes so that he wouldn’t be able to read him. He glanced over at the librarian who seemed too focused on her own book to notice him looking for a way out of that awkward situation. Yet Miss Ise gingerly flipped a page and adjusted her glasses, not paying attention in the slightest to her favorite regular.

“The ones about you being…you know.” Grimmjow hesitated at the last second substituting the final word as if saying it would summon Voldemort which only did wonders to Ichigo’s depleting patience.

“Say it.” Ichigo growled in a low raspy voice that was just an octave higher than being so low that he wouldn’t be able to hear. “I dare you.”

Grimmjow’s eyebrows knit together to compete with Ichigo’s own. He leaned in closer to Ichigo’s face, but didn’t take his eyes off of Ichigo’s amber ones. “Gay?”

Ichigo smirked, “yup.” He said simply, his facial features not softening to accommodate for the smirk on his face making his expression borderline evil. Surely that was enough to scare him away, right?

Grimmjow’s eyes shot upward, “since when?” Grimmjow exasperated, raising his voice a little too much for a library. Miss Ise finally looked up from her book to shoot him an angry glare as an immediate response, but when she noticed him sitting next to Ichigo her expression changed to one of confusion. She looked into Ichigo’s eyes and mouthed the words ‘what’s wrong?’ which Ichigo responded to by waving his hand as if to tell her not to worry about it. She hid herself behind her book, raising her eyes right above the pages to spy on the two high schoolers. “I leave you alone for three years and you turn gay.”

Ichigo shuttered at the misconception about homosexuality making him turn away from the blue haired tyrant that decided to impose on his quiet life. Miss Ise even heard that one from the background and momentarily gripped her book tighter.

After the initial shock Ichigo’s face turned blank displaying a poker face that hopefully Grimmjow wouldn’t be able to see past. He may have been very good at reading his thoughts when they were younger, but it has been years now so maybe things have changed. “Grimmjow,” Ichigo said flatly, completely void of emotions.

“Seriously, where did this come from?” Grimmjow insisting on running his mouth. Ichigo contained his urge to roll his eyes. “When did you start liking dick?”

Ichigo was at his limit. He gripped the hair above his forehead and lightly let it go making it scrunch into a mess before he rested his hand on his forehead and slowly, almost lazily dragged it down his face. “Okay, I answered your question.” Ichigo breathed out quickly checking his phone to see how much time he had left in the day before he could just go home. “Now, can you give me my book back so you can leave and never talk to me again?” Ichigo outstretched his palm, requesting once again for him to have his book back.

“How can you be so calm about this?” Grimmjow growled refusing again to give Ichigo the simple pleasure of his horror story about a homicidal maniac terrorizing a family. He was starting to understand the feeling of his bloodthirsty tendency after every word Grimmjow said. Seriously why was this guy so hell-bent on prying into his life? He should have been scared away by now.

“I’ve had to deal with it my entire life.” Ichigo answered quickly like the faster he answered Grimmjow’s questions the faster he would leave him alone. “Just drop it, okay?”

Grimmjow stretched out his legs underneath the table, lightly brushing up against Ichigo’s feet momentarily causing Ichigo’s legs to feel stiff as a reaction. It seemed like there was no sign of him leaving any time soon. “If you don’t want to be bullied then why don’t you just be straight?”

Was he really planning on having a full blown conversation about this? “Oh my God, you’re a genius!” Ichigo nearly shouted, gripping his hair in both of his hands, looking at Grimmjow with wild eyes and his mouth hanging open in mock surprise. “Why don’t I just magically start liking girls? That’s so simple. In fact, why stop there? What if poor people just stopped being poor? Or how about assholes just start being nice? Oh and maybe you can try saying something smart?” Ichigo exploded in a fit of sarcasm.

Miss Ise’s eyes grew at the sight of Ichigo’s outburst. Heck the few other regulars in the library found themselves looking over to spectate the show that should have come with playbills. Usually Ichigo was so calm and collected yet here he was erupting from something this almost stranger said. Grimmjow blinked a few times to register the words that Ichigo enunciated, taking a while for them to get through his thick skull. His face formed a weird grimace processing the insult that this loser hoisted at him like it was no big deal. Ichigo had guts, that hasn’t changed.

“How would you know if you were even gay?” Grimmjow asked. “Have you ever had sex with a girl?” He continued. Ichigo was almost done taking pity on his former best friend and was about ready to introduce him to a world of pain.

Ichigo rolled his eyes at Grimmjow’s stamina. He definitely had more tolerance to stupidity than he did, but it would make sense that he was immune since he was the source of stupidity in this pointless conversation. Ichigo wasn’t exactly in the mood to educate an ignorant dude that he was trying to push away. He hasn’t talked about his sexuality this much since he came out to his family. It was actually really starting to drain him. At least his family was accepting…heck his dad was  _ more _ than accepting.

“Have you ever eaten insects?” Ichigo asked, trying to think of a simple way to get through to his childhood friend.

“No, gross.” Grimmjow said blinking, not really knowing where that question came from.

“Yeah, that ‘gross’ you just said is similar to how I feel about the idea of sex with women. Eating insects isn’t uncommon. In plenty of countries people eat insects every day and even during festivals.” Ichigo explained. He could correct Grimmjow and tell him that actually plenty of people eat insects unknowingly since insects tend to be an ingredient in a lot of dyes used for candy, but being a know-it-all would deteriorate his main point. “Guess what also isn’t uncommon. Homosexuality.”

He really hoped that Grimmjow would get the point eventually. He hung his head downward in exhaustion. He looked at the table right below him. The table was practically asking him to bang his forehead against it so that he could knock himself out so he wouldn’t have to continue this stupid conversation.

“Can you please leave me alone now?” Ichigo asked, holding his hand out to request to have his book back for the third time.

Grimmjow looked at the book that he was holding seemingly having forgotten that he was holding it, that bastard. He placed it on the table with his hand on top of it so that Ichigo still couldn’t get it.

“Why are you so desperate to get rid of me?” Grimmjow asked. His facial features lightened and even though he was looking into Ichigo’s eyes his own seemed to hold some sort of sadness. He didn’t expect Grimmjow to start crying in the middle of the library, but Ichigo could tell that he was upset with him being shoved away, but what Ichigo took away from those words was the realization that Grimmjow knew he was being shoved away yet he still refused to leave.

“Because we aren’t friends,” Ichigo explained. “We can’t be friends.” His words cut like a knife and his eyes crinkled up and his mouth twitched to form a slight frown. If he said those words then even Grimmjow would understand that he is unwanted.


	3. Chapter 3

Grimmjow expected today to be just another drowsy Monday. He hated going to the school that he was supposedly the king of. People either loved or feared him, great, but he couldn’t exactly enjoy his reign when he spent most of his time in class with a teacher droning on and on about useless shit he doesn’t care about.

The day started a bit more interesting than he thought it would though. It wasn’t good, but it was the same grind that he was used to. From the time he entered school he could hear whispering. The whispering was a bit too quiet to hear for a normal person, but he wasn’t exactly normal so he was able to make out one common word from the new hot rumor that has been spreading around like wildfire. He wouldn’t care under normal circumstances, but his ears perked up when he heard the name ‘Ichigo.’ It wasn’t exactly a common name and he only knew one person who had it.

He zeroed in on the girls dressed in slutty clothing that were gossiping like they had no other interests but talking about other people that they had no relation to. He has forgotten the girls’ names and he wasn’t sure if he even knew them to start with, but they definitely knew who he was. Their faces turned red and their mouths hung open when he leaned against the beige lockers next to them and requested to join their conversation. As soon as he questioned them they filled him in, excitedly adjusting their jewelry, clothes, and hair nervously while blabbering on hoping to seem attractive enough for them to be blessed with his number or to have him ask them out on a date. They may have been granted such pleasures if they didn’t tell him something that instantly put him in a bad mood.

Those rumors couldn’t have been true. He knew Ichigo his entire life and never once did he get the impression that he was into dick. He thought that he was like him. Maybe he didn’t crave pussy as much as he did, but that didn’t mean he was gay. Those girls didn’t give him any context of where these rumors may have originated from so for all he knew they could have been made up. He told himself that, but he couldn’t stop thinking about it.

His classes whooshed by without him retaining a single thing as he continued questioning the Ichigo he thought he knew in his head. He thought back to the times they played video games together or the times Grimmjow had gotten into trouble and Ichigo had to take care of him. The times that Grimmjow used to sneak out in the middle of the night to ride his bike over to Ichigo’s and stay with him all night just talking…okay those memories were a little embarrassing so he didn’t think about those ones for too long. Still during all of those memories he’s never gotten the impression that he liked dudes. Playing through his memories again he never got the impression that he liked girls either which only made him more confused.

The bell rang alerting him to go to his next period where he would typically go to the cafeteria to eat lunch. Before he could he went to the bathroom to relieve himself, but he couldn’t even do that in peace. Scribbled across the walls in black marker were the words ‘Ichigo Kurosaki likes dick’ and next to that writing were crude drawings that made Grimmjow’s blood boil. No matter where he went or where he looked he kept on being reminded of the orange haired kid that was left as a lost memory. He wished he was reminded of him in a less toxic way that didn’t make him want to put a hole in the wall.

How could this kid disappear on him and then out of nowhere have the entire school be talking about him? This kid has been invisible until someone taped the word ‘fag’ to him.

The only way he can lower the temperature of his blood was to talk to Ichigo himself and find out how all of this was happening and if all the rumors were true. He needed to know whether Ichigo was normal or not. He didn’t see him at school in years so he didn’t know exactly where to look for him. He was smart so he was probably in the hallways that held the more difficult classes, but he never so much has seen him in the cafeteria nor was he aware about how someone with such brightly colored hair eluded him for so long.

He didn’t even have a clue on where to start looking for him first, but since it was his lunch period he was free to go where he wanted. He wasn’t sure if Ichigo was in class or hiding in a bathroom somewhere, but he needed to look for him or else he would never leave his mind. He started with the most obvious place to look even if it was a place he has only stepped foot in once.

He swung the doors open to the library and he wasn’t hard to spot. His hair stood out and despite his legs being under the table he could still see them stretched out underneath it. His posture was lazy and despite all the rumors circulating he looked damn relaxed reading a boring looking book. It didn’t exactly look like a textbook or a book that was required for class so that must have meant he was reading it for pleasure. He never understood why Ichigo insisted on spending his time scanning words on a page instead of watching moving pictures on a screen or going to parties where he can actually socially interact with people. He was so lost in it until Grimmjow was standing above him. Without even looking up Ichigo sank into his seat further, his face coming closer to the pages as if he wouldn’t recognize him if his face was hidden.

Grimmjow yanked the book away from him which only proved to irritate his ex-best friend. Ichigo looked up at him with his signature scowl on his face. The sight made a small smile tug at his lips as he recognized the expression that used to be his goal to form as a mischievous kid.

Grimmjow wanted to question him about who was spreading these rumors and who was bullying him, but the thoughts that has been spiraling in his head seemed to come out first and he found himself shell-shocked to learn that those cruel rumors that were being spread around about him, rumors that he was completely convinced were untrue and just some cruel joke indeed had some fragment of truth. He couldn’t believe that someone he has known his entire life was into dudes. It felt gross, like his entire perception of his ex-best friend was a lie. Also the entire liking dudes thing was pretty damn weird too.

The more he talked about it with Ichigo the more he learned that Ichigo wasn’t just pulling his leg to try and scare him away. It was clear that he was unwanted, but since when did he ever listen to what Ichigo wanted. So he kept on prying and shoving aside all his efforts to get rid of him while he held Ichigo’s beloved book captive. It eventually led to Ichigo saying some pretty rude things. “Because we aren’t friends,” he said. “We can’t be friends.” He said. Since when was it Ichigo’s decision to decide what Grimmjow can do? He was the king of Karakura High and if he wanted to help his old friend or even rekindle their friendship then that was his decision. All Ichigo could do is watch and pay damn attention.

“That isn’t your decision to make.” Grimmjow found himself saying bluntly. Sliding the book off the table and placing it into his black backpack. “I’m going to make it so that everyone stops bullying you and you’re going to let me.”

Grimmjow threw his bag over his shoulder and Ichigo stared at him in silence with a mixture of irritation and awe. “If you want your beloved book back then you better come to my house after school.” He ordered before walking towards the doors of the library leaving Ichigo empty handed. It would have been a smooth, powerful, dramatic exit except that the sensors started to go off at the front of the library alerting that someone was trying to leave with a book that hasn’t been checked out yet causing Ichigo to roll his eyes. “I didn’t take the book out yet, dumbass.”

Grimmjow shook his head to hide the small blush on his face. How was he supposed to know? It looked like Ichigo was well into the book. If this was his first day with it how fast of a reader was he?

The librarian studied him with a critical eye that was hidden behind glasses as he stomped over to the table at the front and pulled his wallet out of his back pocket to fish out his student ID that he only carried around just because it was a rule. He never had a need to use it until now. He slammed it and the book on the table in front of her rather than politely handing it over. She checked it out painfully slowly as if she were teasing him. She studied his ID even though she was well aware that he was a student, examining the photo that looked like a mug shot that he still managed to look attractive in. She handed the book and ID back to Grimmjow politely rather than mimicking his rude manor.

Ichigo watched him take out the book that he was planning on taking with him. He glanced at the librarian who just smiled at him sweetly. Ichigo mouthed some words to her that Grimmjow couldn’t make out and she just shrugged in response. It creeped Grimmjow out to know that Ichigo had grown so close to a woman who worked in the school library enough to have some unspoken language with each other. Did he have any other friends? Was Ichigo’s case worse than he thought? Grimmjow threw the content in his book bag, not even bothering to put his ID back in its proper place before storming off leaving Ichigo alone at his table in a staring match with the librarian.

The rest of the day continued just like the first half. He couldn’t get Ichigo out of his mind, but there were new elements that came from his new found knowledge. Ichigo was gay. He needed to learn how to accept that. Fine, he didn’t agree with Ichigo’s preference, but he couldn’t sit back and watch him get bullied anymore. He needed a plan. He needed to convince the entire school that Ichigo was straight. Ichigo was a cool guy, attractive and had a smart mouth even if Grimmjow found his preference to be gross. If he wasn’t such a bookworm then he would probably be pretty popular. People must have picked up on that which is probably why the rumor about his sexual preference spread so fast. People who feel threatened love to destroy others. It made them feel safer. It’s why people go to war. Grimmjow didn’t know much, but he knew how people worked.

Grimmjow was left with nothing to do, but hoped that Ichigo took the bait and went to his house after school. He didn’t mean any harm to him; he just wanted his life to be peaceful and maybe catch up with him. He didn’t know if Ichigo was happy being away from him, but he doubted it. Who would be happy being away from him? He had it all and everyone wanted to be his friend and then Ichigo let all of that slip through his fingers. It was a good thing that Grimmjow was gracious enough to grant him a second chance, a chance that he kept pushing away. It was too bad for him that he wasn’t going to let him pass it up. If Ichigo didn’t go to his house willingly after school then he was going to go to his and drag him.

The extra weight in his backpack was a reminder of the words that he and Ichigo exchanged. He was always good at acting even if Grimmjow had a magic power to be able to see through him. He hasn’t used that power in a long time, but he sure hoped that his Ichigo sensors still worked. His sensors said that Ichigo said those harsh words to get him to go away. He was actually sincere and was actually desperate to get away from him. Why was he so focused on pushing him back? It looked like he would have to find out more after school.

School ended like it normally did. He drove home like he normally did, but he couldn’t focus on anything once he got to his house. He tried to watch television, but couldn’t focus on any of the words that were said. He paced around and checked his phone for the time. Why didn’t he make a set time for when Ichigo came over? Was it okay if he just went over to his house and dragged him over? His thoughts were interrupted when the doorbell finally rang.

Grimmjow smiled cockily when he opened the front door of his house and viewed his childhood best friend standing right in front of him gripping one of his arms that rested in front of him with his head down not willing to look up. Grimmjow hasn’t seen him look like that since he was a small kid.

When he was younger he was especially shy around Grimmjow’s parents despite them being so friendly towards him, his mom more than his dad obviously. So it was common to see him in that timid posture when he opened the door, but it vanished completely when Ichigo grew more confident and treated this place as his second home. Still seeing Ichigo stand like that reminded him that he was the same person that he has spent most of his life with, but he preferred Ichigo’s confidence stance. This timid side is so unlike him now. It makes it look like all the progress they’ve made together is gone now. A blank slate. Grimmjow couldn’t stand the thought.

Either Ichigo really wanted that book that Grimmjow took out at the library or he really couldn’t keep away from Grimmjow in the end. Hopefully that means there is a chance.

Grimmjow opened the door wider allowing Ichigo to step in. Grimmjow suppressed his childish urge to tackle Ichigo in a hug or jump up and down like a child who was really excited to start his play date like he may have done in the past. He didn’t realize how much he missed Ichigo’s presence until he was standing inside of his house, kicking his shoes off at the front even though there was no rule in his household about doing so and walking over to the living room and dropping his bag on the couch. It felt natural. He hasn’t stood in his house for three years, but Ichigo seemed to have instinctively done what he usually did when he came to visit him.

Ichigo sat down at the long kitchen table arms crossed in front of him with his chin resting on top, his legs underneath the chair toeing the carpeted floor his facial expression was relaxed like he was tired or he felt comfortable in Grimmjow’s home despite being away for a long time, contradicting how he looked at the front door. He sat there silently waiting for Grimmjow to sit in front of him so that he could speak first. He sat in his usual seat in front of him, noting how he even sat in the chair he used to sit in when he came over for dinner.

Grimmjow groped around in his mind for the right words to say as Ichigo studied him, waiting, expecting something from him. Then it registered. He didn’t have a plan. Why did he invite Ichigo over again? He even rented a book out in the library to use it as bait to make him come over. What was he even doing when he was pacing around the room or going through the day with the only thoughts in his mind relating to the guy sitting right in front of him? It looked like he was just going to have to wing it.

“So Ichi, I thought of a way to stop people from spreading the rumor or bullying you.” Grimmjow started. It wasn’t a complete lie. He was playing with some ideas throughout the school day, but he never really thought about actually pursuing them.

Ichigo lifted his head slightly from off the table so that he was able to talk yet he didn’t say anything. He just waited for Grimmjow to continue. He hasn’t said anything since he came here, not even a greeting, cocky bastard.

“We just need to convince everyone that you are straight.” Grimmjow suggested. He expected a positive response from Ichigo, but it didn’t seem to invoke any sort of reaction from him. So he decided to go into a bit more detail of his improvised plan. “I’m not sure if you have noticed or not, but I am pretty popular. I’m bound to have a friend that is willing to pretend to be your girlfriend.” Grimmjow hasn’t brought up the idea to any of his friends, but he was pretty sure that Nel would be more than willing to help him out if he asked nicely. Knowing her she’d probably be  _ super _ into it.

Ichigo sighed and rubbed one of his fingers over the back of his other hand. “I’m aware of your social standing Grimmjow.” Ichigo said practically through his teeth, not making eye contact with him and not using the nickname he used to call him when they were children taking away any air of familiarity. “But I’m not interested. I’m a wallflower and wallflowers are boring to mess with. I won’t cry nor retaliate. They will get bored of me within a week if you leave me alone and I won’t have to owe you any favors.” Ichigo responded to him as if Grimmjow was trying to make a deal with him that he wasn’t planning on taking. Why was it so hard for him to take his offer? He could help him and he wasn’t exactly planning on getting something from him in return. Okay, maybe he wanted Ichigo to come over more often. He missed his company and he was one of the only friends he has ever had that he actually felt comfortable talking to about real shit. Maybe he was just feeling nostalgic, but why not chase what he wanted like he usually did?

“Why can’t you trust me?” Grimmjow pressed leaning a bit over the table to get closer to the guy sitting opposite him.

“Why should I?” Ichigo retaliated. “We haven’t spoken to each other in three years. I’m practically a stranger to you.” Ichigo’s feet shifted so that they were flush against the floor in front of him and he leaned in further, challenging Grimmjow.

“No you aren’t.” Grimmjow argued practically spitting, his eyebrows scrunching together, palms flat against the table as he rose to his feet to lean even closer to Ichigo. “Just because we haven’t talked in three years doesn’t mean that I dislike you. You haven’t exactly spoken to me either and you’re the one pushing me away so you don’t get to act like the victim.”

Ichigo’s eyes softened and he retreated. His feet swung back under his chair and he leaned back slowly receding so that his frame hit the back of the chair. He looked away from Grimmjow like the corner of the table was far more interesting than Grimmjow’s eyes that were probing into him, tearing him apart to figure him out, but Grimmjow wasn’t finished talking yet.

“Seriously, what made you disappear? You never text me and you don’t even say hi to me when we do see each other at school eventually I stopped seeing you all together.” Grimmjow ranted, making Ichigo cringe and squirm from the glare of his watchful eyes. “Please tell me why you have been avoiding me.” He threw his hands up in the air at his last request making Ichigo flinch like he expected him to hit him.

There was a moment of silence between them. Grimmjow’s gaze never left Ichigo’s retreating figure that still refused to look at him. He bit the bottom of his lips like his teeth were the thing that was keeping him from spilling everything and his eyes shifted to look at everything but Grimmjow.

Grimmjow sighed and he got up. Ichigo flinched again and scooted his chair away from him. He tried not to take offence by the smaller man’s subtle attempt to stay at a distance away from him. He purposely walked around the table towards him stopping right in front of him. He squatted slightly so that their eyes were level. Ichigo’s eyes shot to him in response to their now small gap between them before he quickly turned his head away from him.

“Come on Ichi.” Grimmjow said lightly, almost like a hum that can barely be heard unless one purposefully listened for it or if one were only a few inches away from him. “There has to be a reason.”

Ichigo was silent for another second before he responded in a voice that competed with Grimmjow’s in terms of quietness. “You aren’t going to like it so forget about it.” He whispered, still refusing to meet his eyes.

Grimmjow’s eyebrow perked up, semi excited that he was able to finally get some kind of response from the reluctant male that hinted at opening up. This was the first time Ichigo has implied that he would actually tell him stuff that he isn’t sure is safe to say out loud. Before he was trying to scare him away when he came out about his homosexuality and he argued like the feisty Ichigo that he used to know and now he was hesitating whether or not he should come out to him about a secret just like he used to. It felt nostalgic and actually pleasant. He was acting like they were friends again, telling each other secrets that they didn’t feel safe saying to anyone else.

“Try me.” Grimmjow said vowing in his mind that he was going to accept anything that Ichigo said without holding anything against him if the answer was reasonable. He watched Ichigo expectantly waiting for him to feel comfortable enough to come clean about his avoidance and his particularly cold shoulder.

Ichigo mumbled something under his breath that Grimmjow couldn’t make out despite their incredibly close distance. Ichigo’s ears turned slightly red and he turned away.

“What?” Grimmjow asked, simply causing Ichigo to gasp which then turned into a sigh when he realized that he had to say it again. Grimmjow shoved his ear practically in Ichigo’s face so even Ichigo’s breathing was audible to him. Ichigo backed away instinctively so that his ear wouldn’t threaten to brush up against his lips.

“I said that I used to have a crush on you.” Ichigo responded in a monotone voice that was clearly audible this time. His face was now bright red and he couldn’t meet his former best friend in the eye. His mouth formed a grimace, sucking his lips into his mouth so that they formed a thin line.

Grimmjow jolted away with his own small blush on his face, his heart skipping a beat at the words. “What?” He asked again, but this time for different reasons. His face was directed towards Ichigo studying any evidence that he was bullshitting him, but he couldn’t find any. The view that filled his perception was Ichigo’s bright pink face that seemed to have heat resonating off of it.

“Please don’t make me say it again.” Ichigo begged, squeezing his eyes shut, his body leaning as far away from Grimmjow as possible without having the chair that he was sitting on tip over.

“Since when?” Grimmjow asked, his mouth hanging open asking the question faster as if the quicker he got his words out the faster he would have all the answers. “When did this happen?”

Ichigo refused to meet his eye, but he answered with less hesitation in his voice than his first confession. “I don’t know.” He admitted. “I think it started around middle school and it confused me back then since I haven’t exactly come to terms with being gay yet. After that I was ashamed so I had a hard time talking to you and it wasn’t like you made any efforts to talk to me either.”

Grimmjow was silent for a few minutes as he processed the information. It was hard enough for him to fully believe that his old best friend was into dick. He reminded himself over and over in his head that Ichigo himself admitted that he was a homo, but it hasn’t fully registered until Ichigo confessed that he used to have feelings for him.

“Do you still—?” Grimmjow started to ask before getting cut off.

“Oh God no,” Ichigo responded quickly, not allowing Grimmjow to finish his question. He answered without even putting too much thought into it. “I have enough self-respect to not fall for an asshole.”

Grimmjow’s heart sank from hearing Ichigo’s true feelings. He didn’t know why it hurt so much to hear him say that. It was probably because he hated to hear Ichigo coming out about how he now viewed him. Maybe Grimmjow wasn’t exactly the nicest guy, but he never did anything to him to intentionally hurt him. All he wanted to do was help and maybe even re enter his life.

“Now that you know my secret can you please leave me alone?” Ichigo asked.

Grimmjow caught himself grimacing at Ichigo’s last question. Was this guy seriously still trying to push him away? He told him why he was avoiding him for the past three years and he already admitted that he didn’t like him anymore so there was nothing to be embarrassed about now.

“I just need to make it through one more year of high school with no more drama.” Ichigo admitted. “I can’t do that if you keep hanging around me.”

“No way in hell.” Grimmjow growled. Ichigo’s reason for running away was stupid and not allowing him to help was only going to end up hurting him so he was going to keep pushing. “I’m not going to sit back and watch you get bullied.” Grimmjow said, narrowing his eyes.

Ichigo sighed, crinkled his eyebrows, and clicked his tongue. “Looks like you’re going to have to.” He said sliding the chair back away from Grimmjow to give him some space to get up without making any physical contact to the ex-jock that was still squatting in front of him.

Ichigo walked back to the front door grabbing his bag on the way. He slid his shoes on and looked back at Grimmjow who followed him slowly. “If that’s all you wanted to do then I’m going to have to ask you to stay out of it.” Ichigo said opening the door that led outside. “Please avoid talking to me unless you have to. I really can’t deal with any extra attention.” He said right before slipping through the door and closing it lightly behind him.

Grimmjow watched him leave from the window. Ichigo didn’t seem to have a car or a bike for that matter, going home by foot. If Ichigo needed it he could have given him a ride. It would have given him an excuse to talk with him longer, maybe even make his car smell like him a little, a familiar, innocent that came from his childhood. Ichigo was the same person he was back then, strong, unwavering eyes, his usual confident voice becoming vulnerable only in front of him, and comforting smell that he can recognize at first whiff.

There was no way he was going to lose his friend over something stupid and there was no way he was going to allow him to get hurt by anyone. It was his job to protect him. Just because he took a small break doesn’t mean that he quit. Grimmjow wrinkled his forehead, reached into his back pocket, and pulled out his phone. He clicked around on the screen a little before holding the device to his ear.

“Hey Nel, I’m going to need a favor.”


	4. Chapter 4

Common sense has been eluding Ichigo more and more often as of late. He knew better, but he couldn’t turn down a challenge. Grimmjow checking out the book he wanted was the equivalent of him taunting him to come through. Even the librarian, Nanao Ise, recognized it as she wore a self-satisfied smile as she watched Grimmjow storm out of the library causing a way larger commotion than necessary. It was a library. Even if he made a small commotion he would have been heard.

Ichigo shot her a glare and she held her hands up in self-defense with a small smirk. “He seems like a real charmer.” She commented out loud, making the sarcasm in her tone apparent. “I wonder if he realized that we have two copies of  _ The Shining. _ ” She said with a grin. Ichigo knew that she was letting him know about the extra copy for him. She wanted to see if he was going to take out the other copy or follow through with Grimmjow’s challenge.

It took a lot to grab a hold of Nanao’s interest. She tended to be strict and only really loved the students who became regulars at the library who appreciate books as much as she does. Ichigo was definitely one of her favorites, enough for her to tell him to call her by her first name. Ichigo found it weird at first, but then he couldn’t help seeing her as a parental figure or at least see her as a big sister. There was no way he was planning on letting her see him have to deal with dumb school drama though.

Ichigo huffed out a hot breath and marched over to the book shelf, scanning through the other thrillers and picking out the title under Stephen King’s name. He marched right back over to where Nanao was sitting and handed the book over to her and his student ID.

Nanao looked over at him unconvinced. She knew him since freshman year. He has hid in the library during his lunch period for years and he even decided to spend his free time after school there. She had plenty of time to get acquainted with the fiery student she has a soft spot for. She knew that he was hard headed and had a love for books and not too much else. She was also very well aware how competitive he could be so she knew that this wasn’t going to be some exception and Ichigo knew that she was unconvinced with the bullshit that he was showing her. Did everyone know how to read him or was someone supplying lessons? How does he execute that teacher?

She asked him one time why he always came to the library instead of actually eating lunch like a normal high school student and he admitted that he went to the cafeteria the first day of school and he saw that he shared the same lunch period of a certain individual he was trying to avoid. After a year of avoiding the cafeteria he found that he preferred to spend his time in the library where it was quiet and he could get some reading done. Coincidentally that very person he was trying to avoid took out  _ The Shining _ prior to Ichigo. She probably figured that out by the way Ichigo acted when they shared the same room. It was clear that there was some discomfort that made Ichigo act unlike his usual quiet character to reveal something that only one person can draw out.

Unlike Grimmjow’s day the rest of Ichigo’s came too fast. Before he knew it he was faced with the decision of whether or not he was going to follow through with Grimmjow’s challenge. He had the book he wanted to take out already in his bag so he didn’t need to worry about taking Grimmjow’s copy. So the real question was whether or not he actually wanted to go. The answer was obvious except for the fact it was embarrassing.

He rang the doorbell to a house that was in the opposite direction of his own. He could have asked Grimmjow for a ride afterschool, but there was no way he was going to ask any favors from that bastard. This was just another chance to push him away, hopefully make Grimmjow not want to see him anymore.

As expected Grimmjow opened the door with a cocky smile stretched across his face. He must have thought that he was able to get Ichigo over there by exploiting his weakness, leaving him no choice but to come over. It was the better alternative than letting him know that he came over willingly even if it wasn’t too great of an option.

He refused to give him a friendly greeting when Grimmjow gave him enough space to enter his familiar household. Even though he hasn’t been there in years he did his usual ritual as if it were mundane. It was worked into his memory so it was practically second nature. He found himself sitting and waiting for Grimmjow to fill him in on why he requested for him to be there. Then he filled him in with his stupid plan which Ichigo reacted to negatively. Seriously, why should he start overcompensating now? It’s not like anyone would care more or less if he pretended to be straight. Everyone would have forgotten about him in a week.

Ichigo was telling the truth. Things would have been better off if Grimmjow left him alone. He didn’t need the extra attention. He was fine being a shadow of the school where no one knew him. The rumor being said about him was a minor setback from his ideal peaceful graduation but it would disperse when nothing interesting really came from it. He tried to push away, but Grimmjow kept on coming on stronger, making things even harder for him. Then he started to investigate him on why he was avoiding him. He had him figured out.

He already had a hard time keeping things a secret from the blue haired asshole; it was one of his weaknesses. So in a last ditch effort to try to push him away, maybe even scaring him away, he decided to tell the truth. It seemed to have backfired on him though. Rather than coming on strong Grimmjow was reacquainted with his shyer and more vulnerable side and just like when they were younger Grimmjow wouldn’t back off. He even thought he saw a slight blush on Grimmjow, but that’s crazy. If there was it was probably contact embarrassment from watching Ichigo act like an idiot.

Ichigo reminded himself the reasons why he should have kept away and then practically ran from his house beating himself up the entire time as he grabbed his bag, put his shoes on, and headed out the door.

It wasn’t halfway through his walk that he realized that he should have taken the book back from Grimmjow. He thought about turning back so that he could maybe convince him that the real reason why he went to his house was to get it, but it would be like reentering a warzone. He could end up getting his own head blown off if he went back. There was no way that Grimmjow was going to let him leave a second time. Not after hearing that and Ichigo wasn’t ready to have that conversation with him.

The Ichigo from three years ago would have probably gone back. He would have got the thing that he has forgotten at his house which only extended their time together for a few hours which later would result in him coming home late and getting lectured by his father. He had a hard time leaving Grimmjow’s house back then, but right now he couldn’t bear being there for another minute. If he stayed there any longer he would have fallen back into his old habits. He already reverted back to his old self back then, telling Grimmjow his secrets without any thought on how it could hurt him in the future. If he went back then he wouldn’t be able to leave and he would end up reverting back to his old self that he tried so hard to get rid of.

Ichigo didn’t believe in any gods, but that night he prayed to every god that he could think of from every religion that he knew about for a peaceful day at school the next day. He prayed that the news about his homosexuality would die down and people would lose interest. He prayed that Grimmjow would actually take his advice and stay away from him, but mostly he prayed that his old crush on his ex-best friend won’t resurface.

He was reminded again that there are no gods when he got to school the next morning. More hate mail fluttered out of his locker landing at his feet. He sighed, picking it up and tossing it into the trash can by his locker, ignoring the boys standing by it, mocking him by making kissy sounds. The hate mail was bearable. The high schoolers acting like grade schoolers were bearable. The hot girl with teal hair wearing a crop top showing off her giant chest standing next to his locker with a big smile on her face waving at him like she was excited to see him, yeah, that one was unbearable.

“Hey Ichi~” She said in a cheerful voice that was as sweet as sugar.

Ichigo looked over his shoulder to see if the ‘Ichi’ she was referring to was actually him, but no one else responded to her calls. Actually, that wasn’t entirely true. People were responding alright. Guys were muttering about a certain ‘lucky bastard’ and others looked at him with their heads cocked to the side as they questioned the rumor they heard about him.

He hesitantly walked over; trying his best not to trip over his own feet or anyone else’s feet who were putting up an effort to make him fall flat on his face.

“Hi?” He asked, questioning the girl he recognized as a girl from the popular crowd. He racked his brain for a name, but he didn’t have a lot of time to think with her staring right at him. She smiled at him sweetly and planted a sweet chaste kiss on his cheek which caused him to blush instinctively. Before pulling away she leaned close to his ear and whispered an introduction.

“Hi, I’m Nel. I’ll be your fake girlfriend for as long as you need me. I hope we can be friends.” She said in that sweet, approachable voice quietly so only Ichigo can hear which made it seem like destroying Ichigo’s normal life was a game to her. He was reminded of the Greek legend of the Lotus-Eater, being lured in by her sweetness despite him knowing she can potentially ruin his life. He wasn’t going to allow himself to fall for that spell.

Ichigo jolted away, nearly hitting his head against hers. Her smile never left her face as she dodged his unintentional attack like a ninja. Ichigo whipped his head from left to right noticing the people staring at them, the jealous glances, the whispering, those are exactly the things that he  _ didn’t  _ want to happen.

Ichigo leaned close by himself and Nel cocked her head to the side cutely, studying his actions with her big brown eyes. “Did Grimmjow put you up to this?” He asked under his breath in a low whisper already knowing the answer. It wasn’t even first period yet and he was already so tired. The nearly empty hallway started to fill up with people as first period drew nearer and curious onlookers continued to watch to see who the apparently famous Nel did next to the rumored gay loser.

“Yup!” She answered excitedly like a child who was proud to know the answer to a difficult question in class. She leaned in closer to Ichigo and whispered so that her breath would make contact with his lips. “So please don’t freak out about this, okay?”

Ichigo didn’t have time to question what she meant by that statement before she closed the gap between their lips. If Ichigo wasn’t sure he was gay before that kiss with Nel was all he needed to push away any suspicions. Her kiss felt wrong, not because she did it without asking him first, but because it felt unnatural, like they shouldn’t belong there. There was no love behind it only amusement, making the kiss feel misguided even if he were to pretend that it wasn’t a girl kissing him. It made his palms sweat, his head spin, and his stomach hurt. He wanted to take it back, tell her to leave him alone before she was able to do anything.

He never thought of himself as being the type to romanticize his first kiss. A kiss was just a kiss he thought, but he thought that before he lost his first kiss to some girl that he only just met.

Ichigo resisted every instinct in his body that told him to pull away. He knew that this shouldn’t have been happening and everything would have been better if Grimmjow just decided to leave him alone. It would have been better, but it already happened. Grimmjow insisted on inserting himself into his life so now he had to learn how to play with the cards he was dealt even if he was internally screaming.

Her hair tickled his shoulders and left them tingling when she pulled away when the warning bell rang alerting everyone that class was going to start in five minutes. She hopped away with her arms behind her back and smiled sweetly swaying to one side examining the blush that was left on Ichigo’s face.

“I’ll see you at lunch, Ichi.” She said before waving and then trotting away. Ichigo’s face was stuck completely in awe as he registered what just happened. A bunch of people were staring at him and he needed to shake his head so that he could remember where he was. He considered skipping class and going to the nurse’s office instead. It wouldn’t be a complete lie that he was feeling sick, but he knew he needed to act normally and hiding in the nurse’s office wasn’t exactly the most normal thing he could do. It was also hard for him to skip Mr. Ukitake’s class. He wouldn’t be happy with himself if he missed his daily dose of hottest teacher in the school.

As soon as he sat down Rukia turned to him and her super best friend instincts sensed something was off. Ichigo hadn't noticed that his skin was paler by the time he had gotten to class, but he just brushed her off and told her not to worry about it. He assumed it was from the shock of being kissed. He didn’t expect his day to start like that and he already feared for how it was going to continue or where he would end up by the end. He opened up his bag and noticed the small pink book inside. The sight of it made him smile and filled him with warmth. The very teacher who gave him this book to borrow wiped away the crush he used to have on Grimmjow. He reminded him that he was worth something so he should aim higher than some asshole. He had no idea how he could ever thank him.

Apparently there were gods and some of them took pity on him that day. As he shacked up in the library now gingerly holding the copy of  _ Romeo and Juliet  _ that Mr. Ukitake lent him instead of the horror story that he rented out the day before. The book reminded him of Grimmjow and he didn’t need to be reminded of his failure last night that only became truly evident that morning.

He sat down and opened the book to indulge himself in the familiar tale that he has heard over and over again since he was a child. As if he were summoned from the book Mr. Ukitake pranced right through the front doors of the library, his snow white hair that traveled a mile down his back swayed behind him. He had a small smile on his face as if he were coming home. He spotted Ichigo attentively reading the play he has lent him and the smile on his face grew wider as he approached the table that he was sitting at.

“I hope things are looking up for you, Ichigo.” He said observing the book that Ichigo was holding delicately in his hands as if it were a baby bird that can get hurt if he applied anymore pressure. “I always flip through Shakespeare when there is something on my mind and I need a distraction.”

Ichigo smiled at him lightly, enjoying the polite company that contradicted the unwelcome company that he received just the day before. His smile was too dim to match the smile that his favorite teacher had which managed to light up the entire room. He didn’t smile often since he was known for being intimidating, but he couldn’t help his expression from softening at the sight of his favorite teacher who made his heartbeat irregular.

Ichigo pointed out some specific lines that he has not noticed before, taking Mr. Ukitake’s advice to look for things he hasn’t noticed before in the story. He captured his teacher’s attention who gingerly took the book out of Ichigo’s hands and pointed to his favorite line in the scene that Ichigo was reading. Ichigo was happy that he was viewed highly by such an intelligent man who loved books as much as he did and appreciated all kinds of literature. He couldn’t stop himself from blushing at the next line that Ukitake pointed out to him that talked about Romeo’s undying love for Juliet. He couldn’t even stop himself from inhaling to breathe in some of his teachers' smell. God, his scent was so calming. Despite Ichigo being near his crush he found him so relaxing. Does he have any flaws?

They could have continued on like this, getting lost in the story and enjoying the company, losing track of time, but that ended when the door swung open revealing a plenty pissed off Grimmjow. He stomped over to Ichigo’s table, knocking Ichigo and Ukitake out of their admiration for the classic tale in the form of a play. He pulled back the seat Ichigo was in causing Ichigo to yelp as a response and jolted forward instinctively glaring back at the person who surprised him, but Grimmjow was unphased by the aggressive reaction.

“We were supposed to meet up for lunch.” Grimmjow glowered gripping Ichigo by the shoulder. “Quit running away.”

Ukitake blinked a couple of times in confusion at the sight of the student he has never met before tilting his head and observing his interactions with his favorite student. He observed the tall loud student before smiling and inserting himself into their one-sided conversation that looked more like a scolding. “Oh, are you Ichigo’s boyfriend?”

Ichigo’s skin grew pale and his mouth hung open in complete and utter shock. “N-no sir, he’s just an idiot that has been harassing me lately.”

Grimmjow growled at Ichigo’s description of him which caused the teacher to laugh at what seemed like a light hearted conversation. “Sorry if I misunderstood your relationship. It just looks like you two get along really well.”

He peeked at his watch and gasped as he realized just how much time he has spent in the library talking to one of his brightest students. He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly as he explained that he lost track of time. He paced to the nonfiction section of the library and quickly returned with a book, bringing it to Nanao and checking it out relatively quickly despite the quick conversation he had with her. He turned around and waved to Ichigo and his mistaken friend before leaving them behind.

Ichigo slumped forward in his seat and sighed, dragging the book across the table in front of him. Ichigo rested his head on his hand as he stared at the door his teacher walked through. Grimmjow’s lips immediately grimaced when he recognized the star struck look in the other’s eyes.

“Wait, you don’t have a crush on that guy do you?” Grimmjow asked slowly, trying the words out in his mouth while he asked the question. He glanced over at Ichigo who had a small blush on his cheeks despite the rest of his expression not projecting any evidence of that nature.

“So what if I do. It’s none of your business.” Ichigo stated glaring at Grimmjow who has been grimacing and discriminating against him during the small exchange.

“Dude, he’s ancient.” Grimmjow groaned, closing his hands to form fists, forming a more confident argument. “He’s like 30 and that’s not even mentioning the fact that he is a guy.”

Ichigo rolled his eyes, annoyed that he is going to have to remind his ex-friend again of a fact that he has been rejecting. “Maybe you have forgotten that  _ I am gay. _ ” Ichigo enunciated each syllable of the reminder so that he could truly beat it into his blue head. Maybe it was a good thing that he stopped American football when he did. Was he always this big of an idiot or did he take to many hits? “Also he looks incredibly good and I am almost of legal age.” Ichigo said, feeling the need to add multiple reasons to justify his crush as healthy.

“Yeah whatever, I just hope you realize that not everyone is a homo like you.” Grimmjow grumbled, taking Ichigo by the wrist to lead him towards the doors of the library. The words hit Ichigo hard causing Ichigo’s eyes to greet the floor as Grimmjow led him out of the library. “Not to mention I am working hard to convince everyone that you aren’t one so you better bury that shit and quit ogling over some old dude.”

Ichigo ripped his wrist out of Grimmjow’s grip and glared at him. “I didn’t ask for you to do that.” Ichigo said, feeling the need to remind him that he had no control over what Grimmjow was putting him through nor did he give him his consent. “Hell, I specifically told you to leave me alone.”

Ichigo could practically hear Grimmjow’s teeth scraping together as he looked back at the guy who broke contact with him. “Yeah, well I told you that it wasn’t your decision to make. I’m gonna help you whether you like it or not.”

Ichigo sighed. There was no getting through to him. Once Grimmjow set his mind to something there was no way he was going to change it especially if he believes that he is truly doing something good. Usually Ichigo was left at the other end of it with him fearing that Grimmjow will end up getting hurt like that one time Ichigo sprained his ankle when they were kids and Grimmjow gave him a piggyback ride back home instead of taking him back to his house that was closer and where his parents were that could have given him a ride home.

Ichigo followed Grimmjow through the doors of the cafeteria, a giant clusterfuck of people and cliques in one space that he honestly hasn’t seen since his first day at high school. His feet went cold as he followed the taller teenager into the hall. People’s eyes followed him as he trailed behind Grimmjow who just walked through the dining hall with an air of unwavering confidence. It must be nice being the most powerful student in the school, but unlike him people didn’t recognize him despite him having features that were memorable, his bright orange hair that spiked up naturally, his long strides, his lean body, his air of confidence despite feeling the complete opposite. There were whispering, probably a mixture of the rumor about him being gay and the rumor about him dating the hottest girl in the school.

Grimmjow led him to the back of the cafeteria where a bunch of other attractive people sat and ate. Among them were those two jocks that shoved him in the closet as well as their little minion. Without saying those two jocks wouldn’t exactly be in the ‘attractive’ category that he originally pinned on this group. They glanced at Ichigo before swiftly turning back to their food. Nnoitra had the guts to sneak another glance which soon filled into a spiteful glare when Nel wrapped her arms around him and pulled him into a tight hug. Nel was giant for a girl, even taller than Ichigo so it was easy for her to overwhelm him as he cradled him in a fashion where his face was practically in his chest.

To onlookers he looked like some unknown bastard who had the privilege of dating one of the most striking beauties in the school that should count his lucky stars while he was trapped in that suffocating hug by a girl who should really consider working as a model. The problem was that this was Ichigo. Ichigo felt anything but lucky as this girl who was a complete stranger to him crushed him in a hug and nearly suffocated him against her chest. He had to brace himself against his arms to keep him from falling or maybe even to prevent his back from breaking. Then there was that asshole Grimmjow who just seemed to look on in amusement as he observed his silent suffering that he was able to read like a book, one that he didn’t mind picking up despite him preferring to watch television.

Nel led him to a seat in between her and Grimmjow so that he was sandwiched in between two people who were totally on board with the plan of convincing everyone that he was straight. A plan that he himself wasn’t on board with. The people that he was in the middle of were taller than him making him feel small and like he didn’t belong. It didn’t help that he was slouching further and further to try to keep himself from being recognized. So this was the sacred ‘cool table?’ It didn’t exactly grant him the gift of confidence or belonging, rather it reminded him over and over again of the mess that he was in. He could practically hear the ghost of the library trying to call him back over all the chatter.

He couldn’t even bring himself to buy food, afraid of drawing more attention to himself so he just opted to staying seated and hoping that no one would notice him. It was fine he never ate during his lunch period anyway and his stomach hurt so he didn’t want to know what the school’s greasy food would do to him.

He wished everyone would leave him alone, but Nel and Grimmjow wouldn’t let him have any rest, giving him plenty of attention. “So basically you’re coming to my house again after school and no you don’t have a choice.” Grimmjow said swinging his slice of pizza around that was already there when they sat down. He probably bought it before he noticed Ichigo ditching and ran to get him. It weirdly warmed Ichigo’s heart that Grimmjow dropped something as important as pizza to go get him. Still, it wasn’t exactly encouraged considering that Ichigo wasn’t exactly a willing party. Quite the opposite really, but Grimmjow knew that and most likely relished in it.

“Just make sure to meet me in the parking lot so that you don’t have to walk.” Grimmjow commented. “Oh yeah, and you better not try to run away. Seriously, I know where you live.”

Ichigo sighed and glanced over at Nel who cocked her head cutely to the side. Her big brown eyes filled with sympathy. There was no need for her to give him any since she was allowed to leave whenever she wanted. If he really cared about his comfort then he would have left him alone, but looking at her was enough to give him the hint that he didn’t exactly have a choice.


	5. Chapter 5

That homo was not allowed to run away from Grimmjow. He bought his food as soon as he entered the cafeteria before he remembered that he was meant to spend the period with Ichigo that day and the guy never even bothered to show his face. Nel has already given him a little surprise that morning. She made sure to tell him the tale and all its dirty details after which caused a smile to stretch across Grimmjow’s face as he imagined his flustered reactions when he realized that he wasn’t the one making the decisions. Nel told him to meet her for lunch, but he still hasn’t shown up which could only mean that he was planning on ditching.

He placed his food on the table in front of where he usually sits and left Nel behind without saying a word about where he was going. She pouted her lips out as she followed his back while he walked through the double doors that lead into the hallway. He made a quick turn and walked down the long halls to throw open the door to the library for the second time that week to see the very guy who stood them up gingerly talking to a teacher,  _ a teacher. _ How much more of a loser could he be for getting along so well with a teacher? It was a good thing that Grimmjow got a hold of him in time. If he continued doing what he was doing some other weird rumors would catch up to him eventually and he would truly be a social outcast. At the moment Ichigo was just a loner that everyone left alone. If he continued down that path then people wouldn’t leave him alone and they would make his life a living hell.

He barged right in and grabbed a hold of Ichigo’s chair getting a less than friendly reaction from him. Grimmjow was irritated enough by the fact that Ichigo was ditching so he could have been in a better mood when he reminded him that they were supposed to meet up. To make matters worse that teacher assumed that he and Ichigo were dating, like what the fuck? He wasn’t some homo. Then to make matters worse Ichigo had to get all flustered and acted like dating him would have been the worst thing in the world. Seriously, he was right there and he actually had the nerve to say that what Grimmjow was doing was harassment. He should have been grateful for saving his ass. He has known Ichigo his entire life and he knew just how naïve he could be. He better not take anything for granted so if he didn’t want to be labeled as ‘that socially awkward kid’ then he better step it up.

That teacher with the obnoxiously long hair left after he realized that he has been there for too long, probably spending way too much time with Ichigo then was socially acceptable in a food chain where his student sat at the bottom. He was leaving, great. It would have been even better if Ichigo wasn’t staring after him, following his every move.

Grimmjow couldn’t stop himself from asking if he had a crush on a  _ freaking teacher. _ Seriously they were pouring over a book together; dangerously close, so close that they could probably feel each other’s breath. So if he ended up acting on that then things could have become even more dangerous. What was so great about that teacher anyway? Sure he looked young, had a smooth gentle voice, and seemed to have shared Ichigo’s lame love for books, but there was no way he could have been more attractive than him. Seriously, why did Ichigo act so grossed out at the idea of Grimmjow being his boyfriend yet he didn’t bat a freaking eyelash at this guy being so close to him? Didn’t he used to have a crush on him? Why was he so focused on that now? Shouldn’t he be dragging his ass to the cafeteria instead of spending his entire lunch period in a freaking library?

Grimmjow did just that as well as reminded Ichigo just about everything he was doing wrong while he led Ichigo down the hallway and down the dining hall which has been flooded with students already enjoying their one period of downtime. People stared at him as always, he was eye catching and everyone was aware of who held the most power in the school. There was definitely stares on the person who trailed after him, wondering who the king decided to take under his wing and if that guy was truly dating the famous and beautiful Nelliel. He even caught a few guys who usually sat with them for lunch sharing their own glares at Grimmjow’s supposed new right hand man.

The difference between Grimmjow and Nnoitra who felt the need to show his displeasure towards the orange haired new kid was that Grimmjow wasn’t planning on making Ichigo his bitch like Tesra to Nnoitra. Grimmjow may have been an asshole, but he was classy. He didn’t just get to where he was with his money, looks, and power, but he got there because of the air he carried. He didn’t need an underling to assert his power. He didn’t need to put anyone down because he was already looking so far down on others that there was no need to push them further. He didn’t need to be a jock to be popular. Playing American football was such a bother anyway. It was too easy and the team relied on him too much which only made things more irritating. Grimmjow only cared about himself and he only chose to give the gift of his charity to only a few people and they had to be damn special or he had to have done something pretty bad to them.

He felt so much more satisfied seeing Ichigo get harassed by his current best friend. He could practically hear Nnoitra’s teeth grinding together and his rapid tapping on the table wasn’t enough to bother him. Yeah, he knew that he had a crush on Nel and he also knew that Nel wouldn’t give him the time of day even if they all were supposedly in the same friend group.

He just sat back and enjoyed the fact that Ichigo was not enjoying himself in the least. That’s what he deserved for trying to go to the library instead of spending the period at their table when he was blessed with the opportunity. He seriously needed to learn to do as he was told so that he wouldn’t end up getting punished like this even if he would have probably been treated the same if he came willingly.

Grimmjow shoved the pizza in his face to make up for the lost time that was taken from him when he went to hunt down a reluctant nerd. He didn’t need to eat since he usually ate when he got home, but it helped him get through the day. This was a social setting after all, something that Ichigo didn’t seem to grasp. Seriously why wasn’t he talking?

He turned to Nel and nodded. Ichigo needed some training. Everything was kind of thrown at him and he shouldn’t be blamed for being a bit confused, but damn he should at least learn how to follow directions. He could try to act at least a little normal. He would need to take him aside and give him some proper lessons, something that Nel could help him with. He couldn’t do it here though, leaving his house as the alternative.

He told Ichigo to come over to his house after school, but if it was from Grimmjow it was an order and Ichigo wasn’t allowed to refuse, something that Grimmjow felt the need to remind him. Ichigo didn’t respond, but he seemed to get the message especially after he reminded him that he knew where he lived. There was no way Grimmjow was going to let him push him away anymore. He could try, but he will only keep coming back stronger.

The rest of the day breezed by without any more problems, not that anything bad really happened to Grimmjow while he was at school in the first place. He moved from day to day in bliss. It would be right for him to share this happiness with his childhood best friend so that he could experience the same thing after the truth about his homosexuality was properly buried.

Grimmjow waited in the parking lot leaning against his beloved Hyundai Sonata. The weather wasn’t terrible yet since it was barely autumn, but he wasn’t a fan of waiting. It didn’t take too long for him to spot his best friend bouncing towards him dragging behind his new subject. A smirk formed on Grimmjow’s face as he lifted himself off of the car and strolled over to the driver’s side, tracing his fingers across the smooth metal of his car without bothering to greet them.

Ichigo walked towards the back. He tugged at the door to realize that it was locked. Nel giggled and pushed Ichigo towards the passenger seat. “Looks like Grimmy wants you in the girlfriend seat.” She joked opening the door for him, insisting he sits up front.

Grimmjow rolled his eyes. It was an honest mistake that he didn’t unlock the backdoors. He wasn’t used to having more than one passenger in the car. If he hung out at his house after school it would usually be with Nel or with his girlfriend at the moment. Still Nel wouldn’t ever miss a chance to tease him. She was the only one in the school that wasn’t afraid to annoy him. They were practically equals. He was the most popular guy in school and she was the most popular girl, the king and queen. There were rumors before about the two of them dating, but those tend to be dispelled pretty quickly. Their relationship was completely platonic. Best friends. Partners in crime.

Ichigo checked his phone and quickly typed up a message before placing it back in his pocket, looking at anything, but Grimmjow or his captor that dragged him there. He crossed his arms and looked out the window with a small pout on his lips making it very clear that it wasn’t exactly his first choice being there, nor was it his second or third. Grimmjow scowled as he wondered what better things he could have possibly been doing that made spending time with him excruciating in comparison.

Grimmjow’s house wasn’t far from the school, but it was in the opposite direction of Ichigo’s. He caught Ichigo’s eyes lingering on the street they passed that would have led him towards his own house. Grimmjow frowned. Ichigo never had a problem when his mom came to pick them up and bring them to his house during middle school, the school that was right next door to the high school. His frown quickly disappeared when Ichigo looked back over at him, observing him drive. Ichigo crossed his legs and leaned slightly closer, eyes switching from looking at Grimmjow to the windshield and then back again. Then it registered with him. This was the first time Grimmjow has ever been in a car with Ichigo while he was in the driver’s seat. Grimmjow has always been such a reckless person, always getting hurt while he was friends with Ichigo. Maybe Ichigo kept on glancing around because he didn’t feel safe in the car with him at the wheel.

“Goddamn, Ichigo.” Grimmjow cursed under his breath. “I’ve never crashed before.” He noted, waving his hand around to gesture to his beloved car that never had so much as a scratch on it.

“Famous last words,” Ichigo said under his breath at the exact same time as Nel yelled it excitedly from the backseat. Ichigo’s eyes widened and he peeked over at Nel who was giggling behind him, holding her hands up for a high five which Ichigo hesitantly granted her.

Grimmjow clicked his tongue and shot a quick glare over his shoulder directed at the bouncing girl in his backseat. “When did you two become so chummy?” Grimmjow growled.

Ichigo didn’t respond, returning his gaze back to the window while Nel shrugged from the backseat. “We haven’t had much time to talk since this one is so shy.” She said gesturing to the man in the passenger seat, slightly kicking it, causing Ichigo to lurch forward slightly and glare at Nel before he leaned back into the seat. “I’m not shy.” He responded. “I just don’t want to be part of this.”

Nel brushed him off, ignoring his attempt to shove them off again. “Where has he been hiding though? He’s such a peach! I love him!” Nel said. “Can we keep him?” She joked before getting an intimidating glare from the so called peach that only caused her to giggle.

“Sure, as long as you feed him and take him for walks.” Grimmjow responded, feeding into her teasing which only made Ichigo slam his head back into the seat and groan.

It doesn’t take long for Nel to grow attached to someone she deemed worthy, but her reactions to Ichigo were record breaking. Grimmjow couldn’t tell why, but for some reason he found it irritating. Here Ichigo was already feeling somewhat comfortable with his best friend. He didn’t show it too much, but he could tell that he was more relaxed around her then he was around him. All Ichigo has given him since he stepped back into his life was the cold shoulder and attempts to scare him off.

He asked Nel to pretend to be Ichigo’s girlfriend until the rumors died down, but that doesn’t mean that she is allowed to get so close to him. He was going to get jealous and there was no way he wanted to get jealous of his best friend being close to a boy. The only thing he was able to get out of Ichigo was a confession that he used to have a crush on him and that he now had a crush on that white haired teacher. Even knowing that pretty intimate information that could have been regarded as secret, Grimmjow still found himself hungering for more of his attention. It was Ichigo’s fault for keeping him away for three years even if he didn’t put up the effort to see him either.

Grimmjow pulled into his driveway listening to the symphony of everyone unbuckling their seatbelts at the same time before exiting his car and taking long strides towards the front door of his house expecting the small party to be following him. Nel bounced inside and threw herself on the living room couch, making herself right at home while Ichigo preoccupied himself with taking his shoes off at the front door like he always did.

“So what do you guys want to do?” Nel asked in a singsong voice as she swung her feet over the side of the light brown couch and fluttered her dangling legs slowly, her long hair lying behind her against the couch resembling a troll doll.

Grimmjow already had his phone to his ear with one eyebrow lifted as he observed Ichigo seat himself in the lounge chair across from Nel, his arms in front of him like he was trying to seem smaller. Grimmjow heard the man on the other end of the line and made it known that he was ordering pizza and wanted to know if either of them wanted to request anything extra. Nel threw her hands in the air asking to order cheesy bread with extra marinara. Grimmjow never knew what the point was of cheesy bread if you were gonna put marinara on it. If she wanted she could have just asked for stuffed crust. It would have basically been the same. In contrast Ichigo just shrugged letting Grimmjow know that he wasn’t interested in anything.

Grimmjow put in the order and placed his phone back into his pocket. He strolled over to where Nel was sitting and tugged at her legs that were hanging off the side of the couch. She yelped as her butt hit the end of the couch as Grimmjow strolled around and seated himself in the new spot after he brushed her hair away so that he wouldn’t end up sitting on it. He glanced over at Ichigo who he was now sitting across and caught his eye before he looked away. Nel threw herself upwards with a bit of struggling from the lack of room to get up and complained that Grimmjow was mean and he could have just sat in the other lounge chair instead of stealing away her comfort.

“Shut up.” Grimmjow growled as he faced Ichigo who seemed a bit confused on why he was requested to come here. “I asked you to come here so that we can try to figure out how to bury this rumor about Ichigo being a homo.”

Nel pouted. “What? Spreading the rumor that he and I are dating isn’t enough?” She sighed, “Although he could put an effort into being a bit more convincing.”

Nel lifted herself up off the couch and strolled over to where Ichigo was sitting. She then dropped down on his lap straddling him and wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Ichigo immediately stiffened and moved his head away to put as much distance between him and the girl on his lap as possible. He turned even paler with no evidence of color coming back to his face anytime soon. His mouth practically turned into a squiggly line that was commonly seen on Charlie Brown and his hands were gripping the sides of the chair for dear life so that he could maintain the distance he put between them.

Grimmjow repositioned himself so that he could see Ichigo’s face better. Shoving the irritation aside that came from Nel entering his personal bubble without having a need to, he could see that Ichigo had a lot to work on. He looked completely uncomfortable being there and it looked like he was counting the number of places he would rather be. There isn’t a straight guy alive who wouldn’t enjoy the position he was in.

“See, why can’t this guy act a bit more comfortable?” Nel sighed, her breath slightly blowing through Ichigo’s orange spiked hair, studying the exact same thing Grimmjow has been thinking. “I understand that he is shy and likes men, but why is he acting so awkward?”

Ichigo turned away so that he wasn’t making eye contact with what Grimmjow could only assume was her chest before he mumbled. “I’m not shy, and please get off of me.” He dug his nails into the side of the cushy chair and closed his eyes like he was praying for the sweet release of death.

Nel shook her head with such speed that her hair waved behind her and probably ended up in her and Ichigo’s face during the action. “Nope, you need to get used to this.” She lectured. “Not to mention you need to get better with kissing.”

Ichigo turned to the side and buried his face in his arm. “It’s not my fault that you kissed me without any warning. How would you act if a stranger stole your first kiss?”

Grimmjow’s eyes grew and his eyebrows scrunched together forming frown lines that could compete with Ichigo’s. She stole his first kiss? First kisses aren’t such a big deal. It’s kind of romanticized, but Ichigo is a shy, err not shy, bookworm. Of course he was probably upset from having his first kiss stolen. Knowing that Ichigo was a loser he could only assume that he had fantasized about how it would happen and who it would be with. It is clear that he would be upset.

That’s not even mentioning how his first kiss was stolen from him from a girl, not his preferred sex. Grimmjow was pissed. He wished that he could turn back time to rewrite the entire plan so that Nel didn’t have to kiss him and dammit he couldn’t stop himself from beating himself up. Earlier he laughed when Nel told him that she kissed him. He didn’t think it was such a big deal until now where he realized that Ichigo and he were from different worlds. Ichigo was a loner who probably never had a romantic relationship in his life. It would have been hard to since he was in the closet.

Nel gasped and quickly slid off of Ichigo’s lap. She covered her face and trotted back a little with tears in her eyes. “Oh my God, really?” She cried. “I’m so sorry!”

She ran back past the couch and down the hallway where you can hear a locking sound that came from what Grimmjow assumed was the bathroom. Ichigo blinked a few times before leaning forward and digging his hands through his hair. “Did I say something wrong?” Ichigo asked, rubbing his hands back and forth through his orange natural spikes. His head dropped so that they were looking at his feet.

Grimmjow stood up and poked at Ichigo’s head, letting him know that he wanted to raise it. “No, it wasn’t your fault.” Grimmjow said lightly pulling at his hair until Ichigo swatted his hand away, but Grimmjow smiled slightly when he managed to get Ichigo to lift his head. “She’s just feeling a little guilty. It was probably my fault since I told her to pretend that you two were dating.” He said accepting the blame.

The sound of a lock snapping open rang through the hall as Nel came bounding back, her face wet and strands of hair sticking to her cheeks and forehead. “Yeah, it was Grimmjow’s fault.” Nel roared her face pink despite her washing her face to cool down. “It’s his fault that your first kiss came from a girl instead of a guy.”

Nel pointed accusingly at Grimmjow. “In fact he should kiss you too.”

Grimmjow’s eyes bulged, threatening to fall out of his eye sockets. His face turned bright red at the sound of Nel’s suggestion. “H-how would that make things right?” He stuttered his eyes swishing back and forth between an angry Nel and an Ichigo that was now hiding his face in the sleeves of his sweater.

“Well it was your idea to have someone of the opposite sex kiss him.” Nel explained. “So you should have someone of the same sex kiss you.” She made it sound like it was completely logical except for the fact that it made absolutely no sense. How would having Ichigo kiss two different people on the same day cure anything?

“Come on Ichigo, how would you like to be kissed by the hottest guy in the school?” Nel pried with a small smile on her face, turning her attention to Ichigo who was a bit preoccupied with trying to summon supernatural forces to make him disappear.

“Please spare me.” Ichigo mumbled sinking further to the ground. If he kept on sinking Grimmjow expected him to turn into a puddle.

Grimmjow frowned. Geez, he didn’t think it would be too bad to kiss him. He wasn’t exactly willing since he wasn’t gay or anything, but if it was Ichigo…maybe…it wouldn’t be gross right? They’ve known each other for so long. Maybe he would have been okay granting Ichigo the pleasure if he didn’t treat him like he was going to give him the plague.

“Come on, you’ll regret it later if you don’t take the chance.” Nel insisted. Grimmjow started to expect that this was more for her then it would have been for either of them.

Ichigo made some kind of choking sound as he pulled his hood over his head and pulled it halfway over his face to cover most of his facial features. He was shaking under his hood before he gave up and started to laugh. He pushed the hood off his face revealing watery eyes and flushed skin and he pressed his hand against his forehead. A smile appeared on Nel’s face too as she started to laugh at the absurdity of her suggestion as well. The atmosphere lightened a bit despite Grimmjow not joining in. He just smiled as he observed Ichigo actually seeming to enjoy himself for the first time in his company. Nel must have supernatural powers to get Ichigo to laugh like that around him.

The doorbell rang and Grimmjow couldn’t have bolted up faster even if he tried. He has never run so fast in his life, even when he was on the American football team. He hasn’t realized how hungry he has become. Yes, he ate lunch, and hell yeah he ate pizza for lunch. He could eat pizza all day and he ignored anyone who gave him shit about it. He skidded right in front of the door, swinging the door open wide. The pizza man looked shocked to see the door open so suddenly and even more surprised to find the pizzas removed from his hand and money placed in his other before the door closed in his face.

“Food’s here.” Grimmjow said, clearing his throat, glad that he can finally change the subject. Nel whooped, completely distracted. Grimmjow has never met someone who loves food as much as she does. She grabbed the box of cheesy bread and checked to see if they remembered to give her extra marinara this time as they often forget. She smiled widely. Looks like they remembered.

Grimmjow dropped the other box on top of the coffee table and lifted the lid. A hot puff of steam rose from the inside making the room smell like cheesy goodness. Nel moaned at the scent and immediately grabbed two slices of pizza disregarding the cheesy bread she already took for herself. She was like a black hole, sucking in everything in her path.

Grimmjow grabbed the slice that was yanked loose from the rest of the pie that came from when Nel tore her two out. Grimmjow looked over at Ichigo, but rather than looking at the food he was more focused on his phone. Grimmjow tapped his foot, pondering what to say to grab Ichigo’s attention while his backup was engaged with shoving pizza in her face.

Grimmjow snapped his finger in realization, grabbing Ichigo’s attention. He opened his backpack that had been disregarded as soon as he entered the house. He fished around the contents inside until he pulled out the book that Ichigo forgot to retrieve yesterday. “Here you left this behind yesterday.” Okay, Ichigo didn’t forget it, rather neither of them brought it up.

Ichigo hesitantly took the book and flipped through it absentmindedly before he opened his own bag. Grimmjow studied the flap that Ichigo opened, a hint of color from inside the bag caught his attention. Grimmjow dropped his pizza on the other side of the box, wiped his fingers on his pants, and grabbed a hold of Ichigo’s bag.

Instinctively Ichigo’s grip tightened on the fabric. It didn’t matter for Grimmjow though seeing that the bag was still open. He reached inside and grabbed a hold of the odd colored book that he saw inside his bag.

“You know you aren’t going to convince people you are straight if you carry around pink books like this.” Grimmjow said waving it absentmindedly. “What is this, your diary?”

Ichigo growled and stood up to try and get the book back from Grimmjow, but Grimmjow quickly pulled it away from him, holding it above his head. He had a few inches on him and his arms were longer than his so he was able to manage keeping it away from him. “Give it back.” Ichigo demanded, sounding the most sure of himself at that moment since he got to his house. “You’re going to get it dirty.”

Grimmjow ducked below him and ran with it with Ichigo chasing after him. “What is it?” He asked, buying himself enough time to look at the cover. He knit his eyes together. “ _ Romeo and Juliet,  _ why do you have this?” he asked.

Ichigo managed to catch up with him and grab hold of his arm, pulling it down so that he was able to take the small book out of his hand. “A teacher lent it to me so I’d really appreciate it if you try not to bend it or get grease on it.”

Ichigo retreated with the book brought to his chest so he was able to place it back in his bag where it belonged without Grimmjow trying to steal it again. Grimmjow followed him while Nel watched the entertainment unfold with her cheeks filled, studying Ichigo’s reaction to having his book stolen from him and his caution when he got it back.

“Was that the book you were reading in the library with that teacher?” Grimmjow asked. “Wait, was he the one that lent it to you?” He realized, recalling how that teacher treated the book so nicely when pointing out certain lines to Ichigo.

Ichigo didn’t respond, hugging his book bag to keep Grimmjow from exploring the contents inside even further. He glared at Grimmjow with fire in his eyes, knowing what Grimmjow was going to say next.

Even though Ichigo knew what he was going to say Grimmjow continued to lecture him. “Ichigo that guy is bad news. He’s a teacher. He isn’t going to look at you the same way. Stop getting so close to him it’ll only end up hurting you.” Grimmjow said.

Ichigo stood up throwing his bag over his shoulder. “It’s none of your business, Grimmjow.” Ichigo said, turning his head away from the man who felt the need to lecture him on stuff he already knows.

“Yes it is. If people find out that you have a crush on him then the bullying won’t stop. The only way to make people piss off is by pretending that you are straight and you can’t do that if you are drooling over a teacher you are never going to get to notice you.” Grimmjow nearly shouted, grabbing a hold of Ichigo’s shoulder tightly. His fingers dug into Ichigo’s skin causing him to flinch, but he didn’t seem to care. He was pissed off too. He was doing everything within his power to make sure Ichigo gets a peaceful high school life without getting bullied, but he was turning down everything he was doing and even told him that it was none of his business. Dammit, it was his business. If it has to do with Ichigo it was automatically his business.

Ichigo pried Grimmjow’s hold on him and dropped his hand to fall by his side. “You think I don’t know this? Do you think this is my first time pretending to be straight? I’ve pretended for years and it sucks. I’m going to be miserable no matter what I do so you can just leave me alone and let me try to live my own life.”

Nel jumped up and attempted to comfort him, trying to regain the light atmosphere they had before, but he just dodged her touch, walking right past her. “If the reason why you dragged me here was to discuss what you wanted to do next for this entire ‘pretend I’m straight’ plan then count me out.” Ichigo said while slipping his shoes on. “I never asked for this.” He said as he opened the front door, leaving Grimmjow and Nel behind grasping for words to say. Grimmjow walked to the window and observed Ichigo walk back towards his house. Grimmjow gripped the curtains that ghosted over the windows, crumpling them up in his hand.

Nel walked over to him and placed her hands on his shoulders. He turned around to see her smiling sweetly at him. “Maybe you should give Ichigo some space. If he doesn’t want the help then maybe it is wrong to force it on him.”

Grimmjow shook his head and brushed her hands off of him. “No way,” Grimmjow said. “I’m not leaving him behind again.”


	6. Chapter 6

Ichigo was never allowed to have a break. Many times he was tempted to shout at the top of his lungs that the girl who was hanging on to him was not his girlfriend. It could have been a lot worse, but he still didn’t exactly enjoy lying. She didn’t kiss him again after the first time, but that didn’t stop her from clinging to him. The routine was the same, deal with Nel meeting him by his locker before class, go to class, hide in the library, get dragged out by Grimmjow, sit awkwardly in the cafeteria, go to class, get dragged to Grimmjow’s house and deal with his shenanigans while trying to silently read his book or do homework without drawing too much attention to himself, go home, go to sleep. Then the next day would start with the same shit happening.

No one questioned his sexuality since the day the rumor started. That rumor was buried. Even the crude graffiti in the bathrooms was painted over as if it was never there to start with. Even so Nel kept on coming back and he kept getting dragged around by Grimmjow as if he was still in danger of falling to the student body food chain. Wasn’t she supposed to break up with him once the rumors stopped and things calmed down? At this point it just felt like overkill and he was feeling less like a person with his own will and more like an accessory.

He’s gotten used to their presence throughout the past few weeks. He didn’t even mind getting closer to Nel. Despite her being loud and obnoxious she was wonderful. She wasn’t the kind of friend Ichigo would make on his own, but he definitely learned that stepping out of his comfort zone every now and then wasn’t the worst thing ever. Grimmjow was basically the same person he was when they were children, cocky, and influential. The only difference is that he got rid of that awkwardness that came as a side effect from entering middle school.

He complained when Grimmjow kidnapped him and every time he did something to embarrass him at his house, but he started to become familiar with seeing Grimmjow every day. He didn’t realize how much he missed having a place to go after school that wasn’t his house or the library. He loved getting to see Nanao, but he needed to have friends his age and since Rukia finally managed to get a boyfriend after trying for so long, he has been seeing less of her. Even when she texts him to hangout he would already be in the car with Grimmjow or even at his house already. Ichigo expected her to complain that he never had time for her anymore, but instead of doing that she pulled back and allowed him to stand in the light of the popular kids.

She would still call him or even visit him at night. There would be times that she gets to his house before he comes back from Grimmjow’s just to see her eating at the dinner table with his family. She would share stories about her new boyfriend and she would put up with Ichigo’s ranting about a certain obnoxious blue haired idiot that made every effort to drag him around.

He still had to reserve time to tutor Harribel and a couple other students while hoping Hal doesn’t ask him about Grimmjow. Luckily she has kept her thoughts on him spending time with her tutor to herself and didn’t so much as huff when she heard Grimmjow’s name whispered in the library where they studied. His name has become more spoken even in unexpected places after he took in a complete nobody like Ichigo.

After a couple of weeks he has found himself complaining less and less. Rather than going to the library during his lunch period he found himself walking straight to the cafeteria, saving Grimmjow the trip. He didn’t feel welcome at their table yet especially with Nnoitra giving him strange looks like he didn’t belong there, but he found himself talking there more and more frequently. More and more people would lean in to hear what he had to say or even joke around with him.

Nel would drag him to Grimmjow’s car less often and allow Ichigo to walk by himself for a change. He started to get the impression that Nel actually liked him rather than saw him as some poor unfortunate soul that Grimmjow looked after on a whim and he ended up looking forward to hanging out with them when he would usually just do his homework or just go home to lock himself in his room to read.

Ichigo even found himself staying over at Grimmjow’s house long after Nel had left and was given a ride home when he decided not to run off. He was familiar with the house before, but spending everyday there made it feel like he had never left, like those two years they were apart was just an illusion. Grimmjow didn’t change as much as he originally thought even if he was still a partying horndog. He felt comfortable with him without putting in too much effort and he didn’t shy away whenever he touched him, allowing Grimmjow to roughhouse with him like they did when they were younger. A particularly homophobic comment would slip through every now and then and Ichigo wasn’t sure whether he would be able to make Grimmjow stop entirely. Nor did he find it in his ability to explain to Grimmjow that his comments could potentially be disrespectful. There was some progress though!

He’s gotten so used to being there that he sometimes even forgets how late they were hanging out. He sat on the couch next to Grimmjow with the hum of a movie playing in the background, shoulders nearly touching. One cushion was left empty that was originally occupied by Nel who has already left to go to a party despite it being a Thursday night. It may have been an odd night for a party, but it wasn’t unheard of. A party took place whenever someone’s parents left town.

Without Nel making a loud presence in their small group and listening to Grimmjow’s favorite movie,  _ Die Hard  _ for the millionth time he started to doze off. It has been a long week despite it not being over yet. He was constantly tired and didn’t have as much time to relax even when he spent time at Grimmjow’s house. The entire reason why they were watching a movie in the first place was because Ichigo was in desperate need of a break. He was able to stay conscious for most of the movie. It was easy to stay conscious during a movie he has seen way too many times to count when he was preoccupying himself by doing homework despite Grimmjow arguing with him about taking a break. It was when he put his homework away when he started to have problems keeping his eyes open.

The air felt heavy and warm like he was being wrapped in a warm blanket and it didn’t help that Grimmjow’s couch was so damn comfortable. It was super soft, but offered support without having him sink into it. The sound of action in the movie became white noise and he felt his eyes drooping and his head nodding.

Out of nowhere Ichigo found himself lifting his head off of Grimmjow’s arm. His eyes were glazed over to peak at the screen to perceive where they were in the movie. His eyes started to droop close again when he saw the credits rolling before the information processed in his head and opened his eyes again.

When he noticed where he was and what he was leaning up against he jolted back to create some distance between him and Grimmjow, but the half-awake jerk grumbled something about how he was cold and leaned in closer to Ichigo, wrapping his arms around him, probably not even noticing what he was doing in his sleep. The action made Ichigo’s heart pound and wonder if Grimmjow would remember his insistence to cuddle when he was more aware like he was. He was embarrassed being held by Grimmjow like a teddy bear and he felt incredibly warm from his body heat to a point where he was almost uncomfortable. He couldn’t help but think that whatever Grimmjow was going to feel later was going to be way worse which he will probably try to cover by saying some kind of homophobic remarks.

Despite knowing what will happen in the future and being trapped in Grimmjow’s grip the thought of him having a flustered reaction made him smile especially if he told him that he didn’t let go. Whatever, if Grimmjow beat on him for ‘going homo’ on him then he could lie and say he wasn’t aware that it happened either.

It didn’t take long for Ichigo to fall asleep again just as quickly. Both of their heartbeats were in sync after being against each other for so long. Grimmjow fell backwards so that his head was on the armrest and he unconsciously pulled Ichigo on top of him like a blanket. Ichigo wrapped his arms around his abs and snuggled into his chest letting out a soft sigh when his position changed from the couch to Grimmjow’s chest. It wasn’t as comfortable, but this was nice too.

Ichigo’s alarm on his phone blared, shaking both him and Grimmjow awake. Ichigo nearly fell off of his stomach, but instinctively Grimmjow grabbed onto him to keep him from slipping to the floor and keeping Ichigo secure on top of him. Grimmjow’s face was red from having it smushed up against the sofa’s armrest and some other reason that Ichigo couldn’t exactly make out through the white light reflecting off the eggshell walls. It probably had to do with the fact that he didn’t realize he was holding onto him, Ichigo thought, but he couldn’t focus on that.

He was a little more preoccupied with other thoughts to worry about it. He blinked multiple times to get used to the bright sun shining through the windows and reflecting off the walls and pulled away from Grimmjow’s embrace in an effort to get up. He nearly fell over from standing on his stiff legs and his lightheadedness wasn’t helping him with the grueling task of standing. Ichigo reached for his phone which was now only on 20% and cursed when he saw the time.

Grimmjow on the other hand didn’t seem to have a care in the world. He stretched his arms above his head and then ran a hand through his shaggy hair, flexing his tired muscles in the process to relieve himself from the soreness that came from sleeping on anything that isn’t a bed, which Ichigo watched with his jaw slightly slack, trying not to focus so much on Grimmjow’s robust biceps. He then dropped his arms like a deadweight and lifted himself off the couch and stretched his back.

“Dammit, I can’t get back home in time to change.” Ichigo whined, shaking any dirty thoughts that popped into his head while Grimmjow was stretching. He was over him dammit. He survived the entire night without poking him. That had to mean that he was completely over him. Completely, right? He had more important things to think about that had nothing to do with Grimmjow’s incredible body.

He counted the things he needed to do in his head. He finished most of his homework during the movie and fell asleep when he pushed it aside. He was also absolutely disgusting from sleeping on a couch with another person who seemed to have the body temperature of a furnace. He needed to shower, change, brush his teeth, and damn his father and sisters must be worried sick about him so he should probably call them before they filed a missing person report.

Grimmjow just shrugged. “Eh, just borrow some of my clothes. You can use the shower and I can find a spare toothbrush. If I drive us to school you will still have plenty of time to finish everything you need to.” He said nonchalantly as if he was reading Ichigo’s mind and it wasn’t a big deal, causing Ichigo to blink in confusion, curious if he was dreaming or this was reality. He seemed unshaken even though he was so close to Ichigo. The Grimmjow he used to know got annoyed whenever a guy touched him or got too close to him, but Ichigo was always an exception since they’ve known each other for so long. They’ve been close before social norms were taught to them and even if they were away for a while it didn’t mean that their habits broke.

“Oh you two are awake.” Ichigo turned his head around which caused his neck to ache, reminding him of the stupid mistakes that he has made the night before. Walking into the room was a grown woman with beautiful wavy blue hair and pale skin. “I was just about to make breakfast for the two of you.”

Ichigo hasn’t seen Grimmjow’s mom in so long, yet the sight of her made him feel warm inside and welcome as she pranced around in her bathrobe without a care of what Ichigo thought. She has known him since he was a child. She has cared for him, fed him, and even comforted him when his own mother died, telling him that she was there if he needed anything. She reminded him of his own mother and seeing her reminded him just how much he missed her despite them not having any blood relation. He even started to shake, fighting the urge to run over to her and hug her.

“Ichi, I haven’t seen you in ages and when you finally come to visit you are passed out on the couch on a school night. I made sure to call your father to tell him you were here.” She said, pulling out some eggs from the fridge.

“I’m sorry,” Ichigo said, seeing her pout as she sprayed the pan on the stove. She and Grimmjow shared the same pout. It was very obvious the two of them were related.

“Mom, he’s been spending everyday here for the past two weeks. You’ve just haven’t seen him since you’ve been working so late.” Grimmjow groaned, slinging his arm comfortably around Ichigo’s shoulders. “If you took it easy then you would see him more often. Come on, you can afford to.” He said giving Ichigo a little shake as if drawing attention to his childhood friend would encourage his mom to give herself more free time. Ichigo smiled, remembering that despite the hard exterior and interior, he was a huge mama’s boy.

Despite Ichigo thinking of Grimmjow as the same person he has been friends with as a child there have been a few things that have happened during his absence. One of those things was that Grimmjow’s father left them for another, richer woman. Grimmjow’s mother worked later to make up for his father’s absence despite his father still sending them checks for child support, in fact he sent a lot of money and gifts as if he was making an effort to make Grimmjow love him more than his own mom who didn’t abandon him. His father kept on trying to convince Grimmjow to live with him, but Grimmjow refused to leave his mother for a man who had betrayed his family. As soon as Grimmjow told Ichigo about this he beat himself up, wishing that he was able to be there for him and his mother just like they were when his mom died. Grimmjow picked up on it immediately and lectured Ichigo for thinking that he and his mom weren’t strong enough to get through hard times by themselves.

“You don’t need to make me anything, Mai.” Ichigo said making sure to use her first name knowing that she would scold him if he referred to her in any other way. His stomach has been hurting lately so he has been trying to avoid eating so as to not upset it any more. He turned to Grimmjow and smiled politely. “I’m going to take your offer and shower. Hope you don’t mind that I use your shit.” He said calling after him as he trotted up the carpeted stairs to Grimmjow’s bathroom. “Watch your fucking language.” Mai yelled from the kitchen making Ichigo smile. Coolest mom ever.

Ichigo dropped his clothes and headed straight into the shower. He waited outside for the water to heat up into a warm mist before stepping inside and pulling the curtain closed behind him. He scraped off his sweat that was combined with Grimmjow’s from the night before. It took awhile for Ichigo to register that he smelled like him too. He grabbed the body wash on the side and squeezed some in his hand before rubbing it across his body. That smelled like him too.

There was knocking at the door. “H-hold on,” Ichigo called as he quickly started to rinse the suds off, hoping that he didn’t get lost in space while standing in the shower.

“Calm down, it’s me.” He heard the gruff familiar voice on the other side, muffled by the door and shower. Without receiving Ichigo’s permission Grimmjow walked through the door causing Ichigo’s whole body that was shielded by the shower curtain to blush and close in on itself, hiding as much as possible. Yeah, he was aware that it was him. That was the problem. Just because they’ve known each other since childhood doesn’t make it okay for him to come in without permission while he was in the shower. Still Ichigo couldn’t bring himself to be mad at him either, that or he just didn’t have the energy. He couldn’t decide.

“I’ve got some clothes that should fit you.” He said from behind the shower curtain leaving an outline that was made from the light in the room. “Do you need to borrow underwear?”

The question made Ichigo’s body resemble the color of a strawberry. He even felt dizzy for a second and threatened to fall over. “T-thanks, but I am not going to borrow your underwear.”

Grimmjow chucked from the other side. “They are unused.” Grimmjow added turning the sink on for a second before the sound of furious brushing took its place.

“Say that before.” Ichigo said evenly, trying to prevent his voice from rising and falling as he turned the water temperature down in an effort to cool himself down and get rid of the embarrassing red that decided to spread across his body against his will. He eventually turned the water off and started to grope around the side of the shower in search of a towel without having to come out in his naked glory.

He patted the wall in search of the towel rack and cursed when he found the rack empty before a plush towel was shoved into his hand. Grimmjow’s own hand touched Ichigo’s momentarily before pulling away once Ichigo had a hold of it. Ichigo wrapped the towel around his waist, pulled back the shower curtain, and stepped out of the tub onto the bathmat.

Grimmjow’s eyes enlarged before he forced his head down to spit out the suds in his mouth. He quickly rinsed his mouth before retreating from the bathroom so that Ichigo could get dressed with the clothes that Grimmjow has left for him on top of the counter along with an unopened toothbrush.

Ichigo skeptically brought the clothes to his nose and smelled it. Yeah it was clean and it was Ichigo’s size which means that Grimmjow hasn’t worn it in a while. Even if that was the case the shirt still smelled like him and Ichigo quickly found himself pulling it over his head, breathing deeply as it fell over his torso.

The same could be said about the pants that he lent him. Since Ichigo had such long legs the length fit, but Ichigo was significantly skinnier than Grimmjow even if the clothes he was borrowing were old, allowing the pants to fall below his waistband and drag across the floor. Has he always been that skinny? Ichigo found himself groping around his body, examining how his hip bone poked out and how his palms took up so much space when he laid them flat against him. He hasn’t really realized until now. He found himself pulling the pants up and puffing his stomach out before he exhaled and they dropped back down. Ichigo silently thanked Grimmjow when he saw that he included a belt. He probably noticed Ichigo’s most likely unhealthy body weight before he realized it himself. He was on top of him before so he may have noticed then.

He brushed his teeth with a spare toothbrush that Grimmjow also left out for him before he floated down the stairs feeling refreshed, ignoring Grimmjow who was now preoccupied eating eggs that his mother prepared for him. He had more important things to worry about.

“Ichi, you sure you don’t want any?” His mother asked again from the kitchen while Ichigo situated himself on the couch with his books, scribbling down homework answers.

“No thank you. I don’t have a lot of time left.” Ichigo said. Ichigo set his alarm to go off early since he had to walk to school. He didn’t know how much time he saved by having Grimmjow drive him, but whatever time he has he needs to use to focus on finishing his work.

“Leave him be mom. He’s not gonna be able to relax until he finishes that.” Grimmjow said in between bites before gulping down his orange juice.

“I wish you could learn something from him.” Mai said walking over to her son and running her hands through his still uncombed hair. He swatted her away and blushed, stealing a glance at the diligently working Ichigo who didn’t seem to notice that his mother was actively trying to embarrass him.

“Give me like five minutes and we’ll leave.” Grimmjow said dragging the chair back and carrying the dishes over to the sink before trotting upstairs.

Five minutes was all Ichigo needed to finish scribbling all the answers down in his notebook. He slid his books back into his bag as Grimmjow leisurely walked downstairs, hair combed sloppily on purpose. If people knew that it took so long for him to make his hair look messy on purpose then they would probably rethink his rugged look. Even though Ichigo was well aware of it he still thought it was pretty hot. Not as hot as Ukitake’s long yet civilized hair, but still hot.

During the car ride he called his father to confirm what Grimmjow’s mother said to him. He just spent the night at his place and he was 100% alive. His father seemed relieved and acted surprised when Ichigo told him that he spent the night at Grimmjow’s knowing that they haven’t been hanging out as frequently as they used to. His father also took the opportunity to remind him that he probably wouldn’t be home when he got back. He had to attend a meeting of some kind where every person who ran a clinic needed to attend where they needed to run their methods through with the larger scale hospitals and confirm information with them to make transfers easier.

Within minutes they were at the school. Traveling by car really was way faster than walking. Ichigo was earlier than he usually was and also way more exhausted than he should be. This was what he got for sleeping on a couch instead of the comfort of his bed back home, so much for trying to unwind. When he got to his locker Nel wasn’t there to greet him, which was strange, but it looked like he got there before she did. It seemed like an opportunity to skip the morning horseplay. He wasn’t in the mood. Everything hurt and he has never felt so tired in his life, not after he pulled an all-nighter to finish his work for five different AP classes, not after he discovered the horrors of energy drinks the day after that night, not after he couldn’t sleep properly for months after his mother’s death.

He went to his first class and immediately rested his head against his cool hard desk, hoping that a little rest would remedy his aching head. He didn’t even care to look up at Mr. Ukitake who was eyeing him warily. His headache only worsened when Rukia slammed her book bag down on the desk next to him and shook Ichigo aggressively. Ichigo moaned and tried to cover his head that was spinning too quickly to be normal.

“Why didn’t you call me last night?” She insisted.

Ichigo’s eyes shot open. Shit, he forgot that they were planning to meet up the night before so that they could prepare for a test on Monday and she was going to be away for the weekend. He felt like a piece of shit for not even calling her to cancel. He has been spending too much time with Grimmjow lately. Well he felt like a piece of shit for multiple reasons and one of them being his headache that started to pound against his skull.

Ichigo looked between her and Ukitake hoping that he hadn't heard anything she said. He pulled Rukia close so that they could speak without being heard by any of the other students that walked in who enjoyed the quiet time before the warning bell went off just like them.

“Sorry, I was hanging out at Grimmjow’s again.” Ichigo explained hoping that Rukia’s infamous temper wouldn’t come out and make things worse. He didn’t want Mr. Ukitake to hear how much time he has been spending with Grimmjow and get the wrong idea. Before it looked like he was trying to get away from Grimmjow and back then he was, but right now he was starting to warm up to Grimmjow again. He missed him and he was afraid that if Ukitake found out about them hanging out all the time he will end up writing them off as in a relationship and lose any interest he may have for him even if he probably didn’t have any.

“Of course you were. It’s like I don’t exist anymore.” Rukia hissed under her breath. “Lately it feels like you don’t care that we don’t hang out and you and Nel are so close now. Recently you’ve only talked to me when you want to rant about them. You just keep rubbing in your friendship with the popular kids.” She continued. Before she acted completely fine with Ichigo’s rise in popularity, heck before she was encouraging him to take advantage of it. Right now it seemed that it was really wearing her down and acting like everything was fine was no longer working for her. He never realized how upset she was since she never complained about it, but it looked like enough was enough and he was really too tired to be put on a guilt trip that he completely deserved.

Ichigo grew even dizzier as she continued to rant. “You know that isn’t true.” Ichigo nearly spat back in an effort to get her to shut up. Part of him wanted to argue back with her since he tended to have a hard time containing his temper as well making their friendship a bit fiery.

“Don’t talk about this at school.” Ichigo said in an effort to calm her down. He didn’t need any unnecessary attention. The more attention he got the more likely people will find out that he was lying about dating Nel.

He clutched his head in his hands and Rukia noticed how visibly pale Ichigo was. She shoved back all of her arguments and lifted her hands as if ready to catch him just in case he started to sway. Ichigo on the other hand had a hard time keeping his eyes open. “Hey, Ichigo are you okay?” She said feeling confident enough to place her hand on his shoulder and look into his eyes.

Ichigo has always been tan despite spending a lot of time indoors focusing on school work or reading books. And even though he has had many sleepless nights he still always tried to make up for the sleep he has lost yet here he is with his eyes sinking into his skull.

“Mr. Ukitake, I’m going to take Ichigo to the nurse.” Rukia called without asking Ichigo for his consent as she gingerly rested Ichigo’s heavy head against her shoulder.

As if noticing for the first time how sickly Ichigo looked Mr. Ukitake looked up. “Oh my, he doesn’t look so good. Do you need help?” he said standing up from his seat before Rukia waved him off.

“It’s fine. I don’t think he would want to trouble you.” She said, supporting his body to get Ichigo standing. She has known about Ichigo’s crush on their teacher for some time and she couldn’t say she blamed him. He was the most attractive teacher in the school and he truly loved his job and appreciated books just as much as Ichigo did. Match made in heaven really, but he was a teacher so she didn’t support it. It was none of her business though.

Ichigo allowed himself to shift his weight more to the side that Rukia practically carried him. Though she was significantly smaller than him she has been known for being stronger than she looks. He didn’t know how Rukia managed to practically carry him to the nurse’s office since the trip was mostly a blur.

He didn’t remember what Miss Unohana said when she saw him. All he knew was that he was now lying down on one of the beds in the back getting his blood pressure tested. He remembered blearily answering some questions. The question that stuck out to him the most being ‘when was the last time you have eaten?’ He didn’t eat breakfast that morning, nor did he eat anything at Grimmjow’s house after school, nor did he eat lunch during school, nor did he have breakfast that morning, did he even remember to eat dinner the night before? No, he was too busy doing homework.

His stomach has been hurting lately so he has been avoiding food, but he hasn’t realized it’s been going on for too long nor does he remember forcing himself to eat something despite the pain. Top that with the lack of proper sleep he has been having trouble with lately and the stress of lying about his sexuality and the strain to finish his schoolwork and he had a whole cocktail of problems. When has it gotten to be so bad?

His head fell back on the pillow and he moaned, crumpling himself in a ball as pain shot through his entire body. He remembered Miss Unohana saying something about malnutrition, probably having an ulcer, and asking if anyone was at his house who was able to drive him home. He blearily shook his head remembering his father saying something about having to go to some meeting and that he wouldn’t be home. This seriously happened at the worst possible time.

Ichigo’s thought was immediately corrected when he heard the doors to the nurse’s office open again. There has been a bit of complaining about how someone shouldn’t go back there and how Miss Unohana was taking care of someone, but that didn’t seem to stop a tall muscular Grimmjow from charging into the room like he was expected to be there.

“What the hell happened to Ichi?” Grimmjow asked in a gruff insistent voice as if everyone present was at fault for his condition.

“That isn’t anyone’s business except for mine and the patient’s.” The nurse started to say referring to patient confidentiality. Rukia stared at Grimmjow slack jawed wondering how the most popular kid at school found Ichigo so quickly. She knew that Ichigo and Grimmjow were childhood friends and they hang out every day, but this was the first time she saw him approach him in person, and even show concern, in fact she has never seen him show concern to anyone besides himself.

“Yeah, it’s mine too. He’s my best friend.” Grimmjow growled only to make Ichigo’s eyes shoot open to look at him and caused Rukia’s mouth to open and close, trying to muster some kind of response that was probably going to land on the aggressive side.

“If he’s sick, I’ll drive him home.” Grimmjow said leaning backwards, shoving his hands in his jean pockets which only accented the snarl stretched across his face.

“That isn’t exactly allowed.” Unohana reminded him.

“I will literally call his father. I can guarantee that he wouldn’t give a shit!” Grimmjow roared which did wonders to accent Ichigo’s headache. Ichigo turned his head to the side and threw his arm over his eyes to block any light that came from the room.

Miss Unohana did just that after she commented on his crude language. She left the back room to use the office phone to look up his father’s number as Grimmjow pulled a chair to sit next to his bed. Rukia looked at him, spectating all of his actions, but not saying anything.

Grimmjow poked at Ichigo to get his attention, but all Ichigo did was groan in response which only encouraged him to keep poking him until Ichigo gave him a coherent response.

“Come on, Ichi. Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t feelin’ well?” He insisted.

Moments later the nurse walked back into the room and sighed. “You know skipping school is bad, right? I’ll allow you to take him home after you sign these forms.” She said handing Grimmjow the paperwork which he took eagerly, grabbing the pen from her hand as well. “This doesn’t mean it is an excused absence though.”

“Do you need to borrow a wheelchair?” She asked as soon as Grimmjow’s name was scribbled next to the x on the paper.

“Nope, I’m fine.” Grimmjow said confidently with a small smirk on his face, stretching his arms before kneeling down and lifting Ichigo off of the bed bridal style. Ichigo’s eyes grew in realization when he realized he was no longer on a soft surface, but now resting in Grimmjow’s tough arms. He instinctively wrapped his arms around Grimmjow’s neck and blinked when his eyes became reacquainted with the bright room.

“Shit Ichi. You’re too freaking light.” He cursed bringing his eyebrows together in discomfort. Ichigo turned away from him to hide the blush that quickly took over his face and stretched to his ears. If his body heat went up anymore he would only become even dizzier.

Rukia stifled a laugh as her best friend faced her. His expression quickly morphed into a glare which only made her unable to hold back her laughter as she held open the door that allowed Grimmjow to carry him out of the nurse’s office.


	7. Chapter 7

The morning started off fine for Grimmjow. Sure waking up on a couch with a guy his age wasn’t typically the way he started a normal day, but it was definitely not the worst thing in the world. Waking up on a couch with Ichigo actually reminded him a lot of his childhood when he would sleepover on a typical weekend. Though his muscles ached from his stiff position on the couch he felt refreshed from the pleasant memory and the warmth that was supplied from his best friend’s body heat. It was a sensation he didn’t think he would enjoy.

Ichigo’s alarm went off a little earlier than he was used to waking up which was a bit annoying, but seeing Ichigo moan about how he was screwed was sort of cute especially after Grimmjow saved the day by offering everything he needed. He didn’t even think anything was wrong when he refused the breakfast his mother offered to make for them since he was so preoccupied. She rarely cooks so early in the morning since she typically takes late shifts. Her mornings were typically spent sleeping in. She probably made an exception for the purpose of pampering Ichigo who she hadn’t seen in ages. Grimmjow even estimated that she set her alarm extra early just to spoil the cute little kid she has known for years, not paying any mind to the traitorous extended absence.

Grimmjow made it his new goal in life to fluster Ichigo at every given chance, for example entering the bathroom when he was in the shower despite his obvious displeasure. Ichigo acted the way he expected and even reverted back to normal when he proceeded to continue his own morning routine after wasting time digging around in his closet and drawers to find clothes that would fit the significantly smaller male, clothes that would look good on him. Without Ichigo noticing he took the towel that was hanging on the rack just so he could hand it over to Ichigo and slightly brush hands with him. He didn’t know how or why he came up with that idea, but it seemed to have worked. Ichigo’s hand freezing at the sudden contact with his skin was enough evidence that he was shying away which made it difficult to hold back laughter and even more difficult to push him even further.

Ichigo stepped out when Grimmjow was nearly finished brushing his teeth. Grimmjow saw Ichigo’s reflection in the mirror that had not fogged because Ichigo remembered to turn the fan on in the shower so he was able to see plenty. Unintentionally Grimmjow studied the other body in the reflection, how his wet hair flattened slightly against his face yet managed to remain unruly, his smooth skin, his flat stomach, how his towel hung right above his waist and if there was one wrong move…Grimmjow spit out the suds in his mouth and rinsed before retreating from the bathroom.

He wasn’t supposed to be embarrassed, it was meant to be the other way around yet he left before doing anything to bully his friend further and there were so many creative things he could have done to mess with him that would have yielded the best reactions. So many possibilities ran through his head as he retreated downstairs trying not to beat himself up for chickening out for some reason.

He hoped that he gave Ichigo everything he needed. It was his fault that Ichigo stayed overnight. He woke up during the movie to see Ichigo sleeping against him, but instead of shaking him awake and offering to drive him home he let him lie there against him because…well he still hasn’t exactly figured that part out yet. He was originally planning on driving Ichigo home and joining Nel at the party or at least drag Ichigo with him, but then Ichigo’s head hit his shoulder and he couldn’t bring himself to wake him up nor was he able to stop himself from joining him. If Ichigo needed anything he could ask, but while he had the chance he was going to indulge in his mom’s rare offering to prepare a warm breakfast.

Ichigo sailed down the stairs and instantly preoccupied himself with homework, properly clothed and hair still moist from the only method of drying being a towel ran through it. Despite Grimmjow’s mom preparing breakfast Ichigo refused it for the purpose of completing the task he shouldn’t worry too much about. He was a senior in high school dammit. He could get his senioritis on a little. Even if Grimmjow wanted to protest, maybe steal his homework away from him so he could eat something he ended up just watching him intently instead.

He looked freaking great in his clothes; they were a little big on him which reminded him that the clothes he was wearing weren't his own, but his. It filled him with some kind of warmth that he didn’t fully understand but didn’t dislike. The shirt hung off of his shoulder slightly, showing off his bare neck and Ichigo ended up having to adjust it to keep the collar centered so that it wouldn’t slip and fall down his arm. After he started to work again his collar would slide down his shoulder causing him to stop what he was doing so that he could fix it again.

Eventually he ignored it and focused on whatever homework he was doing, math, or biology, Grimmjow couldn’t tell nor did he care. All he knew was that it was keeping him from being able to spend a nice morning with him and stressed his buddy out. Ichigo scribbled down answers and flipped through his notebook to check his notes. He rubbed his hand through his hair, a nervous habit of his, and knit his eyebrows like he does when he is in deep thought or angry, or annoyed, or any other emotion really. Then he bit the eraser of his pencil lightly, a habit he has never seen before which reminded him that no matter how much he thought he knew Ichigo there were still things that he didn’t notice and that was new about him. He was trying to fix that though.

He felt giddy just from looking at him even if he couldn’t mess with him; he still enjoyed being able to observe him without his knowing. His mother looked over her shoulder to check the wall clock and Grimmjow needed to stuff food in his mouth to keep her from noticing his light smile. He didn’t need her concocting ideas with her overactive imagination. They were friends and he was just happy to see him, and there was nothing abnormal about the feelings that he got from looking at him.

Still, friends would have insisted on getting something for him to eat instead of going to school hungry. Friends would have noticed how run down he looked and told him that it may be a good idea to take the day off since he was too stressed for a healthy high school senior. He didn’t. He may have been his friend, but he should have watched over him better like he did when they were younger.

Grimmjow closed the front door and checked his phone that’s battery life was as much as in a sorry state as Ichigo’s who has already expressed his frustration for having to put it on power saving mode so early in the morning. As soon as he lit his phone up there was a text from Nel that read ‘SOS I seriously need to talk to you.’ She had a habit of making big deals out of nothing and then getting over the problem just as quickly as the problem presenting itself just like when she realized that she stole Ichigo’s first kiss.

She never kissed him again, but it wasn’t long until she started to joke around by insisting that Grimmjow kiss Ichigo to make up for it. Kissing Ichigo wouldn’t have been the worst thing in the world, she could have forced a way worse penalty, and maybe if she forced him and Ichigo wasn’t so reluctant then maybe, just maybe…he started the car before Ichigo even situated himself in the passenger seat.

He didn’t have the chance to speak for most of the car ride since Ichigo was on the phone with his father. He didn’t see the purpose of calling him since his mom already said that she called him. He could have paid more attention to him, dammit. He was bored of listening to him talk on the phone and silently wished that he could have his own conversation with him.

As soon as Grimmjow and Ichigo arrived at school Ichigo ran off and Grimmjow responded to the message that Nel sent last night while he was asleep. Nel responded instantaneously like she was staring at her phone waiting for him to message her back. If she responded back that quickly it must have truly been a big deal rather than some drunken text she sent to him without recognizing whether something was text worthy or not.

Nel and Grimmjow met in the stairway that was practically known for smokers and private conversations at this point. It was too early for the school smokers to sneak their fix in so they should be safe talking in private without any eavesdroppers. When Grimmjow slid open the exit door he noticed Nel sitting on the steps with her head in her hands with her hair draping over like a seafoam green waterfall so that he couldn’t see her face.

“Grimm,” She moaned at the sound of the door opening. “I fucked up.”

Grimmjow sat next to her and hesitated to rest his hand on her back. He was never really sure how good he was at the entire comforting thing especially since he wasn’t sure of the context, not to mention the fact that he was one of the many school assholes. When he placed his hand on her back he felt her shaking slightly as if traumatized by her own actions and inability to cope. She leaned into his hand, accepting the comfort.

“I was drunk; I didn’t know what was going on.” She sobbed, her cries echoing in the stairway before being cut off by Grimmjow telling her to take it easy to prevent herself from going hysterical. Grimmjow traced his fingers across her back, ghosting over her hair trying to calm down his best friend. Her story didn’t seem like it was going in a good direction and his mind was already conjuring all kinds of graphic scenarios in which he questioned if it was safe for her to be in school right now or whether she should be in an emergency room.

“I slept with a guy. I can barely remember who it was. It was dark yet I didn’t think much of it. I barely knew what was going on.” Nel said. The way she said it made it sound like she was consensual while she was drunk, but probably not in the right frame of mind to decide whether it is smart to pursue sexual relations. “Then Nnoitra, at least I think it was Nnoitra, questioned me knowing what I did. He asked if I broke up with Ichigo. I fucked up. I told him. I told him that Ichigo was gay, that we were never together.” She said in choppy sentences in between short sobs.

Grimmjow pulled her into a hug and allowed her to cry on his shoulder while he stroked her back. He tightened his closed eyes and she sighed in relief while he tangled his fingers in her hair, brushing it out of her face. Yeah, what she told him really sucked, but it wasn’t the worst thing. What happened wasn’t nearly as bad as any of the graphic images that came into his mind when Nel explained that she was drunk. He should have been there to make sure she was safe, but this wasn’t the first time she went to a party alone. Bad things have threatened to happen to her in the past though and Grimmjow was able to bail her out of those situations.

“It’s okay, Ichigo is strong.” Grimmjow cooed, nestling himself into her hair that smelled like a combination of her lavender scented shampoo and her calming natural scent. “He wasn’t exactly satisfied pretending to be straight anyway. We are just back to square one. I’m just glad you are okay.”

Nel was the first to pull away, she rubbed the back of her hand under her eye to clear her face of any tears that leaked down and gave one more gratifying sniff. Her face was red and her eyes were puffy, but at least she didn’t wear a lot of makeup so there were no smudges. She quickly got up as if she wasn’t crying just a moment ago. There it was, quickly over it. Now she wanted to act to make up for her mistake.

“We need to find Ichigo.” Nel said, her hands forming fists, hardening her resolve. “We need to explain to him before things get out of hand and he ends up getting hurt again.”

Grimmjow nodded. Nnoitra wasn’t exactly the best person she could have told. He was known for being cruel in his methods and he was especially unforgiving towards people who were just a little different, just like Ichigo. Nnoitra has tried to attack Ichigo before just because of his hair color back in their freshman year when Grimmjow was still part of the American football team. Nnoitra asked him to join him in a prank and he was quickly shut down. Back then Grimmjow and Ichigo didn’t talk as much, but his instinct to defend Ichigo kicked in again.

The truth about Ichigo being gay may be enough to convince him to attack especially since he has been fighting to take Grimmjow’s place as the king. Then there was the fact that he thought that Ichigo was dating Nel, the girl he had a crush on. He definitely had some resentment about that even if he knew that it wasn’t true now. He’ll probably get annoyed just from the fact that Ichigo got so close to her.

Grimmjow didn’t rush Nel to get out of the abandoned stairway; it was the other way around. She pulled Grimmjow by his bicep, leading him to Ichigo’s first period class that she has walked him to a number of times. She popped her head inside of the nearly empty classroom, but there was no Ichigo. His teacher seemed preoccupied with tapping his desk instead of partaking in the book that formed a tent on the page he left off in front of him.

Grimmjow pulled away from the corner of the doorway and strolled inside like he belonged there. The other students who were there early stared at him with wide eyes, wondering why the king had bestowed his presence on them while others hid in their notebooks, hoping for Grimmjow to not notice them peeking over.

Grimmjow strolled to the front of the room and stood imposingly in front of Ichigo’s first period teacher. As soon as he recognized the tall elegant looking teacher as the one Ichigo had a crush on he couldn’t stop himself from acting a little coldly, or very coldly, he couldn’t tell all he knew was that he didn’t like him. He didn’t trust him. Teachers weren’t supposed to get too close to their students yet he didn’t seem to mind lending a book and leaning over one of his. He had to be some kind of pervert or something or get Ichigo mixed up in something ugly. He crossed his arms over his chest and his mouth was formed into an uncomfortable sneer. “Hey, do you know where Ichigo is?” He asked rudely despite asking the notoriously polite teacher for help.

It took Ukitake a second to recognize the student standing above him that wasn’t his own before his eyes glowed in recognition. “Oh, I remember you. You’re Ichigo’s friend.” He said with a sweet smile. “He was feeling a bit under the weather so Rukia took him to the nurse.” The bastard sounded like he was genuinely happy to see him and the polite atmosphere did wonders to piss Grimmjow off. It made him feel like  _ he _ was the asshole for having a less than appropriate demeanor. This guy could have at least returned his hatred, and dammit, why was Ichigo at the nurses’ office? That seemed a bit more important at the moment.

Grimmjow cocked his head slightly. Rukia? He’s heard of her from some of Ichigo’s stories, but he never knew her. He always thought of her as some character from Ichigo’s old life before Grimmjow gave him a new one where he was popular. As if reading his mind just from observing the subtle body language like some kind of creep Ukitake elaborated. “You know, his best friend?” He said gesturing to a seat that only made Grimmjow assume that that was where she sat and he would recognize her if she knew where her desk was. He’s never been here before. How the hell would he know? Also who was this best friend chick? He was his best friend, dammit. He didn’t know who she was, but fuck her! He wasn’t allowed to have two best friends. Then again Grimmjow considered both Nel and he would probably consider Ichigo his best friend now too since they hung out every day and knew each other since childhood, but he was allowed to be an exception.

Without even saying goodbye Grimmjow turned around to leave the polite teacher so that he could track down Ichigo at the nurse since now there was something new he should be worried about to add to his annoying list of anxieties. Why the hell was Ichigo at the nurse? Did someone already get to him and this teacher did nothing to help? There was too much goddamn violence in this school and no one ever did anything about it. Some of the violence came from him, but even the faculty knew better than to go near Grimmjow in fear of his father’s wrath. Before he could march out while drawing more conclusions he was called back.

“Hold on, if you are going to the nurse’s office to find Ichigo can you give him this?” Ukitake exclaimed, grabbing Grimmjow’s attention and pulling it back towards him. The teacher had a light smile on his face and kindness in his eyes as he rummaged through his satchel and pulled out a small thin book. Grimmjow narrowed his eyes at Ukitake, his vision swapping between looking at him and the suspicious black book he was holding. It better not be some perverted book that made suggestions at Ichigo. Wait, why would this guy be giving Ichigo a book like that in the first place? He wasn’t a dumbass. He knew that Ukitake was the most attractive teacher in the school and a bunch of girls took his work heavy class just so they could ogle at him during class. Grimmjow wouldn’t have known that until a couple of weeks ago, but there was something about that damn teacher that made him worry.

He’s totally just trying to lead Ichigo on before he shatters him. “I was planning on giving it to him after class when everyone left, but I’m going to assume that he isn’t coming back. It’s a poetry book that I thought he would enjoy. Tell him it is a gift from me. It even has an inscription.”

Grimmjow’s brows furrowed as he tentatively took the book from his hands. This teacher didn’t even know him yet he trusted him to deliver a gift. Was he some kind of messenger boy? How pure could this man be? No, it was all a front. He couldn’t trust this guy. His resolve was not going to weaken to his sweet smile and kind words. He looked at the smooth cover of the book. It had a simple design, a white picture of a jellyfish that contrasted the dark cover. It was labeled “ _ Pillow Thoughts”  _ in the same white text as well as the author’s name which he didn’t even care to remember. Who remembers authors anyway?

Ukitake kept the same sweet smile on his face. “He’s my favorite student and he seems like he has been having a rough time lately and I wish for him to feel better.” Ukitake said, looking at the book longingly. If he liked the book so much shouldn’t he just keep it himself? “I thought it would put his mind at ease a bit.”

Grimmjow tried to keep himself from snarling. The book felt like it was stinging him. Maybe it was because the picture of the jellyfish had some kind of effect on him, no that’s stupid; maybe it was because the idea of a teacher giving a student a gift felt wrong even if he did say that Ichigo was his favorite student; maybe it was that the teacher actually had a genuinely nice thought and it may lead Ichigo down the wrong direction or worse the direction may actually turn out to be right; or maybe there is some kind of hidden message inside since there is no way that a teacher could be that nice so he must have ulterior motives like using this book to manipulate him.

The warning bell rang as Grimmjow left the room. Nel, who watched the entire interaction, couldn't draw her eyes away from the small book that was held in Grimmjow’s firm grip, threatening to wrinkle it. Grimmjow was in a bad mood. Ichigo wasn’t feeling well and he hadn't noticed and on top of that he was expected to bring him a gift from that old man. Okay, he was like 30 and looked great and he’ll begrudgingly admit that he was attractive, but Ichigo could do much better. Ichigo was young and good looking. He could totally get someone as attractive as Grimmjow even if there was no one who could meet his standards.

Before he could bury Nel in his destructive ranting he told her that he could take care of the rest by himself and sent her on her way to class, worrying if Ichigo was going to be alright. As he walked down the hallway towards his destination he absentmindedly flipped through the book, hoping that if there was anything suspicious inside like a dick pic it would slip out. The pages were mostly empty as poetry resided on every page, some small, some large, some oddly spaced, some straight forward. Grimmjow was far from being an expert on poetry, but a lot of them seemed to have a similar theme that made Grimmjow feel queasy.

He flipped to the first page with a snarl to see if there was some kind of description to confirm his suspicions. Instead of that he found the first page covered in writing that was signed in pen. The handwriting was beautiful, like it was done by a calligrapher. It read “To Ichigo, the brightest star in my student constellation. I hope that these poems allow you to find some answers like it has helped me and maybe you’ll find a way to shine so bright that everyone can see you. ~ Love, Mr. Ukitake.”

‘Love’ Ichigo’s teacher signed the book with ‘Love.’ Grimmjow read the inscription a few times as he walked down the almost empty hallway that was only occupied by a few stragglers. He even said the cursed word a few times out loud to see how it felt when the hallway completely emptied out. “Love” he said to himself in a low voice under his breath before approaching the hall that was occupied by the main office, and the nurses’ office. The word wasn’t so hard to say, but in the context he was thinking of it made the hand that was holding the book sweat and threatened to throw the book as far away from him as possible.

He passed the book between his two hands to keep himself from following through with his instincts, playing with it, deciding what he should do with it. As he stood in front of the nurse’s office he looked at the book one more time. He flipped it back open to the first page and stared at it. He would have coped fine if it was just a normal book, but the inscription made him feel uneasy. He scrunched his eyebrows together and tore out the cursed sheet of paper that was decorated by that teacher’s beautiful writing and crumpled it up into a ball before shoving it into his jacket pocket and throwing the small black book into his bag.

Nothing good would come of it if Ichigo read that. It would only mislead him and that would devastate him more than anything. Ichigo could deal with bullying about his sexuality. He could push people away that he used to love, but Grimmjow wasn’t sure how Ichigo would handle heartbreak. Ichigo was already hurting enough. He didn’t know why Ichigo was in the nurses’ office, but Ichigo was the kind of guy who would go to school even if he had a high fever so whatever happened to him must not have been good and he hated to admit that he was nervous, and the growing list of anxieties wasn’t helping.

Grimmjow slammed open the door, pissed for multiple reasons and the nurse’s assistant wasn’t exactly being very helpful. The tall woman with light purple hair eyes grew at the sound of the door slamming open to reveal a very dissatisfied Grimmjow. He marched to the back even while she kept on insisting that he doesn’t go past a certain point if nothing was wrong with him, but he just brushed her off and continued to look for his childhood best friend.

Seeing Ichigo crumpled together on the bed didn’t make him feel any better. He didn’t look like he was beaten up which was good, but seeing him there made it clear that something was wrong. Like he was sick or injured and he didn’t tell him that there was something wrong before leaving that morning. He couldn’t tell whether he should be annoyed with Ichigo or relieved that he was being taken care of now so he just resorted to poking at him to try and find out more with that girl Ichigo calls his best friend watching him while the nurse bitched at him about not knowing how to follow directions and how he shouldn’t be leaving school early.

It took way too much effort to be allowed to leave with him. It was like they couldn’t get it through their thick skulls that it was either he took him home or Ichigo was stranded there in pain since apparently they weren’t allowed to take him to a hospital and it wasn’t urgent enough to call an ambulance. Even though the nurse was being a bitch the chick that brought Ichigo there didn’t even protest when Grimmjow took the initiative. Maybe she wasn’t too bad, but that didn’t make Grimmjow like her any more. He didn’t like Ichigo talking to girls. He may have been a homo, but that doesn’t mean that he likes him talking to girls, or guys, or anyone really unless he approved of them, so he didn’t like him talking to most people. He was trying to make Ichigo cool so he can’t hang around losers. They’ll only drag him through the dirt with them. He should only hang out with him.

Grimmjow couldn’t wait to get out and rather than borrowing a wheelchair like a normal person he resorted to carrying Ichigo. Why did he do that anyway? To prove some kind of point? Was this some kind of power move? To prove his power to who, that Rukia chick? Using a wheelchair would have saved him some energy. That Rukia girl followed him anyway, much to Grimmjow’s curiosity and displeasure, until she started to open the doors he couldn’t open with a warm, frail body in his arms. Seriously, Ichigo was too light. She also took the responsibility to carry his stuff while he opted to have Ichigo cling to him while he muttered small protests every now and then about how he was able to walk by himself. Grimmjow retorted after every protest before ignoring him, knowing that it was fruitless. His friend didn’t say anything in response, unusually quiet even when Ichigo tried to get her attention for a reason that was lost to him.

Grimmjow managed to carry Ichigo through the student parking lot to his car where the girl opened up the passenger seat without him even having to ask her. She didn’t say anything until the door was closed with Ichigo and his bag behind it. “You better not be teasing him or something stupid.” She said. “If you do anything to hurt him you will be sorry. I don’t care how popular you are or who your dad is.”

Grimmjow grimaced. He didn’t know how she knew about his father since it was kind of a secret since he didn’t want to be recognized under the name of his good for nothing father. Also who the hell does she think she is to threaten him? She may have been a nobody, but that didn’t give her the right to challenge him. How would he even hurt Ichigo? He thought briefly about the book in his bag and the page he had torn out that rested uncomfortably against his leg from inside his pocket. Was he even planning on giving Ichigo the book to start with? Dammit fine, he won’t hurt Ichigo, but he is going to make sure he doesn’t get hurt either. There was no way he was going to let Ichigo see that page even when he does give him the book.

“Don’t worry about it. You have nothing to do with this?” Grimmjow said, turning his back to her and walking around to the driver seat. She stepped back away from the car to allow him to back out of his space. Grimmjow turned to Ichigo to see that he had already drifted off in the seat next to him. His face seemed like he was in pain rather than relaxed even if he was finally able to get some rest.

Despite never having to drive to Ichigo’s house from school he didn’t need to be given any directions. Driving there felt like second nature from how many times he has driven him home and the amount of times he has rode his bike there when they were younger. He parked on the street, not wanting to take his father’s parking space up front nor did he want to claim too much space in front of a clinic despite it being closed with his father’s absence.

He shut his car off and reached over to unbuckle Ichigo’s seatbelt. Grimmjow held back his sigh in displeasure when he noticed Ichigo stir and without any words, let himself out of the car. Grimmjow called after him telling him that he could carry him, but Ichigo just protested again, stumbling when he threw his heavy backpack over his shoulder. Grimmjow nearly sprinted over to catch him when he saw him sway, but Ichigo threw a glare towards him like he knew what he was thinking and hated being viewed as weak.

Ichigo cocked his head when he recognized Grimmjow following him. “Aren’t you going to go back to school?” Ichigo questioned, but was not surprised by Grimmjow shaking his head in the negative.

“Like hell I’m leaving you home alone. If I do then you’ll just do work or something and stress yourself out.” Grimmjow caught a small bit of coloration on Ichigo’s cheeks and the effort he made to hide it by focusing on unlocking the glass door rather than exchange any more words. The sight made Grimmjow’s chest warm up a little and caused a small smile to tug on his face when he realized that he was right and even though Ichigo had changed like any other person he could still read him.

It has been an incredibly long time since he has been inside Ichigo’s house. The small clinic hasn’t changed much in appearance from the last time he has been there he pondered as he followed Ichigo into the back of the building where he and his family lived. The pictures on the wall were the same, small family photos with Ichigo and his sisters, his entire family, and the photo that was taken on Ichigo’s father and mother’s wedding day. Grimmjow scanned the wall in curiosity, wondering whether that photo was still there. The smile that was tugging at his lips won the fight when he recognized the small photo of him and Ichigo as children wearing matching outfits in the collage of family photos. They didn’t take that one down. He knew that he wasn’t forgotten because Ichigo’s father vouched for him, but it was nice to see physical proof.

He followed Ichigo upstairs and walked through the door to Ichigo’s room. Ichigo threw his bag to the side and flopped down on his bed with his face buried in his pillow groaning.

“Is there anything you need?” Grimmjow asked.

Ichigo turned his head to the side slightly and peeked up at Grimmjow. “Sure, can you go back to school so I could sleep and you won’t get in trouble?” Ichigo said with some bitterness in his voice. It may have sounded like an insult and that he was telling Grimmjow to go away, but he knew that the reason why he was acting so coldly was because he felt guilty for Grimmjow having to take responsibility and missing class because of him, either that or he was feeling crabby from feeling like shit.

“I told you that I wasn’t going to leave you alone.” Grimmjow growled. “Do you want me to get you something to eat?”

Ichigo moaned and buried himself further into his pillow. “I really don’t want to think about food right now, food hurts.”

Grimmjow rolled his eyes and snarled at Ichigo’s response. “Stop being so damn stubborn, you have to freaking eat. I don’t give a shit if it hurts. You need food if you’re going to get better.” He said before leaving Ichigo alone in the room. “I’m going to go get you something and you better eat it.”


	8. Chapter 8

Ichigo wasn’t really sure how he felt about being home alone with Grimmjow. He never liked being viewed as helpless especially in Grimmjow’s eyes. Grimmjow would always try to protect him or stand up for him when they were kids, but usually it would result in Ichigo trying to tell him that he didn’t need help and that he could do things on his own. Grimmjow always insisted despite whether his help was wanted or not. Even though his inability to listen has always been a character flaw of his, Ichigo could never bring himself to be angry at him, maybe a little impatient with him, but never truly angry. He had good intentions and he never really means to hurt the people he loves despite him being an asshole to the ones he doesn’t care about. Grimmjow trying to help was a show of affection and Ichigo sometimes had a hard time turning it down and maybe that was when Ichigo discovered that he had a crush on him.

Even when he did turn him down there was a part of him that hoped that Grimmjow would still come to the rescue. He tried to change himself by pushing him away, but Grimmjow still came back and he found himself falling into the same routine.

He thought back to when he was an awkward middle schooler, back to a time no one wants to remember or even think about. Around that age kids started to take an unnecessary interest in sex. The wonders of puberty. It was like a child learning a curse word; they won’t stop saying it as if to broadcast that they knew something they shouldn’t. Despite his classmates’ interest in talking about who the ‘hottest’ girl in school was during homeroom, Ichigo took no interest in any of the girls that were listed. When his classmates insisted that he share his crush since he knew all of theirs Ichigo answered honestly, he didn’t have one. He didn’t fully understand his sexuality so he could barely explain to himself why he didn’t take too much of an interest in girls nor could he explain to himself why the very guys he was talking to seemed more appealing to him than any of the girls in his grade. They got points off for putting him in a corner like that, but they were still better than the girls in his class.

Grimmjow was the one who stepped in on the conversation and defended Ichigo, saying that it was okay that Ichigo didn’t take interest in any of the whores in their grade. Even back then Grimmjow was vulgar, but in Ichigo’s barely pubescent mind Grimmjow was a hero and always looked up to him. It wasn’t until later that Ichigo realized that his feelings towards Grimmjow was a bit more than admiration.

There was no way Ichigo was going to fall back into that. He grew up so there was no way he was going to allow those feelings to resurface after he’s been burying them for so long. Even when Grimmjow sat by his bed while Ichigo ate the toast and jam he prepared by rummaging around in the kitchen like he was entitled to. Not when he had to scold Grimmjow for rummaging around his room, looking for something to do. Not even when Ichigo finally fell asleep and Grimmjow threw an extra blanket over him when he noticed him shivering.

Ichigo eventually woke up hours later to see Grimmjow still there sitting at his desk on his laptop. When Grimmjow realized that Ichigo was awake he slammed the laptop closed with a small blush on his cheeks. “You use the same password that you used in middle school.” He said in a poor attempt to justify his actions.

Ichigo shook his head, making a mental note to find out what on earth Grimmjow was looking at that warranted his computer to be slammed closed. He could change his password and deal with any potential viruses Grimmjow gave him later, but at the moment he was a bit more confused about the guy that was occupying his space in the first place.

“What are you still doing here?” Ichigo asked. He looked over to the alarm clock sitting next to his bed. This alarm was barely used since his father typically woke him up in the most obnoxious way possible which was completely unwarranted since he would typically wake up before his father is even able to step through the door. He also preferred to use his phone since it wasn’t loud enough to wake up everyone in the house. Looking at his clock made him nearly groan about how long he was asleep. School was already over and from the looks of how Grimmjow’s stuff was on the other side of the room where he left it and his shoes laying on the floor unceremoniously; he stayed there the entire time.

“I didn’t want you to collapse or something on the way to the bathroom or something stupid.” Grimmjow said nonchalantly like it was obvious that he would stay there even when he was asleep. Resting his hand on Ichigo’s laptop and tracing the scratches on the outside with his fingertips.

Ichigo rolled his eyes. “I can take care of myself.” He said like a broken record. He said that a million times in the past and it seemed like he was not going to stop saying it any time soon. He rolled the covers off of his body before swinging his legs to the floor, standing up abruptly, and ignoring the dizziness that resurfaced slightly.

Grimmjow stood up immediately and held his hands out like he was spotting him just in case he actually did fall over. His eyes were bulging slightly before morphing to a more impatient expression. “Take it easy, dammit.” He said before lightly resting his hands on Ichigo’s shoulders in an effort to lead Ichigo to sit back on his bed.

Ichigo brushed his hands off of him. “You don’t need to baby me.” Ichigo said as he walked past Grimmjow to get to his closet. He pulled a shirt off of a hanger and pulled the shirt he was wearing over his head. The shirt still smelled like Grimmjow slightly, but after he wore it to bed it reeked of his own scent and sleep. Ichigo looked over at Grimmjow who was staring at the wall next to him to give Ichigo some privacy while he changed. “Here, I should give you the clothes I borrowed back.” Ichigo said gesturing to the shirt he was now holding in his hand despite Grimmjow not looking at him. “I can wash it for you.”

Grimmjow snuck a peek at him before turning his attention back on the wall just as quickly as his quick glance at Ichigo’s half naked body. “Nah, they don’t fit anymore. You can keep it.” Grimmjow said, shrugging. There was silence for a few moments before he continued. “Plus they look really good on you.”

Ichigo looked at him as if he was trying to find out whether the person standing on the other side of the room was truly Grimmjow. He looked like him, but he was being companionate and was courteous enough to turn away while he was changing despite him never minding it before. Seriously, he walked into the bathroom while he was taking a shower earlier that very same day. Now he was even paying him a compliment? There must have been something wrong with him. He never complimented anyone but himself even when they were kids, maybe he’ll give Ichigo a slight one when he was in a good mood, but that was it.

Ichigo pulled the fresh shirt over his head before grabbing some pajama pants from his drawer and pulled them on, tying them on tightly so that they wouldn’t slip. He didn’t notice until now how all of his clothing was becoming looser and just how tightly he had to tie the shredding strings to his pants. The entire time Grimmjow faced the wall and eventually shifted his gaze to the floor when he heard his pants fall.

“Do you want your belt back at least?” Ichigo asked holding it up in front of him to sign that he was done changing and it was safe for him to look at him again.

Grimmjow looked up at him and shook his head. “No, that’s fine.”

Ichigo studied Grimmjow as he walked back to the chair in front of his desk. He had some sort of caution in his step, something that wasn’t there before. He acted like the floor was hot and if he put too much pressure into his step he would end up burning himself.

“Okay, something is up.” Ichigo said bluntly causing Grimmjow to flinch slightly, which only confirmed Ichigo’s thoughts even more. “Did you do something or see something weird on my computer?” Ichigo questioned while pointing at the closed laptop that was left on his desk even though he didn’t know what Grimmjow could possibly find that would be so inappropriate.

Grimmjow jolted upwards in his seat. “What? No.” Grimmjow said, attempting to relax as if his reaction was unnoticed. “Nothing is up. It’s just…” Grimmjow trailed before letting out a sigh. “Okay, something happened with Nel at the party yesterday.”

Ichigo swallowed a large lump in his throat that formed with Grimmjow’s words. “Oh my God, is she okay?” He asked urgently. He beat himself up for not remembering that Grimmjow was planning on going to the party with her the night before. He could have made sure she was okay, but instead they fell asleep on the couch together like nothing could possibly go wrong.

“No, she’s fine. It’s just…” Grimmjow trailed off again. “She may have gotten hammered, slept with a guy, and admitted that you two aren’t dating and that you are gay.” Grimmjow cringed, bracing himself for any attacks that may have come at him from Ichigo. He peeked upwards when he realized none had come. Instead he heard Ichigo sighing and placing a hand on his chest over his heart and lungs.

“What a relief.” Ichigo sighed out in one breath. “She’s okay, that’s great.” He dropped down on his bed causing it to squeak in response to his weight suddenly dropping heavily on it.

Grimmjow cocked his head. “Wait, you aren’t angry?” He asked.

Ichigo shrugged and looked at him with genuine confusion on his face, propping himself on his elbows so that he could look at Grimmjow. “What’s there to be mad about?”

Grimmjow shook his head. “She literally dropped the bomb and admitted that you are gay.” Grimmjow reminded him, studying to see any changes to Ichigo’s body language to see if maybe he missed that bit of information. There was no change though; in fact Ichigo didn’t really care.

Ichigo shrugged his shoulders and took another deep breath before letting it out slowly. “I feel like I need to remind you of this again. I never asked for your help. I never wanted it. If she admitted that I was gay then oh well. Everyone thought I was gay before so this isn’t much different.” He said that in an effort to reassure Grimmjow, but he was also saying it to himself. He honestly didn’t know what to expect and didn’t know what kind of backlash he would get or the backlash that Grimmjow would get.

Grimmjow slouched as he was told this information again. “Does this mean that you regret everything?” Grimmjow asked.

Ichigo fixed his amber eyes to meet Grimmjow’s blue ones and studied him. He had some kind of air of desperation that he couldn’t make sense of. He didn’t know what he was asking. It was a broad sentence that Grimmjow needed to elaborate on.

“What do you mean?” Ichigo asked lightly, unintentionally mimicking Grimmjow’s own voice that was speaking to him softly as if he was some kind of hurt animal that he didn’t fully know how to understand.

“Do you regret spending time with me? I mean me and Nel?” Grimmjow said, correcting himself. “After school and at lunch, I forced you to spend time with us. Would things have been better if I never approached you at the party?”

Ichigo thought about it. If he asked him the same question a couple of weeks ago Ichigo’s answer would have been completely different. He craved a normal life where he was far from the center of attention. He was fine with only having a few friends and having the faculty of the school like him. He enjoyed staying out of trouble and only having to deal with minor bullying from time to time. He enjoyed having time to read. He enjoyed having time after school to spend with Rukia so that he could really connect with someone his age, but now things were different. He got another taste of the forbidden fruit. He got to hang out with Grimmjow again and meet Nel. Despite both of their loud personalities that would sometimes result in a headache he liked them, he liked them a lot. He learned that there was more to the ‘popular kids’ then just some pretty faces or some athletic skills. They acted a certain way to put up a front. It was to look powerful, but they were still human. They grew to like him, realizing that him being gay wasn’t the thing that defined him and he remembered why he and Grimmjow were friends for so many years despite their differences.

“No, I had fun.” Ichigo said, deciding to be honest. Speaking his mind was never his strong suit especially since Ichigo never gave himself a break when it comes to putting up a front like Grimmjow and Nel did. He was always good at keeping things hidden, but Grimmjow was the only person he knew that was able to bring that out of him, the will to pour out his emotions and be vulnerable. It wasn’t exactly a skill that he had, rather it was his being. He couldn’t bring himself to lie to him nor could he bring himself to be angry with him for a long period of time.

Grimmjow’s head shot upward as if he wasn’t expecting that answer. It should have been clear. Ichigo has been hiding out in the library less and less and didn’t protest hanging out at school with him. He spent the night at Grimmjow’s just the night before and demonstrated that he was okay with letting Grimmjow back into his life after a bit of boundary breaking. Heck even before this stupid plan took place he told him his biggest secret where Grimmjow was the last person he wanted to know. Yet he was fine confiding in him as if letting him know wasn’t the worst thing in the world even if he was just trying to push him back. Even if he never out right said that he appreciated how things turned out it didn’t mean that he didn’t feel it.

Grimmjow quickly turned his head away and ran his fingers through his hair at a loss of what to say. There was a moment of silence before his eyes drifted over to his bag. “Oh yeah, I have something for you.” Grimmjow said standing up and striding towards his bag, kneeling when he was there. He rummaged through it for a second before he pulled out a black book.

Ichigo scrunched his eyes, trying to get a better look of the mysterious book in his calloused hands. Grimmjow never gave him a book before if he didn’t count  _ The Shining  _ which he stole from him. Grimmjow held it above his head to display the cover while he closed his bag.

“Your teacher, what’s-his-face gave me this to give to you.” Grimmjow said lazily, not really looking at him when he talked.

“Mr. Ukitake?” Ichigo asked expectantly and jumped off of the bed when he saw Grimmjow nod in confirmation. He leaped with such great force that the covers that were on his bed leaked onto the floor, draping off the side, and flowing like a waterfall. He grabbed the little poetry book from his hands and collapsed with his legs pretzel style on the floor in front of him. He flipped through the pages, eyes beaming, eyes scanning the pages and their layout carefully before flipping to the page before, and then before that one.

Grimmjow groaned at Ichigo’s reaction. “You don’t need to act so goddamn excited.” He said in a monotone voice, clearly unamused that he seemed so happy to get a gift from a teacher even if he did have a crush on him. “What’s so great about that guy anyway?” He mumbled to himself more than to Ichigo.

Ichigo looked up slightly to glare at Grimmjow’s last comment who just scowled in response. Grimmjow knew what that book meant to him so he didn’t need to act so salty. He should be happy for him despite his displeasure for him having a crush on a male teacher. “Sorry that I like books and the fact that it came from him means that I will most likely like it.” Ichigo explained flipping to the first page. His eyebrows scrunched together when he noticed the tear in the page. He examined both sides of the tear and traced his finger over the blunt, soft edge. Ichigo bit his lip slightly and hummed as he observed what was left of a page. “That’s odd, Mr. Ukitake is always so careful with his books. I wonder why there is a page missing.”

The room was silent for a little longer before Ichigo heard Grimmjow lifting his bag off of the floor. “I should go. Are you going to be fine without me?” Grimmjow asked as he opened the door slightly, already stepping out.

Ichigo rolled his eyes. “There wasn’t a need for you to stay in the first place.” Ichigo deadpanned. “Don’t look for reasons to skip school.” He said picking himself off of the floor so that he could lie back on his bed with the poetry book in hand. The door shut behind Grimmjow and despite Ichigo not walking with him to the front entrance he could hear Grimmjow thump down the stairs and the front door closing behind him.

Ichigo slightly drew back the shades that covered his window over his bed. He watched Grimmjow walk over to his car. Before ducking under the roof of the car he snuck one last look over to Ichigo’s room to see the boy himself watching him. A small smile appeared on his face and he raised his hand in a lazy wave, in a small gesture to say goodbye.

Ichigo rolled the shades back down and got back to the book in his hands. He bent the paperback book forward and back before reopening it to start indulging in the content. He could tell before even reading it that it was a poetry book. From the comforting title to the page layout it was obvious what he was about to indulge himself with. He also knew how much Mr. Ukitake loved poetry and Ichigo will admit that he picked up poetry as well even though he preferred novels just so he had more things to talk about with him. That didn’t mean that he didn’t enjoy it. He did discover an appreciation and enjoyment that came from it.

The poetry varied in style and made him sigh as he felt himself relax as he studied the words, the meaning, the flow. Some of the poems were very simple and he could grasp a meaning from them immediately while some were a bit more complex yet still flowed just as nicely. He felt himself breathing rhythmically as he read the poems with varying themes of heartbreak, love, and raw emotions. He really should have lit some incense or scented candles before reading, but he was just so excited to look through the gift.

Some poems made him smile as he was reminded of his crush. He reached into the drawer that was connected to his bedside table and pulled out a pack of yellow post-its. He marked the poem that especially reminded him of his teacher that made him smile, but that smile turned into a frown when he read the next poem. The poem was relaxing and it made him feel just as relaxed as the other poems, but one thought in his own mind made him feel unhappy. The poem reminded him too much of Grimmjow.

Ichigo stitched his eyebrows together from the odd thought and decided to reach into the drawer again and pull out another pack of post-it notes, this one blue. His frown deepened as he marked that page with the blue note. He needed to be sure of himself; there was no way he was falling back into that. There had to be a reason why a poem like  _ that  _ reminded him of his childhood friend. He read through the poems one after another and marked the pages. Yellow notes meant that the poem reminded him of Ukitake while blue meant Grimmjow. He read through the poems one after the other, getting completely lost in the words, but eyes swimming and hand reflexively reaching for the post-its to match the poems to what they made him think about. He was relaxed, but completely put on edge, a weird contradiction. He could hear his sisters coming home from school, but he didn’t bother getting up to greet them.

He finished the book before he realized that he reached the end. He grimaced when he flipped through the pages again, recognizing the assortment of blue and yellow paper that made the book seem twice as thick. He counted the notes and then counted them again. That couldn’t be right. He ended up quickly reading through the poems he marked again.

He heard his father enter the room to check to see if he was okay, knowing that he came back from school early because of the ulcer. He came back from the meeting earlier than expected, but still looked tired from having to talk to so many people he wasn’t used to. He asked Ichigo a few questions concerning his health and even some questions about how Grimmjow was doing, knowing that he was the one who drove him home. Ichigo answered the questions quickly playing with the blue post-it note that marked the page while his dad was in the room, urging him to hurry up and leave.

When his father left he immediately picked up where he left off and started to read through the poems again. He grimaced while he read through the poems that he hasn’t marked, hoping to assign them to someone just so he could even the odds. He had to be honest with himself; the poems that were left unmarked remained unmarked.

Ichigo cursed and counted the post-its again. This couldn’t be right. He pulled out a notebook and started to make a point system. He classified the poems as costing different amounts of points. He bit his lips wishing that he had someone that he could throw this point system to, knowing that his opinion was biased. He thought about Rukia, but she was supposed to leave that night to visit her older brother for the weekend. If he showed this to Nel that would be a disaster and clearly Grimmjow was out of the question. He could show it to the librarian Nanao, she was always some kind of mother or big sister figure, but it was none of her business and it would be inappropriate to ask faculty for help for a personal matter that related to another student. Also she would scold him if she found out that Ichigo may have interest in someone that she deems below average. She was strict and she bases her interest in people on how much they enjoy reading or something like that. Honestly, Ichigo couldn’t figure out what makes a person likable in her book.

He jotted down concrete rules to try to keep himself in check. He assigned rules on judging the kind of poetry, how many points a love poem was, or one on heart break, one that was about raw emotions, if they really spoke to him. He wrote exception rules on how to assign half points or if a poem deserved more points than it was assigned.

By the time he was finished jotting down the rules he was called down for dinner. He ignored Yuzu’s calls, purely focused on covering any holes in his point system before he got a text from Grimmjow that read  _ ‘fucking eat something.’ _

Ichigo sighed knowing that his father must have texted Grimmjow telling him that he didn’t come down for dinner. He rolled his eyes at the thought of his dad knowing him well enough to text Grimmjow and using him as leverage and also how comfortable his dad was welcoming him back into their lives. Ichigo got off the bed, nearly falling over from his legs that he didn’t realize were asleep from sitting cross legged on his bed for so long.

He walked downstairs with a particular poem repeating in his mind.

(Consistency)

“I asked for consistency and

you consistently destroyed

the best parts of me. I guess

I should have been a bit

clearer with what I was asking

for.”

If Ichigo could sum up Grimmjow in a single poem it would be that one. He constantly asked Grimmjow to stay away, hell he pushed him away. He asked for one thing and he would get another yet there were times he would get the complete opposite. It irked him how similar his situation was in that poem and it irked him how he couldn’t help coming back to Grimmjow despite him not really having an obligation to. They may have been childhood friends, but it wasn’t like Grimmjow tried to keep their friendship after entering high school. Even if Grimmjow was tearing apart the life that he worked hard to build he couldn’t keep himself away. He hated that even though the poem was negative it still made him think that part of this was his fault and Grimmjow wasn’t to blame for anything.

He tells himself that, but there was no way that he could push him away. It irritated him that he knew that the poem was negative and that he should learn from it, but he still won’t stay away. He may have not finished tallying the points yet, but the post-it notes were clear. There were definitely more blue notes then yellow. Those notes were him speaking from the heart, not his mind. Most of the poems reminded him of Grimmjow rather than Ukitake, even the simpler ones that were meant to invoke a small emotion tended to remind him of Grimmjow. He wasn’t trying to be biased. If he was then Ukitake would have been winning and he would have ignored any of the blue post-its.

He growled as he thought about how such a small book could pull him over the edge like that. The thought of Grimmjow made his cheeks heat up or sigh, making his sisters steal glances at him at the dinner table. Seriously, that gift was from Ukitake. He should be thinking about him when reading it, but his mind constantly drifted over to Grimmjow. For a book that was meant for him to relieve stress it was causing a large helping of it as it invoked emotions in him that he was trying hard to abandon.

His mind would then swing back and he would take a breath of relief when he reads another poem and it reminds him of his beloved teacher.

“I hope you know you are loved. I hope things get simpler for you, peaceful. Spend your days with easy breaths and soft words. You deserve light through your windowsill. I hope it comes your way soon.”

He is caring. He actually has concern for Ichigo without trying to stick his nose too far into his business while Grimmjow just decides to barge into it. He supports him from the sidelines while Grimmjow tries to actually get in as if it were some kind of game. Grimmjow wasn’t meant to be a player, but he grabbed the ball and ran anyway and Ichigo didn’t even try to stop him, not anymore. Grimmjow is still holding onto the ball and running with it right now even if it did fumble for a moment.

Ichigo finished up his dinner and thanked Yuzu for the meal that was especially made to not hurt him from his ulcer before escorting himself back to his room so that he could get back to work. He read through the pages marked with the post-it notes a third time and started to mark the notes with the amount of points it gained and wrote it down in the notebook to keep track of how many points each man got.

It took hours to calculate the points and halfway through he groaned at the clear results that were being produced and his mood didn’t improve after he finished. The numbers scribbled on the page made him grimace and pick up the book again to try and recalculate the numbers, but when he was finished the scores remained relatively the same. He groaned and looked at the clock. It was freaking three in the morning.

He laughed at the sick irony. He went home early because of malnutrition and an ulcer, but here he was staying up late and having to be reminded to eat by the very guy who has been concerning him enough to make him stay up late.

He threw his head down, slamming it onto his pillow. The impact made his bed squeak and the book hopped on the bed before falling back down. Ichigo turned his head to the side, allowing himself to breathe. His eyes half closed as he stared at the figure in front of his desk. It was Grimmjow’s jacket. He forgot it when he was leaving the house earlier. Ichigo sighed as the small things in his room reminded him of him. His laptop that he didn’t bother looking at after Grimmjow’s mysterious activity, the clothes that was thrown on the floor carelessly by Ichigo that was borrowed from Grimmjow, the book that was now rubbing against his leg that was from Mr. Ukitake yet delivered by Grimmjow.

Ichigo sighed picking the book up as well as his notebook and post-it notes and placed them on his bedside table. He could deal with his new found/maybe emotions later, but right now he needed to get some sleep. He may have closed his eyes and rolled over, but his thoughts haunted him throughout the night making him lay wide awake with even more poems swirling around his head. At this point, despite the poetry in the book being relatively relaxing and enjoyable, he was really starting to get sick of it.


	9. Chapter 9

Grimmjow wasn’t sure what kept him from seeing Ichigo that weekend. His childhood friend was never the type to reach out. It was always Grimmjow who made plans and made him do something with his life rather than let him sit around reading. Seriously, that guy was too shy to make plans by himself and waits for others to reach out to him and even when they do he is still reluctant. Ichigo kept saying he wasn’t shy, he just didn’t want to talk to people, but Grimmjow wasn’t sure if that was true. That didn’t matter now because whenever Grimmjow took out his phone to call Ichigo his fingers would freeze before he pressed anything. He never had that problem before. Whenever he wanted to hang out with someone people would make time to hang out with him. If he wanted to call a girl just to fuck her then he would do that and never call her back. Yet here he was getting nervous about calling someone that he knew since he was a kid and for a reason he couldn’t understand himself.

He was fine with him; they spent time alone together on Friday even if Ichigo was asleep for most of the time he stayed. Heck he cut school just to spend time goofing around his room while he was asleep. Despite all his nosing around in his computer Grimmjow did not find any gay porn. He didn’t know why he was looking for it, but he was curious and had to know where Ichigo’s shyness ended. Was he even really gay? It was getting harder to believe that he was even if he knew that he had a crush on his teacher and even at one point had a crush on him, but Ichigo acted completely fucking normal, yet even normal people looked at porn. When he hung out with him he was just like he was when they were kids even if Grimmjow forced him to stay in bed. He was less awkward and surer of who he was, but he was still the same guy he used to know. Nothing really changed about him. His voice didn’t have that gay lisp. He didn’t dress like he was gay. He didn’t have posters of attractive male actors or drag queens all over his room or wear makeup. He acted completely fucking normal and he couldn’t get a read on him.

When he searched his computer all he found was school work, a list of book reviews that Ichigo wrote himself, and some comics. Those comics were the most scandalous thing on his computer and it was just some regular shounen manga, not even a hint of doujinshi, shounen-ai or even shoujo. Knowing Ichigo’s living conditions there was no way he kept porn magazines either since his dad and sisters have a habit of barging into his room unannounced and snooping around. So if he couldn’t find anything on his computer after hours of searching then there was nothing there. Well, maybe deep under the bed where he couldn’t reach since Ichigo was asleep. Maybe next time he visits he’ll snoop again and find something. Then he would get to see Ichigo’s face turn all red. He was looking forward to it.

Still there was the fact that he felt guilty. He never feels guilty about anything, but he felt guilty now. He got over his plan about pretending he was straight failing. Shit happens and it wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t even guilty about forcing that plan on Ichigo from the start. Because of it he was able to get closer to him than ever before. Ichigo said he didn’t regret it despite it being an inconvenience to him so that couldn’t be where his guilt is coming from either.

He thought back to his immediate reaction after Ichigo said that he didn’t regret the plan. He felt embarrassed after Ichigo said that. Why did he feel embarrassed? Wasn’t Ichigo’s answer the response he was hoping for? He should have been happy. He  _ was _ happy. It’s just that he was angry with what he did after his conversation with Ichigo.

Yeah, he decided to give Ichigo the book. It wasn’t suspicious since apparently Ichigo’s stupid AP Lit teacher already lent him  _ Romeo and Juliet  _ which Ichigo apparently returned to him about a week before. Maybe he shouldn’t have given the book to Ichigo. He fell hard for this guy without even knowing whether he was gay or straight and the fact that he was a teacher didn’t help. Yeah, he had a hot teacher before, but he never acted on that attraction. He only had fantasies about fucking her over her desk when class ended and resolved to keep a book on his lap while class was in session. Eventually he would get bored and move on with his life.

On the other hand this teacher knew how close Ichigo felt to him and he still gave him a gift. If the teacher asked him about it and he confronted him later about it he could lie and say that it slipped his mind and then give it to him. If Grimmjow isn’t there to constantly make sure Ichigo doesn’t act on his crush then he would end up being a laughing stock. It was a good thing he tore out the page with the letter written on it. It would have been even better if Ichigo hadn't recognized the missing page, but it seemed that he was more interested in the book itself. Despite it pissing Grimmjow off, he was safe and now he can add ‘pulled off a perfect crime’ to his extensive list of accomplishments.

The weekend passed with Grimmjow’s fingers constantly hovering over Ichigo’s contact info on his phone. The most he has spoken to Ichigo after leaving his house was when he texted Ichigo to remind him to eat and that was only because Ichigo’s father texted him first. Ichigo’s father kept his number after all these years and he knew how to use it to get his son to do what he wanted. He should have worked off of that and started a conversation with him, maybe then he could find out where these guilty feelings were coming from and what those other emotions dwelling inside of his head meant.

Every now and then his finger would click the message button and he would be able to send a quick text. He would message Ichigo randomly during the day just to see how he was doing, if he was eating normally or sleeping normally, but that was all he could bring himself to do and it wasn’t helpful that all he got as a response was one word answers from Ichigo acting as if he wanted to end the conversation quickly. Grimmjow could have taken the initiative, but he couldn’t find it in himself to push him nor himself.

When Monday rolled around Grimmjow himself felt cold feet walking into the school. Any other day he would stride right through the front door with his head held up high like he owned the place. Yet now he knew that word spread around like the plague that Ichigo wasn’t actually straight and that he and Nel aren’t an item. He wanted to snap at anyone who whispered the word ‘fag’ knowing full well that they were talking about his best friend. Who the fuck did these people think they were and who gave them the right to judge? Ichigo may be a homo and yeah, that fact still confused Grimmjow since he acted completely normal. He knew Ichigo forever and even after he learned what he was he was not disgusted by him once. He may have made jokes or teased him, but he was never disgusted, not even after Ichigo confessed he was gay himself, or that he had a crush on his teacher, or that he once even had a crush on him. He couldn’t stand to listen to people dehumanizing him. It made no sense to him how they can suddenly pretend to know who he is after never talking to him.

He unlocked his phone to see the short conversation he had with Ichigo that morning that confirmed that Ichigo was feeling better and planning to go to school. There was no way he was going to be able to make everyone give Ichigo the respect he deserved before he walked in today. All he could do was glare at random people he heard gossiping. Are other people all everyone cares about? People need to learn how to preoccupy themselves with their own lives before they jump on anyone else’s.

Grimmjow couldn’t even stand his own friend group gossiping about what a shame it was that Ichigo was gay. He had so much potential to be popular and they all would have gotten along with him if he wasn’t so disgusting. Nnoitra was the worst of the group as expected. He said some things that made Grimmjow want to beat the shit out of him. He didn’t want to get suspended from school by acting on his emotions. He got suspended once and the school faced an entire scandal because his father threatened to close it. Even though it was a public high school they didn’t doubt his power. He didn’t need that kind of negative publicity since he tried incredibly hard to keep his father’s identity a secret. All he could do was clutch his fists and grind his teeth. His so-called friends tried to question Grimmjow about why he was being so quiet, but friends wouldn’t insult Ichigo like that. He eventually became overwhelmed with the shit people were spewing out of their mouths so he ended up storming off without saying a word.

The bell rang shortly after to remind people to go to their first period class. As Grimmjow sat in the back row his mind kept on drifting to Ichigo’s first period class, the one with that teacher who gave him that book, that creep. That creep that Ichigo had a crush on.

He didn’t care how attractive he was. That guy was bad news. What kind of teachers played favorites like that? He must have been trying to lead Ichigo on or something before knocking him down. Ichigo didn’t act gay, but maybe he heard the rumors and decided to prey on him. He could have been flirting with Ichigo so that he could boost his own ego before throwing him away. Grimmjow knew that method. He used to do that too before he learned that he was worth way more than that. He didn’t care who that guy preyed on as long as he stayed the fuck away from Ichigo. He was getting riled up just thinking about that tall white haired man. He got even angrier when he thought about all the times he had warned Ichigo yet he ignored him. He has gotten so angry that his teacher slowed down the lecture to silently observe him and even back away from him slightly while she was weaving between desks while she taught shit nobody cared about.

Lunch rolled around and as expected Ichigo was nowhere to be found. He may have tried not to make an impression on the student body and stayed away from gossip, deeming it toxic, but he must have known by now how far this stupid rumor spread. Seriously, he couldn’t go five minutes without hearing Ichigo’s name. He actually started to look forward to class so that everyone could just shut up about him for one second.

He tried to block out sound, but he was never good at managing his temper. Some things in the background could stand out to him if it meant igniting his temper. An example would be the two assholes at the other end of the table. He could hear Nnoitra and Kenpachi snickering about how the fag was hiding in some closet somewhere. Yup, that part stood out to him more than any of the other shit he overheard throughout the day. His eyes widened before they turned into slits and his eyebrows nearly rested on top of them. He slammed his fist on the table and roared, grabbing everyone’s attention in the cafeteria and making the people sitting around him flinch in surprise.

“Were you the ones who did that to him?” Grimmjow shouted. The room went quiet. He didn’t care how everyone’s eyes were on him. This wasn’t the first time and it certainly wouldn’t be the last that everyone was staring at him expecting a show.

Nnoitra leaned back and rested his arm on the table, cocking his body back while his obnoxiously long hair fell away from his face slightly so that he could see Grimmjow clearly. “Oh, you know about that? I found it weird that you suddenly took interest in Kurosaki so quickly after that party.” Nnoitra said without a shred of guilt in his voice.

Grimmjow gritted his teeth and resisted the urge to beat the shit out of him before he finished questioning him. “So you were really the ones spreading the rumors around?”

Nnoitra snorted and Kenpachi snickered. “Was Nelliel too drunk to remember that she was the one who told me that he was a fag?” Nnoitra raised his arms and shrugged, shaking his head. “Either that or Kenpachi fucked her so hard that she was disoriented. You can’t trust a slut to keep a secret like that.”

BAM.

Grimmjow slammed his fist into the table so hard that his fist was shaking. He pulled his hand off the table and his skin was white from the impact before it turned into a stinging red. He bit his lip so hard that he tasted blood and his vision was red and blurry. It took every cell in his body to make it so that his fist slammed the table instead of colliding with that bastard’s nose. His hand was shaking with pain and anger while it hung from his side and stood up abruptly. He couldn’t stay here any longer if he did there may have been bloodshed.

He looked over at Nel who was completely white in the face. She said nothing during that entire interaction despite her being attacked. Despite her not always acting like it, she was smart. She knew better then to open her mouth because whatever she said it would only make Grimmjow angrier. He was angry about what they did to Ichigo, but he was even angrier about what Nnoitra mentioned what happened to Nel and even joked about it. He now had a face and a name of who took advantage of his best friend. The best thing Nel could do at that moment was remain mute. If she so much as defended herself Grimmjow would have been angry for her having to in the first place. If she stood up for Grimmjow and fought alongside him? He would have gotten angry at her for not letting him fight his own battles and only adding fuel to the fire. If she tried to comfort him and try to calm him down…well why he would have been angry would be obvious. He had every right to be angry and she couldn’t say anything for the interest of bringing him back down to Earth and not coming off as hysterical.

Grimmjow stormed out of the cafeteria, eyes following him. Grimmjow tried his best to ignore the laughter that was coming from Nnoitra as he left, trying to provoke him. He won’t let him get under his skin. He was better than him. He needed to find Ichigo.

The first place he went was the library. He was already familiar with it by now despite him never spending too much time in it. He walked in a lot louder then he usually would, the door slamming against the door stopper at full force. Eyes were on him for a moment before they quickly returned to what they were doing. The people who frequented there were already used to him and learned how to tune him out; a few even learned that it was safe to roll their eyes.

He went over to the table where he would usually find his childhood best friend, but the round table was left abandoned. Grimmjow gritted his teeth, scanning the aisles of book shelves, hoping to find Ichigo there picking his nose into each novel, wondering which one to take out this week, but the shelves were deserted. He sighed and went to his last resort.

He walked over and glared at the librarian. She looked over her glasses slightly from above her own book that she was preoccupying herself with and frowned slightly. She didn’t say anything even when Grimmjow was standing in front of her desk, waiting for him to speak first.

“Do you know where Ichigo is?” Grimmjow asked, hating how he had to ask someone who clearly didn’t like him for help.

She closed her eyes and adjusted her glasses. “I don’t know why I should be telling you if I know where he is.” She said. “In my opinion I think it is better that you keep your distance from him.”

Grimmjow growled and rolled his eyes. Why does everyone want him to stay away from his childhood friend? They separate for a few years and now people act that they should never be together. “That’s none of your business.”

The librarian closed her book and placed it in front of her. She looked into his eyes and her piercing glare was strong enough to make a shudder run down his back. “I care about him.” She said honestly while keeping the same hostility in her eyes. “All he wanted was to live a normal life yet you dragged him into the limelight.”

Grimmjow huffed and crossed his arms, not backing down out of her hellish gaze. “What do you know?”

“I know about the rumor being spread around and I know that it wouldn’t be as popular if you weren’t involved.” She said slowly as if Grimmjow wouldn’t understand if she said it any faster. “You think I wouldn’t know anything because I am faculty and am posted in a quiet place? Even if that is the case I still learned about it, that’s how big of an issue this is.”

Grimmjow sighed. He understands why she was upset, but he didn’t get why she was acting like such a protective mom. She was right. This was partially his fault. If he harped on it for a while he could even find a way to blame the entire situation on himself, but dwelling on it for too long wasn’t exactly going to change anything.

“Are you going to tell me where he is or not?” Grimmjow asked, finally calming down. He was starting to get irritated with himself as his mind started to wander to other things he could have done to help Ichigo in the past. He could start by blaming himself for not thinking of Ichigo as normal when he learned he was gay or when he realized that Ichigo was completely fucking normal he could have just accepted the fact that he was gay and completely normal at the same time.

“I don’t even know where he is myself.” The librarian confessed, turning her head to the door like she was waiting for him to walk in. “I sit here all day, genius.”

Grimmjow growled at his wasted time that he spent talking to someone who couldn’t help him and also dared to look down on him. He didn’t have time to kick down every door in the bathrooms. He needed to think fast. He couldn’t imagine Ichigo hiding in the bathroom stalls and the unused stairway was probably filled with smokers at this point since it was a lunch period and the security guards would have been on duty now so off school property would be ruled out. Where could Ichigo have gone if he wanted to be alone?

Grimmjow left without saying any form of goodbye to the librarian who has cared to share her concerns. He strolled down the empty hallways to find the back entrance of the school. It was barely used during this time since it leads to the fields that were used in after school activities by the sports teams. He walked through the track field and passed the American football field where he used to play every day for after school practices and games before he got tired of playing the tedious game that offered no challenge. He also couldn’t stand hanging out with some of the jocks without brains every day even if a few of them did manage to stick around...Some of them stuck around despite Grimmjow wanting to tear out their still beating hearts.

Past the empty American football field there was a large oak tree that the school never bothered cutting down. The coaches tried to get rid of it before they went to school, but some tree huggers would not hear any of it and protested its removal. Most of the time it was left abandoned, but it wasn’t now. Underneath it he saw an orange head buried in a book while his body was scrunched together in the fetal position to protect against the slight wind.

Grimmjow applauded himself for finding him so quickly before he strode over like it was completely natural to be there during school hours. He hovered over the boy leaning against the tree who didn’t seem to notice another presence until he was right next to him. Without looking up Ichigo scrunched up further in the fetal position and wrapped his arms around his head as if to shield himself from any kind of attacks.

“You know, I wish you would stop skipping meals, but I’m glad you didn’t come today.” Grimmjow said, studying Ichigo’s new position.

Ichigo unshielded himself slightly so that he could peek at Grimmjow through his arms. He pulled his arms down and looked at him in shock as if he wasn’t expecting to see him of all people there. He quickly relaxed and closed his book, slipping his fingers between the pages to mark where he left off.

“Someone tried to beat me up on my way to school.” Ichigo confessed to justify his reaction to Grimmjow sneaking up on him.

Grimmjow’s eyebrows scrunched together and a snarl formed on his lips. He didn’t exactly like how the first thing his childhood best friend said to him today was an admission that someone attacked him. “Who was he?” Grimmjow asked. “I can take care of him.”

Ichigo shook his head. “Nope, I already took care of him.” He said before Grimmjow can take off in any opposite direction and beat up anyone he suspected. He did already have a few people in mind. “Quit underestimating me. He didn’t even report me knowing he would get in trouble if he did. He also may have wounded his pride because he lost a fight with a fag like me.” Ichigo said with air quotes around the word ‘fag.’

Grimmjow relaxed his muscles at Ichigo’s reassurance. “Don’t call yourself that even as a joke.” He was used to standing up for him and thinking of him as weaker once he learned that he was gay that he forgot that Ichigo knew how to hold himself in a fight. He was typically on equal footing whenever they wrestled with each other when they were younger and when there were bullies on the playground Ichigo was able to scare them off just as well as Grimmjow was. He would love to see what that guy looked like after trying to ambush a firecracker like Ichigo. He needed to keep his eyes open for a guy wandering the hallway with probably a broken nose, black eye, and a limp.

“Are you okay?” Grimmjow asked after picturing the collateral damage that may have come from picking the wrong opponent.

Ichigo shrugged. “If there is any bruising then it should be all under my clothes. I didn’t exactly have time to check.”

There was a moment of silence before Grimmjow said “Show me.”

Ichigo looked over at him suspiciously. “What do you mean?” He asked, raising an eyebrow despite seeming to know what Grimmjow was asking. Grimmjow himself was curious why he was so concerned with what was under his shirt.

“Let me see if you have any bruises,” Grimmjow said as if it were completely normal, “so strip.”

Ichigo shook his head. “I’m not taking my clothes off to show you.” Ichigo said, turning slightly red in the ears. “It’s embarrassing and it’s way too cold out.”

Grimmjow shrugged, remembering that Ichigo was never on an athletic team so he never really changed in front of a large group of guys unless it was for gym class. He remembered a bunch of guys showing each other their injuries after a game and that one guy who found it funny to smack every bruise he saw on one of his teammates. His team had Kenpachi and he had a terrible sense of humor. He especially seemed fond of touching him for some reason, always running to him first. He didn’t think much of guys sharing their injuries in an effort to look tough, but he could understand why Ichigo shied away.

Grimmjow observed Ichigo’s position. He was hunched over himself and his hands were a little pink from the cold, hiding under his arms in an effort to bring heat to them. Without realizing what he was doing Grimmjow unzipped his sweater and handed it over revealing his tight t-shirt and muscular biceps. The cold wind bit him immediately, causing his arms to tense up and it made him wonder how Ichigo was able to tolerate staying outside so long without his jacket.

He handed his sweater over which was still heated up by his body and Ichigo took it hesitantly. “Thanks, some guys were waiting by my locker so I didn’t bother getting mine.” He said as he slipped his arms through the sleeves and zippered it up so that the zipper was nearly touching his lips.

Grimmjow’s eyes scrunched close as he started to write a list in his head of people he needed to beat up. He didn’t even know who most of these people were yet his fists wanted to acquaint themselves with their faces. Grimmjow shook his head to get rid of the violent thoughts as he sat on the cold, damp ground along with Ichigo.

“You sure you won’t be cold?” Ichigo asked. Grimmjow responded with a nod.

The air was nipping at his bare skin so he scooted next to him so that their shoulders were rubbing against each other. His body heat helped warm him up as he wondered why he volunteered his sweater without giving it much thought. Ichigo seemed to understand what Grimmjow was intending to do so he scooted closer intentionally so that their bodies were flush against each other.

There was a peaceful silence as the wind blew through their hair, making Grimmjow’s stick up in weird places. Ichigo didn’t indulge himself in the book he has brought with him before, simply enjoying the friendly company. This must be one of the best interactions Ichigo has had all day considering the shit that he must have been going through. He wasn’t used to the hostility and he may have looked like he was taking it like a champ, but Grimmjow knew he was getting worn out pretty quickly. Grimmjow scrunched his nose as he tried to ponder a way to make it up to him and find a way to fix everything so that things would be normal, but nothing came to mind.

Grimmjow leaned even further into Ichigo causing him to wince and back away slightly before letting him relax again. Grimmjow moved his weight to the other side, figuring that Ichigo moved away since he leaned on a sore spot that was inflicted with some kind of injury that was given to him that morning.

After a few more moments of silence Ichigo decided to break it. “How did you even find me here?” He asked, referring to the spot they were now sitting. The leaves swayed as the wind rustled through them, causing a few colored ones to sway through the air and fall in front of them.

Grimmjow shrugged. “I couldn’t find you in the library so I figured that you would be here. I remembered that you used to sit here after school while I was at practice so I just guessed that you would be here.”

Ichigo shook his head and sighed. “You know there is an easier way of finding me. It’s by a magical device called a cell phone.”

Grimmjow was silent for a moment before he burst into laughter for not even thinking about it. He was so distraught about what happened in the cafeteria that he couldn’t think about something as simple as using common sense. Just sending a text would have avoided so much trouble. He felt like such an idiot. A smile crept up on Ichigo’s face and he started to shudder with silent laughter that never escaped him as well. Grimmjow felt his vibrations against his arm causing his smile to remain wide even after they both finished laughing.

“Okay, I’ll admit that I’m a dumbass.” Grimmjow said, raising his hands in defense. “But you have to tell me why you are so attached to this spot.”

Ichigo shrugged. “I’m not particularly attached to it. It’s just that the library closed afterschool on Fridays and sometimes I don’t feel like going home so I stayed here.”

Grimmjow leaned forward so that he was a few inches from Ichigo’s face before the smile on his face turned into a smirk with his eyes shining in a devious light. “Are you sure it wasn’t because you can see me practice right there?” He said gesturing with his head towards the field.

Ichigo jolted against him and immediately stilled himself, but it was too late and Grimmjow already felt it. His face was pink and he avoided eye contact while Grimmjow tried his best to keep himself from laughing again. Grimmjow could feel just from being against him that his heart was racing. He has known Ichigo for years and he has always had some kind of power to see through him when he was hiding something. How has he not realized that Ichigo used to have a crush on him until he said it himself? It just seemed hard to believe that someone so close to him can change so subtly without him realizing it.

“M-maybe, but it was mostly because it was a quiet place to read.” Ichigo defended himself. Grimmjow couldn’t keep himself from laughing as Ichigo’s face turned even redder with every snicker he made.

“Yeah, American football practice is quiet, so is a rock concert.” Grimmjow said sarcastically. “You know I would stop teasing you if you just admitted that you just came to watch me practice.” He said poking at Ichigo’s side, causing Ichigo to flee slightly in fear of those pokes tickling him or touching another bruise.

“No you wouldn’t.” He said pushing Grimmjow’s finger away from his body.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

Ichigo groaned and leaned his head back against the hard tree before the groan turned into a long sigh. “I can’t believe I told you that I used to have a crush on you.” Ichigo mumbled. “You are never going to let me live it down.”

Grimmjow shook his head. “I take it as a compliment.” He said with a slight bow in his head.

He wasn’t lying. For some reason he wasn’t grossed out after hearing that Ichigo used to have a crush on him. Most homophobic guys always preach that the reason they don’t like gay guys was because they think that they want to get in their pants. Those guys were just flattering themselves and couldn’t get girls to sleep with them either. After learning that Ichigo used to have a crush on him he wasn’t scared in the least. The thought it was weird at first just because it was hard for him to comprehend that he was really gay. Ichigo confessing that he used to have a crush on him was the first time he truly understood where Ichigo was coming from and he was surprisingly okay with it. He didn’t know why because if it was anyone else he would have had a negative reaction, but this was Ichigo.

The guys who were scared of gays because they were afraid of getting hit on knew nothing. Grimmjow was so used to people having crushes on him that the fact that Ichigo may have been interested in him at one time didn’t fully register. The thing that did register is the fact that Ichigo was apparently no longer interested. If anything that was the part that bothered Grimmjow the most. He needed to get his pride from somewhere and it seemed that Ichigo wasn’t interested in giving him any, but that’s why it was so fun to tease him.

“How the hell is that a compliment?” Ichigo asked, cocking his eyebrow.

The question remained unanswered as they sat in silence again and though it started off a bit awkward it soon became a comfortable moment and Grimmjow could feel Ichigo relax against him. The cold no longer bothered him as they shared body heat and their heartbeat synched. Eventually Grimmjow checked his phone and groaned. “Our lunch period is going to end soon so we should probably get going.” He said despite not making any movement to pick himself up off the ground.

He looked over at Ichigo who hadn't made any attempt to move either. He looked over at Grimmjow and lightly said “I don’t feel like going back in there.”

Grimmjow was silent for a second before sighing and putting his phone back into his back pocket. “Yeah, me neither.”

He leaned against his half of the oak tree and looked back up at the sky falling back into that comfortable silence, meditating on the feeling of Ichigo’s breath rising and falling, his chest expanding from his lungs. He could feel all of this without even looking at him, and having Ichigo so close to him made him relaxed yet he also felt so jittery. He was excited to have quiet peaceful moments together rather than the usual teasing and arguing even if he enjoyed those moments too. Heck, he enjoyed any time he spent with Ichigo.

Neither of them moved even when their butts became as cold as ice from sitting on the damp ground for too long or when their feet fell asleep for staying seated in the same position without adjusting in fear of making the other uncomfortable. They didn’t bother to get up until they heard voices that came from the American football team coming out for after school practice.


	10. Chapter 10

It turned out that his first day back wasn’t so bad. Yeah the first half completely sucked in a way that no one should ever experience. He was ambushed on the way to school by some punk who thought he was better than him. Ichigo may have suffered some bumps and bruises, but the other guy was the one who ended up on the floor. He was surrounded by weird looks and whispers throughout the entire day that hushed as he walked by, but started up again as soon as he passed. By the time he got to his first period he was already considering going home.

He hid himself in his arms as he leaned forward on his desk. Even when Rukia tried to get his attention he ended up brushing her off. She was there on Friday when the rumors first started yet she didn’t text him to warn him beforehand. She tried to explain that she was more worried about his health and didn’t want to put any more stress on him, but he ignored her, too wiped out to hear her explain herself. If he was in any other state he might have appreciated the sentiment. Why couldn’t she just talk about her trip to her brother’s instead of keeping the attention on him? She was apparently so busy with him that she didn’t think to text him.

To add onto his stress there was the fact that Mr. Ukitake was teaching his first period class. His mind already started to welcome back the weird thoughts about the poems that reminded him of his teacher the moment he walked into the room later than he usually would. It would have been fine if he just thought about the poems that made him think of Mr. Ukitake, but as collateral his mind kept on drifting to the poems that reminded him of Grimmjow as well. Maybe he shouldn’t have come back to school. He could already feel himself getting another stomach ache.

Over the weekend he stayed far away from Grimmjow, not out of spite, but because his mind kept on drifting to forbidden lands. Grimmjow was courteous enough to text him when he wanted to check in on him, but all Ichigo could manage was one word answers because his mind kept on pondering about whether his crush has reawakened before he rejected the thoughts and threw himself in the lands of self-hate.

His heart would skip a beat whenever his name appeared on his phone before Ichigo immediately scolded himself for not being true to his actual crush. He was such a shitty friend, clearly Grimmjow was worried about him and he should have been happy and talked to him as a response, but all he could do as defense against himself was push him away.

He decided to confide in Rukia when he got back and they were able to hang out again, but it seemed that the rumor running rampant at full force caught her eyes first. He knew it would happen since it was always a big deal when someone was found out to be gay. If a rumor was spread that he was actually a secret agent or an assassin it would not have spread nearly as fast as this one was.

For half the day he was subjected to everyone staring at him. He wanted to shout out for everyone to stop, but he was too emotionally exhausted to even bother and didn’t want to draw any more attention to himself or worse, risk adding fuel to the fire. Once he got to lunch he caught himself automatically walking to the cafeteria where he spent the last few weeks with Grimmjow and Nel. He was pretty sure that his invitation had been revoked at this point. He considered going to the library, but he was tired of everyone looking at him and knew that even if he went to the library he would be subjected to that so he went to the first place that came to his mind to escape everyone’s gaze.

It was cold outside, but a few guys who seemed to have nothing better to do seemed to be occupying themselves by his locker with intentions that Ichigo could only assume and he didn’t exactly feel like dealing with them. Seriously, now everyone seemed to know where to find him even though no one ever went looking for him during his entire career as a high school student.

Ichigo just sighed and travelled through a different hallway to get to the back exit. He walked through the empty track field and American football field to get to the oak tree that he has spent hours under in the past. It was chilly outside so he found himself bringing the rest of his body closer when he pulled out a book to bury himself in while he waited for the period to end.

He was only a few pages into the new novel when a shadow casted above him. Instinctively Ichigo curled his body into a tighter ball. He has already been attacked earlier that day and he wasn’t exactly in a good position to defend himself.

He was more relieved than embarrassed to find that Grimmjow was the one hovering over him instead of another attacker, well sort of. His mind shot to the poems that reminded him of Grimmjow before he forced them down so that he could act normally in front of him. He hoped he was acting normally. He couldn’t really tell anymore.

Grimmjow questioned him as he always did, and threatened to beat up the guy who attacked him that morning before making a request to see Ichigo’s bruises. Ichigo didn’t exactly have time to check his own body for damage, but he definitely felt sore in some places and that probably warranted attention. Attention that was meant for him to give, not Grimmjow. He didn’t need to show Grimmjow his body. They were at school and the last thing he needed was for some wandering student to see them and think that they are making out. He could deal with people knowing he was gay for now. He didn’t need that kind of rumor spreading too. It was also none of Grimmjow’s business no matter how much he tried to convince him that it was. He seriously wished that Grimmjow could go back to acting like an asshole because it was harder to deny his growing feelings when he was actually acting like a good guy. Another poem shot to his head that was a little more on the nose and he forced his attention on the leaves that were changing color above him.

When he blurted out an excuse on why he didn’t want to show Grimmjow he ended up getting his sweater. As soon as the sweater was handed over to him he realized just how cold he actually was when the fabric made contact with his skin and quickly put it on. His sweater was warm from his body heat and it smelled like him. It felt like he was getting an indirect hug from him and he sighed as he leaned back to apply more pressure to his own body. Then Grimmjow sat with him and leaned up against him supplying even more warmth and even more contact. He couldn’t tell if the warmth was from Grimmjow or his own nerves causing his heart to pound faster and his face to heat. He hoped that Grimmjow couldn’t feel his heart beat like a drum or at least he hoped that his face wasn’t as pink as a sunset. If it was then Grimmjow didn’t say anything and continued to tease him. He took deep breaths to calm his own heart and he could feel Grimmjow pick up the same rhythm of his expanding and contracting chest. As he inhaled he was able to smell the scent of Grimmjow’s shampoo in the air. The one he used just a few days ago.

Ichigo remembered sitting under that tree on Fridays after school. It wasn’t a complete lie that he sat there practically every Friday during his freshman year when he had practice because the library was closed, but he wasn’t there just seeking a peaceful place to read. Even if the entire team’s uniforms looked the same and they were wearing helmets that covered their faces, Ichigo was always able to single Grimmjow out. He didn’t know too much about American football except for the basics, but Grimmjow was clearly the best player. He always won the practice games and seemed the least wiped out after every drill. He found himself sitting there even when the library was open just to get another look to see how his old friend was doing, only slightly hoping that he would one day go over and talk to him. He never told Grimmjow that even while they sat there as time flew by. He was unnoticeable and Ichigo was fine leaving it at that. He told himself that he was fine and it made sense that they were in different worlds now. People move on and that was part of life so maybe it was time for him to start thinking about doing it himself.

Their time sitting together was peaceful and Ichigo was eventually able to temporarily stop the war that was going on in his mind as he just sat back and enjoyed Grimmjow’s company. Despite the weather being cold the sky was clear and the wind wasn’t too harsh, only slightly blowing in the same direction they were facing causing the leaves to rustle and Grimmjow’s hair to flow in strange directions, but other than that they were left unphased. It was nice out and he was able to zone out with little thoughts distracting him. It’s been a long time since he relaxed like that.

Grimmjow knocked him out of space when he told them that the period was almost over and Ichigo allowed himself to admit that he didn’t want to go back inside. He was tired of the bullying and people treating him differently so he just wanted to stay where it was quiet. How could he not wish for the peace to be left alone with Grimmjow to last? Sadly things were meant to come to an end, or so he thought. He was ready to give Grimmjow his sweater back so that he could go alone, but to his surprise Grimmjow agreed with him and joined him in cutting class. Usually Ichigo would yell at him to not cut class, but he couldn’t pretend to not be happy or at least a bit more at peace.They chatted about the past and Grimmjow complained about how he realized for the hundredth time that his friends were assholes. He scolded Ichigo for not telling him that Nnoitra was the one who bullied him that day. Ichigo apologized, realizing that it really bothered Grimmjow more than he thought even when he explained that he didn’t intend to create drama in their friendship. He didn’t want to infect any of Grimmjow’s supposed friendships with his presence, but it seemed that Grimmjow would rather have that then tolerate anyone who has wronged him. Just the idea of Grimmjow siding with him over a guy who was more popular than him made him blush, hopefully not enough for Grimmjow to notice though.

A lot of times they just fell silent. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. They just quietly enjoyed each other’s company and the weather that wasn’t that bad for the time of year. Ichigo never had the need or desire to reopen his book and he eventually stashed it away in his bag where it belonged. They only realized how much time had passed when the American football team started to come out for practice. Grimmjow immediately grabbed a hold of Ichigo’s hand and pulled him up from where he was standing. Ichigo scooped up his bag and allowed himself to get dragged by Grimmjow, his cold hand clamming up from Grimmjow’s light grasp.

Ichigo looked down to hide the blush on his face. He wanted to believe that Grimmjow was dragging him out because he wanted to protect him from the team, but it was more likely Grimmjow wanted to avoid them himself. Both Nnoitra and Kenpachi were on the team even if Grimmjow himself quit. Ichigo has heard an earful of his rant about them, but he still liked to pretend that Grimmjow still made protecting Ichigo like he did when they were younger a priority at least somewhat.

Ichigo pulled his arm away cursing as he reached into his own pocket to check his phone. It was getting late. He was supposed to tutor Harribel after school. He can be angry at himself later for cutting class for half the day, but he was pretty sure his teachers would forgive him since they all like him and the rumor has been so popular that the faculty has been pulling him aside after class to see if he was okay. If he was going to get any punishment for cutting class it would probably be a slap on the wrist from his stricter teachers. He still had obligations to his own student though. He was getting paid after all. She had a test coming up so there was no way he was going to ditch and have her fend for herself.

“I need to go, Grimmjow.” Ichigo said. “I need to tutor someone.”

“Really who gets tutored so early in the year?” He asked. “It’s not like midterms are any time soon.”

Ichigo rolled his eyes. “Some people actually try hard to get into college.”

Grimmjow groaned at the passive aggressive remark. “Yeah, but it’s only November.”

Ichigo shrugged before taking Grimmjow’s sweater off even when his emotional part protested against his logical part and said goodbye to him as he lightly jogged back inside so that he could meet up with Harribel in their usual place inside the library. He sat at their usual table and pulled out his notebook that was filled with notes and practice problems he prepared for her. He waved to Nanao who seemed to want to talk to him, probably about the rumor, but he brushed her off promising to confide in her later. He was tired of hearing himself say that he was fine a million times especially when he really wasn’t. When you say the same thing a million times in a row it starts to sound weird.

He sat there for 20 minutes reading, ignoring the glances casted his way by his fellow stragglers before he checked his phone. Harribel was late usually, but she was never that late. He unlocked his phone to see that there was a message that he had missed.

“Hey Ichigo, sorry I can’t make it today. I still like you, but I want to keep my distance until this rumor calms down. I hope you understand. I will contact you when I need you again. - Harribel”

Ichigo sighed. She was honest, but he still wasn’t exactly happy. Tutoring was his only way of making an income and his father wasn’t exactly planning on giving him an allowance despite how hard Ichigo works in school. Not only that, but he could have bothered Grimmjow for a ride home, but he probably left a long time ago so he now had to walk home.

It’s been a long time since he walked from school to his house. It left him time to think. His mind kept on drifting towards Grimmjow and their time they spent together when they should have been in class and how it made him feel normal before being reminded that he was the odd one out. Seriously, Harribel was a really good student who has taken a liking to him, enough to request him to go to her birthday party. Things would have been so different if he never went. He dragged his feet until he reached his bed. He landed face first in it and buried himself inside of his pillow, letting out a long breath that he didn’t realize he was holding.

He was upset. It was hard for him to not be upset. The first thing he thought to do to make himself feel better was to text Grimmjow. He wrote to him telling him what happened in a long rant. Grimmjow texted back almost immediately saying that he should have texted him earlier since he would have given him a ride home. Apparently he hasn’t left the school yet for some reason and would have been able to give him a ride or even hang out with him longer.

“She’s a bitch” Grimmjow told him. He said that, but Ichigo had a hard time accepting that. Her actions may be inconsiderate, but she cares about her reputation and she doesn’t have any obligation to defend Ichigo nor was she obligated to accept him as a tutor. Maybe he was saying this because he and Harribel broke up. Maybe he didn’t realize her point of view. Maybe Ichigo was just making excuses to justify her actions.

Ichigo put his phone to the side and let out another long breath and relaxed into his mattress. He wished that he could spend even more time with him. If he didn’t leave to tutor he would have gotten away with staying with him longer. He inhaled deeply. He still smelled like Grimmjow slightly from when he was wearing his sweater. He crumpled his body up a little so that he could smell it even more.

He turned his head to the side to see Grimmjow’s jacket draped over the back of his chair that was placed in front of his desk. He forgot that Grimmjow left it there when he left his house on Friday. Without realizing it he found himself standing to his feet to lift the jacket off the back of his chair and falling on the bed with it held up to his nose. Yup, he has become that weirdo perv who was now sniffing his clothes and he completely hated himself for it. He couldn’t deny it anymore. He had a crush on Grimmjow  _ again. _ Fuck, he seriously hated himself and his self-destructive tendencies.

He was never planning to act on his crush, but there was no harm in doing stuff like that if he admitted it to himself right? Wrong, he knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t help himself. He was being such a creep and he didn’t know what Grimmjow would think if he knew that he did stuff like this even if he has never done something like this before.

He relaxed into his jacket as he lay in his bed. The smell reminded him of when he and Grimmjow fell asleep on the couch together. The smell was comforting and it was only slightly uncomfortable as something alien poked at his hip. Ichigo shifted as he tried to avoid the bulge in Grimmjow’s jacket pocket before he got fed up with it and picked himself up to remove the contents.

Ichigo reached into the pocket to pull out a crumpled up piece of paper. The smarter thing to do would have been to remove it, continue cuddling, and then put the paper back when he was finished as if he never touched it. The nosy thing to do would be unfold the paper and find out what it was. It was too small to be a paper from school so it couldn’t be a crumpled up test grade. As soon as Ichigo unraveled the paper he felt an instant shock to his heart and he regretted indulging his curiosity immediately.

He recognized Mr. Ukitake’s handwriting on the paper that was written for him and traced the side of the paper where it was torn. Ichigo grabbed a hold of the book that Ukitake gave him that was resting on his bedside table and flipped to the front page. He held the page to the remains of the first page. The tear marks matched perfectly. He knew it was suspicious that there was a page missing! Ichigo read the letter and nearly sobbed out in frustration. He should have known. Grimmjow will always be an asshole who hurts him unintentionally, but he didn’t expect him to be a liar too.

He confided in him and even though he knew that Grimmjow had a hard time accepting that Ichigo had a crush on his teacher he still knew how much he liked him. This was such a blatant betrayal that he couldn’t bring himself to be happy about the beautifully written letter on the page that was meant to be an inscription for him to read. Ichigo looked through the inscription before holding it to his chest. ‘Love’ it’s signed with ‘love’ and Grimmjow still decided to tear it out. After all the shit he has been through, did Grimmjow even want him to be happy? Ichigo was tempted to tear out every blue post-it in the book, but instead he enclosed the page back where it belonged and put the book into his bag.

He threw his bag over his shoulder again, grabbed Grimmjow’s jacket, and stomped out of his room and down the stairs without bothering to call out to his father that he was leaving. He nearly ran back to school despite just coming home hoping that Mr. Ukitake was still there.

As he turned the corner into the school he spotted Grimmjow walking over to his car. It looked like he was leaving. Part of Ichigo wanted to look for Mr. Ukitake, but the other part of him wanted to run over to Grimmjow and give him a piece of his mind. He listened to the latter part. It was angrier and stronger then the part longing comfort from the most wholesome person he knew.

He ran over to Grimmjow who looked at him curiously knowing that Ichigo was just home moments before. He looked even more confused about why he looked so angry and why Ichigo suddenly punched him in the arm incredibly hard.

He let out a low pained sound at the impact and held on to his probably now bruised arm, shooting a glare at the panting Ichigo who clearly ran all the way there from his house.

“What the fuck, Ichigo?” He asked.

Ichigo threw Grimmjow’s jacket at his face and tore open his own backpack and opened the book inside, taking the inscription out. Grimmjow turned as pale as Ichigo was just a few days ago when he was sick as the page was shoved in front of his face after he removed his jacket, throwing it over his shoulder. “How could you do this? You knew how much this meant to me!” Ichigo shouted before putting it back into the book and sealing it in his bag. He closed his fists so tight that his knuckles were white; his right fist a little whiter against the pink fist that he used to punch him still shaking in anger.

“I can explain.” Grimmjow said weakly holding his hands up, ready to block any more blows Ichigo was going to deal him.

“Oh please do.” Ichigo said, throwing his arms up and leaning towards Grimmjow as if he was currently trying to figure out what the best method would be to bite his head off.

There was silence as Grimmjow shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he considered how he was going to dig himself out of the hole he put himself in. Luckily he didn’t incur anymore of Ichigo’s wrath as he pulled away and stormed off, not wanting to give Grimmjow any more of his time. He needed to find Mr. Ukitake after all.

Grimmjow chased after him and Ichigo could feel his frustration growing as he felt his wrist tugged back. “Wait, where are you going?” Grimmjow asked.

Ichigo looked back at him with daggers in his eyes and teeth gritted. “I’m going to confess to Mr. Ukitake.”

Grimmjow blinked in surprise and he pulled Ichigo back so that his back was practically against his chest. “Don’t do it.” Grimmjow said urgently holding his wrist tightly causing his arm to hurt.

Just 30 minutes ago Ichigo would have welcomed the contact between him and Grimmjow, but all it did now was infuriate him even more. “Why shouldn’t I?” Ichigo asked with as much bitterness in his voice as raw cocoa powder. He wiggled his arm loose from Grimmjow’s grip and proceeded to stomp away.

There was more hesitation and all it did was irk Ichigo even more before Grimmjow came up with an answer. “He’s way older than you and he’s a teacher.” Grimmjow suggested. “Also if he turns you down you’re still going to need to sit in his class.”

Ichigo barely processed the reasons Grimmjow listed off. He already thought of all of that, of course he thought this was a stupid idea. He played out the confession in his head a million times before Grimmjow even knew about his crush on his teacher. He knew the risks and he knew his chances.

“I’m still going to do it.” Ichigo said storming away from Grimmjow ignoring him calling out his name while he trailed behind him.

Ichigo marched back to his first period classroom where Ukitake typically hung out after school. He hoped that he was still there. Luckily he was. He was sitting in his usual spot in front of the classroom, chatting with a grown man with black spikey hair that Ichigo has never seen before. He was casually dressed so he couldn’t have been a faculty member that he has never seen before, but Ichigo’s concern about the man decreased almost as soon as it rose. It didn’t matter if that guy saw; he needed to confess to Mr. Ukitake. He needed to do this now while he was still sure of himself.

“Hold on.” Grimmjow called out still trying to get Ichigo’s attention despite him being blatantly ignored

Ukitake looked over to see the loud teenager accompany his favorite student into the classroom. Mr. Ukitake smiled widely and his eyes shined as he recognized his passionate favorite student that seemed to make every day better for him.

“Good afternoon, Ichigo.” He beamed. “Oh, and your friend is here too.” He said, seemingly not bothered by the other’s presence despite Grimmjow’s clear dislike for him.

As soon as he saw his teacher’s innocent smile his words worked its way to the back of his throat as he struggled to catch his breath now realizing just how much he had run and that his heart was beating at the speed of sound from exhaustion and nerves. Mr. Ukitake’s warm welcome made him blush as he tried to find the right words while he tried not to get distracted by Grimmjow’s clear displeasure or the presence of a stranger in the room.

“I’m so glad that you are here! There’s someone I want you to meet.” Mr. Ukitake said, gesturing to the man next to him. He pulled the man closer to him and hugged him tightly against his side, bonking his head against the man’s who just blushed deeply. “This is my fiancé!”

Ichigo swallowed deeply and became incredibly pale before turning bright red. He was at a loss for words as he watched his teacher cuddle up affectionately against the other man like a puppy.

“I asked him to come because I heard the rumor about you and I thought a little moral support would help cheer you up. Things may be hard now, but even people like us can have a happy ending.” Ukitake said, never letting go of his fiancé. “I thought I would find you in the library tutoring, but you weren’t there. I guess you left early. I’m so glad that you came to find me before we left.”

Words stuttered their way out of Ichigo’s mouth as he processed his world tumbling around him before rebuilding it. “Y-yeah, it’s nice to meet you and congratulations.” He said. “W-will you excuse me?” Ichigo said before dashing out of the room. His teacher was going to question why he came to find him in the first place, but he didn’t want to be there anymore. He needed to get out.

Grimmjow looked from Ukitake to Ichigo and followed behind him, jogging so he could try to keep up with him. “Hey Ichi, wait.” He panted. “Dammit, when did you get so fast?”

Ichigo threw open the back entrance to the school. The fields were empty, probably going to a game or they were doing drills elsewhere. He didn’t care. When did it get to be so late? How long was Mr. Ukitake waiting at school with the slight hope that Ichigo would come find him? He leaned against the oak tree and let out a sigh, covering his eyes and dropping his bag at his feet.

Grimmjow came to a stop and walked up to the tree slowly. He tried to look around Ichigo’s arm that covered his face to make out any sort of expression.

“Hey Ichi, don’t be sad.” Grimmjow tried. He pressed his head against the tree and looked over at Ichigo while he tried to catch his breath. “It’s not the end of the world and it is unlike you to cry.”

Ichigo pulled his arm away from his face to reveal that not a single tear had fallen from his eyes. He actually looked completely fine. A smile stretched across his face and he started to laugh which seemed to have caught Grimmjow off guard.

“I’m not sad.” Ichigo explained. “I’m just so damn happy.”

Grimmjow gave him a worried look as if he believed that Ichigo had finally lost it. Ichigo recognized the look and shook his head trying to contain the giggles that were trying to leave his lips. He couldn’t believe the way he was feeling either.

“He was gay. I wasn’t sure, but he was. He didn’t think that I was gross.” Ichigo said with a sigh of relief. “And have you noticed that his fiancé looked just like me? He could have been some kind of long lost relative with that kind of resemblance, and they looked so good together.”

Grimmjow looked at him cautiously as Ichigo replayed the memory of Mr. Ukitake’s incredible smile and the way he clutched the other man in his mind. The large grin on Ichigo’s face was twitching as he tried to regain his composure so he could try to recover his signature scowl.

“So you aren’t upset?” Grimmjow asked, picking his head up slightly off the tree and leaning a little closer to Ichigo.

Ichigo shook his head. “A little, but it’s hard to be heartbroken when I know that he tried so hard to make me feel better.” He said. “Did you read the inscription? He really does care about me, it may not be the love that I wanted, but it was enough to get his fiancé to come over so that he could disclose the fact that he’s gay too. He stayed after school for so long to look for me. How can I be sad?”

Ichigo was surprised even with himself. He never thought the first time getting his heart broken would feel like this. He was giddy and he felt more at peace then anything he has felt since the rumor about him being gay spread. When he thought of possible outcomes to his confession he never thought this would be one of them. He never knew that rejection could feel so good.

The air was still and it occurred to Ichigo just how alone the two of them were. It was calm unlike when they were outside earlier, both of their emotions ran high, but now it was starting to set. The leaves on the oak tree seemed more colorful than it was before making a more beautiful atmosphere even if it was the only tree separating the fields.

“I’m so glad.” Grimmjow sighed in relief.

Ichigo cocked his head at him, wondering why he should be the one glad. This entire time he portrayed the complete opposite. He tried to stop him from confessing and made a huge scene which probably ended up embarrassing Ichigo.

“I’m so glad that he’s engaged.” Grimmjow elaborated.

“I know you don’t like him for some reason, but why are you so happy about that?” Ichigo said.

Grimmjow leaned forward, resting the palm of his hand on Ichigo’s cheek before bringing himself closer. He rested his forehead against Ichigo and ran his fingers through his hair and inhaled. Ichigo felt his face heat up under Grimmjow’s crystal gaze that was shimmering like a lake during the summer time. Ichigo wanted to ask what he was doing, but wasn’t able to get the words out in time before Grimmjow tilted his head and hesitantly relaxed his lips against his own before turning it into a hesitant kiss. After a moment he tried again and kissed him more confidently which only served to confuse Ichigo more.

“I’m glad because I like you, Ichi.”


	11. Chapter 11

He did it. He couldn’t believe that he did it. He said it. He said it with complete resolve, but he couldn’t believe it until he said it out loud. He liked Ichigo, his childhood best friend, his  _ male  _ childhood best friend. He kissed him and all he wanted to do was kiss him again, kiss him longer, harder, kiss him forever. His buddy downstairs never gave so much of an interest for something as simple as a kiss, not from any of the many girls that he has dated. He has never felt something like that before, nothing has ever felt so right in his entire life, not the first time he threw a perfect spiral, not when he discovered the beauty of  _ Die Hard _ , not when he found out the pleasure of having his dick slide into a perfect, pink pussy. Yet sharing a kiss with his best friend made him feel overwhelmed with relief and satisfaction.

Never has his heart beat so fast, his breath felt so heavy, his cheeks so hot, or his palms so sweaty, maybe from American football, but a kiss? His heart may have been beating outside of his chest, but he kept willing the laws of the universe to move time back just a bit so he could experience that kiss again. Instead his feet felt glued to the ground, breath heavy as he stared back at his best friend whose eyes pierced through his skull with a look of complete bewilderment, his hand rubbing through his hair before looking to the ground. Grimmjow could practically feel the gears turning in Ichigo’s head slowly moving before they sped up as his face heated up.

He couldn’t blame him for the sudden shock. It was a lot to process within a short amount of time. He just found out his crush was engaged and even though Ichigo claimed to be fine and actually happy for him he knew that he was at least a little torn up about it. Then soon after his childhood best friend who has always been hyper hetero kissed him and confessed to him. He couldn’t even wrap his mind around it himself and he was the one who did it.

All he knew was that he was excited, giddy even. Giddy that he was able to come to terms with these weird feelings he was having. Giddy that he was finally able to share them rather than letting them fester in his mind without end. He was even more eager to hear Ichigo’s response so that he could just dive into another kiss and then another after that.

Instead Ichigo just scrunched his eyebrows looking perplexed. “Wait, since when were you into guys?” He asked simply as if everything that just happened in the past minute went completely over his head.

Grimmjow groaned. “That is the only thing you are getting out of this?” He blurted out before slowly enunciating each word in his next statement so that Ichigo could understand. Heck he said it slowly so that he could convince himself what was going on too. He couldn’t believe what had transpired in the last few seconds. He didn’t know what possessed him to do it, any of it. He was never really good at using his head and always survived using instinct and it seemed that his instinct has carried him all the way here. He wasn’t exactly complaining. He was confused before, but now he knew exactly what he wanted. “I like you.” He tried again, his mind raced as he said it again and his lips moved to articulate another sentence that he wasn’t even able to comprehend himself. “I want us to be together.”

He didn’t know how his mind even functioned that idea when he was never serious about the girls he was ever ‘together’ with. Saying it out loud was insane, but as soon as the words left his mouth he knew that they were true and that he wanted to be serious. He could say that he didn’t want it again and again and he still wouldn’t be able to convince himself otherwise.

Ichigo tilted his head and ran his foot through the blades of grass that seemed to be growing too tall back and forth as he tried to put together the information in his head. The silence only made his heart feel like it was echoing in his chest and vibrating in his ears. He hoped Ichigo couldn’t hear it.

Ichigo scrunched his nose and shook his head before sighing. He placed his hand against the bark of the tall oak tree and leaned against it to prevent himself from shifting his weight nervously from one foot to the other. For such a smart kid he sure was taking a long time to come to terms with what he wanted to say. The silence wasn’t doing well for Grimmjow’s nerves and it only made him expect the worst.

“I’m not sure that’s true.” Ichigo explained just as slowly and even gentler. “Grimm, I’m not sure you are going to fully understand this, but homosexuality is on a spectrum. Maybe you are just now realizing that you aren’t 100% straight and you are projecting that on to me.”

Grimmjow cocked his head and knit his eyebrows together. “What?” His chest panged slightly, but he told himself that it was nothing so that he could keep a straight face. He didn’t like how that sounded, but he didn’t fully understand Ichigo’s response. He was expecting a ‘yes or no’ answer, not a deeper look into his psyche.

Ichigo sighed and ghosted his hand over his forehead that Grimmjow was pressed against moments before. He then pulled his fingers that were tracing his forehead through his hair and gripped it lightly as he tried to figure out how to continue. Grimmjow’s eyes stayed glued on Ichigo’s amber ones, trying to voice that he was serious without having to open his mouth.

“Let’s see….” Ichigo trailed as he tried to put words together simple enough for Grimmjow to understand, a man who didn’t fully understand homosexuality and still had to learn how to catch himself from saying something offensive. “You may have come to a realization that you aren’t fully straight, which is common. In fact very few people are 100% straight or gay. Maybe you discovered something that has something to do with me, but maybe not. You are probably now thinking that these feelings you are having are related to me since I am the only gay person you know.”

Grimmjow shook his head at Ichigo’s rambling hypothesis. “No, I know that I like you.” He said almost impatiently. Ichigo only shook his head, mirroring him. His right hand started to pull and trace the rim of his long sleeve shirt, not knowing what else to do with his hands.

Grimmjow scrunched his eyebrows together, practically growling and pushed Ichigo up against the tree, causing him to gasp. His eyes grew large as they quickly scanned over him before fixing his eyes back on Grimmjow’s wondering and worried about what would happen next. Grimmjow hungrily tore his lips open and kissed him deeply, pushing his tongue into his mouth and wrestling with him in a fight that was completely one-sided.

He explored the wet cavern, mapping out every area that made Ichigo instinctively kiss back before he stopped himself. He licked Ichigo’s bottom lip before lightly nipping it between his teeth, getting a small gasp from Ichigo. He needed to convince him that he was serious; he needed to make Ichigo feel something. It was for his mental health. He was going to go crazy. He needed him to stop talking before Ichigo made any final decisions.

He then found Ichigo’s lips reacting with his own after his excruciatingly long hesitation, allowing Grimmjow more access. He hesitantly slipped his own tongue into Grimmjow’s mouth which made the sides of his lips tug into a smile against Ichigo’s mouth. Just as quickly as Ichigo surrendered Grimmjow found himself grabbing at Ichigo’s hips before they started to sink lower.

Ichigo’s eyes shot open and he shoved his hands against Grimmjow’s chest, pushing him back. His face was completely red and he covered his mouth, tracing his lips that were wetted by Grimmjow with his finger tips. “This is so fucking unfair.” Ichigo whispered more to himself than to Grimmjow. His voice was muffled by his hand making it barely audible, but he said it loud enough for Grimmjow to hear. “This is so unfair. I can’t do this to you.”

Grimmjow rested his arm against the tree above Ichigo’s head and leaned over him. He looked at him with dark, lust filled eyes. “I don’t get you.” He said in a gruff voice. “What can possibly be unfair to you?”

Ichigo tilted his head up towards Grimmjow, his nose nearly touching his. “This, please don’t make me reject you.”

Grimmjow blinked a few times. His eyes became clear, getting rid of any lust that was clouding his eyes. Ichigo leaned back off the tree and rubbed at his arm in a fruitless attempt to get rid of any marks that were carved into it from his weight against the bumpy bark. Grimmjow’s feet grew cold. There was that stinging feeling in his hands and he closed them lightly to lessen the weird tingling that was causing them to shake.

“Then don’t.” He said plainly. “This shouldn’t be so hard. I like you and I know that you like me back.” Grimmjow couldn’t wrap his mind around anything. Ichigo was supposed to be smart so there had to be something that he was missing that he didn’t understand. No matter how he looked at it he couldn’t fully understand. Ichigo had to be crazy.

He has never been rejected his entire life. Every girl he wanted handed themselves over to him. He could have sex with them and never call them again or date them for a week before throwing them away with all the others. Here he was, wanting to start something new, but not getting any results. This was the first time he wanted something more than just a fuck, maybe see if it works out and if it is worth making it last.

Ichigo’s eyes broadcasted just how confused he was and Grimmjow felt the same way. He knew Ichigo liked him, everyone did. He didn’t complain anymore when he was a total ass to him. He didn’t push him away anymore. His expression broadcasted his true feelings just from body language and facial expression. His eyes were closed tight, he was biting his lips so hard that they looked like they were going to tear; his hands were shaking more than he had ever seen them in his entire life. He looked even more hurt then Grimmjow yet he was the one inflicting the pain.

Ichigo was the person he felt the most comfortable with in his entire life and he knew that the feeling was mutual, but if that was the case then why was it so hard for him to get Ichigo to accept him. Here he was handing himself over, actually sharing his feelings, expecting Ichigo to accept him with open arms, but instead Ichigo reached out just to keep him at an arm’s length.

“Am I missing something here?” Grimmjow asked, trying to avoid the uncomfortable feeling that was now growing in his stomach. Maybe he had an ulcer just like Ichigo had. He hoped those weren’t contagious.

Ichigo let out a sigh and looked down at his feet that were now dirty from the tracks he had made in the grass that came from him rubbing his feet into it. “Yeah, you’re right. I do like you.” Ichigo said. He blushed slightly before rubbing his nose as if trying to give the impression that the only reason why his face was red was because he was rubbing it. “But what do you expect from me? I’m scared shitless.” He nearly shouted.

Grimmjow saw tears cloud his eyes before Ichigo was able to blink them away fast enough before they fell. “I became friends with you after years of thinking you forgot about me. Our friendship means so much to me that I’m afraid to throw it away for the off chance that you like me as much as I like you.”

Grimmjow growled. “I’m pretty sure I know how I am feeling.” There were two people in the world that truly understood Grimmjow and that was his mom and Ichigo, not even Nel knew him as much as Ichigo did. “Where is the risk?”

“Even if by some miracle you did really like me then how would I know that you would keep me around?” Ichigo asked. “For the past couple of years neither of us has seen each other despite us both supposedly being best friends. The only reason we are friends again is because you found me in a closet at a party.”

Ichigo gained some confidence, even sounding a bit angry as he continued his argument. “How can I feel security about being with you when you threw our friendship aside so easily?” Grimmjow was left silent as Ichigo continued to rant. “It’s even riskier considering how you throw girls that you’ve dated aside without any remorse. I don’t want to be another one of them. I don’t think I can handle it. It isn’t fair if you do this, it isn’t fair if I do this knowing what can happen. You keep on hurting me unintentionally and I just keep forgiving you despite how unhealthy it is. I don’t care if I have to bury my crush on you all over again. I just want things to stay the same. I like you, but my God I can’t do this.”

Ichigo inhaled deeply like he lost all his breath during that rant and turned further away from Grimmjow, turning bright red and eyes becoming watery all over again as if he were about to cry despite the chances of Ichigo crying over anything was unlikely. For the first time in ages Grimmjow was upset with himself just because he was the one that made Ichigo feel this way. He had every right to feel this way after he built his armor up to be as strong as it was and have Grimmjow pound through it like the inconsiderate asshole that he was. He was able to recognize that much.

Grimmjow stared at him in shock wanting to reach out to hug him, pull him into his chest and run his hand through his hair. He was so upset with himself especially since he was kind of happy just from Ichigo admitting that he liked him back and that their friendship meant so much to him. His spirit must have cracked at some point during that entire rant. His heart fluttered at his words despite feeling sick from the rejection. He was reminded of the time when Ichigo admitted that he used to have a crush on him back when he visited his house for the first time in years.

He felt oddly happy at that time too for some reason. Before he thought it was because he got an ego boost which he constantly craves, but now everything made sense. He wanted to appeal to Ichigo; he wanted him to like him back and his chest started to inflate at Ichigo’s confession of liking him the same way he did. Even though his chest inflated he felt like his stomach was filled with iron. The bitterness overpowered the sweetness. Ichigo didn’t reject him; he was rejecting himself, and not allowing himself to be with him just because he was scared of what will happen next leaving Grimmjow to wonder why Ichigo just doesn’t allow himself to be happy.

Grimmjow shook his head. He couldn’t just give up on his feelings after coming to terms with them. He didn’t know what to say after Ichigo put all of his thoughts on display. He was never good with words to begin with and now he was left wondering how to best demonstrate what he was feeling. Words kept getting stuck in his throat and eyebrows twitched as he found that he couldn’t even articulate his own thoughts except for the fact that he wanted to kiss Ichigo again. Kiss him again and again until Ichigo says yes to being with him.

He took a few steps forward into Ichigo’s personal space again and leaned forward so that his chest was against his. He lifted his hand to guide Ichigo’s face, but instead of allowing Grimmjow to lead him Ichigo moved forward so that his head was over Grimmjow’s shoulder which left Grimmjow in an awkward crouch. Ichigo lifted his hands and rested them on Grimmjow’s back. Grimmjow’s hands were left hovering over him in confusion, one resting on the side of Ichigo’s head that was originally leading him while the other was meant to rest on his waist, not really having a purpose besides touching Ichigo since he could barely say that he was holding him. Ichigo was leading this, but it was not the response that he wanted.

His hands hesitantly drifted to Ichigo’s back to mirror his hands, accepting the hug and resting his forehead on Ichigo’s shoulder. “I’m sorry Grimmjow.” He heard Ichigo say, feeling the way his shoulders shook at the words that proved to be difficult to say. It was a lot better than Grimmjow’s stomach dropping to his feet from the weight of the pit forming where there were originally butterflies. “I’m just not ready to be thrown away again once you get your shit together.”

Grimmjow’s arms unintentionally became tighter around him, pulling him closer as if holding him would be able to stop the sick feeling he was getting in his gut or maybe change his mind. He couldn’t tell. Instead he was left being comforted as Ichigo ran his hand slowly up and down his back like he was trying to ease the piercing pain that he was inflicting on him. His effort was in vain though. The pain didn’t stop even after Ichigo pulled away.

Ichigo stepped aside slowly. He looked downcast at his feet, gripping his arm with his hand and took a few hesitant steps backwards leaving a few feet between him and Grimmjow. “You should have some time to think. You won’t have the same feelings for long. It’ll pass, I guarantee, so you don’t have to worry.” Ichigo said as he took a few more steps back. “I’m going to go home now, okay? I just want to be left alone.”

Ichigo trotted away to the end of the field before looking over his shoulders then quickly turning around after seeing Grimmjow’s gaze still on him. From there Ichigo continued his walk home faster than he did to the end of the field. He looked sad, like how he should have looked when Ukitake introduced him to his fiancé. Grimmjow’s heart received another shock at the thought that Ichigo finding out that his love was unrequited made him laugh while him confessing made Ichigo sad. He thought he would be happy; dammit he should have been happy; they both should have been.

Grimmjow wanted to run after him and grab him by the arm, but his feet were stuck to the ground covered by the shade of the tree. Under this tree Ichigo would admire him without reaching out. Underneath that very tree they sat together for half the school day and just enjoyed each other’s company. Underneath that very tree he was rejected from the guy he felt closest too who supposedly liked him the same way. Was this tree cursed or something? Is there some kind of spirit of unrequited love possessing this tree or something? They should have cut it down ages ago, stupid fucking tree, stupid fucking school, stupid fucking everything.

Grimmjow was left watching Ichigo’s back while Ichigo walked, staring more at his feet than the road that he was walking along in the direction of his house. Grimmjow tried run after him again, catch up to him, make him change his mind, but instead of moving he put his back to the tree and slid down it, ignoring the pain of the grooves cutting into his back, pulling his shirt up and his butt hit the cold ground, leaning further into the trunk of the tree. It would have been healthier to leave, clear his head, but he just couldn’t bring himself to move. He just stared up at the changing leaves and the bits of the clear blue sky that was peeking through the empty space. He watched the leaves fall and tried to predict where they would land. Whenever he thought they would land where he predicted a sudden change in the wind would blow it in a different direction.

Ichigo was more complicated than he thought, but there was no way that he desired to be unhappy. When Ichigo made up his mind it was set and incredibly hard to change. It looked like he would have to get used to the feeling of being rejected despite him not being able to process the thought.

He didn’t know how long he sat there wasting his time away as he felt every second pass. Every second felt like an eternity yet he was unable to pull himself off the hard chilly ground that was rapidly growing colder as the time passed. He sighed as he thought about how everything went to shit within a few minutes. If he counted backwards things were turning sour way before any of this happened. He could have prevented all of this if he made sure Ichigo ate or if his teacher didn’t give him that stupid book and maybe none of this would have happened if he went to that party with Nel before, maybe if he never went to that party that night he wouldn’t have ran into Ichigo, decided to help him, and then catch these stupid feelings. He couldn’t tell when he got them until it was too late.

He closed his eyes. No, he didn’t wish none of that happened. He was upset about being rejected, but he didn’t hate Ichigo. He wouldn’t have taken back the night that he reunited with him or the night he came out and confessed that he had feelings for him. He didn’t regret introducing him to Nel or trying to help him hide under the veil of heterosexuality. If anything he regretted this very moment where he confessed and made Ichigo feel that wave of pain and confusion.

As time passed the sun started to move out from above the tree to where it was glaring at Grimmjow with blinding sunlight. Grimmjow squinted, raising his hand to give them shade. He willed himself to pull himself off of the hard ground despite not feeling ready to move yet. He breathed in the chilly air wondering how he allowed it to get so late.

The drive home was lonely without having Ichigo or even Nel talking to him or bickering. He would drive to his house with them or they would go to their favorite restaurant to hang out. It’s been a long time since he drove home without having a passenger.

He unlocked the front door of his house. The house seemed dark with all the lights off. His mother probably wouldn’t even be home until late that night, way past the time he goes to bed. He didn’t want to be alone, but Nel was busy and Ichigo was out of the question for obvious reasons. He was never close with his other so-called “friends” enough to hang out with them one on one and he was honestly still pissed off at them for what they said about Ichigo. He may be pissed and angry, but he couldn’t bring himself to be angry at Ichigo. He couldn’t curse his existence. All he wished for was to turn back time so that he wouldn’t have to feel so alone.

He collapsed on top of his couch and buried himself into the cushion. This was where he slept a week before, he thought to himself. Despite Ichigo’s surprisingly muscular body he was comfortable having him in his arms. Grimmjow took a deep breath of the cushion below him, wondering if any of Ichigo’s scent managed to sink into the couch, but after a bit of effort he couldn’t pick up anything which was to be expected. He turned his head to the side; ruffling up his hair and making it twist in weird directions. He turned on the TV. The main menu from  _ Die Hard _ flashed on. He realized that over the entire weekend he has not turned on his TV once. He honestly couldn’t remember what he has done over the entire weekend. All he remembered was that he missed Ichigo and he hoped that he was feeling better.

He absentmindedly hit the play button, hoping that his favorite movie of all time would be of some distraction to him. After the first few scenes he realized that he had no interest to start with, immediately feeling appalled that he wasn’t getting his usual adrenaline from such a badass movie. It wasn’t lame, it was still awesome, but watching the movie in silence only reminded him just how lonely he was.

He groaned and turned over on his side, his arm draping off the couch to graze the hard wooden floors. He reached his arm up to grab his phone resting on the coffee table next to him. He looked at his phone blankly before unlocking it and opening up his contacts icon and started to scroll through it. Whenever he felt alone or sad he would turn to sex. Whenever his mind was on something he would turn to sex. Whenever he needed to feel something, anything besides what he was feeling right then and now he turned to sex.

The number of names in his contacts was way above average and the ratio definitely leaned more towards the female side, but he didn’t know who most of these people were. Next to most of the names on the list had descriptions next to them, ‘huge boobs,’ ‘awesome butt,’ ‘into crazy shit,’ ‘easy.’ His eyes glazed over as he stared at the screen he scrolled through, not even reading any of the names before he just pressed his fingertip down on a random name, pulling up the contact information.

He pressed call without even looking at the name and held the phone up to his ear, his mind somewhere else as the dial tone rang in his ear like background noise. He got an answering machine so he just hung up and scrolled through the list of contacts again and picked another random female name. He didn’t even remember what this girl looked like or ever remember hearing that name before, but that didn’t matter. This time the dial tone was cut off before an annoyed voice answered. “Hello?”

Grimmjow scrunched his nose before answering back, “hey.” He said in a monotone voice that didn’t have any emotion behind it to give a sign that he was a living being rather than a machine.

“Who is this?” The voice inside the phone asked. She sounded like a bitch, but Grimmjow didn’t give a shit. He just needed something, someone to make him forget, to make him feel something besides alone and rejected.

“Grimmjow,” He said without putting in any more effort to explain why he was calling. Instantaneously the voice on the other side of the phone sounded sickly sweet like cotton candy and excited.

“Oh my God, really?” She cheered in a squeaky voice before slipping into a more seductive voice as if she was working as a sex operator. “What do I owe the pleasure?”

Who the fuck says that? It sounded like she was already trying to get on his good side. He knew all too well what that sounded like. He has heard it since he was a child and he was never able to escape it. When he was a child adults would always try to win his favor or try to get their kids to play with him or be his best friend, but they were never good enough to replace Ichigo who he clung to. His father had a large influence and adults tried their best to do whatever it took to get closer to him even if it meant manipulating a little kid and using their own kids as tools. He didn’t realize that this was happening until later and it left a bad taste in his mouth.

He used to go to a private elementary school, but he got sick of making fake friends just to run off to his real friend’s house after school. He was able to convince his mother to let him go to public school with Ichigo where kids wouldn’t know who he or his father were. His mother, who was never a big fan of her husband’s associates really took to the idea, not wanting her son to be used as a chess piece in some unknown person’s game. It was easy to hide since he always kept his mother’s last name despite his father’s original protests. After that he learned that kids were a lot harder to make friends with than he thought. Ichigo was his only true friend and he seemed to have a better grasp on how to socialize with other kids then he did. He was more popular than him, but he never let him go yet when Grimmjow rose to popularity he didn’t even notice when Ichigo disappeared from his sight.

For the first time in a long time Grimmjow was experiencing something that he hasn’t felt in a long time, self-doubt. How could he have casted someone to the side and then try to come back into his life as if nothing happened? Of course Ichigo would reject him. He tried to reject him before, tried to keep them separated so that both of their lives wouldn’t become more complicated than it already was yet he kept on pushing. Of course Ichigo was right. He was always right.

He kept on thinking about Ichigo even when he heard the doorbell ring. He kept on thinking about him when he opened the door to a short, cute girl with curly purple hair and a ton of makeup. He kept thinking about him even when she let herself in and led him upstairs to his own room like she knew where it was.

Even when the girl he already forgot the name of climbed onto the bed and started to strip for him he couldn’t stop thinking about him. Guilt flooded his stomach when the girl devoured him in a kiss which he reciprocated back out of instinct, replacing the taste of his last kiss with Ichigo. This was how things were meant to be right? He hasn’t done this ever since he ran into Ichigo again and started to hang out with him every day after school, but this was how things were before. This was what Ichigo wanted before Grimmjow dragged him out of his comfort zone. He thought about Ichigo’s words. About how he was scared to say yes to Grimmjow and how he was scared to lose his friendship just to become another one of the people that Grimmjow will eventually throw away.

He studied the girl who had pushed him onto his back and was now riding him like a cowgirl, practically pretending that he was into it. Ichigo was right, he moved from one person to the next. It was the only thing he knew, and he felt disgusting, but it was what he knew best.


	12. Chapter 12

Was he some kind of idiot? Did he lose some part of his rational mind when he was rejected by Mr. Ukitake? Well, he technically wasn’t rejected by him; rather he was just taken already so he never even had a chance with him as much as it hurt to admit. He could have easily let Grimmjow be his rebound.

He seriously could have and maybe should have. He would have been  _ happy _ , right? Can Grimmjow even be considered a rebound if he thought that his crush on him was reawakened? No, he knew it was reawakened yet he still rejected him because there had to have been something wrong with him. That didn’t matter right now since Grimmjow clearly wasn’t with him and probably never will be.

Ichigo had no idea when Grimmjow’s presumed crush started. He has always been so homophobic towards him. Sure recently he has been acting a lot better, treating him like how he used to rather than a sick person that could infect him. He also seemed genuinely concerned about his crush on Ukitake for other reasons besides him being a man and not wanting him to destroy the image he forged for him. He wanted to believe there was another meaning behind doing that, but he really wasn’t sure. How can he be? He could never place his finger on why he was so disturbed by that and it felt wrong to assume that he was saying those things because he actually liked him.

People who are homophobic don’t get crushes on guys, right? There is the stereotype that guys act homophobic to hide their insecurities, but Grimmjow doesn’t have those. He’s freaking Grimmjow. If he actually has anything that resembles insecurities at all then he is an expert at hiding them. It was unlikely though since there are things that he should have felt insecure about but instead he took pride in them and turned them into strengths or stories. Sometimes he looks at those things he should be insecure about and says ‘fuck it’ and does what he pleases…like how Grimmjow kissed him under the oak tree. Fuck, Ichigo couldn’t tell what was up or down anymore. A guy that he thought he knew everything about became this huge mystery that he didn’t want any part of.

Ichigo just couldn’t get a grasp on his emotions, his or Grimmjow’s. All the anger he had towards Grimmjow after he found out that he tore out the page of the book melted away as he ghosted his fingers over his lips. Maybe he never was truly angry with him in the first place. If he was so angry at him why did he go up to him and tell him that he was planning on confessing to Mr. Ukitake? Was he hoping that Grimmjow would stop him or did he just want to rub it in? There could have been another element that he was missing that he just couldn’t figure out for some reason. He felt like he was going to go insane.

His unconscious mind had a habit of figuring things out faster than his rational mind, but it had to be luck. Then again, he was never able to manage staying angry at Grimmjow. He could be frustrated with him or even try to push him away yet he could never hold onto his anger for too long. All he needed to do was look at Grimmjow to know that he never had any evil intentions towards him even if he did do something that hurt him. Tearing that page out may have seemed malicious, but he was trying to protect him and  _ apparently _ he may have done it because he thought he had feelings for him. It still felt wrong to assume that much considering how Grimmjow felt unsure about Ukitake way before he even got the book and how he still gave him the book despite everything.

Grimmjow having feelings for him…Just the thought of it sounded ridiculous. Part of him still rejected that thought process. He was the king of the school; every girl liked him and would chase after him fully knowing that he would throw them away once he was done with them. Yet he said he wanted to be with him. It sounded crazy, it was impossible, nothing good would have happened if he accepted Grimmjow’s feelings. He would lose his friendship and threaten being thrown away. He knew it was the right decision to reject him deep down, but here he was hiding from Grimmjow with his head hanging as he regretted it, wondering what would have happened if he said yes. Heck he was practically fantasizing about the possibilities. He seriously was hopeless.

He sighed and slumped further into the booth as he sat alone at their favorite restaurant to hang out. He already hated himself for walking there instead of back home where he said he was going. He ran away. It was obvious before that he ran away, but now he was just hiding. If there was a chance that Grimmjow wanted to hunt him down by going to his house he didn’t want to be there. If Grimmjow went looking for him he didn’t think he would be able to say no a second time. Yet here he was at Grimmjow’s favorite restaurant since he was a kid, cheap and greasy food dressed in a child friendly esthetic.

He was a regular with Grimmjow and Nel since it was so easy to get to and not a lot of people from school went there. There was only one person he knew from school that went there and he was bringing his burger over before sliding into the booth opposite him. Most employees would get in trouble with their manager if they were seen doing this, but Chummie’s was not a very populated restaurant. It also helped that the guy sitting across from him and serving him food was the manager himself.

Ichigo didn’t know him that well. He recognized him from school and from being in the same gym class as him, but other than that the only time they really talked was when Ichigo, Grimmjow, and Nel ate here.

“I’ve never seen you here alone, Ichigo.” The redheaded waiter commented, helping himself to one of Ichigo’s still piping hot fries. “No Grimmjow and Nel today?”

Ichigo didn’t brush his hand away, sighing and not even bringing his hands up to grab a hold of his freshly made burger. This was the first time he talked to him without having Grimmjow and Nel here. Usually Nel was the one that would initiate the conversation and treated him like he was one of them. Ichigo could never really bring himself to call him a friend unlike Nel who would say ‘let’s go to Chummie’s. I wanna see Renji~.’

He didn’t feel like talking before, but the redhead’s nonchalance and easygoing attitude despite probably sensing the gloomy atmosphere resonating off of Ichigo allowed him to let his guard down. He didn’t know what exactly encouraged him to confide in him, but he already felt everything come out without much thought. “Have you ever thought that someone you are close to knew everything about you, but you realize that everything you knew about them seemed like a lie?”

The waiter sitting in the booth in front of him raised an eyebrow at him. “Is my assumption of who you are talking about right?” He asked without explicitly saying a name.

Ichigo felt a smile pull slightly, not grasping what encouraged it. It was the first time he felt any form of amusement since the drama with Grimmjow. Maybe he really was going insane. “Most likely,” Ichigo admitted, anxiously waiting for the guy across from him to perhaps give him another slight burst of dopamine that was probably not deserved.

“It is impossible to know everything about a person. You may feel like he knew everything about you, but he doesn’t know what you are thinking so you can’t assume that you know what he is thinking.” The waiter said mimicking Ichigo’s posture and his roundabout way of saying what he actually meant. “Everyone has secrets and not everything is the way it seems.”

Ichigo propped himself by his elbow not looking directly at the guy sitting opposite of him. “Do you just plan on saying vague shit to me instead of actual advice?” Ichigo mumbled.

Renji gave a hearty laugh despite Ichigo’s less than enthusiastic attitude. “You’re not much better. I don’t know what the hell you are talking about.” He said. “I don’t know why you are sitting here and not talking to him. You can always learn more about a person besides what they show you. Just keep an open mind.”

Ichigo let out a sigh. “How are you talking more than I am without even knowing what is going on?”

His classmate shrugged. “It’s just my standard advice.” He pulled his notepad out of his pocket and jotted something down before tearing out the page and placing it in front of Ichigo. The slip of paper had a seven digit number jotted down in messy handwriting.

“I don’t know if you really want to talk about it, but you seem stressed. If you need help then we can go see a movie or grab dinner or something, maybe some place where he visits less.” He said with a wink.

“Thanks Renji.” Ichigo acknowledged as he slid the note closer to him, pulling his phone out and adding the number to his contacts.

“Not to mention I may be able to help you out a bit more with some other, more personal things. It may help to talk to someone with some similar situations and interests. It might be nice to talk with someone you have certain things in common with.” He said winking before he slid off the booth and jogged over to help the customers up front who just walked in, a father and son.

Ichigo looked at the pair longer than a normal person should. Still he watched the bouncing kid pull the man by his hand as they were escorted to a booth further from Ichigo. The kid reminded him of Grimmjow in a weird way. When he was a kid Grimmjow used to go to Chummie’s all the time with his dad.

His mom took him there the first time and he instantly fell in love. Grimmjow’s dad was very upset how he got so attached to greasy ‘commoner’ food and despite trying to take him to other places he never liked them as much as he loved this quiet family restaurant that just barely got by paying the bills. It was truly a hidden gem to Grimmjow. Eventually his dad gave up. Despite his father hating the food there and never ordering anything he would take his son to Chummie’s afterschool on Friday every week, even treating Ichigo sometimes, since he worked all week and barely had any time to spend with his son who was in bed by the time he got home.

Despite Grimmjow and his dad having a rocky relationship now the memories were still pretty sweet. His father always seemed cold, but he did make it a point to have some form of a relationship with his son. Every part of the restaurant screamed childhood, the booths that were getting more and more worn down, the wall decorations, the dishes with ice cream designs on them, the mural.

Ichigo even knew that Grimmjow’s first childhood memory was of him tracing out the lines of the carnival themed mural. How could he know such an insignificant detail yet know so little about him? He learned the dirty details of what happened with his dad only recently and he still didn’t have the whole story. He wasn’t sure if he ever will know the whole story now or if he’ll even ever talk to him again.

Renji may have suggested talking to him without even knowing any of the details of that story, but he wasn’t sure he had the guts to do that much. So much for him not wanting to ruin their friendship. Ichigo traced his lips that Grimmjow kissed again. It was his first kiss with a guy, with his best friend who he secretly had a crush on before stuffing it in a bottle and throwing it in the ocean just for it to float back with the tide.

“Ichigo, I swear that if you don’t eat that burger I will.” Renji called over while placing a paper table mat with crayons in front of the little boy. Ichigo stared at his burger. It probably wasn’t the best idea to eat unhealthy after recently recovering from an ulcer. He didn’t eat there often since he was having stomach pains and when he did it was always something small. This time he was alone and it felt wrong to just walk in without ordering anything.

He needed to relax. He’ll get sick again if he stressed about every little thing even if this ‘little thing’ is disguised as a big thing. It was too bad that it was hard to not be stressed when his mind was running around in circles. Seriously, he was right about that poem. Grimmjow consistently destroyed the best parts of him leaving him a complete mess without even trying. Yet Grimmjow remained intact through everything they have been through. It almost felt unfair.

“Keep it Renji.” Ichigo said, pulling out a few bills before placing it on the table without even having the check delivered to him.

Grimmjow was so confident when he confessed. Back then Ichigo’s heart leapt through his throat so hard that he thought he tasted iron and he wasn’t even the one putting his feelings on a platter and serving it. Grimmjow cared a lot about reputation enough to try and save Ichigo’s nonexistent one and he practically threw it away just to say that he liked him and wanted to start a relationship that was more than friendship. They were in private with no one around, but that doesn’t change the fact that he kissed him while he was on school grounds.

Ichigo got up from the seat and left through the front door ignoring Renji calling after him that he was kidding and that he should eat.

Did he realize what he was doing or did he just expect a free pass to do whatever he wanted? He seemed so calm coming out of the closet if he could even call it that. His feelings may or may not be made up by a delusion of discovering he was on the spectrum, but he seriously thought they were real. Ichigo debated over his feelings for him for too long and when the opportunity presented itself he turned him down. It was the right thing to do. He couldn’t deceive him; it wasn’t right to do that to a friend and they both could have ended up getting hurt from it. Grimmjow will go back to the way he was in time.

Ichigo looked both ways before jogging to the other side of the street on a busy road, slowing his jog down to a walk as he reached the other side of the road’s sidewalk and started on his way home. He really hoped he stayed at Chummie’s long enough so that if Grimmjow actually did visit his house he would have missed him.

If Grimmjow was going to go back to the way things were then maybe he should too and go back to focusing on school and hopefully return to his place in Karakura High where he can reblossom into the wallflower he was before. He didn’t need a boyfriend. All he needed was himself until things settled down. It was like that before so it wouldn’t be the worst thing ever for him to go back even if he is just hiding his loneliness. He may have said that he didn’t want to lose their friendship, but he knew that it will never be the same after this.

And he was right.

Going to school was a lot more difficult than he thought. He has already gotten used to the additional bullying especially since it was now coming in waves of whether they bothered to do anything or not. He was a boring target. He pretended not to care when he was bullied and he knew how to defend himself from getting attacked when they tried a more physical approach. He would destroy the precognition they had that attacking a gay man would be safe because of the flamboyant stereotype. They could have gotten more of a reaction from knocking textbooks out of a ‘nerdy’ student’s hands despite it being too old school.

It was already November, a couple weeks after the entire incident with Grimmjow. A lot has happened within that time. He and Mr. Ukitake were even closer than before now that Ichigo met his fiancé. He still found Mr. Ukitake attractive, but he was steadily losing interest in him as it settled in that he was taken and madly in love already. It was a slow process, but he was getting over it. It wasn’t his fault that a man in love was even more attractive, but he was happy for him and wished for him and his fiancé, Kaien the best of luck.

The one good thing that came out of the incident with Grimmjow was that he wasn’t trying to get between him and his teacher anymore. Ichigo would be able to stay after school and discuss stories and get sneak previews of the romance novel his teacher was writing during his free time. Grimmjow wouldn’t have had any time for him anyway now that he has a new girlfriend anyway. Yeah, that happened.

It stung to see the two of them together despite him being the one to reject him. He was hoping that Grimmjow would run after him and prove him wrong, but the day after Grimmjow confessed to him underneath the oak tree he came in with a new girl. He wasn’t supposed to have some girl hanging off of him. He was supposed to be the one standing at his side. God, Ichigo also hated how jealous and possessive he was over someone who seemed to have no relation to him anymore.

Grimmjow has not met his gaze in two weeks. He never even had an opportunity to talk to his new girlfriend though he wasn’t sure he even wanted to despite having plenty of opportunities to. Ichigo would admit to himself that he was just as guilty as Grimmjow. He made a constant effort to avoid him as much as possible because whenever he saw him he got a crushing wave of loneliness and eventually resentment, but not for him, for himself. He hated his mixed feelings and that his actions were sending the wrong message. Heck he didn’t even know what message he wanted to send anymore.

Despite his avoidance it seemed as though the universe was drawing them towards each other. It must have been some universal law that physics was never able to explain that when someone is avoiding another person they would run into each other everywhere. He thought the universe was on his side in that sense for the majority of his high school career. Why is it now that the universe wants him to see him and feel that sting over and over again? No matter where he saw Grimmjow that girl was always on top of him, weaving her manicured fingers between his calloused ones. She would always be animatedly talking to him as she pranced next to him to keep up with his long confident strides, trying not to lose him in the shifting hallways, dodging people who involuntarily knocked into her. Ichigo half expected her to follow him even if he went into the men’s room. Ichigo did his best to try to avoid any drama and to stay as far away from it as possible, but he found himself growing, curious of the girl he decided to stay with after he told Ichigo his ‘true’ feelings.

He thought that if Grimmjow really liked him then he would have dated a girl that was similar to him, but this girl was gaudy. She was short and pale with dark, long, curly hair. Her hair was a deep indigo and she wore so much makeup that Ichigo couldn’t even imagine what she would look like without it. Maybe it was because of the makeup, but her skin looked smooth in comparison to Ichigo’s which was slightly spotted with ache that seemed to have spiked from stress. Even her personality was the opposite of his. She seemed ditsy and talkative, but also, without a nice way to say it, unpleasant. She only shared one class with Ichigo that she transferred into about three weeks ago and that was his PE class. Apparently her name was Cirucci and she only transferred to their high school that year which would explain why her face seemed so fresh despite her sticking out like a sore thumb on steroids. That girl looked like she was meant to be a design for a gothic doll. Never has Ichigo had such judgmental thoughts for a complete stranger and he found himself beating himself up for them.

She was pretty, another one of Grimmjow’s conquests. Ichigo was right about how he would get over him, but it still took him for a ride just how quickly he was forgotten about. It made him sick how jealous he was of this girl who he knew very little about, growing irritated whenever he saw her hanging off of him. He would catch himself glaring or knitting his eyebrows or scrunching his nose whenever he heard her annoying high pitched voice. At one point he had made eye contact with Grimmjow and his eyes softened immediately before he remembered that he was supposed to be avoiding him so he turned away and hoped that he wouldn’t think much of it and that his icy blue eyes weren’t following him. He could pretend all he wanted, but he still felt an icy chill run down his spine, knowing that he saw staring into his back as he retreated.

He was full of shit, no one needed to tell him since he was fully aware. He rejected Grimmjow, saying that he was afraid to lose their friendship, but now here he was ducking behind corners hoping that Grimmjow would stop watching him. Was it because he was embarrassed? Or was it because he was afraid of Grimmjow finding out his true feelings? He said that their friendship meant so much to him and here he was hiding from him. Friendships weren’t meant to be like this, but he couldn’t stop himself.

He felt so alone without Nel and Grimmjow around despite him spending more time with Rukia. Rukia would invite him over to do some art therapy a lot to distract him from his crippling loneliness, but he would still find his mind drifting to times where he would be eating pizza with Grimmjow and Nel. At some point Grimmjow would get into a wrestling match with him and Nel would laugh and sometimes record it and add it to her Snapchat story. He didn’t do a good job at hiding his thoughts as it became evident that Rukia would notice that the lights were on even if nobody was home and get impatient with him. She would tell him that moping wasn’t getting him anything and that talking about it may help or at least get a boyfriend who may do a better job of distracting him.

He would run into Renji more often at school and they would walk to class together. Since they had the same gym class it allowed them to chat more often. It became easier to talk to him now that he essentially reached out first instead of pretending to not know each other. It also helped distract Ichigo from his usual glares at Cirucci which over time has become less frequent as he and Renji became closer.

He found it surprisingly easy to talk to Renji about his issues and not only about the ones including a certain jerk that he was thinking too much about lately. He would talk about his experience being bullied and despite him acting like it was not a big deal, it has actually become a big stressor in his life that has been wearing him down despite learning how to cope with it.

Renji, despite being loud and outgoing, was a surprisingly good listener and was able to contribute his own stories of what he had to deal with at his old school. Renji was right about learning that there was more to a person then to expect. It turned out that he and Renji were more similar then he initially thought.He was right about that. It was amazing to learn so much about a person that he has seen so many times without ever actually having an in-depth conversation.

Ichigo was glad things so far haven’t been so bad that he has to change schools. Renji literally had to move in with his grandma to get some distance from his old school in hopes of not seeing anyone he knew. Renji seemed a little nervous telling his stories, but Ichigo reassured him that he didn’t have to share anything unless he wanted to. “It’s not much better here than there.” Ichigo reminded him.

“Yeah, but at least no one here knows. I bet I can keep it a secret for a bit longer.” Renji said, shrugging. “I just need to keep my head down for a bit longer.”

“Anything you miss from your old school?” Ichigo asked, hoping to learn a bit more from Renji’s past life.

“Besides my friends that stabbed me in the back and abandoned me? My school had a nice rugby club.” Renji perked up at the memory. “You should try playing.” He suggested ending the depressing conversation they were having, bringing an end to Ichigo’s hesitant, but persistent curiosity.

The sun beamed down on the two of them on the surprisingly hot day as they jogged the track at a moderate pace. It was so hot that Ichigo wondered why they weren’t swimming that day despite it being the swimming unit. At least he got to hang out with Renji since his friend couldn’t go in the pool because of his ‘chlorine allergy.’ Despite the heat Renji still wore one of his signature oversized sweaters, which made sense especially now.

The rubber like floor bounced their feet slightly to take some of the pressure off of their ankles as they kept up a faster speed then the rest of their lazy and overheated class. It also kept them from overhearing their private chat. “A little more exercise can do you some good.” Renji reached over and pat Ichigo on the belly.

“What are you trying to say?” Ichigo said looking at him in bewilderment, hiding his stomach under his folded arms and hunching over slightly to better cover it which only gave him a harder time running causing him to fall behind slightly. Renji slowed down to stay next to him and chuckled at his sudden self-consciousness.

“I’m not saying you’re fat, but you mentioned that you lost some muscle while you were sick.” Renji pointed out. “Those guys attacking you will eventually gang up on you, heck I’m surprised they didn’t yet. Plus some extra exercise could be good for your mental health.”

Ichigo shrugged, unfolding his body to pick up the pace he had before Renji sped up as well to minimize the distance between them. Ichigo could practically feel his body heat on him and his heavy breath labored from their non stop running. They could have taken a break, but both refused creating an unintentional endurance competition between the two of them.

“But why rugby? Ichigo asked.

Renji shrugged. “Because this school is way too into American football which is only a baby sport compared to rugby plus the protective gear isn’t as pricey.” Renji winked. “It’s also the sport I know best. The club at my school was a student made one and since there were not a lot of people in our club we made it co-ed and formed smaller teams.” Renji said, smiling at the memory. “The plan was to join other teams when they were lacking players.”

Renji turned his head away to hide his small nostalgic smile. Ichigo couldn’t help, but feel sorry for the guy. Ichigo’s hobby was more of a solo thing so he never had to worry about doing things with a buddy. Despite being a cool relatively normal guy to hang around with he didn’t seem to have enough friends. Was it possible that he had some trust issues considering his experience at his last school? Ichigo couldn’t blame him; he wouldn’t be surprised if he eventually acquired some.

They ended their fifth lap around the track, coming back to where they started jogging before continuing around the turn onto their next lap. Ichigo’s eyes lingered on the cabin next to the track field that is used for storing equipment that belonged to the track and field team. Leaning against the wall in the fetal position was Grimmjow’s current girlfriend, eyes glued to Ichigo as he jogged past with a blank look in her eyes as if she were staring off into space. That girl never participated in physical education activities, refusing to change out of her combat boots and afraid of how it threatened to ruin her hair and makeup. He wondered how that girl would even pass the class for sitting out so much.

“Maybe some new hobbies will make you stop thinking about him too.” Renji added.

Ichigo exhaled, noticing that his Renji noticed that he got distracted from the conversation while his eyes lingered.

“I’m just worried about ya Strawberry.” Renji justified, patting him on the back and picking up the pace causing Ichigo’s eyebrows to knit and took a few longer strides to catch up to Renji’s not exactly recommended jogging speed.

“Don’t call me that.” Ichigo gasped in displeasure. He picked up the speed, running ahead of Renji with a smirk.

“Oh I see how it is.” Renji said with a chuckle picking up his own speed until they were both running at top speed, passing everyone on the track with smirks on their faces. It became more than an endurance challenge and it took their PE teacher yelling at them to slow down to make them stop, calling it a draw.

Renji argued about who was truly the winner of their childish competition knowing full well that their attachment to the topic was silly on their way to the locker room. On the bright side if Renji does eventually convince him to play rugby with him then there was no way the guy would let him slack.

Renji quickly opened up his locker to grab his gym bag and walked to the stalls before anyone could get there first. Ichigo stood in the stall reserving it for Renji as they swapped places allowing Ichigo to grab his own bag and start to change as well. He looked down as he peeled off his sweaty shirt. He examined his flat stomach and traced the small grooves that used to be more defined muscles. His skin stuck to his fingers slightly as he pulled away. They never gave them enough time to shower and there were not nearly enough showers for everyone to do so. School was almost over anyway so it didn’t really matter so much but he hated feeling sticky on the way home, but there was no way Renji was less sweaty then him in his giant sweater.


	13. Chapter 13

Pissed off has become his default personality. He was pissed at his friends that seemed to have become less and less tolerable as his patience wore thinner and thinner. He found himself getting annoyed at Nel more frequently despite her not doing anything wrong. He realized that it was only him being the asshole and had nothing to do with her, but he couldn’t stop himself from snapping every so often. Even when she was trying to help and get him to talk about his feelings that he tried so desperately to hide while he was boiling over. It was just frustrating. Eventually she became dejected and started to talk less and since Grimmjow got his girlfriend she went home after school by herself every day instead of letting Grimmjow give her a ride.

He hated how he would wake up on the weekend with his girlfriend sleeping right next to him in the nude with her nipples perky despite her still being asleep as he sported a raging boner that was not there because of her. He hated how his childhood friend’s lips were the thing that haunted his dreams and all he could think about while he humped the living daylights out of the girl next to him. Frequently he would close his eyes and he would think about what else those lips could wrap around.

He got out of bed slowly in an effort to not jostle the mattress while he escorted himself to the shower, grabbing a change of clothes on the way out. He didn’t leave quietly because he wanted to let his girlfriend sleep in out of the niceness in his heart. He just didn’t want her to be the one to handle his morning wood, never thought the day would come where he would rather take a cold shower instead of allowing a willing hot girl to handle it.

He walked down the hall completely bare, not worried about his mom seeing him, knowing that she had to work overnight again. Still, walking around naked in the open was a little scary, but it was necessary since he didn’t want to risk waking Cirucci.

The cold tiles of the bathroom greeted him as he walked in and shut the door behind him. He rested a hand on his erection and sighed. He was convinced that a cold shower was the worst way to start a morning. He turned the water on and felt the icy rain against his arm as he tested the water. He trembled without even having to step in, his toes digging into the bath mat as if trying to keep him from stepping in. He turned the nozzle more to make it warmer, and then warmer. What the fuck was he doing? He asked himself as he stepped into the tub, erection still in hand.

The warm water eased his muscles that were clenched from the threat of the cold before. He sat under the showerhead contemplating what he knew for damn sure was going to happen, knowing full well that he couldn’t help himself. His calloused hand started slowly, just tracing the veins of his erection hesitantly before he tightened his hand and started to pump.

He tried to keep his mind blank, just trying to get the deed done quickly without having to think too much about it. He tried to do it before the inevitable thoughts started to creep in. Much like anything else that was taking place during Grimmjow’s life at the moment, it didn’t work out the way he wanted.

Thoughts of Ichigo flooded his mind, his scent, the intensity in his eyes, the expression he has when he is reading a book, his wrestling matches with him, times where he was pissed off at him, but couldn’t stay mad at him. He never thought of these things as erotic yet his dick twitched and urged him to keep pumping. His laugh, his skin, his surprisingly thin waist, his lips, his tongue, his butt. Grimmjow’s head dropped and his left hand kept him balanced, bracing itself against the tiled wall as Grimmjow picked up the pace and sucked in his teeth, welcoming the warm humidity of the shower and the friction embracing his cock.

He imagined Ichigo below him, bracing himself on Grimmjow’s bed, fingers tangled in the sheets, panting while he gave it to him. He fantasized about the sounds he would make and how he would beg him for more. He knew that Ichigo would probably rather die than beg, he’s too stubborn, but this was a fantasy dammit.

Grimmjow teased the slit of his dick. He never imagined what Ichigo would be like on his back despite where his fantasies would take him. He never imagined him burying himself in his ass or how he would grunt while tangling his fingers into his hair, but just the thought made his dick throb and beg for release. Grimmjow’s head started nodding as his body crumpled more and more, making him fight against his knees that were threatening to give out under him.

He knew it was stupid and an awful idea to articulate it out loud, but he wanted to. He at least wanted to see how it would feel to say it. He closed his eyes tightly, head facing down, grunting his childhood friend’s name, Ichigo’s name, in a low, husky voice. It felt wrong and he hated admitting it out loud, giving himself vocal evidence of what he felt for his friend that would no longer look at him.

His voice cracked slightly as he repeated it, knowing that it was unraveling him just by saying his name. A hot stream of white cum coated the floor of the tub. He moved over slightly so that the running water could pick it up and whisk the evidence down the drain.

He rode the wave of pleasure, panting as he stroked his dick a few more times while it calmed down, before letting his arm fall loosely to his side. He kept his head down as water ran over his head, pouring down over his hair that let leaked heavy streams of water as he processed his shame. He couldn’t believe he just masturbated to his best friend. Fuck, when was the last time he masturbated at all? He had a hot naked girl sleeping in his bed yet he handled himself in the shower while thinking about his friend, his  _ male _ friend who he has not even talked to since that incident that he hated to think about. Can he even consider him a friend anymore? The thought depressed him even though he thought of it countless times. It wasn’t like he didn’t try to talk to him. In fact he has, but whenever he was about to get the nerve to talk to him Ichigo would duck out of his view avoiding him.

At first Grimmjow understood that he was feeling awkward and he knew that he may have just needed time to process, but after waiting so long he has grown impatient. He put his entire friendship on the line to confess to Ichigo. Those emotions that he couldn’t comprehend were eating away at him and he did something about it. He may not have expected to be turned down, but he at least hoped that Ichigo would understand where he was coming from and accept his feelings. Instead Ichigo tried to convince him that they weren’t real, but here he was three weeks later and he still couldn’t get him out of his head.

He may have had a girlfriend, but he knew that she was just a coping mechanism. He was such an asshole and he knew it. She may have been a bitch at times, but she was a person, a person who liked him more then he liked her.

After spending so much time with Ichigo he thought he was becoming a better person, but now it feels like nothing has changed. He couldn’t tell if he was sad about that or relieved. If Ichigo didn’t want him at least everyone else did. Hopefully that will be enough eventually, but for now everything hurts.

He couldn’t remember ever having a good moment with his girlfriend. She was chatty and annoying, but at least she was hot and wicked in bed. She liked it rough and it allowed him to let out some of his frustration in the bedroom, but he could never get rid of all of it. Every time he saw Ichigo he would get more pissed off, knowing that he was going to continue avoiding him, not even letting him make the first move.

What pissed him off even more was that Ichigo seemed completely fine with replacing him. More and more he started to see Ichigo walking around with Renji. That fucker worked at his favorite restaurant so he better not ruin that place for him. He hasn’t gone over there since he saw him sniffing around Ichigo. Just seeing Renji pissed him off.

Ichigo didn’t want to date him but he was totally fine with someone else? Ichigo seemed to have no problem chasing after guys, losing interest in them, and then immediately starting to chase after another guy. Yet Ichigo was the one accusing him of throwing girls away. He was just as guilty. Grimmjow wanted to be pissed off at Ichigo but all he could feel was loneliness. Despite him having a girl who adored him hanging from his arm his chest panged at the sight of him and made him feel empty.

He always thought Renji was straight, but what the fuck did he know? He thought Ichigo was straight until this year. Heck, he thought  _ he _ was straight, but the idea of having Ichigo in his arms made his heart swell and then it would implode on itself from the crushing loneliness.

He was the one who introduced Ichigo to Renji unintentionally which only made him feel worse. He thought back to the times where he, Ichigo, and Nel would go to Chummie’s where Renji would bring them their food and sit down with them if the place wasn’t busy. It was the only time he saw Renji so talkative since he tended to keep to himself more at school. He didn’t know why since he was a good looking guy and super outgoing once you got him talking, but now that he was thinking back on it he remembered Renji talking the most with Ichigo. That fucker was probably zeroing in on him from the start.

His emotions have become such a rollercoaster of anger, more anger, and depression that class has been the only time where he had some quiet time to think. Despite his best efforts his mind kept on drifting back to Ichigo, but at least this time he didn’t have his girlfriend hanging off of him. Congratulations universe, the day has come, he liked class now. It was too bad some of that class time was cut off because Cirucci insisted that he walked her to class for once. After being together for three weeks she started to want some compensation for all the love that she has been giving him and it caused him to be late.

The hallways started to thin out as he rushed to get to class before the bell rang and his teachers marked him late. He halted as a body slammed into him and papers that she was holding spilled all over the floor. He placed a hand on his chest where a hard head slammed into him, while the girl who slammed into him dropped to the floor to pick up the papers that flew out of her folder that she was holding. Grimmjow sighed and crouched, hearing the bell ring signaling that he was late for class and that there was no point to rushing anymore.

Part of him wanted to keep walking, not needing to bother helping the girl he knocked over, but it seemed that part of Ichigo rubbed off on him. He cocked his head at the girl on her knees sliding papers that she dropped closer to her so she could pick them up. She looked familiar. In most cases this may have been one of those ‘meet, cute’ things that they always do in Hollywood, but he was only on his knees because he was curious who this girl was. He studied her face, knowing full well that he met this girl before, but he couldn’t recall her name or where he met her.

“You are so lucky these pages are numbered.” She growled looking through the paper and sorting them, taking the ones that Grimmjow collected from his hands and reorganized them.

“Gee you’re welcome.” He grumbled, as he straightened out his knees as he stood up, causing them to pop deciding that it wasn’t important to remember this girl.

“Why should I thank you if you were the one who knocked into me?” She glared at him with fire in her eyes while she stood up. Despite her practically being half his size she looked at him like she could kick his ass if he decided to piss her off any further. From the intensity in her eyes part of him didn’t doubt it.

Grimmjow was puzzled though. Not one student dared to talk to him like that unless they were in his social circle, well them and Ichigo. He ground his teeth at her defiance. “What the fuck crawled up your ass?” He didn’t know why he was engaging with her when the proper thing to do in this situation was to not bother and just go to class.

“You did asshole!” She hissed.

Grimmjow rolled his eyes at the girl. “Are you really getting hysterical just because I knocked into you?”

The girl stood there with a blank look on her face. Before scrunching her nose and then sighing seeming to come to a realization. “You don’t remember who I am, do you?”

Immediate stress filled Grimmjow’s stomach. His mind started to flip through the many blurry faces of girls that he had slept with wondering what the fuck he did this time. “Are you the girl that let me do you in your ass?” He asked hesitantly, not entirely sure and damn he was hoping he was wrong. He wouldn’t know how to act if she was.

The girl looked at him in horror which dissolved that thought. “N-no you pig, I’ve never slept with you and thank God I haven’t.” She said, correcting her surprised stutter to go back to her strict and stubborn attitude.

“Then who the fuck are you?” Grimmjow asked tired of playing games and knowing that there was no hope he was going to be able to convince his teacher to not mark him as late.

“I’m not surprised considering us ‘less popular’ people don’t really concern you.” She sighed. “Does the name Rukia ring a bell? I’m Ichigo’s best friend.”

Grimmjow remembered Ichigo mentioning her quite a few times and he has seen her once at the nurses’ office, but didn’t really talk to her much. She didn’t seem like the type of person who was interested in becoming friends with him. From the way she acted he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be her friend either.

“I don’t know what the fuck you did to him, but you better fix it.” She said. “He hasn’t been himself for weeks and he refuses to talk about you now. He may be getting better, but he’s not fully there.”

Grimmjow growled and he had to stop himself from knocking the papers out of her hands to make his escape. He was curiouser. Ichigo told him that he would tell Rukia everything. She knew about his sexuality before the rumor spread and was one of his greatest allies in helping him through it.

“Maybe he’s the one that should be fixing it. He’s been avoiding me this entire time.” Grimmjow said through his teeth to prevent him from projecting his voice.

Rukia blinked a few times. “Well I don’t know the story between you two. I’m not sure you could stop the bullying in this school even with your ‘almighty power’ especially since your ‘pretend to be straight’ plan didn’t pan out the way you wanted it to.”

“If Ichigo really does tell you everything then you should know that I was serious and I still am serious about wanting to help him. I just…I really miss him.” Grimmjow said, realizing that he shouldn’t be saying this. He shouldn’t be admitting his feelings now to a practical stranger. He now seems to see why Ichigo tells her everything. She felt like she had some magic power that made him feel like he could confide in her.

Rukia chewed on the bottom of her lips, face relaxed since he started to pour out his thoughts. She ran her hand through her hair nervously; she may have picked up that nervous habit from Ichigo for all he knew. “Okay,” She said plainly. “Okay, fine. If you are seriously being honest, and I can tell that you are, I’ll help.”

Grimmjow blinked a few times in surprise. Was she actually serious? And was he actually ready to patch things up knowing full well that his feelings for Ichigo has not died down yet?

Rukia clicked her tongue. “I really shouldn’t be telling you this, but he has been hanging out with Renji after school a lot lately. They’ve been working out in the park.” She recalled.

Grimmjow looked at her curiously for someone who seemed so angry and spiteful towards him she was suddenly giving him tips on how to make things right. It looked like she really did care for Ichigo’s wellbeing. Was she some kind of angel? In a way Grimmjow was jealous of her. He knew that she wasn’t his competition, but he still felt the need to keep Ichigo all to himself.

They stood in silence awkwardly until the short dark haired girl with intense eyes spoke first. “What the fuck are you still doing here? Don’t you have class?”

She said walking away, holding the folder she was holding close to her chest as she turned towards the double doors of the library and let herself in.

He knew that he needed to go to class, but part of him wanted to follow her. He wanted to find out how Ichigo was doing. He was upset and despite how crappy he felt he didn’t wish the same thing on him. Dammit, he really did care about him. What the fuck has he been doing?

He followed her, a few feet behind her. She looked back at him with an odd expression on her face; she rolled her eyes, turning away to hide the small smile that threatened to break out. She walked to the desk in the center of the quiet area of the library.

“I won’t make judgments on you skipping class, but Ichigo probably wouldn’t approve.”

Grimmjow shrugged, it wasn’t like Ichigo was there to judge him and he wasn’t sure how much he would even care now. He knew he wouldn’t be able to pay attention to his teacher anyway. At this point he already forgot what period it was and which class he was going to. His mind wasn’t able to focus on one thing at a time anymore.

The library has always been a safe place for Ichigo even before he was welcomed into the world of unavoidable drama. He has always been able to hide there since the bullying started and when he became an outcast from the lunch table. Grimmjow knew better than to search for Ichigo in the library. There he was protected by the library’s guardian angel who has taken an odd liking to the orange-haired teenager.

The guardian angel residing in the form of a librarian looked up from her book and greeted Rukia with a smile. That was when she recognized the figure hidden behind a large stack of binders and books that was piled on the far side of her desk and frowned. Rukia shrugged nonverbally, communicating that she wasn’t sure what he was doing here either.

“How’ve you been Nanao? Mr. Ukitake wanted you to look through his revisal of the first three chapters of the book he has been writing.” Rukia announced handing the folder to her.

Nanao flipped through it, choosing not to acknowledge Grimmjow anymore then she did at the moment. She pulled it out and bit the bottom of her lip slightly. “It looks like he’s done a lot since the last time he asked me to look through it. I can tell.”

Rukia nodded her head towards the stack of binders on top of the desk. “I hope you’ll have time to look through it.”

Nanao nodded and immediately opened it and pulled out a red pen and highlighter. “Everyone wants to be a writer now, huh? Most of this feels like remastered fanfiction though. After the success of  _ Fifty Shades of Grey _ everyone thinks that their writing only needs to have the names changed, but they leave so many things from what they were writing.”

Rukia laughed and picked up the binder at the very top. “Please share.” Rukia flipped through looking for a red pen or highlights of some mistakes that were left in.

Nanao sighed and ran her hand through her hair, messing up her bun as she sucked her teeth in clearly annoyed as she remembered some of the struggles of looking through amateur work. “I really wish people would look up to something better than a story that was originally a bad fanfiction. I don’t really know how to react when I read something that leaves weird references in. What the hell is a shunpo and who the heck is Hanataro?”

Grimmjow sat there quietly in awe of what he understood from what was going on. He knew this for a while, but there were many different cultures of what was going on in the school that he was supposedly ruling over. Teachers and staff that he never really regarded are people too. They talked casually when they weren’t acting professional and had influence in other students’ lives by truly wanting to help. Ukitake tried to help Ichigo by introducing him to his fiancé to show that things can get better if he holds on.

Now he was witnessing what was going on in one of the cultures at that very moment and it was surprisingly vast judging by the amount of binders on the librarian’s desk that was supposedly filled with student’s work that they asked her to look through. He couldn’t deny that he was curious.

It took awhile for Grimmjow to get up the nerve to talk, but eventually he too picked up a binder and looked through it. “May I ask why you bother doing this much?”

Nanao lifted an eyebrow, but answered respectfully. “I’m the advisor for the writing club. Recently they decided to break off from poetry and start working on novels although I personally think it is a little over ambitious.”

Grimmjow flipped through and studied the red pen marks noting running sentences, bad grammar, and oddly broken apart paragraphs, odd anecdotes that should be removed because they served no purpose and were never referenced to, strange details in a story that was used as a weak way to move a story along. Grimmjow had no idea that there were so many mistakes in writing and this probably wasn’t even scratching the surface of it.

“How do you get through all of these?” He said noticing just how many mistakes were marked in just one chapter of the binder he picked up.

“I usually have Ichigo help me out.” She admitted. “He’s an amazing writer, but he lost his drive.”

Grimmjow looked up at her with wide eyes. He had no idea that Ichigo wrote stories. He wasn’t surprised considering his love for literature and would read through just about any genre, but he never shared that part of him. He always knew that there was more to Ichigo then he let on. He was strong, smart, and despite his denial he was damn attractive. Grimmjow always thought that he was a wallflower and that wasn’t wrong, but he had a hand in other people’s lives despite them not even knowing about it.

He was the complete opposite of him. Ichigo worked from the shadows and helped people better themselves even if it was only a small percentage of the school, and probably asked nothing in return. He would tutor people, but he didn’t really advertise it nor did he demand much payment, yet Grimmjow demanded attention. He wanted the spotlight at all times. He had influence in the school, but it most likely wasn’t positive like Ichigo’s. There was a power struggle and people referred to him as if he was at the top, the king while Ichigo was a commoner that gave back to his fellow commoners. He couldn’t believe that he was just realizing that now.

Nanao acknowledged his curiosity and pulled out a drawer in her desk that was filled with files. She handed one over to Grimmjow, the tab labeled with ‘Ichigo.’ “His short stories are interesting and diverse despite him not being so great at poetry.” Grimmjow hesitantly took it from her, not knowing if it was a test of some sort.

Rukia looked at Nanao with wide eyes, but smiled at her before giving a slight nod to Grimmjow before she excused herself to the back table where Ichigo usually sits, pulling out a book for herself to read. Those two seemed to be made for each other. It’s a good thing that Ichigo is gay.

She would look up every now and then at Grimmjow rummaging through the surprisingly thick folder filled with short stories, each story stapled neatly with minimum red marks from corrections. Each story had a post-it on it labeled with a genre, romance, fantasy, mystery, horror, it felt like he had made a short story in every genre, or at least he was aiming to.

Grimmjow was amazed at the diversity and pulled one out reading the title. Nanao peeked over the paper and shook her head. “That one is a little too complex for you, no offense.” She took the folder from him and rifled through it pulling out a small, five page story that was labeled with the title ‘ _ No Reality _ .’ The post-it labeled it as horror. He flipped through it and sat down at the same table Rukia was sitting at. She gave him a side eye before returning to her own book, pulling out a notebook and jotting down answers to homework questions.

“If you are planning to skip class to read through his stories I would suggest starting with that one.” Nanao said looking back at the folder holding Ukitake’s work. “Don’t worry; I’ll pretend that I didn’t know you had class this period. Just get out when the bell rings. It’s Ichigo’s lunch period and I would like him to help me out so I don’t need you scaring him away.”

Grimmjow nodded, completely understanding and grateful that she let him look at his work despite her knowing that he was going through a rough patch with the author of the stories he was holding. He was expecting her to chase him out of the room despite the library being for everyone. She was also probably not allowed to throw around his work to anyone who wanted to read it. He couldn’t tell what her and Rukia’s angle was, but he was grateful that it was turning towards his favor.

“Oh and don’t tell Ichigo I let you look through that.” She said looking over the stack of papers briefly before returning to the story only for a moment before adding “and that goes double for you, Rukia.”

Grimmjow was immediately entranced by the story he was reading. It was a page turner, quick, suspenseful, didn’t focus on details and allowed the imagination to do the talking; only putting details where it needed them. He didn’t exactly talk about how blue the sky was. There were notes on post-its that were written by his fellow students who have read through it as well requesting more details, but Grimmjow disagreed. More details wouldn’t have done it justice; it would take away the feeling of someone verbally telling a story and also probably ruin the pace.

He looked over at Nanao who was focused on the story she was reading, highlighting a rather long portion of it. He then pulled out a pack of post-its from his bag that he has long forgotten about and jotted down on the note. ‘Hey Ichigo, I know you probably aren’t going to see this, but I really liked this story and I think that you shouldn’t stop writing.’ He stuck it to the front page before hiding it back in the folder towards the middle. He breathed out and noticed the girl he was sitting next to looking right at him while he was doing this.

Grimmjow felt the back of his neck before cold from the sudden sweat that broke out, but he kept his cool. He placed a finger on his lips making a quiet ‘shh’ noise, darting his eyes towards Nanao momentarily who hadn't seemed to notice. Rukia nodded “Are you sure?” She asked in a low whisper.

Grimmjow shook his head. Honestly, just writing a hidden note to him made him nervous. He wasn’t sure how Ichigo would react if he saw it, but he enjoyed his story and he wanted to let him know that someone read it and liked it. Hopefully if he saw the note it would encourage him to start writing again.

Rukia shrugged and offered a small smile. She then rifled through the folder searching for another story quietly by only lifting corners of the pages and peaking at the title labeled at the top before tugging another story and placing it on top. She tapped it, silently telling him to read that one too. He smiled picking it up, enjoying the little secret he shared with an unexpected ally.


	14. Chapter 14

Ichigo sighed in relief as he eased himself in a chair at the usual round table that he has claimed at the library which has once again acted as a safe space. Outside in the maze of halls students who regarded themselves as higher than him got away with minor bullying. They would throw crumpled up paper at the back of his head, it didn’t really bother him that much anymore. It was just a nuisance. People calling him ‘fag’ in the hallway sucked, but it was not nearly as bad as how it used to be. The bullying was still there, but he could sense that people were seriously starting to get bored. They may have gotten bored faster if it wasn’t for the fact that he ‘fell from popularity’ in only a few weeks.

His desire to confide in Mr. Ukitake or Nanao died down especially since they already knew everything that was happening, but couldn’t do anything to stop it. Apparently both Nanao and Mr. Ukitake went together to tell the principal what has been going on. Apparently the principal said that ‘he would handle it,’ but it’s been almost three weeks and nothing has changed so his chances didn’t look good.

Everything sucked, but he still had Rukia and Renji. He knew Rukia for so long. She was the first person that he came out to. He knew she would never betray him and she always made time for him. Even if she was supposed to go out with her boyfriend the same night they made plans she would cancel them in favor of being with Ichigo. She and Renji became fast friends and he was soon treated equal to Ichigo in her top priorities. Even Ichigo was a little jealous of how close they have become. There was no way he could be mad at Renji though. He was the most supportive person he has met in a long time. He was a great listener and understood most of what Ichigo was going through in terms of bullying.

The school liked to brag about how long they have been violence free, but just because there hasn’t been a fight in the hallways for a long time it didn’t mean that violence and bullying didn’t exist. It was well known too. The graffiti that was in the bathroom has been painted over, sweeping evidence under the rug so that the school didn’t have to deal with it. So that it can keep its reputation. Renji said that he thought every school was like that and it would explain why the principle, despite knowing what has been going on with Ichigo, hasn’t lifted a finger to help. It seemed like Renji would know better than anyone about how corrupt schools can be considering how his old school was the same.

At least there was one sanctuary left for him at the school. No one dared to bully him there since there was the risk of assuring Nanao’s wrath who acted as a bodyguard. The people like him who are regulars there knew and respected him. They knew who he was and the amount of work he did for the lesser known students that were in the same social group as them, tutoring, critiquing writing, gives good book suggestions. He was also the kind of person that will help with homework if asked without hesitation. Even with his reputation of being the only gay person out of the closet in the school and taking the brute force of bullying he still had unspoken appreciation.

Despite the library being a nice place to relax typically ever since the incident with Grimmjow he could never focus on the book opened in front of him or the stories he was critiquing without thinking about him. His lunch period was the only break he got during the school day, but knowing that he shared the same free time with a blue haired jerk made him feel uneasy. He hoped that Grimmjow wouldn’t come in for any random reason. He wasn’t ready to see him yet. He didn’t think he could face him since he poured out his feelings to him. He knew that he liked him and rejected him, after that Grimmjow snapped back to his old self while having the knowledge of his true feelings. His eyes would keep darting towards the door to see if Grimmjow would come in so that he was ready to run.

The worst part of it all was that there was a part of Ichigo that actually wanted to see him. He missed him. He missed his laugh, his scent, the way he looked at him with interest instead of disgust. He didn’t know how he would react if he saw Grimmjow come in through those double doors. His plan was to run, but he wasn’t sure if his legs would carry him. He was so confused by his own emotions that he was making himself sick as his stomach reminded him that he was a terrible human being.

Nanao seemed happy to have someone who gave her the time of day. His fellow students don’t really care enough to see how the librarian is doing, even the ones who spend a lot of time in the same space. Even if Nanao was happy Ichigo could tell that she knew how upset he was. It made him feel awful for making her worry about it while he refused to bring it up. She tried to keep him busy, giving him book suggestions, starting conversations about topics he liked, and giving him some stories made from the writing club for him to critique and correct.

The short story he was currently critiquing took up two pages of his critiques starting with the bad grammar and ending with not having an understandable conflict. He even started to write another paper, writing the same critiques again, but trying to make it sound nicer as well as throwing in some compliments. He recognized some of the mistakes as ones he had made in the past and he cringed at the memory.

He thought that his life was completely over with the popular crowd, but the past has a habit of clinging to the present. He opened up a new folder containing another classmate’s work, ignoring the name of the writer to avoid bias. He pulled out the first chapter of the new novel she was writing. He was just getting through the first few paragraphs, twirling a pencil in his hand, when he heard the sound of a chair pulling out from under the table, someone plopping down next to him, and something like a book getting placed on the table. Out of the corner of Ichigo’s eye he saw seafoam green hair and a large chest hidden under a shirt that did its best to cover it. Ichigo’s head bolted up, eyes bewildered and mouth hanging slightly open.

“Nel, What are you doing here?” Ichigo asked in a hushed whisper. His eyes bolted to the door to see if Grimmjow was there following behind her.

Nel’s kind smile greeted him like she normally did before his long absence and avoidance of the popular crowd. “Can’t a girl sit with her friend? I figure you’d be here since you haven’t been sitting at our lunch table.”

Ichigo clicked his tongue and turned his head down, facing the stack of papers neatly placed in front of him. “Maybe you haven’t noticed, but I haven’t been there for a while.” He spun his pencil on the top of his hand a few more times, not knowing what to do with his hands or his now rigid body.

Guilt sunk to the bottom of his stomach. She used to wave to him in the hallways and now that he was avoiding her and Grimmjow’s crowd he would acknowledge her less. He would pretend not to see her and ignore her big eyes that watched him pass by.

Nel nodded slightly, “I have noticed, and I have also noticed that Grimmjow has been incredibly grumpy lately.” She tapped her finger on the desk and crossed her legs tilting her head down in an effort to get to see at least a fraction of Ichigo’s face. “Did something happen between the two of you?”

Ichigo turned his head further away from her. He didn’t want to be rude to her, but he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want her to see how he was actually feeling and he wasn’t sure if he would be able to pull off his ‘overcompensate by smiling act’ with her. “If Grimmjow hasn’t told you then he probably doesn’t want you to know.” Ichigo suggested.

Nel’s looked downcast, her usual smile gone and replaced with a glum expression. “I figured that, but lately he just hasn’t been talking to me and I could really use a friend.” She swung her legs slightly from under the table, managing to hit the other chair on the other side.

Ichigo turned his head slightly and looked at her from the corner of his eye, recognizing the depression expressed on her face instead of her happy go lucky personality that she usually hid behind. “I’m not sure if I can help you.” He responded honestly. He wasn’t sure if he was in the right position to help her out, “But maybe we could talk somewhere a little more private?” He suggested, not really sounding sure of himself. He felt like he needed to do something though. He has been a terrible person lately and maybe he could find a way to make it up to her.

Nel shook her head looking more downcast. “No never mind, this was a stupid idea.” She suggested. “I’m fine.” She said with a smile, dragging the binder she placed on the table closer to her. “Can I just sit here silently and get some work done?” She asked as if she needed to ask his permission to sit down at the library.

Ichigo turned his head to look at her casually for the first time since she sat down. “Are you sure?” He asked. He asked with genuine concern. He may not have talked to her for a long time, but just a few weeks ago he considered her a friend and she herself still called him one.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She said with a forced smile that quivered, her eyes blinking a few times to try to stop the tears from falling. One tear betrayed her and she immediately turned away, frowning and staring intently at her binder.

Ichigo pretended not to see the tear that was accompanied by a few more while she tried to correct any feelings that she had on her sleeves. She focused on an open book like it required all of her concentration and pulled out her unfinished math homework.

Ichigo peeked at it out of curiosity and found himself sighing, sliding the paper away from her. She looked at him in confusion, her face still a bit of a mess. “You are using the wrong formula.” He said kindly.

Nel’s eyes grew and she grabbed her paper holding it up and studied her work. “Really?” She asked in complete shock. Whatever sadness she was hiding before was gone. Just like that a switch flipped and she was more surprised and focused on the formula then whatever was making her cry before.

“Yeah, let me help you with that.” Ichigo reached down and pulled out his calculator, pushing the story he was reading to the side. It wasn’t like he could focus on the story anyway and plugging numbers into a formula seemed a bit easier at the moment.

He crossed out the formula she had written at the top of the page with the pencil he was twirling in his hand and wrote down the correct one. “This is the formula the teachers want to see even if I know a better method. If you use my method though you won’t exactly get a good grade on your test since you’re supposed to show your work. You can use it to check your work if you think you have enough time if you want.”

He helped her with the first three problems and with Ichigo’s detailed teaching and patience she was able to figure it out and started to do the problems by herself while Ichigo watched and coached her whenever she made a mistake, whether it was her getting disorganized or making a calculation error.

“So how have you been?” She asked, trying to start a conversation that didn’t involve math. Hearing her engage in conversation with him was a relief. He was nervous when Nel wanted to just sit there quietly without saying anything. At least now it felt a little normal. It may never be what he considered normal or even his new version of normal again, but this was something.

Ichigo crumpled his left hand slightly and gave her a wide smile. “I’m fine, just a little sore from working out with Renji.” He wasn’t completely lying, he told himself. He wouldn’t define himself as ‘fine,’ but he wasn’t lying about being sore. Well, he was sort of lying. He wasn’t a little sore. He was  _ very _ sore. He didn’t realize how out of shape he was. Looked like he didn’t gain his healthy weight from hard work, rather he just had good genetics.

“That’s right; I’ve noticed you’ve been hanging out with Renji more often.” She hinted, with a smug look. “That seems fun. I’m a little jealous that you replaced me~” She teased.

“Yeah, he’s a cool guy. I wish I was friends with him sooner.” Ichigo said with a genuine smile. He looked up to see Nanao looking his way with a brow raised in curiosity. He gave her a smile to reassure that everything was okay. Despite usually sitting alone, only being approached by people who needed help, someone she may have only seen a few times sat down with her favorite regular like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“So tell me, do you like him?” She said in a hushed tone with a slight giggle, but not doing well to hide her excitement. She looked around to see if anyone overheard her, but her scanning the room only made her look more suspicious. She returned her attention to Ichigo. His ears were bright red and he looked away from her. She leaned in further so her face was only a few inches away from his. If Ichigo didn’t have his ongoing reputation of being gay then the onlookers may have thought that she was flirting.

“Sh-shut up, it’s not like that.” He stuttered. He forgot what it was like to get probed and teased by her. It was comforting in a weird way, just a hint of familiarity even though he should be used to sitting alone in the library more than anything.

“Look, your blushing~” Nel cooed.

Ichigo narrowed his eyes and looked downward, past her chin to cast his gaze on the paper in front of her. He pulled it closer to him and pointed to a problem. “Why is that number there?” He grumbled in a strict tone, changing the subject so that he was back to his teacher mode.

Nel looked down at her paper and bit her lip lower lip slightly realizing that she couldn’t hide her mistake that she knew was wrong, but still did it out of being uncomfortable and wanting to get something on the paper. “Because I didn’t like it?” She said hesitantly in a cute voice hoping to not get him frustrated.

“You can’t just move around numbers and do things out of order because you want to avoid it. Remember PEMDAS from when we were in 6 th grade?” Ichigo reminded her of basic algebra that was taught in middle school. He took matters into his own hands and erased her work and told her where to start from and what she did correctly.

Over time Nel’s eyes brightened as she started to comprehend the lesson, gaining something she didn’t come over for. She stretched with her arms in the air, tilting her head up and flipping her hair out so that it ran like the tide before falling down with a slight sway. Ichigo slid the paper closer to him as he checked her work. He gave her a smile as he slid the paper back towards her. “Great job,” He complimented as he pulled the folders that he was working out of in front of him again.

“Thank you so much~ I didn’t know how much I didn’t understand until you showed me.” Nel said. She tapped her finger to her chin and looked over to him with her big brown eyes that shined like caramel. “Then again you tutor right? That’s how you were invited to Harribel’s party, right?”

Ichigo’s eyes dulled and he looked away from Nel yet again in an effort to hide his face. “Not anymore, she discontinued her lessons.”

Nel tilted her head, a strand of hair rolling over her shoulder with the slight movement. “I share a class with her and her grades have gotten worse.” Nel said in a serious tone. “She admitted it to me herself.” Her upbeat attitude was gone, realizing that something was wrong. Despite her acting oblivious and ditsy like a kid she knew how to read people

Ichigo didn’t respond, the only thing that Nel could see from her angle was Ichigo’s jaw tightening as he clenched his teeth.

“Tell me what happened.” She said softly, placing a hand on his shoulder.

The warmth of her touch was reassuring and made his eyes sting slightly from tears that he became an expert at preventing. “Take a wild guess.” He shrugged.

“She left because of rumors?” Nel asked. “She doesn’t seem like the type.”

He ran his hand through his hair and gripped it, hiding his pain behind a chuckle and a smile with his back still facing her. “I didn’t think she was the type either. I even thought about telling her I was gay before that rumor went crazy.”

He faced towards Nel with an aloof expression. “It seems like in this school reputation is everything and she would rather sacrifice her grades then risk lowering hers.”

As soon as he said that Nel shot from her seat and wrapped her arms tightly around his back. Her hair leaked over her shoulders smelling slightly like mint and cool to the touch that tickled his cheeks. She rested her head on his shoulder which held her hair in place and buried her head into his neck. Her breath gave him goosebumps as her breath teased his overly sensitive neck. “She isn’t a real friend. Real friends don’t ditch another friend just because of some minor flaw.” She said before correcting herself with her next statement, “and homosexuality isn’t a flaw.”

Ichigo placed a hand on hers and leaned back into her, the only way he could accept her hug. “It’s okay.” He lied. “I’m used to it at this point. A lot of my friends left me just to save them from being bullied the same way.”

He thought about what Renji said. ‘You never get over it when your friends leave you just because you shared who you really are.’ It rang through his head as well as his next statement. ‘I wish I knew their true feelings before because once the secret is out there is no way to go back.’ He was right. Renji had a very similar experience to what Ichigo was going through right now.

“In fact, I’m surprised you didn’t do the same.”

Nel shook her head, causing Ichigo to sway with it. “I don’t wanna.” Was all she said, refusing to let go.

Before Ichigo was out of the closet he was so far in that he was in Narnia. When Harribel asked him who he had a crush on he lied and said a random student's name from his class. He didn’t even remember the name he said. She guaranteed that she will be going to her birthday party to try to tempt him to go. He felt cornered so he went. He may have not played sports at school and stayed away from gender norms, keeping to himself in the library reading, studying, doing homework, or writing. He didn’t sexually harass girls because he respected women and his best friend who he loves is one. It was too suspicious apparently because as soon as the rumor started all these little details looked like evidence.

Ichigo gestured with his head slightly to avoid knocking into her face which rested against his neck, her head leaning on his shoulder. “Izuru, Momo, and Shuuhei barely come over anymore. Uryu as usual keeps his distance despite our dads’ acquaintance with each other.” Ichigo noted. He kept listing names, pointing out every regular in the library that he has become familiar with from them asking for help, sharing book suggestions, setting class schedules for next year, and asking him to help with their stories. Despite the knowledge that Nel probably doesn’t know most of these people he kept on going. He talked to Rukia about it, but he knew talking about it more may make him feel better.

Nel tightened her grip around him as he started to finish up. “You still have friends; you still talk to Rukia right?” She said not fully certain of the name, “and you’ve been hanging out so much with Renji.” She pointed out.

She lightened her grip on Ichigo to look at him square in his expressionless face minus his usual stern eyebrows. “Also I’m still here. Just because we haven’t talked in a while doesn’t mean that I am no longer here.”

She let go as the bell ending the period rang and Ichigo started to shove his books into his book bag. He carried the small piles of folders that he didn’t have time to look through to Nanao’s desk. “I have to go.” Ichigo said he said walking towards the double doors that were the exit of the library. He looked over his shoulder slightly at Nel whose eyes shined with eyes filled with tears that have threatened to fall again. Then Ichigo managed to say one thing lightly, unsure of it himself, “thank you.”

Days passed, things started to feel normal once Nel started to text him again. Despite him not talking to Grimmjow he got to learn more about Nel as an individual instead of Grimmjow’s accessory, talking to her one on one more often. At that point he started to work out daily with Renji rather than occasionally. He even started trying to get him to play rugby. After they worked out they had plans to either have ‘stupid movie night’ with Rukia or have dinner with her depending on what they were feeling.

The school bell rang and he walked down the halls joining the crowd of people all going in the same direction to leave the building. Waiting by the exit was Renji with a big smile on his face with his gym bag over one shoulder and with his backpack over the other. Ichigo approached him and they started to walk to the park just like they did every day before breaking into a jog. They would drop by Renji’s house to drop off their stuff and change; he would give his grandma a kiss before grabbing the rugby ball and water bottles, changing into clothes that they don’t mind getting dirty and something that Renji can breathe properly with before jogging out the door.

Despite the clothes underneath the loose black sweater showing off how fit he still wore his sweater. It was a shame, but Ichigo understood why he wore it. Only he and Rukia knew why outside of his family and his old school. 

He was good looking, probably one of the most attractive people he knew. He was muscular and his skin looked clear. He was confident enough in his masculinity to grow his hair out and it looked great on him. He had a thin waist and although Renji didn’t vocalize it that often Renji has mentioned that he is self-conscious about his figure and he worked hard to become stronger so that he could make up for it. If the thing with Grimmjow didn’t happen so recently he may have had a crush on him.

They start their work outs by running to the park as a warm up, running to a spot that was less populated due to the decreasing temperature. As usual they set up the four same trees to be the ends of the field. Getting past the trees that seemed to line up perfectly was a tri. Despite it only being the two of them Ichigo was able to learn a lot from just that and Renji’s agility gave him a challenge.

“How’s your soreness?” Renji asked, tossing the ball from one hand to the other before passing it to Ichigo who caught it without being phased by the sudden toss. It took a while, but he was getting used to throwing it around. It was larger than a football which surprised him at first and it took a bit longer than he had hoped to get used to tossing it.

“Not great, it still hurts to even sit down.” Ichigo admitted, “It’s nothing I can’t handle though.” He said tossing it back a little faster with a spiral to prove that he knew how to throw it properly.

“Did you try the stretches I showed you?” He continued while catching the ball.

“I forgot some of them.”

“That’s not too surprising.” He confessed.

“I’ll show you after we finish. I still need to teach you how to tackle properly.” Renji leaned towards Ichigo to grab a hold of his arm, guiding him away from slipping on some mud before he was ready to play. It takes time to get used to playing on slippery grounds. Ichigo blushed slightly from the unexpected contact and slight embarrassment. God he was muscular. “Are you excited?”

Ichigo smiled despite his eyebrows still knitted together like he always did, giving him a smuggler look then excited. He was admittedly excited for this lesson. He was bored of being taught the rules and how to throw, the proper ways to run to pass to teammates as well as receive. He was ready to knock some people down even if it was just Renji.

Renji took that smile as a confirmation and walked up to Ichigo in a stride before gently wrapping his sturdy arm across Ichigo’s chest at shoulder level. “This is a high tackle, it’s illegal.” Renji started. “As much as we want to knock people down both of us need to get out of this alive.” Renji said taking his arm off of him and slipping his mouth guard on which was good considering a second later he was knocked to the ground sideways with a body on top of him.

Renji fell on his side uncomfortably and struggled to roll over so that he was on his back as the offender repositioned himself so that he was sitting on Renji’s stomach that was breathing heavily out of exhilaration. The muscular, blue haired man pinned him down with one hand on his wrist with the other on his throat, not tightly but enough so that Renji knew not to move unless he wanted to get hurt or threatened to hurt himself. Despite knowing better Renji still placed his hand on Grimmjow’s wrist that hovered over his gripped neck, not prying it off, but holding it.

“Don’t touch him!” Grimmjow shouted, mouth snarling like a wild animal and eyes like a predator.

Ichigo was amazed and horrified. This was the most he has seen of Grimmjow after weeks of avoiding him and here he was, coming out of nowhere and attacking Renji for no reason, unprovoked and unfairly. This was the most he has ever interacted with him even though his statement wasn’t directed at him. He was unhappy to say the least, but mostly he was confused and mad. How the hell did Grimmjow find him in a park during the time of year that was rapidly getting colder? And why the hell was he attacking him? He can guess from what he said in his last statement, but that still didn’t justify the insane action.

“What the fuck Grimmjow!” Ichigo shouted, ready to pull Grimmjow off, but stopping, realizing that his hand around Renji’s throat can potentially hurt him if he tightens it as a reaction. “What are you doing?”

Grimmjow looked at Ichigo out of the side of his eyes with anger still ingrained into his eyes. “I’m fucking up this pervert. Isn’t that obvious?” He growled, turning his attention back on Renji, looking like he was about to tear him a new one. At least if Grimmjow decided to do just that he had a mouth guard on to keep his teeth from being bashed in, not that that was an option.

“Get off of him.” Ichigo demanded with a little bit of franticness in his voice. “This has nothing to do with you.”

Grimmjow’s eyes grew and whipped his head back to Ichigo, tugging his hand a bit sideways unintentionally with the movement causing Renji to gulp. Ichigo stood frozen, despite him knowing that he probably wasn’t mad at him; his expression made him look like he was about to jump off Renji’s stomach and attack him.

“Nothing to do with me? You’re the one running off with another guy.” Grimmjow pointed out swinging his head in a slight nod to Renji, the small movement causing Renji to cough.

Ichigo wanted to interject saying that he got a girlfriend the day after he confessed, but not only did he not want to say it in front of Renji. He didn’t tell anyone about the confession and he wasn’t ready for Renji to know about it yet. He at least wanted to have a normal relationship before unloading everything onto him and Rukia. He bit his tongue knowing that his first priority was to get Grimmjow off of him before he noticed.

Grimmjow’s anger quickly turned to one of realization, blinking a few times before turning his attention slowly and hesitantly back to Renji. “Um…Renji?”

Renji coughed again and looked at him with more impatience then anger. “What?” He struggled to say through his mouth guard and neck that was currently being held.

“Are you a chick?” He asked with clear uncertainty in his voice.

Shit. He noticed.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. I wish I didn't have to spoil this, but I'm going to put a trigger warning here. You clicked on an E rated story. You're getting an E rated story.

What the fuck? Grimmjow thought as he looked at Renji pinned down under him with a hand around his throat. How did he get there? He knew how he got there literally, but this moment was not exactly expected. He followed Rukia’s tip; he went walking in the park right after school the day he was given that secret information. He sat through his classes the entire rest of the day thinking about what he was going to say and what excuse he had to come up with for running into him casually. It was the first time he was scribbling in his notebook in a while, not notes for class, but to keep track of the ideas that were thrashing around his head. Each one sounded stupider than the last and every idea was written messily as Grimmjow bounced his leg back and forth while writing before he gave up, tearing the paper he was writing on. All of those ideas that were torn apart were probably much better than what actually happened.

He was never even able to articulate anything before he threw himself at Renji. Rukia has told him that they work out in the park. He was expecting Renji to be there. He knew he would be. He just didn’t anticipate Renji being so hands on during the regimen though. He fucking new that guy was a threat when he first saw him sniffing around Ichigo!

In retrospect it was stupid to assume that he was flirting because, despite not knowing a lot about rugby and with his experience playing American Football, he knew that rugby was a pretty physical sport. He could tell now from the ball lying on the ground that they were planning to play as much as you can with only two people. Yet seeing another guy put his hands on Ichigo was more than he could put up with. If he can’t have Ichigo then no one can. He knew it was fucked up, but they were his real, selfish, irrational thoughts. No matter how fucking crazy they were they were real to him.

He walked through the park for a while looking for them despite knowing that he probably was there early. He ignored the fucking cold with a solid determination to face Ichigo and make him listen after not talking to him for what felt like a fucking lifetime. He finally found them after walking towards a back part of the park that he already walked through twice during his rotation. He must have caught them really early now realizing that the only sweat on Renji probably came from the stress of being tackled to the ground unexpectedly by a 176lb guy. It took a while to notice many details in his rage. Details like how light Renji was when he knocked him over, the slimness of his waist that he wrapped his legs around, his surprisingly soft skin, the smooth evenness of his neck, the raised part of his chest that rose and fell quickly with stressed breaths.

It took him a few moments for his brain to catch up with his adrenaline before he realized that he did something morally wrong. His eyes were large after the silence of both Renji and Ichigo. The guy(?) pinned under him blinked a few times and used his hand that was gripping Grimmjow’s wrist to pull his mouth guard out of his mouth, saliva coating it despite only wearing it for a little while. “Can you please get off of me?” He said clearly annoyed, and oddly not threatened in the least.

“Wait, are you?” He probed with curiosity and confusion. He couldn’t tell whether he should get off of Renji or not. Was this sexual harassment if he was straddling a guy his age who he thought was a dude, but is actually a girl? He probably should get off either way, but that wasn’t the point. If he was a dude he would have probably given him hell by now despite knowing that he did nothing wrong. He was mad. He’s not good with anger. It was a flaw he had to deal with or have Ichigo take care of his entire life. Now that Renji was potentially a girl he didn’t know what to do. Was this guy or um…really the pervert? He was starting to feel like one for pinning him (her?) down.

“I’m a guy. Let’s leave it at that. Now please get off.” Renji said, rolling his eyes as if clearly showing Grimmjow that he was annoyed because, let’s face it, Grimmjow was pretty fucking dense. And yes, he was annoyed, but Grimmjow could sense something else. Agitation? Anxiety?

Ichigo’s hands fell limp to his side and bit his lip with sorrow in his eyes like a dog died in a movie. It takes no convincing to say that that is worse than seeing your friend tackled to the floor. Grimmjow knew that what he did was wrong, but he was so confused about just how wrong he was.

“I’m sorry, what is going on? He asked, unaware and feeling like an idiot.

Ichigo’s expression changed from sorrow to distaste. “Grimmjow, just leave it and go away.”

“You were going to have a conversation with Ichigo which can take place anywhere but on top of me.” Renji insisted now rolling his foot back and forth similar to how Grimmjow bounces his leg when he is agitated. He didn’t really have a lot of options for movement.

Grimmjow stared at him again, drinking in all the features he missed before. Renji was wearing a mask of makeup. His jawline was shadowed with makeup, his neck, his forehead. His entire face was constructed to form an illusion. He’s seen how long it takes for Cirucci to put on makeup. It seemed elementary compared to the work Renji put in to reconstruct his face. It really seemed that people did not want to know that he was a girl.

He was sitting on top of him, but he never realized that even under his sweater you can see a raise in his chest region. He didn’t notice it before like there was something different now.

“Hey,” Renji insisted, bringing him back to Earth. “I may sound like a broken record and I’m starting to feel like I’m the one going insane, but get off.” He said struggling, finally deciding to pry Grimmjow’s loose hand off of his neck and thrashing around underneath him. “And stop looking at my chest like that. It’s weirding me out.”

Grimmjow noticed the movement and got off of him, anger completely drained and turned into disbelief. He could never look at Renji the same way, seeing the structure of his face being sculpted by makeup and now seeing through the illusion now that he was looking. It must have been impossible to make it look the same every day. The amount of time he puts in must be insane. How does this guy never look tired and full of energy?

“You better not tell anyone about any of this.” He said with a serious and threatening tone. “I can’t change schools again.”

He couldn’t even look past his voice. It sounded masculine, but forced masculine like that wasn’t his real voice, but he was impersonating a guy’s voice patterns and depth. He must be constantly struggling to keep it consistent for a long period of time especially now that he had Grimmjow’s hand wrapped around his throat before.

“Ichigo, keep him on a short leash. I’m gonna go and let you two sort your shit out.” Renji called, picking up the forgotten ball.

“Wait Renji!” Ichigo called.

“Don’t worry, I’m not mad at you. Just not in the mood to be looked at under a microscope. I’ll help jot your memory of what the fuck is going on. Grimmjow just attacked me and yelled at me not to touch you. Can you go back to that? It’s probably way more interesting. I just really need to go now.”

Grimmjow blinked a few times, remembering that his original purpose of coming here wasn’t to discuss his usual waitress’s…err waiter’s identity. He’ll get that story from Ichigo later…maybe. He couldn’t believe that he was actually curious what the fuck was going on with him about that.

He looked over at Ichigo with a slight blush. He doesn’t blush, but Ichigo was the only one that could bring that out of him. He remembered his plan of  _ casually  _ running into him and what he was going to say, but that all went to hell. Now he couldn’t find the right words and was now hoping that Ichigo would take the lead, but it seemed that he wasn’t ready to take initiative.

Neither of them talked as Renji’s attention swapped from looking at Ichigo to Grimmjow back to Ichigo again, apparently forgetting that he just said that he was leaving. “Goddammit,” He stated, breaking the awkward silence despite not being part of this nor wanting to be part of this. Heck he was even trying to get out of the entire situation. He acted friendly if not impatient like Grimmjow didn’t just assault him and it was a normal day at Chummie’s. “Grimmjow, you have a car right? Go somewhere else more private where you can’t escape each other. Ichigo I can bring you your stuff later. Text me if you can’t hang out with me and Rukia later. Knowing her she’ll understand,” Renji sighed and looked to the side “maybe even encouraging” he said under his breath.

The car ride was silent despite the small conversation the two of them had about where to go and they settled on Grimmjow’s house where the chance of them being interrupted was the lowest and where neither of them can really run away from. They stared ahead looking at nothing; Grimmjow was in a trance, barely focusing enough on the road he was driving on. Once in the house Grimmjow led the way to his room with Ichigo following him in complete silence with his head down. He dreaded the heavy silence that was so thick that you needed more than a knife to cut through it, maybe even a buzz saw.

Grimmjow sat on his bed and Ichigo followed his example, sitting down hesitantly next to him at a safe distance. It was silent, a few seconds, a minute, what felt like an hour passed of them just staring at the floor. He wasn’t quite prepared to say anything. Everything he was planning to say started to sound stupid in his head and every moment that passed became more awkward realizing that Ichigo was waiting for him to speak first.

Ichigo sighed. “What are we doing here?” He asked, finally taking initiative. Grimmjow expected him to talk more, but his question was followed by more silence.

“I’m tired Ichigo.” Grimmjow managed to say after who knows how long. “I thought up all these things to say to you, but none of them makes sense. I’m just tired.”

There was more silence. This pattern of a sentence or two followed by silence was getting nowhere, but neither of them knew what to say. Not with Grimmjow’s past experience of girls confessing to him or Ichigo’s knowledge of fancy books.

“What did you think you were doing?” Ichigo finally asked. “Attacking Renji, yelling at him not to touch me, how did you expect me to react?”

“I don’t know, I wasn’t thinking.” Grimmjow admitted as soon as Ichigo’s question left his lips. “I just got angry and I did it without realizing what was happening.” He was probably stating the obvious, something that Ichigo probably figured out himself already.

“What would you have gained from attacking the guy I was hanging out with?” Ichigo asked again, wording it differently, clearly not satisfied with Grimmjow’s answer. Grimmjow hated how he was only contributing questions, milking out every feeling that was rushing through his mind. He couldn’t sort through them himself and now he was being asked to articulate them.

“He isn’t a guy.” Grimmjow corrected, causing Ichigo to knit his eyebrows and clench his fists.

“Yes he is, and don’t you dare think otherwise.” Ichigo threatened the heat raised in the discussion, but it was not going in the direction Grimmjow hoped. “Stop getting side tracked, why did you attack him?”

“Because I’m fucking in love with you! What do you think?” Grimmjow shouted, making Ichigo jump back, too shocked to blush. Grimmjow took short quick breaths after blurting it out, anxiety making breathing hard, not knowing where that explosion came from or what kind of animal it felt like was standing on his chest. He was just as shocked as Ichigo the second the words left his mouth.

“What?” Ichigo asked hesitantly. “We-we’ve been through this. No you don’t. You have a girlfriend. You don’t.” He said in fragments, stuttering slightly as he started to rub his arm with his opposite hand, looking down to avoid any form of eye contact.

Grimmjow growled at the thought of her being brought up in the conversation. “She means nothing. She’s disposable,” he said pinching his eyebrows together. “You aren’t, fuck. Not talking to you was the worst three weeks of my life.” He admitted quietly making his voice raspy, but it still had a hint of spice from his left over anger. He knew how long it had been since he and Ichigo stopped talking. He was silently keeping track. Now that he’s got him sitting with him it was almost unbearable for him to not be saying anything. He hesitantly lifted his hand and placed it on Ichigo’s leg, taking a deep breath to calm down. Ichigo flinched, but he didn’t shove the hand off of him. 

Ichigo stayed silent and leaned back a bit more into his bed taking a deep breath and looking towards the ceiling, focusing on the spinning of the ceiling fan that adorned Grimmjow’s simple looking room. “I’m sorry.” Ichigo said simply. The short sentence, as simple as it was it felt genuine.

“You said that you wanted to remain friends, but you never talked to me. I wanted to give you time, but after a while I had to look for you. You hid and I thought that was the end of it.” Grimmjow explained he threw his head down. “It hurt so much that I can’t take it anymore! All I can think about is you!” He shouted. He took his hand off Ichigo’s leg so that he could lean his elbows on his knees and bury his hands into his hair.

Ichigo remained quiet for a few seconds of Grimmjow’s heavy breathing. “I’m sorry.” He repeated at a loss of what else to say.

“Fuck! This is all your fault!” Grimmjow shouted again, getting every feeling out that he had no idea was even there. He didn’t know where this was all coming from. He never talked so much about his emotions before. He never thought so much about his emotions before. He didn’t know how to articulate what chaos was going on in his head. He wasn’t thinking about what he was saying anymore. He couldn’t contain it anymore. He didn’t know what to do anymore. “What have you done to me!?”

Ichigo stayed silent. A second past, a minute past, neither of them knew how long they were sitting there. “I know this was my fault, but I didn’t know what to do.” He admitted, explaining himself for the first time since they sat down. Hearing his voice respond more than two words comforted Grimmjow in a weird way, seeing that the conversation was going somewhere, and once Ichigo started to talk he continued. “I don’t belong with you and you getting a girlfriend reminded me of that. We are from two different worlds and we both went back to what we knew best no matter what it felt like.”

Grimmjow shook his head. “I don’t want that.” He said quietly, not picking his head up, slowly unclenching his fingers and allowing them to fall limply back to his knees. “All I could think about is you and being around you made me the happiest I have ever been since entering high school.”

“I feel the same way.” Ichigo admitted. “It’s something I missed for the three years we haven’t talked before.”

“Then why did you push me away? The first time I shared my true feelings with you, you pushed me away.” Grimmjow reminded him. This was his fault. He was the reason he was making him feel like this. It was his fault and he knew it. “You made me feel like I did something wrong.”

“I was scared.” Ichigo said in a whisper. “I never felt anything like that before.”

Grimmjow lifted his head and looked into Ichigo’s eyes that shined brightly over the amber surface. His lips were relaxed and his eyebrows for the first time he has seen in who knows how long were not scrunched together in a permanent frown. “You’re not telling me something.” Grimmjow noticed. “What aren’t you sharing? I put myself out in the open so now it’s your turn.” Grimmjow returned Ichigo’s usual glare, his face void of any other emotion.

Ichigo blew out a breath and tapped his knees as if trying to gather his thoughts. He didn’t seem like he was trying to hide anymore rather he didn’t know how to put his feelings in words.

“I don’t know where to start.” Ichigo said.

“Then just say something.” Grimmjow said, placing his hand on Ichigo’s leg again, causing him to flinch again.

“I’m afraid of ruining your life. I’ve been terrorized ever since my sexuality has been confirmed at school. Even you were disgusted by me at first. Heck I still thought you were somewhat disgusted by me until you told me how you felt. If you date me I will drag you down with me, probably even deeper given your reputation.”

“That’s an easy fix.” Grimmjow said. “We can keep it a secret if you are afraid. I still want to hang around you at school, but we don’t have to act like a couple. I’m willing to do it if you wanna try it.”

Ichigo said nothing. So Grimmjow decided to keep pushing forward. “Is that it?”

“No.” Ichigo said. “You are also ignorant. I knew this for a while, but I was just reminded how ignorant you are today.”

“Okay, got it. I’m a dumbass. I’ll read a book or something, you can teach me if it bugs you that much. Anything else?”

Ichigo went silent.

“You totally have something else.” Grimmjow noted. He knew Ichigo long enough to know when Ichigo was hiding something. Not sharing the truth so that he can avoid hurting him. “Spill it. I can take it.”

“Because kissing may be fine with you, but you are all about sex, fuck! You’re homophobic so you won’t want to do anything else with me. You’ll get bored and leave me once you reach your limit and I don’t think I can take that.” Ichigo blushed then looked away.

Grimmjow wasn’t expecting an outburst from Ichigo considering he is usually able to keep calm in awkward situations like this. He usually only saw Ichigo like that when he teased him enough, then it was easy to get that rise out of him in situations. A situation like this though, even Ichigo looked ashamed of himself.

There was silence again.

Grimmjow’s mind flashed back to the time he had a surprise hookup session with his ‘ex-girlfriend,’ Righty in the shower. He then thought about his girlfriend who was asleep while he did that bit of self-care. The furthest Grimmjow has gone with Ichigo was kissing and that wasn’t enough for him. He could no longer be satisfied after just a taste.

“You couldn’t stand the idea that I was gay and you clearly have a hard time remembering that Renji is a guy. I don’t think you can survive in this world.”

Grimmjow remained silent as Ichigo continued to get every last feeling out.

“I know I disgust you even if you are used to me. How do you think that makes me feel? If you really wanted to be a couple, how do you think I would feel if I can’t even turn my boyfriend on? And how my boyfriend doesn’t find me attractive in the same way as I find him?”

‘Boyfriend,’ the word echoed in Grimmjow’s head every time Ichigo said it. Grimmjow was done listening to him. He grabbed the back of Ichigo’s head and forced his lips to his teeth nearly clashing. Ichigo’s breath hitched and Grimmjow’s eyes squeezed tightly, pained from having to hold his urges back that entire time.

Ichigo’s lips were just how he remembered them and Ichigo hesitantly separating them slightly filled him with reassurance that spread throughout his entire body, which gave him the courage to slip his tongue inside and wrap his arms around him while scooting closer. He knew exactly where to go to get the right reaction from him. He memorized it, dreamed about it, fantasized about it, and Ichigo gasping made him smile against his lips.

Grimmjow then felt a hand pressing to his chest, lightly, unsure of whether it was the best move to push any harder. Grimmjow growled and fought every instinct in his body to go against it. “If you go any further it will only make it harder for me.” Ichigo muttered, pulling away ever so slightly, his breath drifting on Grimmjow’s lips. He was practically trembling with nerves which was, once again, out of character for him.

“That’s kinda the goal here.” Grimmjow assured.

His boy living downstairs agreed.

He wasn’t sure if he was ready for sex. Sex was scary especially if it involves entering from the backdoor. He may have done it before, but he wasn’t sure if he was willing to try that with Ichigo. He was terrified of hurting him. He’s never been more scared of anything in the world.

“What do you want me to do?” Grimmjow asked pulling himself away slightly from Ichigo, allowing him to talk, but not enough to let him escape.

Ichigo was silent, oddly enough not trying to break out of Grimmjow’s hold. They sat there for another moment, Grimmjow waiting, studying his distracted eyes.

He then became impatient. Patience was never his strong suit. He groaned in frustration, letting go of Ichigo and moving his hand southward to Ichigo’s sweatpants

Ichigo jolted. “What the fuck are you doing?” He said shoving Grimmjow’s hand off his crotch, body rigid.

Grimmjow grunted, giving a small glare at Ichigo, and moved his hands back to his crotch and started to untie his pants. Ichigo grabbed a hold of his hands tightly to try to get him to stop.

“I’m going to suck your dick.” He said mostly to himself to reassure what he was doing and to encourage himself to keep going.

“What the actual fuck?” Ichigo said, hands trembling and starting to turn pink to match the color of his face. Grimmjow didn’t even know that was physically possible.

“I need to do this.” Grimmjow muttered. “I need to prove to you that I like you and that I am not disgusted by you.” He felt his own ears turning pink and his stomach turn sour. He was nervous. He has never been so nervous in his entire life.

“Okay, I’m convinced.” Ichigo said frantically. “Please stop. You don’t need to do this.”

“I want to.” Grimmjow growled looking back up to Ichigo as he hesitantly undid the knot despite Ichigo’s hands holding his. “Now shut the fuck up and relax.”

He slid off the bed and got on his knees. He held the waistband of Ichigo’s pants and attempted to drag it down, but Ichigo wouldn’t budge.

“Ichigo, I swear to God let me take your fucking pants off.” Grimmjow growled.

“No. I’m not doing anything until you come to your senses.” Ichigo said.

“Suit yourself.” Grimmjow said standing up and shoving Ichigo back on the bed and tearing his pants and boxer briefs off by force.

“Holy shit,” Ichigo gasped, sitting up and covering his crotch with his hands. “We-we’re gonna need to have a talk about consent…and safe words.”

Grimmjow rolled his eyes “Shut the fuck up, when life hands you a blowjob you take the blowjob.” He said, grabbing onto Ichigo’s t-shirt and pulling it up, forcing Ichigo’s arms up and away from his crotch which seemed to be betraying Ichigo’s wishes as it became more alert.

He threw his shirt in the opposite direction of his pants and pulled his own shirt off as well, dropping it behind him. He studied Ichigo; he has seen him shirtless more than once, but never in this context. It felt naughtier and hotter, especially now that he was claiming his body for himself. He wanted to touch him, but he knew if he did that he was going to procrastinate and wind up not going down on him at all.

He got back on his knees and forced his legs apart. “Wait, what about your girlfriend?”

Grimmjow growled. “Will you ever shut up? I already said that I don’t give a shit about her.” Cheating was already second nature to him. This time he wasn’t doing it because he wanted sex. He was actually doing it to win over Ichigo. It should be okay if he was doing it for that.

He needed to concentrate. He looked back at Ichigo’s dick which Ichigo finally decided to stop hiding which was impressive because he was half erect. He hesitated, studying it. It was larger than he expected it to be. It also seemed that Ichigo managed his hair, but has gotten lazy. The roots of the carpet matched the drapes, but appeared darker.

He reached out and gripped it in his hand. “Fuck,” Ichigo cursed. He never held another dude’s dick before. It felt just like his, but it was different, maybe it was the shape or size. He couldn’t tell why, but it was definitely different.

He stroked it a few times slowly to get a feel for it, allowing Ichigo a turn with Righty, watching Ichigo’s flat stomach rise and fall and his hands gripping the bed sheets. He picked up the pace knowing that he was procrastinating now because he has already gotten Ichigo to be fully erect.

_ Don’t think, just go. _ He hated when girls pussied out on him and he was determined not to do the same. Grimmjow slid his lips over the head. He didn’t know what he expected dick to taste like, but he was now mentally thanking Ichigo for being so clean. Even though Grimmjow caught him working out and how he personally knows how it can get pretty warm where Mr. Johnson and The Juice Crew lives Ichigo’s schween seemed to taste like soap, that soap that smells like that ‘rain’ scent to be specific. There goes the anxiety of his dick potentially tasting like armpit, or feet, or even worse. It wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t great. It was scary; the only thing that kept him going was knowing that it was Ichigo’s.

“What the fuck?” Ichigo gasped, lurching forward to grab onto Grimmjow’s hair. Grimmjow not anticipating the sudden movement took more of him into his mouth before he was ready, causing him to gag. He retreated slightly, but gained back his composure.

After all the times he had girls go down on him he wasn’t sure what to do even when he had a dick in his mouth. He thought about what girls did that he liked and decided to work with that.

Ichigo shuttered and his erection twitched with more interest inside of Grimmjow’s mouth. He gasped as Grimmjow popped it out of his mouth and licked a long line across his entire member, nose briefly meeting his pubes before dragging its way back to the tip and swirling his tongue around it which caused him to squirm, fingers grasping his hair tighter, making his own buddy downstairs gain interest as well.

Grimmjow hesitated, not because he was scared, but he didn’t know whether he could finish Ichigo off properly. He looked up at Ichigo, studying his innumerable amount of emotions and expressions on his face. Grimmjow smiled in wonder of what would happen if Grimmjow went all the way down on him instead of just getting stuck at the tip.

_ Don’t think, just go.  _ He gradually took more of him into his mouth, going as far as he could without gagging. He wasn’t prepared to test his limit at the moment considering he was already pushing himself. Ichigo bit his lips to hold back a groan, which only excited Grimmjow more. Goddammit, he really hoped Ichigo would get him off too after he was finished with him.

He pulled back to bring himself forward again sucking him the way that he liked it using the girls who have done the same for reference. He avoided having his teeth graze against Ichigo’s member as much as possible and took care not to slobber all over it, sucking whatever liquids that came out back into his mouth regardless of what it was or what it tasted like. He placed one hand on his hip while the other teased his balls, slightly tugging them and rolling them around the palm of his hand. His other hand he started to use to slip his own member out so he could jerk himself off.

It seemed like more than Ichigo could handle. He was really shy about this stuff and just thinking about what was going on in his mind made him more excited. Ichigo made indistinguishable sounds as well as sweet nothings that mostly consisted of ‘shit,’ ‘oh fuck,’ and ‘goddammit, Grimmjow.’ That last one was his favorite.

He placed one of his hands on the inside of Ichigo’s inner thigh, pushing it out to give him easier access to the part that he was working on. He held onto his hip to prevent him from rocking. As hot as it was when he did that to a girl, he wasn’t sure if he was ready to handle that and it seemed Ichigo respected that by resisting against the urge.

Ichigo responded well to everything that Grimmjow did which filled him with confidence, noting his member that was pulsated in his mouth. He couldn’t last long and then Grimmjow remembered one last thing he liked girls to do for him.

“W-wait Grimmjow, I’m going to cum.” Ichigo insisted, tugging his hair to try to pry him off of his member without hurting him, but Grimmjow kept going. “Get off; I can’t hold it much longer.” Ichigo said seriously. “Please.”

Grimmjow continued to bob his head, ignoring him, and even started to suck harder as a rebuttal “Wait, don’t—” Ichigo cried out, arching his back involuntarily, and poured everything he had into his mouth. A hot load shot into his mouth, hitting the back of his throat and coating his tongue met by a second and then a third. His immediate shock of the warmth and consistency burning the back of his throat got to him first. Then he started to process the taste, bitter and salty. Bearable, but definitely not pleasant. In fact, he wasn’t sure he could handle any of it at the moment.

Grimmjow pulled off of his member and started to cough in an effort to get rid of the burning sensation in his throat. What the fuck? Girls were doing that for him consistently? He should write them all a fucking thank you card.

“What the fuck did I just say?” Ichigo said, urgently getting off the bed and grabbing a glass next to Grimmjow’s bed that was thankfully half full of water.

He gave it to Grimmjow who threw it down his throat, coughing a few times and sighing at the relief of the pain subsiding.

“Better.” Grimmjow confirmed still breathing heavily as the pain started to dwindle yet still present. He wiped his chin with the back of his hand, noting how wet it was, so much for trying not to slobber all over his dick. He has gained a new respect for all the girls that went down on him. It was a mental and in some respects physical workout. His jaw was probably going to be sore tomorrow considering how it was feeling now.

“You fucking, dumbass,” Ichigo said covering his face. “This is so fucking embarrassing.”

He grabbed onto the back of Ichigo’s head and tangled his fingers in his hair, pulling him closer so that their lips could meet, giving Ichigo a taste of what he tasted like. An intended short chaste kiss turned into a long make out session before Grimmjow pulled away. “Totally worth it.” He reached his hand down to gesture to his own cock. “Also maybe you can give me some help too." 


	16. Chapter 16

Ichigo wasn’t sure if he would ever be the same after that ordeal. He was still a bit confused, flustered, embarrassed, but he was happy. Grimmjow was now holding him close, something Ichigo has fantasized about but never thought would happen even after Grimmjow confessed to him under the oak tree. Ichigo’s arms were wrapped around his neck as their tongues danced with one another. He tasted himself in Grimmjow’s mouth and despite him yelling at Grimmjow not to swallow, it was hot as fuck. Even if Grimmjow’s kiss tasted nasty Ichigo reveled in it and dreaded that he was going to have to pull away for the deed.

He never had anyone go down on him. He never thought  _ this _ was how it would happen. He could barely process anything that was going on. He just wanted it to keep going and for this to be real. If this was a dream he never wanted to wake up and he hoped that it didn’t end with his father rudely pretending he’s his alarm clock. Grimmjow started to take off his jeans, freeing his sizable member that he was jacking off before and leaning back on his grey bedspread as if presenting his tall, proud member to him.

Ichigo swallowed. It was bigger than his. Ichigo weirdly expected it considering Grimmjow’s height and frame, but it didn’t make him happy. He wasn’t ready for Grimmjow’s head to swell and start having ideas of where he wanted to stick his above average dick. Grimmjow held Ichigo’s hand gingerly, settling into a comfortable position, lying down on his bed and propping himself up by his elbows so he had a good view of the nervous boy making eye contact with the challenge that approached. Ichigo followed him hesitantly as he led him onto his bed in front of him. He was nervous of course, there was no getting around that. Grimmjow was experienced at receiving and Ichigo wasn’t exactly experienced with giving. It wasn’t so much that he was scared of pushing himself to do something sexual, he was a hormonal teenage boy afterall. He was scared of failing miserably after Grimmjow succeeded in getting him off. He didn’t think his pride could handle the blow. He was pretty sure that his pride would take a bigger blow if he were to chicken out now though.

He was gay and Grimmjow did it when he was still questioning. If he could do it then there was no way he was gonna let Grimmjow show him up. He took a deep breath and followed Grimmjow’s request. There was no way he was gonna let Grimmjow see him as weak.

Ichigo leaned down over him and met his lips once again, leading his hands onto his chest so he could explore his muscular abdomen. Ichigo has seen Grimmjow shirtless before, but it never ceased to amaze him how he was able to keep his six pack when he practically ate nothing but junk. He mimicked Grimmjow, taking in every muscle on his body and taking note of how Grimmjow’s body reacted to Ichigo’s clammy, nervous hands.

Despite Ichigo’s inexperience he still had an idea of what to do. He wasn’t completely innocent. Of course he looked stuff up online with his good friend incognito mode ever since he sorted out his sexuality. He was a teenage boy and he needed to get his rocks off too. There was no use pretending that he has never seen a dick before. It was his first time seeing another one besides his own in person, but the concept of the male genitalia wasn’t foreign to him.

He started to sink lower, licking his nipple and then trailing down further. He kissed his stomach, navel, crawling downward and kissed the inside of his thighs. He would have liked to play around a bit more with the foreplay, but he was on a mission.

He was about ready to work up the courage to return the favor. He grasped Grimmjow’s member in his right hand and pumped it a few times. It was the first time he has ever touched Grimmjow there. It felt intimate and exhilarating as Grimmjow jolted and stared at Ichigo with intense, lustful eyes. Ichigo took a deep breath in an attempt to calm his anxiety before dipping his head, but as soon as he was about to take his first lick Grimmjow's phone started to buzz on the bedside table next to them, chiming Grimmjow’s loud Bon Jovi ringtone. Ichigo picked his head up to look at it, hesitating and then looking at Grimmjow for guidance on what exactly they were supposed to do next.

“Ignore it.” Grimmjow grunted, gripping the sheets in his right hand and picking his hips up so that he could better present his erection that nodded up and down to Ichigo.

Ichigo nodded hesitantly, backtracking so that he could ease into third base instead of just jumping into it, kissing his stomach again and rubbing Grimmjow’s thighs, trying to regain the composure he had before the interruption, again sinking lower, ready to stick his tongue out to get started.

The doorbell rang. “Fuck.” Grimmjow muttered, sliding away from Ichigo and sitting up. Ichigo followed his example, exhaling from relief as well as slight disappointment and hoping that Grimmjow didn’t hear it. Grimmjow quickly got dressed, tucking his dick in his jeans in a way so that it wasn’t as obvious that his dick was standing tall. He swung the door open and motioned towards Ichigo’s clothes.

Ichigo was amazed just how easily Grimmjow pretended that everything was normal. Ichigo’s mind was still running a mile a minute while he jogged from one side of the room to the other to retrieve his clothes. It was a good thing he was wearing his workout clothes so that he could join Grimmjow quickly instead of fidgeting with skinny jeans and a belt.

He followed Grimmjow, trying to keep as quiet as possible, hearing the door swing open and Grimmjow grunting from response. “Why didn’t you answer your phone? It’s cold out~” Ichigo stiffened at the sound of a shrill, annoying voice. He couldn’t believe that he was invested enough in Grimmjow’s life to know that the whiney voice that was letting herself in belonged to his current girlfriend if he could even call her that now. Fuck. “You’ll be less cold if you wear a full shirt.” Grimmjow suggested, shrugging, gesturing towards her exposed belly before poking her in the side causing her to bend in on herself and laugh.

“Fuck you.” She said slapping him playfully on the arm, plastic bags in her arm rustling with her movement and swinging back and forth.

“Sorry, I was watching a movie with Ichigo on my bed and we both fell asleep.” He lied nonchalantly, nodding his head to him while he was hiding in the stairway. Why did he have to bring him up and how the fuck did Grimmjow lie so easily?

“I could tell. Your hair is a mess and you’re all sweaty.” She said rolling her eyes with a sly smile. “That’s what you get for sleeping in your clothes.”

Grimmjow wasn’t too sweaty. It was only a blowjob. It was a really big deal for the both of them. They both tried something new. Just now. Betrayed her two seconds ago because they prioritized their own lust and need to be together without considering her feelings. It didn’t make them too sweaty though. Ichigo was sweaty from the many layers of anxiety that piled on top of one another, but in his workout clothes it at least looked like he was sweaty for a good reason.

She let herself in, strolling through the living room to the kitchen and placed the bags on the long kitchen table. “I brought food, but I don’t think it’ll be enough for the three of us.” She said looking over to Ichigo, widening her eyes and looking towards the door as a silent gesture to tell him to leave. Ichigo couldn’t argue with himself, every muscle in his body was ready to sprint through the front door and leave Grimmjow to take care of the mess. Still, he stayed put as if not taking the hint, but in reality he was in shock of everything that was transpiring in front of him. He tried his best not to let the shock and guilt show up on his face, he just pretended to be dead inside, but Grimmjow’s acting made up for both of them.

It seemed that Grimmjow caught the look Cirucci gave him and shook his head. “Sorry, I promised to hang out with Ichigo. We just made up from a fight we had a few weeks ago.” He said, somewhat telling the truth. “It’s actually a good thing you woke us up since I promised to buy him dinner.”

She looked down, distraught. “Wait really? Bummer, I was trying to be a cute girlfriend and make you dinner.” Her height made her have to look up to him, but it allowed her to really sell her puppy dog act. That didn’t seem to have an effect on Grimmjow.

Ichigo tried to hide his curiosity. He heard from Nel and his own assumptions of her that she was a bitch. It helped him get through the surprise hookup session with Grimmjow. She acted normally though, human. Maybe the pain in his stomach from a few weeks ago returned because his stomach started to hurt again.

Grimmjow held her hand, raising it to his lips and kissed it. “Next time.”

She stood on her tiptoes and tried to kiss his lips, but he turned sideways, avoiding her request. “Morning breath,” He reminded her.

She pouted, but didn’t insist any further. “Can’t the three of us do something together then?” She whined and turned towards Ichigo insistently as if looking at him, a stranger, for help.

“By the way, I heard that you are gay and I think that is awesome. We should totally hang out sometime.” She said with a beaming smile.

Ichigo couldn’t tell if she was just being nice to impress Grimmjow, genuine, or looking for a new ‘gay best friend,’ which, by the way, not a good expression, but he wasn’t planning to go ranting to a stranger that he just betrayed. If she was genuine though, then that only made things more complicated.

“Sorry, but this is really important to me. Next time, I’m serious.” He said, kissing the top of her head.

“Okay, then.” She said glumly picking up the bags that she brought and walking to the door. “I’m sorry for not telling you that I was coming over.” She said, closing the door behind her. And just like that, she was gone.

Grimmjow looked over at Ichigo only a moment after she left and smiled, he locked the door behind her.

“What the actual fuck?” Ichigo breathed out, still in disbelief.

Grimmjow shrugged and walked over, taking both of Ichigo’s hands in his and gazing at him smugly. He bent over and kissed him lightly on the lips. Ichigo could still taste himself on him. He clearly knew how to do this. He didn’t put it past him. He has a track record that even Ichigo was cautious of.

“I can dump her if you want.” He whispered in his ear, his breath causing Ichigo’s orange spikes to move ever so slightly.

Ichigo looked into his cerulean eyes. He was split. Grimmjow mentioned the idea of the two of them keeping their relationship a secret. As much as Ichigo desired a monogamous relationship he saw the benefits of Grimmjow having a girlfriend or at least playing around like he usually would. It hurt him. He was monogamous and despite Grimmjow having polygamous tendencies he still wanted to keep him selfishly to himself.

“No.” Ichigo decided. “Let’s keep this a secret for now.”

Ichigo was always one to put logic before emotion. Yes, he could see that this was an incredibly dumb idea. It’s dangerous and it can hurt a lot of people, but he was being selfish for once and it was worth a shot. Even if he didn’t like the idea of Grimmjow seeing someone else. Even if he knew that it was temporary and not real. He knew it was the best way to stay hidden and they could back out when they were feeling ready.

He wasn’t sure what would happen to either of them if people found out that they were together. All eyes were always on Grimmjow and the bullying that Ichigo got is considered minimal for the amount of attention Grimmjow got. He didn’t want to think about the kind of backlash they would get if people found out. It was scary, but Ichigo was willing to risk it if he might have a chance of being happy.

Grimmjow swung their arms around slightly, just gazing at him happily. It was actually cute to see this side of Grimmjow. He never knew that there was a romantic side of him. It must have been hiding behind his horny side. He actually looked more like a human and less like an asshole this way and despite Ichigo’s anxiety about what is transpiring in front of his eyes he found himself easing into Grimmjow’s affection. He was starting to feel like everything was okay.

“Were you serious about getting dinner though? I’m actually kind of hungry.” Ichigo mentioned, interlocking his fingers with Grimmjow’s.

Grimmjow chuckled and kissed his forehead. “Sure Ichi, let me brush my teeth first. No offense, but the taste in my mouth is nasty.”

None taken. Getting rid of that taste was long overdue.

Grimmjow jogged upstairs and Ichigo plopped down on the couch, swinging his legs over the side with his head looking up at the ceiling. This was actually happening. How the fuck was he going to explain all this shit to Rukia and Renji? Was he even allowed to? Heck this was his and Grimmjow’s rules. He’s allowed to do whatever the fuck he wants. There was no way he would be comfortable if his friends and Nel wasn’t in on it too.

Grimmjow came jogging back down the stairs with his car keys jingling in his hand. “Let’s go.” He said.

Ichigo swung his legs to the floor and walked over to the front of the door, stepping into his shoes that he abandoned there. “Where do you wanna go?”

Grimmjow shrugged. “Chummie’s, I promise I’ll take you on a better date next time.” He said giving Ichigo another peck on the lips one more time, the taste of mint causing tingles to run up his back. Ichigo wasn’t sure if he would ever get used to that…or tired of it. Wait, did he just call this a date? Ichigo backtracked the words that slipped from Grimmjow’s mouth. This was real? Seriously real? They weren’t just hooking up? Grimmjow wasn’t just leading him on? Warmth swelled inside of him. This was seriously real…almost.

Ichigo should be used to sitting in Grimmjow’s car, but it felt new. He was sitting with  _ his boyfriend.  _ Was he even allowed to call him that in the comforts of his own mind? Just the thought made him nervous, but incredibly happy. At least happy enough to shove aside the disgust with himself for stealing someone’s boyfriend.

It was a short ride full of butterflies, but they pulled up in front of Grimmjow’s favorite restaurant. They walked through the parking lot and Ichigo had to fight against his urge to hold Grimmjow’s hand, showing the world that they were more than friends. He wasn’t planning on getting a boyfriend until college, but he was here now and despite him not really being the lovey dovey type he wanted to do it now that he made it this far. The brain is a weird thing that desires the things it can’t have even if he wouldn’t have wanted it before.

When they walked in Ichigo’s body tensed despite them walking in together multiple times before. He didn’t expect to see Renji waiting tables. He looked over and smiled weakly in contrast to the large, mocking smile that stretched across his friend’s face.

“Hey.” He called in a key higher than how he usually greeted them. He walked over to the two of them as if Grimmjow tackling him that afternoon never happened. Renji looked between Grimmjow and Ichigo like he was trying to read them without having to ask, still wearing a dumb grin on his face. Ichigo also had one question that bothered him. Renji wasn’t supposed to work tonight so he wasn’t exactly calculating how to tell him yet. He didn’t even fully process that he was dating Grimmjow yet himself. Ichigo wasn’t sure if Renji was psychic or not because he started to explain himself. “I was about to text you, but I didn’t know what you were doing.” His eyes flicked over to Grimmjow momentarily before going back to Ichigo.

He stood in front of them, grabbing a couple of menus and leading them to an empty booth towards the back. “I cancelled the plans with Rukia since work called me in at the last second…and well, you seemed busy.” He said nodding his head towards Grimmjow with a smile. His shoulders started shaking with silent laughter that he was struggling to hold back.

“I swear to God, Renji.” Ichigo muttered, slapping him on the arm. He could almost hear all the mockery that was about to come out of his mouth and he really wasn’t ready for the teasing. Too many things were going wild in his mind.

“I’m sorry! Do you not see how this is funny?” Renji cried out before quickly covering his mouth, noticing that he was being a bit loud. No one in the entire restaurant looked over at him. The few faces there seemed familiar. Regulars. Regulars who are probably already used to them being obnoxious. Not even just Renji, but Grimmjow, Ichigo, and mostly Nel.

Ichigo’s mind went back to Nel for a moment. What would she say about this? She would probably tease them just like how Renji was moments away from it. Either that or she would see this as terribly stupid, which the hypothetical Nel in Ichigo’s mind wouldn’t be wrong.

Renji slid in the booth next to Ichigo with Grimmjow across from him. He planted both of his elbows on the table with his chin resting on his hands, swinging his legs back and forth in a joking, mocking manner, overselling how excited he was to hear what happened. He was enjoying himself too much, this bastard. “So spill the details~” he cooed, tapping his fingers against his face next to his goofy smile. How was this guy so sure that everything turned out alright? Granted they wouldn’t even be here if things turned sour.

Ichigo looked over at Grimmjow, swishing his eyes towards Renji. He didn’t want to keep secrets from Renji and he was planning to tell Rukia whether Grimmjow knew about it or not and he expected Grimmjow to not be able to keep that info from Nel. Grimmjow didn’t own him and there was no way he would be able to keep his first boyfriend a secret from Rukia. She’s too smart. Renji was meant to be the dumb one and even he figured it out. It probably wasn’t too hard to figure out since Ichigo confided in him, the only other LGBT+ person he knew.

Grimmjow looked between Renji and Ichigo, who was currently giving him pleading eyes to confide in his friend. Grimmjow groaned and slung his arm over the back of the booth. “Fine, but remember to keep this to yourself.” He said directly to Renji, looking at him seriously.

Ichigo nodded towards Grimmjow. “Okay, so Grimmjow and I are…a secret.” His stomach squeezed inwards as he said it, murdering the butterflies and replacing them with nausea. It was a reminder that he shouldn’t be this happy for doing something so terrible, but there was no way he could stop himself. He needed to try.

Renji squinted his eyes and pointed between the two of them, swinging his hand back and forth between Ichigo and Grimmjow. “Do you mean you two are together? I called it!”

Ichigo turned bright red and Grimmjow laughed. “I think so.” Ichigo responded, keeping his guilt to himself and gesturing to Renji to keep his obnoxiously loud voice down.

Grimmjow smiled and leaned forward. “I know so,” drawing confidence from seemingly nowhere. Ichigo felt his nerves lifted and the tightness in his stomach loosened and allowed him to give a slight smile as well.

Renji clapped silently. “Ooh, drama. You think you guys can do it? Keep it a secret I mean. One mistake can fuck you over.” Renji said motioning his head to Grimmjow, smiling smugly. “Believe me I would know.”

Grimmjow eyes rose before snarling and balling his right hand into a fist. “Is this blackmail? I won’t tell anyone your secret so don’t you fucking dare say anything about this.”

Renji shook his head, chuckling. “I didn’t intend for it to be blackmail. I would never do that to Ichigo, but if you want it to be we can pretend.” He joked, resting his arm around Ichigo’s shoulders causing Grimmjow’s eyes to narrow into daggers trained on Renji who rose his arm off of him and lifted them in innocence.

It took a few seconds before realization flushed over Renji’s face, wiping away any mocking comments that were forming in his head. “Wait, what about your girlfriend?”

Grimmjow rolled her eyes. “She’s still around.”

“Wait, you are still dating her?” Renji frowned, looking between him and Ichigo again, studying his friend’s facial expression.

“Yup, but I feel nothing towards her.” Grimmjow said. “She can be a prop.”

“That is the dumbest idea I have ever heard of in my entire life.” Renji groaned. “Ichigo, you’re smart. You know this is going to turn out badly.”

Ichigo shrugged. “We’ll see how this plays out first and hopefully we’ll sort everything out before…”

“Before shit hits the fan.” Grimmjow cut in. Look at this new couple that was already finishing each other's sentences. It would have been cuter if the subject manner wasn’t so disturbing.

“What?” Renji groaned. “You two are really serious aren’t you…I’m not gonna talk you out of it, but I’ll still be here to say ‘I told you so.’”

Renji was about to stand up before he sat back down waving at another waiter to come over.

“Hey, can I go on break a little early?” He said, not really asking. It seemed that he already knew the answer.

The waiter that was probably acting manager that day nodded. “It’s slower now that the crowd is gone so be my guest.”

Ichigo and Grimmjow looked at each other before looking back at Renji. Renji faced forward again. Grimmjow widened his eyes and tilted his head to the side in a quick movement. It was the same motion Cirucci gave to Ichigo back at Grimmjow’s house, a wordless way of telling him to leave.

Renji squinted his eyes and shook his head. He crossed his arms. “No. I’m not letting this be your first date. This place is too lame for that so I will cock block the fuck out of the both of you.”

Ichigo blinked a few times and turned bright red. The entire time they drove to Chummie’s his mind was wrapped around the idea that this was a date, but since Renji sat down with them he honestly forgot that their dinner was supposed to be one.

Grimmjow laughed and looked back at Ichigo. “He makes a good point. We’ll have to put a rain check on our first date.” He said, reaching over to squeeze Ichigo’s arm.

Ichigo was proud of Grimmjow momentarily for watching his pronouns. That was a record for how quickly he could get used to something he wasn’t used to. It’s better than most people. It took him a moment to realize that Grimmjow was acting completely out of character. 

Since when has Grimmjow been Mr. Romantic? It felt normal when it was only for a moment which was why when he watched Grimmjow and Cirucci acting like a couple it felt normal, or as normal as a guy cheating on his girlfriend with another guy could get. For the most part he kept all his girlfriends at an arm’s length unless they were directly underneath him, or on top of him. When he was in a good mood he would be a little romantic, enough to keep them around. This meant that he was only acting like this because he was with Ichigo. Warmth filled the inside of him at the thought of Grimmjow actually taking this seriously. This wasn’t some joke to him. This was real. Was he allowed to be this happy at the expense of another person?

Renji shook him slightly. “Look at your damn menu so you can order. I’m hungry.” Renji laughed with no intention of ordering his own food.

“I’m buying for him so you aren’t stealing anything.” Grimmjow groaned. “I still owe him.”

Renji shrugged. “As long as this is not a date then you can pay for all I care.”

Despite Nel not being there with them today they had a pretty normal trip to Chummies. It wasn’t until now that Ichigo realized all Grimmjow’s jokes and comments were flirtatious. There may have been a reason why Renji didn’t seem so surprised by Grimmjow confessing to Ichigo.

He barked whenever Renji came to close and stole his food causing Ichigo to laugh. Something that he hasn’t done with Grimmjow in a long time. Grimmjow was his boyfriend, but he was his friend first. Maybe it’s because they just started calling themselves a couple, but it felt like Grimmjow would always be a friend first before a lover. Maybe that was a good thing.

School was awkward the next day. More awkward than when Grimmjow and Ichigo’s father had a whole conversation after he drove him home and kissed him goodnight, not in front of him obviously. Ichigo walked to school, insisting that Grimmjow doesn’t drive him since he didn’t want to be in the same car as him and his girlfriend. For some reason there was another guy that thought that he could get away with jumping Ichigo on his way to school, but he was quickly able to take care of him with only a few bruises. There needed to be a point where someone spills that Ichigo was a bully beating badass so that they would stop trying him, but the guys at his school were so prideful that he wasn’t sure if anyone would spill that they lost to a gay bookworm.

Ichigo already told everything to Rukia the night before once his family was asleep. It was then that she confessed to being guilty and spilling that she was the reason Grimmjow tracked him down in the park. It was a big shock. Since when did Grimmjow and Rukia, polar opposites, get along. Ichigo and Rukia talked till 4 am about everything that happened, about the role she played in them getting together and what transpired because of it. It was because of her that they were able to make it this far. Now here she was helping Ichigo clean out his locker since someone thought it would be funny to dump water down it and ruin all of his stuff. It could have been worse. At least it wasn’t urine.

“Was this a story you were writing?” Rukia asked, holding up a wet packet of paper.

“It was from a long time ago. I barely remember it.” Ichigo confessed, taking it from her and throwing it in the trash.

Rukia looked past him and Ichigo followed her eyes. They were trained on Grimmjow’s girlfriend who was clinging on to Ichigo’s now boyfriend. Ichigo starred as well before he tore his eyes away and focused back on his ruined stuff. It was a good thing that he brought most of his books home, rather Renji did once Grimmjow left.

“Are you sure you are okay with this?” Rukia asked.

Ichigo nodded, not verbally responding. Rukia watched as Grimmjow turned his attention on Ichigo and smiled. Ichigo glanced up to see him and smiled too, weakly, waving some wet papers at him. Grimmjow looked between Ichigo and the girl hanging off him and shrugged before resuming his walk. They could talk later when he was less occupied.

“Okay, new question,” Rukia started, closing her eyes and exhaling “how long will it take before I strangle Grimmjow?”

“Don’t, it’s a secret. And keep it down.” Ichigo said, looking over his shoulder. The usually crowded hall gave Ichigo, Rukia, and the garbage can that Ichigo pulled over some space so that he could clean. Despite the space it was still pretty loud which was a little comforting since it helped hide their private conversation. “Seriously, I’ll be fine.”

He’ll be fine, he said. He said and repeated it throughout the day. He repeated it during his lecture with Mr. Ukitake. He repeated it again when he saw Grimmjow in the hall stealing a quick glance at him before turning back to his so called friends. He repeated it when it was lunch time. Of course he never planned on sitting with Grimmjow despite apparently Cirucci insisting that he come. He couldn’t even bring himself to go to the library. If Nanao saw him then she would be able to tell that there was something wrong. She may have needed glasses, but she can see through everything.

Instead he went to the oak tree. The oak tree that he spent the day with Grimmjow under, where they shared their first kiss, where he rejected him. This tree has seen too much and it was going to see more as Grimmjow managed to find him once again sitting under the tree, nose in a book hoping that he would be able to distract himself from the constant guilt that kept eating at him.

“What are you reading now?” Grimmjow asked, causing Ichigo to look up. Ichigo knew that he didn’t really care and that he just wanted to alert him that he was there.

Ichigo looked up at him. “I’m reading  _ The Golden Compass _ again. I’m surprised that you didn’t sneak up and try to scare me this time.”

Grimmjow shrugged. “Another dude was beaten pretty bad today. I could tell you did it since apparently he refuses to spill what happened. I assume that you are still on edge and I don’t want to look like that guy.” He said, dropping down next to him. “Are you going to let me see if you got hurt today, now?” Grimmjow said, poking at his side causing Ichigo to flinch.

“Not today pervert.” Ichigo said brushing Grimmjow’s hand to the side. Instead of retreating his hand he wrapped it around Ichigo’s shoulders and pulled him closer. Ichigo flinched and pulled back.

“What are you doing? Someone is going to see.” Ichigo said, closing his book and pulling away slightly. Grimmjow frowned and pulled him closer, fighting against his small attempt to put some distance between them.

“It’s getting colder out, and we aren’t even supposed to be outside.” Grimmjow insisted and kissed Ichigo’s head. “Seriously, you’re freezing.”

Ichigo gave in and allowed Grimmjow to hold him. He couldn’t deny that it felt good to see him act like this and the warmth he supplied was welcoming. The entire day felt like he and Grimmjow being together was only a dream. He watched him walk around with a girl around his arm. It wasn’t like he wished that was him ogling over his hot boyfriend, but seeing someone else do it to his boyfriend made him sick with guilt and even jealousy.

“Where is your girlfriend?” Ichigo asked, momentarily pushing away the happiness that he gained.

Grimmjow looked at him and tightened his grip around his shoulder. “She’ll live. Let’s not think of her. I’ve been dealing with her all day, I at least don’t want to think of her now.”

A comfortable silence fell over them. The kind where neither of them got anxious that the other was getting bored. Ichigo didn’t feel the need to open his book again even to finish the paragraph he abandoned. The silence lasted throughout the entire period before Grimmjow looked at him again and said. “I know that it is a bad time, but I really want to go on a date with you right now.”

Ichigo looked over at him in shock. “As tempting as that is we are in school and you can’t just ditch your girlfriend, can you?”

Grimmjow shrugged without lifting his arm off of Ichigo. “We are seniors, might as well indulge in a little senioritis and she’ll live.” He turned his head to Ichigo and kissed him deeply on the mouth. “The last time I had you to myself I sucked you off. You’re the only person I’ve ever been with that makes me want to do something that isn’t sex.”

Ichigo searched Grimmjow’s bright blue eyes that were filled with life and exhilaration and he smiled. Ichigo leaned forward and initiated the kiss, bringing his arms around him and leading him. Grimmjow smiled and followed Ichigo’s lead as they slipped past each other’s tongues and enjoyed the moment. Ichigo may have been good in school and teachers loved him, but he has always been a rebel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should let you guys know that I am at a point where I feel like I am running out of chapters. It may not seem like it to you, but for me and the layout of my life lately is pointing at a potential hiatus. I seriously don't like running out of chapters because it gives me less flexibility so please understand if I do go on hiatus.


	17. Chapter 17

Maybe Grimmjow was being a bad influence on Ichigo, but this was his decision and Ichigo agreed to go along with it. This was the second time they were skipping class together, third if they count Grimmjow taking Ichigo home when he was sick. There was no helping it. During school was the ideal time to be going on a date, it’s not like he was learning anything of importance there any way. A date was exactly what Grimmjow was planning on doing and he wasn’t planning on doing that with his girlfriend, but his very own boyfriend which was why now was the time. They’re not going to run into anyone that they know from school so they could do something in public without having any fear of being found out. A real date.

Making out had its own fun and he was planning on doing plenty of that with Ichigo. Still for some reason he wanted to do a couple thing. He’s done them before to keep his previous conquests happy, but he couldn’t think of his new boyfriend as a conquest and he was going to prove that he didn’t see him that way.

Now the question was where they were planning on having this date.

“I want to take you somewhere though.” Grimmjow insisted.

“Like hell I’m gonna let you take control of this relationship first.” Ichigo fought back. “I’m taking you on our first date.”

Grimmjow smirked and held up his hand to shoulder level and jingled his car keys which made a small chiming sound with his house key and small, silver, panther shaped metal key chain that was a gift from Nel. Ichigo frowned. “Not as long as I have the car keys. Maybe next time.” Grimmjow winked and ran a hand through Ichigo’s hair. Ichigo sighed exasperatedly and shook his head, brushing Grimmjow’s hand off him with the back of his hand. “Fine, but I’m paying then.” Ichigo insisted.

“Yeah we’ll see.” Grimmjow laughed as he opened the door to the drivers side of his car. Ichigo rolled his eyes and let himself into his car.

As they drove Ichigo looked over at Grimmjow in surprise as he turned off a road and down the highway. Despite everyone at school being in class and doing lame shit like learning how to find the area of a pyramid or whatever they do in school, Grimmjow still didn’t feel safe going on a date in their hometown. Plus there wasn’t exactly a place where Grimmjow was driving anywhere near where they grew up.

Ichigo has made Grimmjow experience many things that he has never done before, eat vegetable pizza, miss a party, question his sexuality, kiss a boy, give head to a dude, and now it’s actually putting thought into a date. As soon as Grimmjow turned onto the highway he knew exactly where he was going and which exit to take. He could have used a GPS, but he wanted their secret date’s location to be a secret till they got there. Ichigo was hesitant without knowing where he was going. He pressed his new boyfriend to tell him, but Grimmjow didn’t let up. Instead he teased him about not trusting him. After pushing for a bit longer Ichigo eventually gave in and they switched to talking about more trivial things.

They didn’t need to talk for long before Grimmjow pulled into the parking lot of a strip mall. The strip mall was quiet which wasn’t too surprising given the time and day. The stores along the strip were small businesses, some well off, some struggling, some not surviving with a for rent sign on the window and the insides of the store gutted of everything that made it a store. Ichigo looked confused understandably and Grimmjow was something that he has not experienced in a while. He was nervous, really nervous, but excited.

He took Ichigo by the hand for the first time in public. His hand was warm and larger than what he was used to. When he peeked at Ichigo to see how he was responding to his action, he was looking down, hiding the blush on his face, but he was holding Grimmjow’s hand back. It may have been their first time holding hands in public and even Grimmjow, who was usually rash, wasn't sure whether they should be doing that or not.

Grimmjow led Ichigo across the parking lot through the double doors of a cafe he never imagined stepping in before asking him out. It’s not like the food was bad, on the contrary the food was highly recommended by the people reviewing the place they were planning to have their date. The thing that made this place strange and special was that it wasn’t only a cafe.

Grimmjow opened the glass door to the building and despite him knowing what to expect he wasn’t expecting the inside to look like this. The cafe was up front serving coffee and sweets and the baristas were separated from the rest of the cafe behind a glass counter that displayed the pastries they served. That corner of the building had tables lined up in a way so that it wasn’t too crowded. There were long tables, small tables, round tables, and even two couches. Despite the seats looking normal there were even a few plush chairs pushed over to the tables probably by customers that were sitting in them.

The cafe looked pretty humble and homely, but that didn’t compare to the rest of the building that was lined up with bookshelves that were organized by genre. There was even a spiral staircase that led to a second floor that had even more bookshelves and some more long tables.

“A bookstore?” Ichigo questioned, letting go of Grimmjow’s hand once they left the abandoned parking lot and returned his hand to his sweater pocket, mirroring his other. He looked over to Grimmjow for guidance, but Grimmjow just nodded and led them forward.

“It’s a used bookstore,” Grimmjow corrected and he gestured towards the cafe. “But it is also a pretty good cafe apparently.” Truth was Grimmjow didn’t think he would make it this far. He wasn’t exactly planning on skipping school. The moment just happened and he knew that he wanted to go on a date that very second. He didn’t scope out the place. He didn’t get Ichigo some corny gift or something and neither of them was dressed for the occasion. It was just a cafe and everyone was dressed casually, but there was a part of Grimmjow that wanted to see Ichigo get dressed up for him. Maybe next time, but for now he was excited to be here.

Grimmjow walked forward to the cafe upfront that were selling all kinds of baked goods and confections. They looked good, but so does the stuff at Starbucks before you bite in and realize that it’s all overpriced stale bread. That wasn’t what they were there for. The most popular pastry in this store were the pies.

“Welcome to Pies and Poetry.” The short haired, short barista said. It looked as though she could barely see over the counter. Pies were even in the store's name. “You two look new here.” She said studying the weird, vibrant haired couple with a mock suspicious expression before plastering a smile on her face.

Another barista strolled over to stand next to her. He stood a foot taller than his coworker who grimaced as soon as he walked over. She at least looked normal, but this guy with his goatee, weird hair, and even weirder headband stood out. He was also living proof that not everyone can pull off headbands like Renji.

“Don’t scare them off with your staring and probing, Kiyone.” He said in a hushed, yet still pretty loud tone.

“And you don’t scare them off with your bad breath, Sentaro.” She said shoving him in the side causing him to take a few steps back before rushing to where he was standing before.

Grimmjow looked around at the customers sitting down. A handful of them were reading at the tables they were sitting at. Some were seated with their laptop on the table in front of them, it looked like they were writing things like screenplays, poetry, and novels. Some were sitting with other people and chatting. None of them were paying any mind to the show that the two baristas were displaying. 

“They’re obviously new here, but why did you have to bring that up?” The guy, Sentaro questioned, pointing a finger at her. “You’re just supposed to take their order and give them their food when it’s ready.” He lectured, poking her with his outstretched finger right above her small chest.

The small barista, Kiyone, stomped her foot. “Since when were you the boss of me? I’ll have you know people find me charming and adorable. Plus nothing ever goes on at this hour. I’m tired of doing nothing.” She says that, but there were more people there then Grimmjow expected. There were so many stores that were struggling to get by right next to this place, but this bookstore seemed to be doing just fine. Maybe even better than fine.

“These two are obviously on a date so they don’t want to talk to you.” Sentaro retaliated. “I’ll tell the boss you’re getting up in people’s business again.”

Grimmjow was shocked by that statement and he looked over at Ichigo who seemed to be looking back at him with just as much shock as him. All they could do was wait for the baristas bickering to finish.

“I didn’t even get up in their business yet. Plus how can you assume these two are on a date? You can’t just assume everyone that comes here is gay.” Kiyone fought back.

“It’s a safe assumption. You’re gay too, aren’t you?” He roared. “And so is the boss!”

Grimmjow looked over his shoulder again at the customers. None of them seemed to care. How common was this? And were all these customers returning customers because it was weird that not one of them looked up. Actually one bald dude with thick framed glasses, a beard, and a plaid shirt looked up before shrugging and returned to typing away on his laptop. Grimmjow was immediately reminded of Chummies that has gotten so used to Renji that the regulars don’t even mind his loud nature.

“Don’t out my sexuality like that. This isn’t about me. If we don’t know if they are really gay let’s just ask them.” Kiyone fought before both of them trained their eyes on them with so much intensity that he could practically see it coming at them in waves.

Grimmjow did his research on this place. It mentioned that the staff was super fun and outgoing and that their boss was incredibly sweet and helpful. Was this supposed to be the super fun and outgoing staff? That aside the question was such a surprise. He got so used to watching them bicker he forgot that they were part of the reason they were needlessly bickering. All she did was ask if they were new to the place. He wasn’t ready for that to turn on its head to him having to think of a response quickly

He never had to explain his sexuality before. He didn’t know what to label it. He could lie and say that he was too excited about dating Ichigo to give it any real thought. He could say that and maybe Ichigo would even swoon, but more realistically, Ichigo would notice that that was bull shit. He thought about it long and hard. It bothered him late at night, in class, when his girlfriend hung off of him, when he was eating, in the shower, everywhere. He desired the comfort of having a label, feeling less weird then he did now.

Just a month ago he found gay relationships to be weird even when his best friend, who is now his boyfriend, is gay. He never really talked face to face with a lesbian that he knew of, but he was looking at this cute, young woman with an intense stare and all he wanted to do was laugh at the ridiculousness of this situation. He wasn’t grossed out in the least. He was uncomfortable with the question, but even he could see the comedy in this. He was the king of Karakura High and what kind of king questioned his sexuality?

He opened his mouth to talk despite not knowing what to say, but before he could spew out garbage Ichigo took the reins. “I’m gay.” He said, sticking his chest out slightly and jabbing a thumb into his chest. Ichigo looked over hesitantly at Grimmjow who stared back at him, sharing his hesitation. “He’s bi-curious.” Ichigo said, unsure and looked at him for confirmation.

The label rang in Grimmjow’s ears before shaking his head. Before he thought that Ichigo was the only guy that he was attracted to, but he did his research. He didn’t just allow the question of what to call his sexuality fester. He looked into it. So where did he start? Porn. Porn. Porn. At first he did it to see if he could pleasure Ichigo properly. He kept thinking about how he wanted to touch him and what to do with him so he wanted to see if what he did would feel good. Despite knowing that the people in the video were actors and that they could literally just eat a bowl of strawberries or something random like that and they would still be able to produce those sounds, he still found himself watching those videos intensely. He even had to move his laptop off his knees when he was in bed to give his johnson some room to breathe. He would be lying to himself if he couldn’t admit that he also made his johnson cry as he watched the X-rated videos.

“Bi,” Grimmjow corrected, taking Ichigo’s hand in his “I’m bisexual.”

It was the first time he said it. It was the first time the label fully formed in his head. He thought he would be ashamed if he admitted it. Ichigo was one of the most shunned people in the school because of his sexuality yet here he was standing next to him, hand in hand because he too swung that way.

Ichigo smiled and gave his hand a little squeeze.

The short female barista inhaled with a smile on her face with excitement. “Oh my God! Are you his first guy?” She asked pointedly at Ichigo.

Ichigo nodded, laughing.

“Ah right! Your order!” Kiyone remembered. “Welcome to Pies and Poetry, how can I help you?” She started over which made Sentaro nod in approval.

Grimmjow completely forgot they came there for the purpose of getting food. He looked right past the other pastries and looked at the display that was entirely dedicated to pies.

“I’ll take a slice of the apple pie and a medium latte.” Grimmjow said without really thinking. He didn’t have too much of a preference since he wasn’t too into sweets. Ichigo on the other hand seemed a lot more enthusiastic, he tried to keep his usual cool attitude, but it showed through.

“One slice of the chocolate cream pie and a medium hot chocolate.” He said. That’s right, Ichigo’s favorite food was chocolate. He was embarrassed about it, but Grimmjow found it cute. He only ordered chocolate if he was feeling comfortable. Every muscle in Grimmjow’s body relaxed. If he was ordering it that meant that he felt comfortable there despite the strange baristas. He did get close to Renji who is just as loud so maybe there is a correlation.

“Coming right up~” Kiyone said in a cheery voice as she turned around and got to work.

Sentaro nodded as he watched her work despite her making it clear that he wasn’t her boss. He looked back at the two of them.

“If you’re new here then I should advertise the poetry readings we have and the book clubs.” He stated, pulling out a card from behind the counter and handing it to Ichigo, who clearly looked more interested then the guy who brought him there that shifted his weight between his left and right feet. “We try to keep everyone social and involved so I really hope you return.” He said with a nod.

“I’ll give it some thought.” Ichigo said, pocketing the card in his pocket. Typically people say stuff like that to be polite, but Ichigo always prioritized honesty. He was never rude when someone advertised their stuff, he’d usually say ‘okay’ or something vague like that. If he said that he’ll give it some thought then that meant that he was serious. Grimmjow smiled as Ichigo listened to the barista sell the place.

Kiyone put the food and drinks on the counter to the side by the register and Grimmjow followed Ichigo there. He pulled out his wallet and Grimmjow immediately made a grab for it. Ichigo was quick though and pulled it away out of his reach.

“I told you I was paying.” Ichigo reminded him. “You brought me here so I have to pull my weight.”

“I was the one who asked you out in the first place.” Grimmjow argued. “I even asked you to cut class with me.”

“It’s not like it was hard to convince me.” Ichigo fought back.

Kiyone sighed. “You shouldn’t argue about something so silly.” She said. She and Grimmjow only just met, but Grimmjow already wanted to argue that that statement was rich coming from her. “My ex-girlfriend and I used to handle situations like this by playing rock, paper, scissors.” She suggested holding up a fist.

Ichigo looked at her and then back to Grimmjow. “Fine, we’ll play it your way.” He said holding out a fist.

“You can try, but I can read you, Ichi.” He said confidently.

Ichigo won. It took three ties, and another dumb arguement before Ichigo was able to best him in this epic battle with the power of his mighty paper against Grimmjow’s mere rock.

Ichigo held his debit card up in victory, handing it to Sentaro who quickly looked to see if a line formed during this ridiculous display. Grimmjow sighed exasperatedly. Ichigo didn’t have a lot of money. He made his own by tutoring since his father didn’t believe in allowances unless it was a rare occasion. Wait, he made his own money by tutoring so that meant that his ex girlfriend was indirectly paying for his date. The thought was amusing.

This place has been a lot of fun so far in a weird way. He didn’t eat the food there yet and that was the deciding factor for him, but the atmosphere of the place was great. It was a bit more hipster then what he was used to yet he didn’t feel uncomfortable despite not really being into reading. He was glad he brought Ichigo here. If this place was LGBT+ friendly then it was the perfect place to have their date.

They carried their food to an open table in the back that was far from the baristas who have already started bickering again. It took .2 second the moment Ichigo’s butt hit the standard wooden chair for him to take a bite of his pie. He froze and looked down at it.

“Holy shit.” He said in a low voice.

“What’s wrong?” Grimmjow said, hesitantly putting his fork into his pie, but holding it there instead of lifting it to his face.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to eat chocolate cream pie anymore.” Ichigo mumbled. “This is too good. It’s dangerous.” He said picking up his fork again and taking another bite.

Grimmjow finally lifted his fork and placed the bit of pie in his mouth before there was an explosion of flavor. It was sweet and sour, the apples tasted fresh, and the tart was thin and buttery, and was that cinnamon? Grimmjow looked up at Ichigo with awe. The pie nearly moved him to tears, but there was no way he could reward something with that. “We’re coming here forever.” He said plainly, shoving another bite into his mouth.

It took a few moments of pie eating and beverage drinking before a complete stranger walked over. Well at least Grimmjow thought he was a stranger. “Umm, your name is Ichigo, right?” The tall, dark haired man asked, looking directly at the orange haired teenager that was pouring over his food.

Ichigo looked up at him in shock. “Shouldn’t you be in school?” He asked hesitantly, looking between the two guilty students that ditched class.

It took Ichigo a few moments of thought before recognition welled in his eyes. “You’re Mr. Ukitake’s fiance!” Ichigo concluded. Grimmjow recognized him as soon as Ichigo said it. The guy had a striking resemblance to Ichigo as he mentioned before. He’s only seen him once before, but Ichigo was right. The two of them could have been related. “What are you doing here?” Ichigo asked.

The man shrugged. “My name is Kaien. I’m not sure whether Jushiro told you that or not. He didn’t tell you that I own and run Pies and Poetry? Did you not learn about my cafe and store from him?”

The two of them shook their heads.

He sighed heavily. “I’m a little surprised that you didn’t. Heck did he not tell you that this is where we met?” He asked.

Ichigo shook his head, but Grimmjow rolled his eyes and continued to eat. He was in the middle of a date, but the outgoing staff kept on being friendly and talkative.

Ichigo looked back at Grimmjow who looked to be sulking at that moment and turned back to Kaien. “Hey, I’m kind of in the middle of a date now. Let’s talk some other time.” He said.

Kaien looked between the two of them again and gasped. “Sorry, I didn’t realize. Have a nice time.” He said before he turned on his heels. “Also, I’m not a teacher, but no more cutting class. Jushiro will get upset.” He lectured before continuing on his path to who knows where.

Ichigo and Grimmjow were quiet for a moment as he disappeared behind a bookshelf.

“We’re never coming here again.” Grimmjow said plainly. He was bummed out about it, but if Ukitake was a regular here he couldn’t relax.

“What the hell?” Ichigo asked. “I like it here, why?”

“Your teacher comes here.” Grimmjow said honestly. “You shouldn’t hang around with teachers.”

Ichigo shook his head. “I like Ukitake though. He’s a good guy.”

Grimmjow clicked his tongue. He didn’t know whether he should tell Ichigo about how he felt about him or not. He didn’t like him. How could he like him when his boyfriend found him attractive. If Ukitake was marrying someone that looked so much like him then there was a strong possibility that Ukitake found him attractive too. There was no way Grimmjow felt comfortable letting that pervert near Ichigo in a setting outside of school.

Ichigo shrugged. “Well, I like it here and I can come with or without you.” Ichigo said smugly.

Grimmjow groaned. “Don’t you dare.” He said in a low voice.

“Then come with me if you are so scared of a teacher.” Ichigo said with a smirk, taking a sip of his hot chocolate.

Grimmjow watched him for a moment before going back to eating. “I hate how you’re so independent. Can’t you just do what I ask?” He sighed.

“Nope, you knew what you were signing up for.” Ichigo responded.

He lied. He found Ichigo’s independence and difficulty sexy. He was like a cat. He would cuddle and give in to affection at times, but when he isn’t for something he doesn’t listen and may even whip out his claws. He was so different from the girls he used to occupy himself with.

The conversation went back to normal. Just like during the drive there they talked about trivial things. Then after they finished their drinks long after they inhaled their pies they went exploring.

Ichigo peruse the shelves like he knew where everything was. Libraries were second nature to him. He took out a few books and carried them under his arm with the intention of purchasing them. He pointed out different books and explained what they were and the history behind them. Ichigo excitedly pointed to a couple particular ones by the same author with a weird pen name. One of them was called  _ Strawberry Fangs  _ that the author wrote because he lost a bet and next to it was an incomplete book called  _ Resentment  _ that the author never finished because he died, at least that’s what readers believed what happened. There was also a rumor that he just changed his pen name and was still alive.

Grimmjow didn’t get what Ichigo was talking about a lot of the time and the history of old books wasn’t high on the ‘things he likes’ list, but Ichigo seemed happy chatting with him before catching on that he was being too big of a nerd and quieted down. Grimmjow didn’t mind him being a dork. He was cute and despite not reading too much he found it really fun to see him like that.

As they explored they found just how interesting the store was. It looked small from the outside, but the place was pretty big. It looked like Kaien was a pretty big board game nerd too since there was a portion of the store specifically dedicated to board games and trading cards on the second floor. There were also some tables laid out in rows specifically dedicated for people to play games on them. There were a few people playing Magic the Gathering on play mats and decks and dice that they brought from home on the long table closest to a glass counter with a display of trading cards that could be purchased individually. Behind the counter was a short, wimpy looking guy organizing the shelves behind him that was filled with binders, preconstructed decks, dice, and individual packs of cards. There were also a few other people who seemed to have just bought a complicated looking game and had the plastic wrapping that protected the fresh board game off to the side.

Ichigo was already at the shelves picking up a particular board game that Grimmjow has never seen before called  _ Pandemic _ . He looked at Ichigo quizzically. He never took Ichigo for liking board games. Heck he didn’t even know there were so many board games. He could only think of Monopoly and checkers when he thought about board games.

Ichigo shrugged. “I heard this one was a lot of fun and challenging.” Ichigo said. “It’s a co-op game so I thought it would be fun to play with Rukia and Renji.”

After Ichigo made his purchases that he, once again, insisted on buying himself they made their way outside. Ichigo seemed happy as he shifted through his plastic bag full of books and the board game. Grimmjow stretched his hand out and Ichigo obediently took it in his happiness. Grimmjow smiled. It was a good day. The only thing that could make it better was… well.

Grimmjow drove Ichigo home and followed him inside. He didn’t realize how long they were gone. Ichigo called out he was home, kicking his shoes off. It was weird to see the clinic closed this early. There were times where Ichigo was left in charge since he was certified to do small things like first aid, but it was weird to see the place deserted without Ichigo’s dad shooting him a text.

Ichigo called out for his dad and sisters, but there was no response. Ichigo reached the kitchen table where there was a note. Grimmjow followed him inside and waited for Ichigo to finish reading before Ichigo could inform him what was going on.

“My dad and sisters are visiting my uncle because he needed some help at the hospital.” Ichigo said. “I wasn’t invited because I was gone and my uncle is also homophobic.” Ichigo shrugged before turning back around outside the kitchen and walked upstairs with Grimmjow close behind.

The last time Grimmjow was in Ichigo’s room he was nursing Ichigo back to health when he was sick. It was stupid that he didn’t realize how he felt until later. He even searched his room for porn while he was asleep. Well, there was one place he didn’t check.

Ichigo started to unload his bag, taking his books out and looking for a place to put them in his crammed bookshelf that already had books lying flat out of lack of having a place to put them. While Ichigo reorganized his bookshelf Grimmjow lied down on the floor, flat on his stomach peeking under his bed. There it was! That had to be it! A lone shoe box far underneath. Ichigo kept his room clean and didn’t keep anything unnecessary. There had to be something in it.

He shifted and Ichigo looked over his shoulder to see him lying on his belly on the hardwood floor and reaching his arm out for the mysterious box under his bed.

“What the fuck?” He cried out, dropping what he was doing and running over to Grimmjow. He grabbed his legs from the ground and started to pull Grimmjow away from the bed, dragging him across the floor like a mop.

Grimmjow laughed and clawed against the floor, pulling himself forward by his elbows and eventually grabbing the leg of Ichigo’s bed frame and pulled himself back which resulted in the bed dragging across the floor away from the wall.

“What’s wrong, Ichi?” He laughed. “What’s down there?”

“I swear to God, Grimmjow.” Ichigo scowled. “Drop it.”

Grimmjow laughed and propped himself on one arm to see Ichigo’s bright red face. He had to see what was down there. His imagination started to run wild. He kept on imagining Ichigo taking care of himself, looking at the graphic photos that must be inside that box.

Grimmjow couldn’t handle it. He let go of the bed that has been dragged a fair distance from the wall. Without Grimmjow fighting him Ichigo let go and staggered backwards, but Grimmjow was already on his feet. He threw himself on Ichigo’s bed, belly first and grabbed the box that was now exposed.

Ichigo, still bright red, ran forward and made a grab for the box which Grimmjow shielded with his own body. Before Ichigo could beg him to let it go and forget about the box the lid was already off the box with Grimmjow gazing into it.

Grimmjow turned bright red and a smile crept up on his face. All the vulgar imagery of Ichigo jacking off to magazines, photos, erotic novels, or whatever Ichigo did to satisfy himself disappeared and what replaced it was much better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello...I'm gonna be selfish and go on hiatus for a hot second. Not only am I running out of chapters to post, I also don't have time to write more. I am trying to get up to date in One Piece before chapter 1000 comes out. If you read One Piece you'd understand. If you haven't read One Piece yet then what are you doing reading this. Go read One Piece.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a terrible idea for me to be posting a chapter before I'm ready to motivate me to start writing again. Taking a break is dangerous since it's hard to pick up writing again, but also I read all of One Piece which was worth it. Go read One Piece.

Ichigo was about ready to go find a nice, damp hole in the ground and call it his home before living the rest of his life as a  hikikomori, for lack of a better term . Gone. Never seen outside his room and never to be seen again. If anyone else had been his boyfriend then he could see a scenario where he would eventually let him see the contents of that box, but that was late game stuff. This was his current boyfriend though, Grimmjow, his childhood best friend that has always been ruthless when it comes to teasing and they weren’t in the late game just yet. This was now. And this sucked. The moment he saw Grimmjow making eye contact with the content of that box he knew that there would be no way that he would let him live this down. There weren’t any holes in the ground anywhere near him so he settled with leaning against the wall in the fetal position, hiding his face behind his knees.

“Hey, Ichi?” Grimmjow called, still not looking up from the box. Ichigo, without looking up, knew that he had an evil smile on his face and the very sound of his sing-song voice made his insides squirm while he calculated how to escape without Grimmjow chasing him. “What’s this?”

“Shut up.” Ichigo found himself saying immediately as a response, his voice muffled by his knees. “I literally got them from my dad for my birthday the year I told him I was gay.”

Ichigo took a peek to see Grimmjow holding up the largest lude object from the set that was hidden under his bed. He shoved his face back down into his knees. A normal father wouldn’t give his teenage son butt plugs for his birthday, right? His father was typically overprotective even so much to teach Ichigo self defense which admittedly was more handy then he thought it would be. In a way this too is a way of preparation and protecting oneself. Ichigo didn’t think that after dinner on his birthday when he found a wrapped package on his bed with a letter that said to not show the contents to his sisters. Like hell he would! He wasn’t planning on showing anyone in a long time if ever. Nothing could stop Grimmjow from destroying any plans he has ever had especially if it involved his privacy. He really does just walk into his life to destroy things.

The plug that Grimmjow was holding was black, beaded, soft, and flexible. It’s latex. The smallest bead was pointed at the top and below it were two more beads increasing in size till it reached the bottom, a flared base to prevent it from going too far.

The sight of Grimmjow made him squeeze his legs tighter, digging his nails in his skin out of nervous habit and carving little marks into his legs, but not hard enough to break skin. Grimmjow got off the bed and walked over to Ichigo who squeezed his eyes tighter at the sound of footsteps and creaks in the floorboards.

“Your dad got these for you? I don’t believe you.” Grimmjow said, presenting it to Ichigo, mocking him. Then Grimmjow paused and furrowed his brows. “Wait, now that I think about it that would be something your dad would do.” At least he didn’t think he was lying. At least now he could live this down at least somewhat.

“Great, now that you’ve had your fun can you wrap the teasing up so we could put it back and I never have to think about this again until I can afford therapy?” Ichigo practically begged into his knees. He was gonna need so much therapy and with his sexuality, bullying, and dad, to name a few things, he was probably long overdue for some.

Unexpectedly there was silence. Ichigo was bracing himself for relentless teasing, but instead there was no response from Grimmjow who was now squatting in front of Ichigo. Instead Grimmjow grabbed onto his wrist and pulled him sideways. Ichigo crashed onto the floor on his side with Grimmjow above him.

“What the hell?” Ichigo asked, scrambling to get up.

“I wanted to see your face.” Grimmjow said matter of factly. He held the butt plug up before Ichigo could retaliate as if handing it to him. “I wanna see you try it.” He said like it was the most normal thing to request. Most couples would go home after a first date after a good night kiss or whatever. This was more than a goodnight kiss. When Ichigo let Grimmjow into his house he expected them to watch a movie or hangout like they usually did. Maybe even fool around a little bit, but only if it came to that. He didn’t have plans to do that when they stepped through the front door. This was not normal.

“What the fuck?” Ichigo asked, on his feet and retreating to the opposite side of the room far, far away from Grimmjow and the toy he was holding out to him.

“Your dad may have got it for you, but you totally used them right?” Grimmjow pressed, not taking the hint or just not caring to listen, and following Ichigo. “I wanna see it, Ichi.”

Ichigo shook his head. “No way, I’m not doing that now.” Ichigo said. After a few moments he threw in “And I’m not bottoming!” There was a heated glare aimed directly at Grimmjow that didn’t seem ready to back down just yet.

Grimmjow shrugged. “Yeah, we’ll see,” completely ignoring Ichigo’s declaration.

Ichigo was prepared to turn down Grimmjow if he asked for sex. It may have been second nature for him, but Ichigo was still a virgin. He wasn’t the romantic type and he didn’t really fantasize lovey dovey stuff with Grimmjow, but he wasn’t ready yet. It was only their first date and doing that on the first date was fine for some people, but he was not one of them. There was still the part of him that didn’t trust Grimmjow when it came to sex.

“How’s this,” Grimmjow started, ready to negotiate something that was non negotiable. “I’m not going to press you for sex after this.” Grimmjow said. That was a bit better. It can maybe prolong his time with him, but it was still ridiculous.

“Not happening.” Ichigo said plainly, not even slightly tempted by his offer. Ichigo, despite himself, was as hormonal as Grimmjow. There was an honest part of him that wanted to throw himself at Grimmjow and bend him over, or rather fight with him over who is bending over. The difference between the two was that Ichigo thinks with his head first and his dick after. He knew that if he did any ‘favors’ for Grimmjow then that would mean he was bottoming. He was open to bottom, but despite being inexperienced he knew in his heart that he was a switch. He needed to get Grimmjow to understand that.

Grimmjow hesitated, still not letting up, throwing in his next suggestion. “Rock, paper, scissors?” He suggested. It was his last resort.

He had to be kidding. This wasn’t deciding who is paying for the meal like they did at the cafe. “Are you seriously suggesting this?” Ichigo asked, eyes narrowed and brows furrowed more than usual. There was no win for him in this situation. If he loses he has to shove that thing up his ass, but if he wins what?

Grimmjow seemed to have already thought of the condition in response to Ichigo’s trained glare. “If you win I will read your favorite book, whatever length it is...or something.”

Ichigo didn’t really have a favorite book. To decide that he would probably need to make a spreadsheet and color code it by genres and age that he read the book. Grimmjow didn’t need to know that though, Ichigo thought to himself as he started to calculate the largest book that he enjoyed that he could think of.

“Fine.” Ichigo said, making his decision. If he wins this then maybe Grimmjow would think twice about challenging him in a game of random luck.

Grimmjow’s eyes lit up in complete shock and excitement. It wasn’t surprising that he acted that way. Ichigo was shocked that he was willing to go along with his stupid game too. He clutched the toy tightly. Ichigo grimaced, already regretting the choice he made.

“Let me just go to the bathroom first…” Ichigo said, voice trailing and slightly cracking. It wasn’t sure that he was going to lose, but if he lost Grimmjow would think he’s trying to run away if he went after. Ichigo doesn’t run away from a challenge after accepting it, no matter how stupid it was.

Ichigo wasn’t asking for Grimmjow’s permission. If he knew that he was going on a date today he would have prepared himself just in case. He wouldn’t want to sleep with Grimmjow after their first date especially if that meant he was bottoming. He knew that when it came to their first time it would be a battle. A battle that wasn’t going to happen today, but if it’s this much then it should be fine in some alternate universe. This wasn’t an alternate universe, but here he was accepting a challenge like they were still kids so he guessed they were just pretending that this was okay. Just for today. It is embarrassing as shit so a lot is on the line. Still he wasn’t planning on chickening out.

After a few minutes of some maintenance down there without going into details Ichigo left the bathroom already feeling exposed, prepped, and embarrassed. Ichigo came back into the room to see Grimmjow sitting on his bed and rifling through the rest of the content of the box as if there was so much to look at. He was already holding the bottle of lube in there and the largest plug in the set.

“Just to make things clear, I’m only doing this because my family is away and they’ll be gone for a while.” Ichigo said. “This is a one time thing.”

Ichigo looked at the plug Grimmjow was holding. “We aren’t using the largest one.” Ichigo said, recognizing that one immediately. “I’ve never used these toys before so I’m not prepared to take it.”

Grimmjow narrowed his eyes and pointed the lube bottle at Ichigo. “You’re lying.” He said, pointing a finger at him as if saying ‘objection’ like Phoenix Wright. Ichigo stiffened at the confidence in his words. Grimmjow reached into the box and pulled out a purple, transparent bottle of toy cleaner. The watery liquid swished around and foamed slightly and Ichigo cringed. “You have toy cleaner spray in here and the bottle is like half empty.” Grimmjow said holding up the bottle of liquid that was specifically made to clean anything that was going anywhere near there.

“Okay, fine, it’s like three quarters full.” Ichigo defended. “Since when did you become Mr. Detective?” Ichigo said, rolling his eyes and cursing that he had been caught, but Grimmjow wasn’t done yet.

“It’s also not in its original packaging.” Grimmjow added.

“All right, fine, you got me. Shut up.” Ichigo whined. He didn't do it often but he has taken advantage of the majesty that is 4 am, when no one in his family was awake to experiment. “Let’s just get this over with.” Ichigo sighed, holding out a fist.

They did a few movements and threw out their weapons. There it was, the battle between rock and scissors, the declaration from the universe deciding the outcomes of the match.

“FUCK.” Ichigo shouted, not having to worry about his family hearing him. He should have known Grimmjow was going to throw out rock. He was probably already rock hard so by association he would pick rock, of course!

“Holy shit.” Grimmjow said, still holding out his rock in disbelief. They didn’t even tie at all. It felt as if the universe didn’t cut Ichigo any slack this time. It was determined to make it happen.

“Two out of three.” Ichigo suggested immediately, teeth clenched together and ass clenched in reflex of what’s to come.

“Fuck no!” Grimmjow said, grabbing the toy that was left on the bed.

Ichigo scowled and grabbed the toy in his hand and threw it in the box and the bottle of lube. “Fine, but still not that one. Let’s use a medium size one.” Ichigo sighed.

Grimmjow nodded in agreement like an excited child that was promised a puppy as long as he took care of it. Ichigo took a deep breath and sat on his bed next to Grimmjow, lifting his legs and swinging them around his boyfriend so that he was lying down.

Grimmjow scooted farther from Ichigo so that he had some space to spread out his legs. Ichigo did just that, slightly separating his legs. He unbuckled his belt and lifted his bottom up slightly enough to pull his jeans down so that he slightly exposes his ass. As soon as he was about to start preparing himself Grimmjow grabbed both pants legs and pulled them down. They didn’t go far, but it was enough to pull down Ichigo’s boxer briefs that were pulled down with it, exposing his member and ass.

“I want to see.” Grimmjow reminded him and continued to pull. Ichigo sighed and helped him out, voluntarily pulling the rest of his jeans off and dropping them next to his bed.

Red in the face Ichigo spread his legs out again and put some lube on his finger.  _ Don’t think just do. _ He needed to get this over with as soon as possible. He was going to be mocked for the rest of his life by Grimmjow for this, but he wasn’t going to make the show last. He pushed it into his opening and massaged his insides. Despite having just prepared himself his hole was still tight. In terms of preparation he only cleaned out his bowels and prayed to whatever god, deity, or demon that would listen.

Grimmjow leaned forward, completely alert and fascinated. Once Ichigo deemed himself ready, which mentally he wasn’t, but his ass was, he grabbed the bottle of lube once again and coated the toy as well in the clear, liquid that dripped down the sides of the toy onto his fingers. Grimmjow inched closer in awe.

Ichigo positioned the toy below him and poked the tip against his tight opening. He took a deep breath and tried to relax. It was a hard task with Grimmjow watching so intently. He was already embarrassed enough, but he could get Grimmjow to pay him back later. He kept his hand steady and pushed forward. The tip invaded his ass and spread himself slightly.

“Holy shit, that is so hot.” Grimmjow said in amazement. He reached over and placed his hand on Ichigo’s knee.

“Don’t touch me.” Ichigo scowled, using his other hand to swat him away.

Grimmjow raised his hands as a response to Ichigo’s request. “I wanna touch you. I feel like I’m not doing anything.” He protested.

“That’s what I want you to do.” Ichigo pressed before going back to focusing on the toy that was a third of the way up his ass. Grimmjow was right, he has played with these toys before in the past, but it’s been a while since he last did it. Yes he could stay up late, but his sisters also have a habit of staying up late. Toys like these need to be cleaned so that would require taking them out of his room into the bathroom that he shared with his sisters. It takes courage to do that and lately he just couldn’t bring himself to muster any. His ass was going to pay for that since now it had to relearn how to take it.

The second flexible ball slipped in with a little effort. Once it was inside Ichigo felt fuller as he got used to the toy that was making its way further, straightening out inside him. Despite it not exactly feeling comfortable it wasn’t unbearable.

Ichigo had to bite his lips as he decided to keep going without stopping. With a little effort of pushing and it bending against his effort it slipped in, opening him even further with the flared end in between his asscheeks, not comfortable, but comfortable enough.

Ichigo sat up with the toy in his ass against the sheets, grimacing from the slight pain and discomfort, trying to ignore beads that were now able to rub against his prostate, making him feel like he has to pee slightly. Ichigo looked over at Grimmjow who had his mouth hanging open dumbly, unable to take his eyes off of him. Then he looked down at the bulge in Grimmjow’s pants. He was turned on by this despite him not even touching him. It was strangely flattering.

Ichigo was already slightly hard because of the beads that were pushed up against his prostate, but now he had another reason to be hard.

“That was so hot.” Grimmjow said finally in amazement. He waved Ichigo over. “Let me see.” He insisted, gesturing to him to turn around.

“No, you’ve seen enough.” Ichigo said, pulling his pants and underwear on at the same time.

“You’re keeping it in!?” Grimmjow asked, nearly shouting, smiling like an idiot with every hair standing on end.

Ichigo shrugged. “I prepared myself and everything, might as well.” In all honesty he was afraid of further teasing and insistence to see him pull it out. He couldn’t pick which one was the lesser evil.

“You’re the best boyfriend ever.” Grimmjow said, nearly drooling. At least it made Grimmjow happy.

In all honesty he liked being ‘the best boyfriend ever.’ Every fear of Grimmjow leaving him after having sex with him was vanishing at least for now. It felt nice to get Grimmjow hot and bothered. It was like payback for making him do this.

Grimmjow looked down, seeing his erection for the first time. He stared at it like he didn’t know when he got hard before he looked up at Ichigo who was now fully dressed.

“Hey, I know I said that I won’t ask you to have sex—” Grimmjow started, in a low, husky voice, a voice that always gave Ichigo tingles.

“No,” Ichigo said, cutting him off, not even bothering to hear the rest of the very predictable question. He wasn’t planning on having sex with Grimmjow. They were out of the first date zone. He didn’t know where they were now, but this was a weird thing for high schoolers in the first place and even weirder for Ichigo. He was never in a relationship so today was his very first date. A first date that had him skip class, go to a place he’s never been, talk to his teacher’s fiance, and whatever this was apparently. He wasn’t having sex.

Ichigo sat closer to Grimmjow, the flexible toy moved in an uncomfortable way that required Ichigo to have to get used to all over again as he rearranged his pants to make it look like he wasn’t getting hard, but it wasn’t exactly working.

“Can I ask you a bold question?” Ichigo started, trying to take attention away from his sore bottom and the strained feeling in his trapped dick. Grimmjow looked up at him and shrugged. “How did you even know that you liked me?” Ichigo didn’t know why he asked. He wanted to know, but he didn’t expect himself to be so upfront about it or to have a toy in his ass if he ever planned to ask. Maybe it was because they have made it this far. Maybe it was because he was feeling pretty exposed after what Grimmjow just put him through and now he wanted to expose Grimmjow a bit. Maybe he already asked the question so he should be focusing less on his own thoughts and focus on what Grimmjow was going to say.

Grimmjow groaned and scratched his head, clearly not knowing what to do now that the attention was turned to him. “I knew this question was coming at some point, but not after our first date.”

Ichigo’s eyes narrowed at him and he punched his arm, the slightest movement making the toy rub against his prostate, making him shiver from the momentary pleasure. “Excuse me, but I didn’t pressure you to put something up your ass. We are already moving fast for our first date.” One punch wasn’t satisfying enough so he punched him again on the arm, this time his toy not bothering him as much.

Grimmjow rubbed his arm and shot a glare back at Ichigo, but it lightened and he groaned again, leaning back on his hands and stretching his legs out. “You’re really asking me this? This is gonna be cornier than a shit after a barbeque.”

Ichigo rolled his eyes. “Graphic, and yes.” He said, nudging Grimmjow’s knee with his own.

“Fine, just give me a sec so I can get my thoughts together.” Grimmjow growled. “You know I hate saying sappy shit like this.”

“Yeah, I know.” Ichigo said. “This is what you get for snooping around my room.” He said, making up the punishment on the spot. There was a pause as Grimmjow sat in silence, getting his thoughts for a while. Grimmjow wasn’t exactly great at thinking so Ichigo knew that he was going to be silent for a while before Grimmjow said. “Okay, right, I think I got it.”

“You asked how I knew that I liked you. The truth is that I didn’t know. I thought I was straight, but I think I subconsciously knew. It took me a damn long time to figure it out. I might be bi, but I think I swing more towards girls. Actually that’s kind of obvious.” Grimmjow started. “When I actually began to like you is impossible for me to figure out.”

Yup, this was going to get corney, but Ichigo stayed silent. He could cringe about this later.

“There were signs when I think back on it. There were those silly stereotypical moments where I smile when you walk into a room, blah blah blah.” Grimmjow said and then made a face like he was gagging. “Then there was the possessive and aggressive part of me part that wanted to protect you against anything that caused you harm. I fought against it most of the time, but there were parts where I felt like I was going to go crazy. I get anxious and frustrated without you by my side or where I want you to be, knowing that someone out there could be hurting you. I know how fucking insane that sounds, but I’m not good with words so I don’t know how to sugar coat it.”

He was talking about the bullying, Ichigo thought to himself. It was impossible to track who was messing with him and the people who had attacked him were already taken care of by himself. He had no idea where Grimmjow would have directed his anger. He’s surprised that he didn’t do something to Nnoitra and Kenpachi yet. Was he too preoccupied by his two relationships? Though Ichigo guessed it was a good thing that Grimmjow didn’t take his anger out on them yet. They were trying to lay low. The only person who knew about them being ‘friends again’ was Grimmjow’s current girlfriend and even her knowing about them being close was pushing it. Grimmjow stayed silent again, recollecting his thoughts. Before Ichigo could say something he started up again.

“I had no idea what was wrong with me. I would turn girls down, even the fucking hot ones in favor of hanging out with you whether Nel was there or not even if we were just going to sit around and watch movies that we have both seen a million times.” Grimmjow bit his lips as he tried to regain his train of thought while Ichigo sat silently. “Then when your teacher told you that he was engaged I was just...relieved. Like I didn’t have to worry about losing you. Under that tree, seeing that you were somewhat relieved...at least you acted like you were relieved, I had to go with my gut and see if I felt anything.”

Grimmjow suddenly got very quiet as he lowered his voice. “Well, you were there for that so you know what happened. Once you turned me down I felt worse than I thought I would. I was never turned down before so I tried to tell myself that that’s what it must have felt like. I never felt that connection with anyone though so I moped around the entire day. I was also angry so I threw a little bit of a tantrum by calling her, my ‘current’ girlfriend.” He said, making sure to include air quotes. “I thought you removed me from the picture so I tried to go back to my normal routine. Clearly I couldn’t.”

There was silence, longer than the past pauses where he regained his thoughts before he said. “Can we please stop talking about my feelings? I want to vomit.”

Ichigo laughed and scooted closer to his boyfriend, toy sending reminders to him that it was still there again. He leaned into Grimmjow and kissed his lips, Grimmjow accepted it and pushed the kiss deeper. After a few moments Ichigo pulled away.

“Hey, I know it’s the first date” Ichigo started, “but I think I’m in love with you.”

Grimmjow laughed. “Well yeah, it’s weird, but also I said that I was in love with you after tackling your friend to the ground because he touched you.” Grimmjow wrapped his arms comfortably around Ichigo’s shoulders. “We really aren’t good at this typical relationship thing. We are both too forward.”

Ichigo shrugged despite the heavy weight on his shoulders. “I don’t have a problem with that.” Ichigo said. “Do you?” He asked.

Grimmjow shook his head and went in for a second passionate kiss, hand moving up from off his shoulders and into his hair. Ichigo leaned into the touch and pushed back, resting his hands on Grimmjow’s chest. “Not in a million years.” Grimmjow pulled away only a second to say, pressing his forehead against Ichigo’s before going back to business.

Ichigo smiled against his lips. Despite the embarrassment of Grimmjow going into his personal belongings and having him do something humiliating and sexual, today was a pretty good day. It also helped that his family wasn’t going to be back home for a long time.


	19. Chapter 19

Grimmjow has been friends with Nel for a very long time. He believed that he has seen every side of her, the times she gets protective, the times she gets overly excited and loud, the times she is so tired she falls asleep on his couch in front of the TV. Grimmjow wasn’t really one to talk about himself because he didn’t like talking about his overly slutty life with her who always lectured him about sleeping around too much, breaking hearts, and constantly reminding him not to keep condoms in his wallet. He also wasn’t a big fan of wearing his emotions on his sleeves so he doesn’t let her in on his periods of sadness, but that wasn’t always true. Still just like every friendship that gets on the ‘best friend’ level they have a need to confide in one another.

It took Grimmjow way too long to realize that he has been neglecting his said best friend. To a point where he cursed at himself when his phone started buzzing and the notification on his screen had a little box with the words ‘Can we go for a drive?’ It was a wake up call. She has never outwardly asked for a drive before which could only mean something was really bothering her. Usually a drive happened when they were coming from somewhere, just the two of them, late at night when there were no cars around. They would be having a conversation that they needed to continue.

The disgusting side of him wanted to turn her down. He was mad at himself for even considering it for a moment. He just got back from Ichigo’s house on what he deemed to be an almost perfect night with the only thing to make it better being sex. There may have even been a time where he would turn her down, but being with Ichigo has made him a different person, a better person, probably seen as a softer person, but still a better person. So he put his shoes and jacket back on, responded to her text, saying that he will be at her house in a hot second and grabbed his keys before stepping outside.

By the time he reached Nel’s place she was already sitting on the front two steps of her house, hugging her knees in the fetal position rather than sitting on the steps normally, cold. Grimmjow never understood her insistence on wearing a crop top all the time. As soon as Grimmjow pulled into her driveway she was on her feet and walking towards the still moving car. The moment it stopped Nel was already pulling on the door handle of the passenger seat prompting Grimmjow to unlock it.

She ducked her head and climbed in, not saying anything for a moment before saying “thanks for coming.” When they drive there is no destination, they just drove around until they called it a night and opened up a GPS app on her phone to get home. It was already late which meant it was the perfect time to drive, no traffic, no distractions, the right amount of tiredness. It was the best time to open up.

Once they pulled out of her development she began talking. “Grimm, I miss you.” Nel said. “And I worry about you. I don’t like your girlfriend.”

This wasn’t news to Grimmjow. Ever since he confessed to Ichigo and failed he has been neglecting her and focusing more on shutting himself off and burying himself in Cirucci’s pussy. He didn’t know if it was out of burying his bisexuality, his horror that he confessed to someone important to him and was turned down, or just a simple need to be alone. “I don’t like her either.” Grimmjow admitted. “I like Ichigo.” He realized that he never told her. It was because he didn’t want it to be true before. If he said it outloud to another person he felt like he would be sentenced to feeling that way towards him forever. There was a part of him that wanted to stay with him for as long as he would let him, but that was the emotional part of him. The part of him that he usually shut off.

Nel’s eyes shot open. This drive was meant for her to talk about her problems, but the drive and 12 am was the time for both of them to open up while staring at the road. “Since when were you planning to tell me this?” Nel asked, seeming to want to attack the driver before considering that the car would look better if there wasn’t a tree at the center of the hood. “When did this happen?”

Grimmjow shrugged. He wasn’t sure really until he out right told Ichigo himself. “I confessed to him the day before I started to date Cirucci.”

Nel’s eyes bulged and slapped him on the arm with no sense of judgment this time, immediately followed by apologies for hitting him while he was driving on the near empty road before pressing further. “He turned you down?”

Grimmjow shrugged. “At first.” He seriously didn’t know when he was planning to tell Nel. It felt early and unsure before tonight and it felt kinda girly to talk about the boy he likes. He wasn’t like Ichigo that didn’t mind sharing his thoughts to people he was close to, only hiding when he deemed it necessary like how he hides his feelings. This was a drive though, perfect time to let her in. So he did. He shared as much as he could, stopping at how sexy Ichigo was after their date. “So I guess I’m bi.” Grimmjow concluded. Nel’s head was in her hands throughout Grimmjow’s entire story.

“I feel like my entire life is a lie.” Nel said quietly in a monotone voice, picking up her hands to reveal a smile even bigger and brighter than her usual one. “I’m super happy, but also that means that if you hurt him I have to beat you up since he’s my friend too.”

Grimmjow laughed, knowing that she was only half kidding, maybe a quarter. It was rare to see her angry, but when she was it was time to board up the windows and hide under a table.

“I don’t plan on hurting him any time soon. I really really like him.” He was calm as he said it. When he was coming to terms with it his heart would race and he would get a weird sickness in his stomach as he recognized the new change in him. Then there was the tingly feeling. He had no idea how to stop the tingly feeling. He didn’t know if he liked it or hated it, but it energized him. He felt like he could go three days without sleeping, wanting to stay in this period of happiness forever. He already declared his label today and now that he’s done it he doesn’t feel the same nerves anymore even though that he now had to keep it a secret. “Now can we please talk about your problems?”

Nel nodded before the car went silent for a bit. Grimmjow turned onto a highway and the white lines dividing the lanes reflected against the lights beaming from his car, a few cars racing alongside him, but passing by quickly, taking advantage of the open road.

If she was quiet for this long it could only mean that she has been holding this in for a while before she sighed. “I feel really bad that I’m going to ruin your mood since you seem so happy.”

“Don’t consider that. You’re my best friend, you and Ichigo. I want to be there when you are hurting.”

Nel sighed and started to rub her arms, not out of keeping herself warm in Grimmjow’s already warm car. “Remember that time I went to a party without you?” Nel asked. “You stayed behind with Ichi which explains why you would miss a party.”

Grimmjow thought back. That was the time he and Ichigo fell asleep watching  _ Die Hard.  _ It felt like such a long time ago, but the moment still made him smile when he thought about it. It was around that time that he started to develop feelings for Ichigo. The first and hopefully not the last time they slept together on top of one another. If that happened with anyone on the American football team then they would have walked away with a black eye and some light bruises on their body and depending on who it was maybe even a missing tooth. This was Ichigo though and it seemed like Nel knew that.

“You got annoyed when you learned what Nnoitra and Kenpachi did to Ichigo during Harribel’s party, which I was mad too, but you didn’t defend me when you heard what happened at the party.” She said. “I know it was a mistake and I already apologized a million times to you.” She paused to suck in a shaky breath. He couldn’t tell if it was out of fear or something worse. Grimmjow already didn’t like where this was going. He already started to feel guilty and he felt even worse when he knew that he didn’t regret staying behind with his now boyfriend.

“Nnoitra mentioned that Kenpachi slept with me and you left after a small tantrum.” Nel continued, “he mentioned I was drunk, but he left out the part where it was nonconsensual.”

It was probably unsafe for Grimmjow to be in the driver seat at that moment. As she said it he was already wracking his brain, trying to remember where he lived so that he could bomb his house. He didn’t know how to make bombs, but that was what the internet was made for. “I kicked his balls when he pulled out.” Nel said, tears in her eyes and threatening to trickle down, “but that’s all I remember. I don’t even remember if he used a condom and I’m afraid of asking him.”

Grimmjow stared at the road because he was unable to stare at her. Despite the questions that bugged him in his head. Why did she keep sitting at their table if something like that happened? Why did she wait till now to tell him? Then he heard Ichigo’s voice in his head lecturing him about not listening to her and doubting the victim who is obviously scared and didn’t know what to tell him, her best friend. She didn’t want to say it and he didn’t want to think it, it was rape. The thought sent chills down his spine. That fucker was dead.

Nel, seemingly sensing his bloodlust touched his arm lightly while his foot rested heavier on the pedal without realizing it. The touch woke him up, making him lift his foot.

Nel told him all about that night. She arrived at the party when it was already in full swing. She was like Grimmjow in that sense who always arrived fashionably late. He pretended that he was bored or just didn’t care when he arrived, but it was all calculated and it has rubbed off on her. She wasn’t proud of it since it came so naturally, but it probably was one of the snobbier things she does. One of the most dangerous things at a party is jungle juice. She knew the person who was throwing the party and they were sending snapchats to her while she made the juice so she knew that everyone’s favorite ingredient was added to it, vodka. She also knew the one throwing the party was anti drugs to a point where there weren’t even people smoking pot outside which was a little bit of a bummer, but it should have been safe.

She only saw the juice in snapchats so she didn’t see how much vodka was added in relation to just how much juice was made. Now the biggest reason why jungle juice was so dangerous was because it was fucking delicious and it didn’t hit right away. She didn’t remember how many cups she had, but once it was empty she would go to refill her red solo cup with a soup ladle while talking loudly to a person she just met. She skipped the tipsy phase and jumped right to the drunk idiot phase. This rarely happened, but when it did it was typically Grimmjow’s job to babysit her. She wasn’t a lightweight, but given her size and gender assigned at birth she got drunk significantly faster then he did.

Nel wasn’t popular because she was rich, slutty, or made people feel bad. She was popular because she was pretty. Once her bodyguard was gone she was like a human surrounded by zombies. They all looked human, but they were after her and she was too under the influence to notice. Heck, she was even flattered by the attention that she was getting. So she found her so-called friends Nnoitra and Kenpachi. Sober her would have known that despite eating together every lunch period they were far from friends. Drunk her was an idiot that decided to confide in her ‘friends.’ So she told them about her and Ichigo and their plans to keep his sexuality a secret without knowing that Ichigo was in hot water in the first place was because of those two.

The night was hazy, but she remembered that Kenpachi took her by the wrist and led her to the bathroom. She remembered fighting with him and crying, but no one helped her, just glassy eyed stares. She assumed that it was because Nnoitra was guarding the stairs that they were climbing. Kenpachi threw her against the wall of the bathroom and well...

Nel, who was already in tears cried harder than ever before, clutching her chest, shaking madly, long hair sticking to her face, soaked in tears.

“You’re the first person I’m telling this to.” Nel cried, prompting Grimmjow to sit up. “Please don’t tell anyone. I don’t want people thinking I’m a victim.”

This was the moment when Grimmjow noticed why she was sitting with them every lunch period. As much as she acted like it wasn’t a big deal and walked the halls like the goddess of the school, she was afraid of losing her popularity. Grimmjow could relate. They got too comfortable on their thrones, both king and queen. Ichigo must have noticed that which was why he insisted on dating in secret. He did it all for him. Which meant that Grimmjow had to do the same for Nel and pretend everything was okay as much as he didn’t want to. That meant not rearranging Kenpachi’s face. He’ll put a pin in that for later. He’ll wait for just the right moment before he guarantees that he will never be able to have children, or be able to eat solid food ever again.

From there they discussed everything that she could remember. They made a rule that if they ever went to a party again, when she was feeling ready to get back in the game, they would stay together the entire time, not slipping away for the first hot girl willing to spread her legs. Now that Grimmjow has Ichigo he didn’t have any interest in satiating his lust for pussy. He is going through an ass phase afterall. They then lightened the conversation as they drove home, bringing it back to Grimmjow and Ichigo’s relationship despite the stupidity in their plan to keep it a secret.

Obviously Grimmjow was reluctant to go to school the next day. It had nothing to do with the classes that he cut or seeing the faces that he wanted to rearrange, but it had to do with his eyes not being able to stay open. He and Nel drove around till three in the morning and he went to bed even later to shower and to take care of something else in that shower now that he had some nice new images in his head. So much for those tingly feelings keeping him up for three days.

Every bone in his body wanted him to give in to his weight and fall to the floor when Cirucci jumped on him from behind. “Boo~” she practically sang, clinging to him tight. If she wasn’t so small then he wouldn’t be able to move. “Guess who~”

Grimmjow groaned despite himself. “Well you don’t sound like Ichigo or Nel so by process of elimination…” He didn’t even finish before she popped into his field of vision. He didn’t even have to say her name. “Hey, Babe” He said, half assed. He has gotten into a habit of saying babe instead of her name. The day he took Ichigo’s dick into his mouth was the day that he couldn’t stand her name. There was something grosser about calling her babe, but it was also the thing he called every one of his past girlfriends, girls that he has dumped and cheated on.

“I saw Ichigo on the way in here.” She said. Today she walked to school after Grimmjow lied the night before saying that he wasn’t going to be able to pick her up. Grimmjow lies well enough to be able to make it into a profession and it was because of his great skill that he was able to mask the internal screaming.

“He’s such a sweetheart.” She sighed. 

She may have well been sighing for him. He now remembers that not everyone could read Ichigo like Grimmjow could. Not everyone has the mental encyclopedia of how to read him like Grimmjow has had who has only gained that skill by growing up with him.

“I know he wouldn’t be able to sit with us because of the entirety of the American football team’s existence.” She grimaced for only a moment as she said it, but it was clearly just for show. She then held up her phone with her contact app open. The text on the screen reminded Grimmjow to continue internally screaming. Grimmjow bit down on his tongue to prevent him from showing any emotions whatsoever. The name ‘Ichigo Kurosaki’ was written in big letters followed by an emoji orange heart. Why must everyone associate him with the color of his hair? Orange wasn’t even his favorite color.

“We should all hang out together.” She said, locking her phone before pocketing it and assuming her position of hanging off of his arm.

Grimmjow calculated his options on how to swing this conversation. Time to take advantage of his boyfriend’s antisocial attitude and turn it into an advantage. “You realize he only gave you that to be polite, right?” Grimmjow questioned. “Don’t actually use it.”

She pouted and tugged on the sleeve of his jacket despite her clinging to it making Grimmjow question what the point of that was. “Couldn’t he use new friends? I only saw him with this guy from my gym class and that cold girl when he was coming in.” She pulled his sleeve down, prompting him to lower his head so that she could whisper. “I think they are his only friends.” She said releasing him.

She must have been talking about Rukia and Renji. Ichigo told him that they both knew what was going on. Ichigo was good at lying and hiding what he was feeling, but the two of them were loose cannons and his fear was pushed further as she said, “and those two were so stiff.” Grimmjow wanted to reach for his phone and asked the three of them what happened, but he was a bit preoccupied at that moment.

“Leave him alone. You two aren’t compatible.” Grimmjow tried again.

“But I could really use a gay best friend to go along with all my girlfriends.” She said. “I could give him a whole makeover and everything.”

The first image that popped into his head as she said that was Ichigo being coated in dark makeup that matched his new tight clothing that was picked out for him. The thought made him want to laugh. It was kinda hot, but Ichigo would look good in anything to him. Ah, the honeymoon phase. Still his secret boyfriend wasn’t the type to tolerate people pushing him around. There were already enough people that he had beaten up who tried to shove him the wrong way. Sure they used violence, but he has never had a girl push him somewhere he didn’t want to. At least that was to his knowledge. Rukia seemed like the type to push him around and sometimes refuse to take no for an answer, but they were still friends and she wasn’t responsible for any bruises. She passed the test.

“I don’t think he would appreciate you calling him that.” He hinted, hoping she’d agree to back off.

Cirucci pouted and let go of him. She took her phone out again, unlocked it with her face ID that has probably gotten used to seeing her heavily disguised face. She typed out a quick message and hit send, prompting the satisfying sound of a text being delivered.

“Too late, just texted him.” She said. “I swear he’ll be super happy to have a cool new friend.” She said with a smile before her phone pinged again causing her lips to drop into a pout.

Grimmjow looked down at the short girl's phone and laughed. The conversation read:

_ Hey! Let’s do something this weekend just the two of us! It’ll be really fun~ _

_ No. _

Ichigo has always had a savage side to him, but it really reflected a lot in his texts always blunt and with punctuation not always being correct, but placed in a way so that it was easy to tell how he would be saying those messages. Just like how he said ‘No.’ with a period. It meant that he was done talking. A simple denial, but it seemed that she was not done yet as she started typing away at her phone at a speed that he didn’t even know was possible.

_ Come on, it’ll be fun. We can go shopping~ _

Grimmjow wasn’t even trying to hide the fact that he was looking over her shoulder. Despite seeing Ichigo yesterday he felt like he always had withdrawals of him at school. He was so close yet so far away so seeing him just over his girlfriend’s phone satisfied him only a little especially when he texted back ‘ _ No.’  _ again.

“Seriously, give up.” Grimmjow reminded her, kissing the top of her head since he was close enough to. “He’s seriously not into that. He’s satisfied with only four friends.”

Cirucci pouted. “Four?”

“Rukia, Renji, Nel, me.” He said pointing to himself when he referred to himself. Cirucci rolled her eyes at the mention of Nel’s name. Maybe it was a girl thing, but she always glared at Nel like she was her competition. The competition of who was closer to Grimmjow’s heart. Despite Grimmjow not expressing it it was obvious to himself that Nel was so far above her that she was in space. He never went with Cirruci on a drive and he never planned to. He assumed that she saw Nel as a threat that was going to steal his heart from her. Too bad for her that she never had it from the start. She never outwardly told him to stop hanging out with her. Their relationship was too new for her to make such large requests like that. If she did he would drop her in an instant and he wouldn’t have a fake girlfriend to help cover for his real relationship. She knew that he would drop her in a heartbeat which was why she never outwardly suggested her dislike for her, but she did make it obvious.

“He can do better then Nel.” She muttered.

Grimmjow didn’t know what the ranking system in her head was like, but it was silly that Ichigo was higher up then Nel even putting aside that he was the real threat. Ichigo may have been at the bottom of the totem pole at school, but in some places he could basically be seen as a designer handbag. Someone that Cirruci wanted to keep at her side as an accessory.

Nel was a real friend that never saw any ulterior motive for him. She said yes to helping him despite never talking to him in her life. Her kind heart was to be expected out of someone who was willing to be friends with a terrible person like him. She would try to keep him out of trouble and for the most part she managed to. She keeps him away from getting into fights, lectures him once he hurts someone, and keeps him going to class. It was because of her that he didn’t have to repeat a year or two. The girl didn’t get enough credit for her heart of gold and all the credit she got was for her face and boobs. It was fucked up. Before he never even noticed, but as he changed as a person, developed for the better he could see that. He probably became what he used to see as being a loser. He had an even easier time seeing it after they talked about it last night during their drive.

“Leave me alone for a bit.” He said, not really thinking, not even looking over to Cirucci to see her mouth drop. “I don’t like it when bitches insult my best friend.”

He stopped in his tracks and Cirucci followed his lead. She clenched her hands into fists and stared up at him with a hardened look on her face. “Why do you care about what I say about her now?” She said gritting her teeth once the question flowed out of her mouth like nails on a chalkboard. How did he not realize how annoying she was until now? It made him sick to his stomach to think that he was so desperate about finding a girl to fuck that he settled for the first random contact he selected. Then he decided to stay with her despite his many options! He had a reason to keep her around for now, but he couldn’t break up with her soon enough! Even if he was doing this for Ichi he needed to get away. Ichi will forgive him. He couldn’t stay mad at him. He may even be glad that he couldn’t tolerate her anymore after holding out for so long. Still let him take a day off as a selfish act.

“I was never okay with it, but I thought the whole bitch act would blow over once you found out that people don’t find it attractive.” He said bluntly. He was lying again. He beat himself up enough last night to accept that he didn’t realize how much Nel’s exposure to her was affecting her. He also didn’t care that she was a bitch before. Her only purpose was to be a distraction. She was distracting, but not distracting enough, but now she has a different purpose.

Grimmjow turned on his heels and started to walk in a different direction, prompting her not to follow. He needed a moment to breathe freely. His first instinct was to find Ichigo. Seeing him was like a cure all and he craved being with him all the time now even if they were at school. He didn’t care right now. Ichigo could chew him a new one when he got there. He didn’t get there in time before he felt a tug on his arm. He turned around expecting to see Cirucci, but he frowned when he saw the toothy grin of Nnoitra.

Grimmjow owed him a new one and he was ready to tear him one, but Nnoitra spoke first. “Come with me.” He said confidently, leading Grimmjow by his arm, not giving him much of a choice. Nnoitra led him outside to the side of the school. Despite class not starting yet the weather was cold so they were left by themselves. Nnoitra didn’t say anything until they were standing under a familiar oak tree.

“Guess what I saw here yesterday.” Nnoitra said letting go and leaning against the trunk. Grimmjow’s eyes grew and before he knew it his arm reached out and grabbed Nnoitra by the neck and knocked him sideways to the floor where he sat on his chest. He felt rage similar to what he felt with Renji, but this was worse. He didn’t need to know what Nnoitra was gonna say next. He could assume what it was and he realized that there was something different about now and what he was feeling when he attacked Renji. He was scared. Before he was scared of losing Ichigo to him, but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t win him back. This was different. He knew Nnoitra and Nnoitra was the type of creep that could use this information to his advantage.

Underneath Grimmjow’s grip Nnoitra kept his creepy smile, completely unphased by Grimmjow’s sudden assault. “So you do know.” He laughed causing Grimmjow’s instinctive violent side to grip his neck tighter. “I would behave if I were you. Information is power and there is something I want from you.”

“You’re not in a position to be demanding things.” Grimmjow said, making a fist and raising it, threatening to make it clash against Nnoitra’s unsettling smile.

“Neither are you.” Nnoitra shrugged underneath him.

“What do you want?” Grimmjow said through gritted teeth.

“Now we’re talking.” Nnoitra practically sang, making Grimmjow’s stomach turn. “I want a night with Nelliel.”

Grimmjow’s eyes grew as he reached his fist around it and directed his fist into Nnoitra’s family jewels. Nnoitra groaned and cursed for his assaulted sack, leaning forward despite having Grimmjow’s hand firmly around his neck.

“How’s that for an answer?” Grimmjow asked. “You sick fuck.”

Once Nnoitra gained back his composure at an alarming rate he clicked his tongue three times despite there being slight pain in his voice. “I wouldn’t write it off the possibility right away. Not unless you care about your little boyfriend and your secret.” He tapped on Grimmjow’s leg, nonverbally telling him that he wanted him to get up. Grimmjow lowered his eyes and nearly growled at him.

“I don’t need an answer right away. I’ll give you about two weeks before I tell people one at a time.” Nnoitra said. “I need you to talk to her about it after all. She knows about you and that fucking homo right? You all hang around each other enough.” He tried tapping Grimmjow’s leg again, but Grimmjow’s grip stayed on him.

“How about I punch your teeth in this way you can’t tell anyone?” Grimmjow suggested.

Nnoitra clicked his tongue again three times causing Grimmjow to glower at him harder then he ever has in his entire life. He and Nnoitra’s relationship was never quite friendship. They were on the same team together before Grimmjow got bored and dropped out. Nnoitra has always seen him as a rival; he was always jealous of him. His frustration was practically tangible when Grimmjow quit while he was ahead of him, refusing his little competitions that he threw at him. This was more than a competition though. This was payback.

“Your daddy could only protect you so much.” Nnoitra said. “I know you’re trying to avoid trouble. I’ll look past this assault. There is something I want from you after all.”

It was then that Grimmjow released Nnoitra, bringing himself back to two feet, resisting the urge to beat the creep down before he could fully stand and dust himself off.

Nnoitra held one finger up. “Two weeks.” He said. “Two weeks until I start to tell people one by one, but we both know how fast a rumor can spread when it comes from my mouth.” His trademark toothy grin was more disgusting than ever, but Grimmjow found himself nodding slowly as he cursed his own bad luck. Out of all the people that could give him trouble it had to be this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lost my wifi for a few days that I had off which destroyed my writing progress. Might need to go on hiatus again, but I'm gonna do my best to make sure that doesn't happen. Seriously sorry, love and respect you all.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing is hard.

Ichigo felt as though he could have gotten used to his secret relationship if it wasn’t for Grimmjow’s persistent girlfriend. For some strange reason Cirucci has taken a great interest in him which completely contrasted how he was treated at school. At least how he used to be treated. It was so fast that it was noticeable. No more people staring at him in the hallways or throwing things at him. No more getting assaulted on his way to school. It was almost like he was an actual student. Word has spread that Grimmjow has taken Ichigo under his protection and the harassment has been decreasing as fast as his patience for the person who was most likely responsible for spreading the word.

Yes, it was annoying that Grimmjow’s girlfriend kept on insisting on wanting to hang out. It was especially annoying that the reason why she was so insistent was because in some recent teen-whatever magazine with a target demographic being women their age had a list of accessories that a young woman MUST have. At the top of the list was a ‘gay best friend.’ An actual magazine has confirmed his thoughts and fears ever since that chick started talking to him. He hated the thought of guys like him being listed as nothing more than accessory. It was so disgusting that he didn’t even question why Rukia picked it up while she was in the waiting room for a doctor’s appointment. She had a smartphone! There was nothing interesting in that magazine that warranted her attention; it was just another girly magazine that had things like horoscopes and relationship quizzes. Despite her being in a relationship with a boy that he only talked to once he couldn’t imagine Rukia believing in that kind of stuff.

That aside, that wasn’t the most annoying thing about Grimmjow’s girlfriend. It sucked that she was scouting him to be her new pocketbook. It sucked that she kept on clinging to Grimmjow,  _ his boyfriend _ that he was in a monogamous relationship with while he was in a poly one. He knew what he was getting into when he suggested that they stay together, but it still hurt to see them being lovey dovey. The worst part though was how guilty she made him feel. He could call her a bitch, say that she deserved it in his head a million times, and he could say that the only reason they were keeping her around was so that they would seem less suspicious, but those dark thoughts kept creeping into his head. He was a homewrecker. Yes, that home existed only because he turned Grimmjow down the first time, but it only seemed to be intact because of him. Grimmjow offered right off the bat to end things with her, but it was Ichigo’s idea to keep going. It would have been more suspicious for him to be single in name and not be fucking anyone with female genetalia.

Grimmjow said that he cut back the sex with her, but it wasn’t gone. It made Ichigo’s skin crawl, but he knew it would be more suspicious if Grimmjow cut it cold turkey especially since Ichigo wasn’t sure if he was ready for sex despite Grimmjow being very ready and visibly trying to hold back for his sake.

He also considers her standing up for him. Calling him cool and trying to calm down the bullying that cursed his entire existence single handedly. Despite him not acting like it she genuinely was trying to be a friend to him. How does he repay her? Fooling around with her boyfriend. Despite him not being sure how comfortable he was with fooling around he wasn’t completely innocent.

It was scary, but he wasn’t even pressured by him to give him a blow job. He wanted to, he recalled. It was his first time giving a blow job and they may have been acting fast, but he liked it and his raging hormones agreed. His first time seeing Grimmjow’s fat cock up close was scary at first. There was a point where he may have to take that up somewhere else besides his mouth, not that he was gonna let him do something like that before he could. He remembered leaning forward to give a few hesitant licks as Grimmjow gripped Ichigo’s hair. It was enough for him to get used to the salty taste that would have originally made him gag if he didn’t know it was Grimmjow. He was able to muster up enough courage to take him into his mouth.

Once he was in his mouth Ichigo knew that his jaw would be hurting for a while after he was done as he retreated and focused on the head. It was a safe bet since Grimmjow seemed to be the most sensitive there as Grimmjow inhaled and gripped him tighter. He was able to manage to take more of him into his mouth once he got used to playing with the tip. He was able to take him all the way in. Something that surprised Grimmjow, not knowing that he was capable of doing such a thing on his first try. He kept sucking in his breath and calling Ichigo hot. Usually Ichigo would slap him in the arm and tell him to shut up, or stop lying, but at the moment his words really got to him. He was relieved when Grimmjow told him that he may have been new, but he had promised that he was one of the best he’s had and that he was excited that it was only his first time. He didn’t even think of her for a second while he was doing it too. He just kept going until Grimmjow came on his face….So yeah, that memory has been burned into his head whenever he sees her.

In his head he kept on calling her ‘Grimmjow’s girlfriend.’ He didn’t like to think of anyone else having that kind of relationship with his boyfriend despite half of it not being real, but it was better than the alternative, calling her by her actual name. Remembering that she is a person with thoughts, feelings, trust that he was just crushing. She kept on insisting that they should hang out and he kept bluntly turning her down. He kept thinking that she would take the hint, but it wouldn’t stop which was why it really sucked when he ran into her at the mall.

Ichigo has never been a fan of shopping. The only money he had was money that he got from tutoring. He only just started to tutor Halibel again so he had an income again. It was a surprise when she called him, but because of him being under the protection of Grimmjow apparently he was no longer a reputation killer. He was even more surprised that she was willing to get lessons from someone who was affiliated with her ex that cheated on her even if he got out of that relationship mostly unscathed. It was weird to tutor someone who had sex with his boyfriend, but money is money and he didn’t have any other students at the moment. He needed his bank account to be less sad then it was. It was still sad since he insisted on paying for most of their dates with the power of rock paper scissors, but it was getting better. It was especially nice since it was his sisters’ birthday coming up.

It was expensive to have sisters who are twins with vastly different personalities. It meant that he couldn’t just give them something that they could share anymore. He was never good at giving gifts in the first place so he called Rukia for help. What did they have in common? She was a girl...that’s basically it. Renji, who tagged along as well, was surprisingly more helpful. Renji, despite being a guy, grew up being told that he was a girl with people telling him that he’s a girl so he should be more girly. He learned quite a few tricks that came in handy to this day.

He guided them to the makeup section of a chain store and started to poke through the selection. He knew a thing or two or ten about makeup which wasn’t surprising from his partially constructed illusion on his face. He insisted that makeup is gender neutral. When they were not in school he would even experiment with new things. Right now he painted weird designs on his eyebrows jutting upwards and taking up his entire forehead, no headband today, but his hair was still tied up. It was not normal and it drew attention to him, but he looked strangely more masculine like that. It’s true that trans men who accessorize pass better.

As he poked through the tans and tones, finding the right colors for the younger twin, Yuzu who was going through a makeup phase. He was quickly able to recognize her skin tone based on a photo Ichigo had on his phone with his sisters and him standing side by side. Going off of Ichigo’s default skin tone as a reference he started applying small amounts of concealer to the back of Ichigo’s hand as comparison from the samples. He had no idea how Renji was able to pull this off, but both he and Rukia watched in amazement as he continued giving packs of blush, eyeliners, and whatever the hell this stuff was to Rukia to hold. As Renji was wiping down his canvas that was Ichigo’s hand they heard a high pitch squeal that made even Rukia jump and then there was the sound of a small teenage girl running over.

“Oh my God, Ichi! What a coincidence!” She said grabbing him by the arm. Ichigo stiffened his arm so as to not accidentally rub the makeup applied to him on her. Renji snorted at his reaction despite himself, taking a step back so none of his art got on him. Even Renji recognized the girl hanging off of him as Cirucci. The last person he was hoping to run into. Rukia’s expression was a lot colder and stiffer at the recognition of the girl that has way too large of a role in her best friend’s life.

“It’s a nickname Grimmjow gave me as a kid.” He said to his friends who have only heard him be called that by the two of them and of course two other people one of which was just mentioned. Then there was Nel, but they only managed to talk to her on one occasion. “Not really clever, but I don’t like people calling me that if we aren’t friends.” He finished and looked pointedly at the girl who started hanging off of him who was clearly ignoring him as she realized that they were standing in the makeup section causing her to gasp.

“Are you going to do drag?” She asked in excitement, ignoring Ichigo’s retort that was directed at her. “I’m good with makeup so I can help.” She made a move to the more vibrant colors of makeup, grabbing different shades of blue and purple and raising her hand upward to his vibrant hair like she actually had an influence over him.

Ichigo rolled his eyes. He didn’t hate drag, but he couldn’t see himself partaking in it. He went to a drag show when he went with Rukia to visit her brother once a couple of years ago and it was fun, but that was the extent of what he knew about drag.

“I’m not doing drag.” He said plainly, gesturing for her to put away the gaudy colors. From the expressions on his friends’ faces and quite possibly the shock on his own that he hasn’t realized he knew that he needed to get her out of there. “I’m actually here to shop for my sisters.” He said, hoping she would take the hint, but with her insistence she wasn’t planning on letting the opportunity slip away.

“I can help!” She said, grabbing onto him again once she put the makeup away as if she knew that he would try to escape if she didn’t. Quite frankly she was probably right to do so. He already took note of the closest exit that led to the rest of the mall. It was now a matter of how he and his friends were gonna buy the makeup and get there or if he’ll even be able to. Shoplifting crossed his mind for only a moment before he stopped that thought before it developed any further.

He looked over to Renji and Rukia who were shifting from one foot to the other. He needed them to get out of there with or without him. They knew too much about him and Grimmjow and they were not nearly good enough liars to pull off interacting with her. At least that’s what he assumed. Rukia had a chance, but then there was Renji. How could he describe Renji gently? He was an idiot...and loud. Quite frankly he wasn’t an expert at lying either, but he’ll figure out a way to ditch her when he could.

“You guys wanted to get some shopping done yourself, right? I’ll catch up with you later.” He said directly towards Rukia and Renji, offering them a get out of jail free card that they needed to take this very second.

“Actually—” Renji started before Rukia grabbed his arm, handed Ichigo the makeup that they picked out, and led his oblivious friend away towards the rest of the mall. She probably was gonna take a minute or two to lecture him about taking a hint and explain Ichigo’s obvious self sacrifice.

As Rukia led Renji away Ichigo exhaled and turned his attention back to the gothic lolita teenager complete with stranger makeup than Renji’s. He had to ask. He wanted to hear it from her mouth. “What is up with you wanting to hang out with me?” He asked bluntly. He could almost hear Grimmjow laughing in his head. Cutting out the bullshit and getting to the point was a staple in Ichigo’s personality. With the number of attempts Cirucci made to befriend him she should have known that herself at this point.

She shrugged, letting go of his arm and holding his hand. He knew that she was doing it in a friend zone way, but he still stiffened at her touch and pulled away. His hand was for Grimmjow... and Rukia on the rarest of occasions. “I just wanted to expand my friend group. Being popular is so suffocating.”

Ichigo rolled his eyes. Another thing about being blunt is that he learned how to smell bullshit faster. He crossed his arms, being mindful of the drying makeup on his arm that Renji didn’t have the opportunity to finish wiping off, and gripped the makeup that Renji approved for him in his hand. “And the real reason?”

She bit her lips, the first time the confident girl looked unsure of herself. Ichigo thought it would be reassuring to see her like that, but instead it made him feel even more uneasy. “Can we talk?” She asked. Those were the words that frightened Ichigo the most.

She waited patiently for Ichigo to buy the gift for his sister, staying by his side the entire time so that he couldn’t escape and she was right to. If she didn’t he probably would have ran if he could. He would be a bad person, but him ditching her wouldn’t be the only reason anyway. They sat outside the pretzel stand, only taking a moment for them both to buy cinnamon and sugar pretzels. Ichigo questioned why he even bought it when his stomach was more knotted then his twisted snack.

As soon as his butt hit the bench Cirucci made the move to give him a heart attack right off the bat. “I think Grimmjow is cheating on me.” Ichigo suppressed his urge to vomit as he tried to prevent himself from shaking which may have made him shake even more. She could probably feel it on the bench they shared and it only made him feel worse. He wasn’t cut out for lying and it looked like it was checkmate for him.

“You two are close, right?” She asked. “More and more recently he said that he was hanging out with you or Nel.” She said. “I’ve only seen him twice this week.”

Ichigo stilled and his shaking slowed down. He felt disgusting relief as he realized that there was a chance that he could continue lying to her. “Are you really hanging out with him more often?” She asked.

“Yes.” He hated that he had to say yes to that. Instinctively he wanted to deny everything. Even more instinctively he wanted to throw aside his tough guy act and just cry out pure anxiety, but he was never the type to bend to fear. It was out of character.

She tilted her head. “You like Grimmjow right?” She asked bluntly.

There it was, the bile in his mouth surfacing just for Ichigo to swallow it leaving a sour taste in his mouth. It was a good thing he had that pretzel afterall.

“Not at all.” He denied, trying not to make his voice crack as badly as Renji’s, biting into his snack for the first time as a chaser for the disgusting taste in his mouth.

She shoved his shoulder and laughed. “Okay, fine lie to me. Eventually I’ll get you to tell me why you and Grimmjow got into that fight whether it has to do with you liking him or not.” She looked at Ichigo softly like she was looking at a puppy at a pet shop through a window. “Grimmy is straight so I’m not threatened by you. You can like him all you want.” She said.

The very second those two sentences lightly left her mouth like it was the most normal thing in the world, every muscle in Ichigo’s body nearly slumped over in relief. “I don’t think it would be good for your mental state though.” She added at the end. “I’m not gonna ask you to stop hanging out with your childhood friend, but I need you to be honest and not cover for him right now.”

“Okay,” he said plainly already hating that he was going to have to continue lying his ass off. It was taking all of his effort for his voice not to shake and miraculously him trying to do so wasn’t making it worse. He may have not been as suspicious as he previously thought, but this was more than just covering for him. Covering for him meant that he would lie about his whereabouts at a given time. He was with him, but they were doing more than eating pizza and watching movies. There was no way in hell he was planning to let her find out about that.

“Seriously, I know you two are childhood friends, but be honest.” Ichigo had no idea who she thought she was. She was asking a complete stranger to sell out his best friend and boyfriend, not that she knew the latter and she never would if he could help it. If he wasn’t the problem then he wouldn’t have owed her the truth. He treated her like a nuisance from the start and now she is asking him to sell Grimmjow out. It made no sense. “Is it Nel?”

Ichigo shoved more of the pretzel inside his mouth and thought it over. “No, at least I don’t think so.” He said through a mouthful of food to help hide any hesitation in his voice. There was no way he could deny her up front. He wasn’t sure how to lie so he was planning to just pretend to be ignorant, but he wasn’t a traitor. He wasn’t going to use Nel as a scapegoat and for this plan of his and Grimmjow’s to work Cirucci still needed to be around so he compromised. “I hang out with both of them and neither of them seem suspicious. I think Grimm is over his cheating phase.”

Cirucci smiled and reached over to touch Ichigo on his leg. If she didn’t know he was gay he would have thought it was flirtacious, like if Grimmjow was cheating so could she. “I think I have you to thank for that.” She said light and honestly. “He’s been a lot kinder since he started talking to you again. It’s almost like he is a different person. I originally thought that he was only keeping me around for the sex, but he changed so much in a small span of time. I guess that’s why I thought he was cheating.”

There was that bile again that was once again suppressed by swallowing and taking another bite out of his pretzel. There was truth to what she said and she could even be testing him for all he knew and all he knew was that he wanted this conversation to end. There was also a small part of him that noted the reminder that she was still having sex with him, kissing the same lips that he kissed and doing even naughtier things then what he has done with him.

Ichigo forced himself to keep going. “Doubt it.” He said plainly, trying to get as much attention away from himself as possible. She seemed too distracted by her own food to notice how much he was blowing this.

She held onto his arm again, preventing him from taking another bite out of his pretzel that he wasn’t enjoying at all. “I know that you could be lying to protect your friends, but you seem like such a good person. I hate how people treat you now that I’ve looked closer.”

Ichigo was about ready to just book it. Was she serious? Was her intentions to actually get close to him have a single shred of honesty? He was lying. She knew that he could be lying yet she was still so honest with him. He stopped himself from expanding any more on these thoughts. She was lying, wasn’t she? She could be tricking him, looking for every hole in his terrible body language and note his short, simple replies. He may have only been telling himself that just to escape the unbearable guilt that has taken over his entire being. It sank to the bottom of his stomach and only rose when he thought he was gonna vomit on the floor in front of them. He needed to say something, anything that could give him some character. Something that doesn’t seem like a NPC that only says two word answers from a script.

“I don’t think I can be friends with you.” Ichigo said bluntly, shrugging her off of him and standing up, ready to make his escape. “I don’t like people who hurt my friends and you have been treating Nel like shit. I’m also a person, not a small dog to put in your purse there is more to me then being gay so stop treating me like a stereotypical gay guy that you can pal around with. Whether Grimm is cheating on you or not is your and his business. It has nothing to do with me. Please don’t bring me into this. I don’t like you.” He said finally not caring that he was lying to her face. He needed to say some truths, but did he really just say that?

He said feelings that he didn’t know he had. It was true that he hated her and that there were multiple reasons that he hated her, but Nel didn’t talk about her often. Cirucci was a complicated topic that no one wanted to talk about. Sure the ‘accessory’ thing was something that he wanted to tell her from the start, but standing up for Nel was something new.

It wasn’t exactly a turn on when Grimmjow brought Cirucci up. She is still a big part of his life and the two of them being together was intertwined with him so she’s bound to come up from time to time. The rule was that they wouldn’t bring her up in the bedroom though. It was unspoken, but it was obvious. They didn’t play together that often since it has only been a week and some since they started going out, but Ichigo stated it clearly and bluntly that he didn’t want to hear about her when they were together, one on one, in the bedroom. That was time for them to watch movies, and eat something that isn’t pizza.

It wasn’t until now that he realized how much she pissed him off on Nel’s behalf. She could have ruined her relationship with Grimmjow. The two of them were always attached at the hip and now they were again miraculously like they never separated. Grimmjow and Nel never told him what happened to clear up what was going on, but he was just happy to see them talking again. He was less pleased with the one who always started conflict.

He left with his sister’s presents before she could say anything else and he didn’t even want to look back. He turned the corner, threw out his pretzel in the trash can nearest to the bathroom before going in, throwing open a stall and emptying his stomach. He knew he was feeling something coming up when he was with her and it was gone now, but he didn’t feel any better. He was so wrapped with guilt and frustration that he didn’t know what to do with himself. He never did anything like that before. He never felt that was before. What could he even do? What he did do was call Rukia and Renji...after he cleaned out his mouth in the sink and hoped he didn’t make the bathroom smell too bad as he left while another guy came in. He met them outside of the store that sold exclusively video games. He quickly bought the game that Karin was looking at. At least video games were easy to shop for.

They weren’t done shopping, but it was time to leave that mall as Rukia, as always, took the leadership position and led her two friends by their wrists through one of the exits. They piled into Renji’s grandma’s car and Renji started it immediately once the last door was closed so they could make their escape. Usually Rukia would sit in the front seat, but this time Ichigo was brought to the front as he spilled everything that happened.

“I knew this was a bad idea.” Rukia scowled from the back seat, leaning forward with the seat belt tugging at her so that they could hear. “I knew being Grimmjow’s mistress is going to bite you in the ass.”

Ichigo scowled at the word ‘mistress.’ He and Grimmjow called each other their boyfriend behind closed doors and with their friends that knew, but there was a grain of truth in what she said. The truth wasn’t just a grain. It was the whole field. He was the mistress and there was no way he could deny that. He flaunted his way into Grimmjow’s life and yeah, Grimmjow forced him to be there, but he consented to being with him. Consenting to being together all the time, kissing, more than kissing.

“I never said it was a good idea.” Ichigo argued.

Rukia leaned forward to look at Ichigo directly before asking the damning question that he didn’t even know the answer to. “Then why are you the mistress?”

As Renji pulled out of the parking lot he drove in the opposite direction of the mall they were planning to visit next, a mall with hopefully less annoying short gothic people in it.

Renji, for once being on the same page as Rukia turned to Ichigo and said “I think it is about time we start planning what is going to happen next.” He said. Rukia nodded in approval.

“This isn’t healthy for either of you.” She said, “and the one probably suffering the most is Grimmjow, who has to lie to her more then how much you had to lie to her now.”

Ichigo sat in the front seat quietly, fiddling with the bags that he was holding. He didn’t want to admit it, but they were right and for once he was the one with the stupid idea. A stupid idea that hurt everyone involved and one that he needed to make up for.

Then it started. Rukia’s lecture. One where she is completely right and one that he couldn’t escape from. He looked over at Renji who passed the exit that would have allowed them to turn around to go the right way. He was enabling Rukia to continue as long as she needed and all Ichigo could do was listen, knowing that she was completely right.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I respect writers who are able to write more than what I wrote without getting bored. You guys wouldn't be mad at me if I changed the update schedule right?

For someone who didn’t have a job or good grades Grimmjow was busy. It made sense from the inside since Grimmjow balanced a social life as well as two separate relationships that threatened to clash with his insistent girlfriend pestering him about how she wanted to hang out with his friends too, especially Ichigo. The same Ichigo whose idea it was for him to keep dating her. He honestly wasn’t into it. He saw Ichigo’s point for sticking with her. It shouldn’t have been a tall order. He’s been with her the longest out of any of the other girls he’s been seeing, but Grimmjow knew what she was. They both did. She was a rebound, a rebound that served its purpose to find a new one. One that insisted on being with him when the school day finally ended, but ultimately being rejected. This time it wasn’t because he was spending time with his beloved childhood friend or Nel, but this time it was for a reason he didn’t know until he was on a comfy plush chair in his guidance counselor’s office.

“He’s trying to get sole custody of me?” Grimmjow nearly roared at his guidance counselor who was moving her hand up and down as a silent way to tell him to quiet down and keep calm. Of all the reasons he could have been called to the guidance counselor for, bad behavior, cutting class, he didn’t expect this. He knew he shouldn’t have come. Not going wouldn’t stop it from happening, but it would feel better to have never been here in the first place.

There were already people taking glances through the glass windows that covered the entire wall. Why would a room in the guidance office or whatever they call it have windows along the wall of the office? Whatever happened to confidentiality? That’s a terrible design and it preoccupied the back of Grimmjow's mind, secondary to the bullshit that made no sense which was taking place in front of him.

The concept of everyone in that office knowing his business put him on edge. His dad was kind of a big name, big enough for everyone to know him, and it would probably be easy for him to make an appeal on why he should gain custody and everyone in that damn office knew it too. Grimmjow gritted his teeth. It was typical of his dad to want him  _ now.  _ He didn’t seem to care what happened to him or his mom when he left them for a richer, sluttier woman who promised to help him make his company world famous. Now that he was older Grimmjow could actually be of use with the power of nepotism.

Grimmjow liked to convince himself that the reason why his grades were so down wasn’t because of his laziness, but because he wanted to make himself as unappealing to his dad as possible. Sure he was skipping out on potentially inheriting an entire company, but he wanted to stay with his mom and make his own decisions for his future even if they are limited with his grades. In reality, no, he was just lazy and he kept fucking around. Grimmjow knew that was true and with his busy schedule there was no room for him to stop doing just that.

“We’re limited on the details since he only just started to contact us about the process, but he is trying to appeal to the court that your mom is unfit to take care of you.” His guidance counselor, Ms. Shihouin shook her head. “Sadly I have to stay neutral, but I always try to side with my students, and I know you don’t have the greatest relationship with your dad. Right now my hands are tied.” She sighed and shrugged, keeping a reassuring smile on her face despite Grimmjow not believing it. “I was supposed to tell you that he only just contacted the school, but it seems like he has already been making necessary moves towards taking you from your mom.” She even said knowing that those were the last words Grimmjow wanted to hear, not even bothering to sugar coat it.

She slipped him a piece of paper that looked super official. Grimmjow didn’t bother reading it. “Your mom didn’t tell you?” She asked, seeming to know the answer, but needing a confirmation from him, confirmation that he didn’t want to give.

Grimmjow picked up the piece of paper and tore it in half right in front of her. “No.” He said bitterly. His mouth was dry and his head was swimming. He was angry, angry with his mom, angry with his guidance counselor that was given the task of dropping this bad news on him, but he was mostly angry at his dad. No duh. It was his dad that never talked to him except for a phone call every now and then that Grimmjow hung up on most of the time. He considered blocking his number, but despite how much he hated him he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He was his dad and he was still his kid even if he didn’t want to admit it himself. Despite their scarce relationship he was now trying to convince the courts that they made a mistake in letting his mom keep him and that he was better off living with him. Fuck that. Fuck that on every level that was possibly fuckable.

“You know that’s only a copy, right?” Ms. Shihouin said blandly, taking the paper that was split in two from him. She tossed it in the trash can under her to the side that was filled with crumpled up tissues that contained the tears of the students that went to talk to her. Grimmjow couldn’t believe that he was one of those students as he expected the following question. “Do you want to talk about it?” She asked with her piercing cat-like eyes already reaching into her desk for one of the twenty stress balls that it seemed like every guidance counselor owned.

Grimmjow shook his head, unable to speak because he was too afraid of shouting or vomiting on her desk. Instead he stood up from the comfy chair that was permanently placed in front of her and walked out of the room, leaving the door open while he was still angry before the gloom started to hit him. He was lucky that he was called to the guidance counselor during the last period of the day. He was done with school and he has been making cutting class a bit of a habit. No one would care if the day was almost over. His fake girlfriend in his fake relationship that was only real to her asked him if they could go to the mall after school earlier that day. He reluctantly agreed to go with her once he was finished at the guidance counselor despite wanting to spend his Friday with Ichigo, but now it looked like he was going to ditch her again. This time it wasn’t to hang out with his very real boyfriend in a secret relationship that was very real to them.

It looked like he was fine though. He was going to hang out with his friends that day so he had time for himself to mope around on his bed. That was exactly what he did. He drove home, but it felt like he was no autopilot, not realizing where he was until he was out of his car and then onto his bed. He didn’t even remember his journey to his room. It seemed like during that mindless adventure he didn’t bother to take his shoes off, but his backpack was thrown carelessly to the floor.

How many times was he going to mope around this year? This was the year that he was going to take on the world, parties, chicks, and booze with a big lack of American football was the original plan going into that year and now everything sucked. He was just mad at the world right now. Fuck child custody, fuck school, fuck Nnoitra and Kenpachi, fuck his fake girlfriend, and fuck Ichigo honestly, even if only a little.

It was Ichigo’s fault for making his life so complicated, making him battle his coming to terms with his bisexuality while he was in a fake relationship with a girl that didn't know his place on the spectrum, the one he got when he was still unsure of his place on the spectrum, the one he was cheating on. That girl made everything complicated as he took her on dates that he didn’t want to go on. Dates that he fantasized about leaving mid conversation to go somewhere else, anywhere else by himself. She took up so much of his time. Maybe he should break up with her. 

The thought crossed his mind many times, but whenever it did he would think about Ichigo and how he wanted to keep up appearances. Grimmjow knew that deep down Ichigo secretly wanted him to be stuck with Cirucci because he was self conscious and knew that Grimmjow didn’t like her. That. That self consciousness that influenced so many of his decisions. That’s the reason he says fuck you to Ichigo in his mind right now. He didn’t even feel bad for thinking it. He was just angry at everything. He was allowed to be. If there was ever a time to be mad at everything now would be the time.

Even when the doorbell rang and he groaned rolling out of bed. How long has he been hiding under a pile of blankets? This wasn’t a new question to him anymore, but a question that he accepted like it was the most consistent thing in his life right now. Every part of him didn’t want to kick his sheets off and remove himself from his pillows that seemed to suck him in, but it could be a package for his mom that he needed to sign for so it seemed like he had no choice but to drag his emotionally exhausted body out of his room and down the stairs. Instead of a mailman an orange haired body stood in the doorway. Before Grimmjow could say anything or process his shock Ichigo threw his arms around him with his face in his chest. Grimmjow, not mentally prepared for any form of physical contact, hesitated before throwing his arms around him and burying himself in Ichigo’s hug. He didn’t know how much he needed him in that moment despite thinking that all he wanted was space, space to be angry with the world and the very guy he was clinging to. He could be silently mad with him, but having him there washed away any frustration in favor of the comfort he was getting from him now.

“Break up with her.” Ichigo mumbled into Grimmjow’s chest. What? Grimmjow thought to himself as Ichigo read his mind or at least part of the chaos that was swarming around his head like a hive of angry hornets. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you to be with her in the first place. I knew you didn’t like her and that you were uncomfortable, but I still asked you to do that. It was selfish.” Ichigo pulled away before Grimmjow pulled him back into his chest as he rested his head on Ichigo’s shoulder. He was so relieved he wanted to cry despite himself.

“Please don’t hate me.” Ichigo said, gripping onto the back of Grimmjow’s shirt. This was out of character for him. Ichigo hated to admit that he was wrong. He had too much pride that butt heads with his own more often then now. He didn’t know what brought out this change, but he didn’t hate it. Grimmjow pulled away and met his mouth with his. It tasted like Ichigo ate an entire container of mints. Ichigo responded greedily to the kiss, immediately deepening it and the hands that were gripping his shirt was now in his hair. Grimmjow smiled pulling away. He looked up and down at Ichigo that seemed to be in a slight daze from the deep kiss they shared. He couldn’t call himself happy. Thoughts of his father hung over him feeling like the grim reaper. There were some ways to rebel with his own thoughts though and that was to fight against his shitty day and do something that he always wanted to try.

He bent down and lifted Ichigo from his legs and slung him over his shoulder. “What the fuck? Why?” Ichigo, who probably had a good view of his back or butt, asked. He didn’t seem surprised by Grimmjow’s sudden action, but more trying to find the logic behind despite knowing that there isn’t really much. Ichigo didn’t startle as easily as he used to, not even seeming to mind that his belly was now exposed as his shirt obeyed the laws of gravity. Grimmjow couldn’t tell if he missed him getting flustered or if he enjoyed his new attitude towards his bullshit more appealing.

“Because I wanted to,” he said, shrugging despite the heavy weight on his shoulder, well not exactly heavy. “Dammit, you’re so light.” Grimmjow said. He has mentioned before that Ichigo doesn’t eat a lot. He wasn’t exactly a stereotypical shounen manga hero, but he could at least eat a little more. Yes he read shounen manga. There was enough on Ichigo’s bookcase for it, well the second bookcase that he just bought since he bought another one and moved his furniture around to accommodate for it. It was a secret stash that didn’t match the persona he made for himself, but Grimmjow found himself flipping through it when he surprised Ichigo with visits and was forced to wait while he finished his homework. He has a lot of homework.

Grimmjow insisted that Ichigo got sick because he wasn’t eating, but Ichigo retorted that it was stress and a lack of sleep that really did it. Granted he didn’t exactly improve much on that field at all. Grimmjow wasn’t exactly helpful since he was the reason why Ichigo wasn’t getting enough sleep with their sleepovers and late night visits. Even if he tried to make it up to him by having nights where they just slept in the same bed. Ichigo’s twin size bed wasn’t exactly made for two people though so it was mostly Ichigo practically sleeping on top of him uncomfortably.

Grimmjow wasn’t exactly waiting for night for their ‘little adventures’ this time either as he carried Ichigo upstairs with strength that he knew he had, but never had the opportunity to use except for the few times that he actually decides to use his gym membership and the one time Renji taught him how to play rugby. Plot twist: it’s almost like American Football, but they throw the ball backwards and there are less rules. At least that’s what it felt like.

Grimmjow threw Ichigo on the bed, who immediately righted himself, but not in a position to get up, but a position to accept him, back against his pillow and shoulder blades against the headboard with his legs separated enough so that Grimmjow could fit himself between his legs. He was used to fooling around with Ichigo. It took some getting used to, but he found it not too different from a woman. He was just better built and not as soft with a few things missing and a few things added. There was one big and important distinction though. This was Ichigo.

Grimmjow followed him to the bed and hovered over his body, hands on either side of him. “Please,” He asked, grinding his lower half against his partner’s. He didn’t need to say what he was asking for. Ichigo knew already. They talked about it many times, but Ichigo always responded the same way. Grimmjow tried to respect him and his wishes, leaving those images in his fantasies on nights where Ichigo didn’t pay him a visit.

“I already told you a million times that I’m not bottoming first.” Ichigo said, in response. It was a weird thing to say to Grimmjow with his level of logic. Ichigo came to his house asking him to dump his girlfriend, apologizing for making him put up with her for so long. “You’re bottoming if we’re going to do it.” Ichigo insisted, running a hand through his hair. Grimmjow really didn’t want to bottom first though. Maybe one day, but definitely not first. He was the one that was used to doing the fucking and he wasn’t mentally prepared to let Ichigo take control just yet. Also Ichigo was the one with his legs open, so that must mean that he actually wants it, right? He knew he was wrong, but it made sense in the moment and after today it felt better to think with his dick then his head. He knew if he thought about too many things outside of this he would go soft.

“Rock, paper, scissors,” Grimmjow found himself suggesting in the most serious voice he has ever had in his life. “I won’t pussy out if I lose, but what about you?” He asked.

Ichigo sighed and gave him a smirk. “You realize that rock, paper, scissors hasn’t exactly been working for you right?” Grimmjow knew that he was teasing him, but Ichigo was right. After the first few times rock, paper, scissors has become a little bit of a hobby for them. They used it to decide all kinds of things and sometimes just because. He has been noticing a pattern. Whenever Grimmjow brings up rock, paper, scissors he’s always been the one to lose. Even when he requests to have it two out of three his hands always fail him on the battlefield. Grimmjow’s wallet has been pretty heavy since Ichigo insisted on paying for everything. There were a few times Grimmjow managed to convince him to let him pay, but it was clear that Ichigo wanted to be ‘in control’ of the relationship. He probably sensed that that was the role Grimmjow wanted to play and wanted to challenge him for it and Grimmjow has been losing. Love is War.

He pleaded to the universe to let him have this one. He needed it. He wanted to feel close to him and that he was the one in control this time. He wanted Ichigo to be the one clinging to him as he rammed into him. Everything in his life felt like it was fucking him so he was willing to risk it all on a game that children play on the playground just so he could gain the satisfaction of being on top.

Grimmjow answered his taunt by shifting to one hand to support his weight as he raised the other to hold out a fist. They were close together. The closest they have ever been playing this game as Ichigo responded to that challenge with confidence that should not be displayed in a game all about luck and random chance, holding his fist out, close to himself given their limited space.

Grimmjow pleaded to the universe once more. This was a serious game. This wasn’t the game that made Grimmjow start reading Ichigo’s favorite book and it wasn’t the game that let Ichigo pick the movie that wasn’t  _ Die Hard.  _ This was a game that was going to answer the debate that he has been having with Ichigo since they started dating.

1, 2, 3, they both motioned their fists up and down. Each shake of his hand felt like it had the power to change the world, but that it might not be good enough. Then it came, the big reveal, the decider of fates, the voice of the universe that had the power to give him a glimmer of happiness after being raked through the burning coals of hell.

Grimmjow’s stomach soured as he looked at the results of the game. He was holding out a fist which Ichigo’s hand was flat. The universe really had it out for him, didn’t it? Grimmjow sighed and brought his hand down to the bed to help the other support his weight so that he doesn’t collapse on top of his boyfriend who is supposed to be on top.

“Two out of three.” Ichigo said, eyes soft as the hand that was held out flat was brought up to caress Grimmjow’s soft cheek.

Grimmjow blinked, his mouth gaped in disbelief. Ichigo has won, but here he was allowing him another chance. He stared into Ichigo’s kind eyes. This had nothing to do with the reason Ichigo was apologizing for. This was not a celebration of the two of them being monogamous. Ichigo knew something was up and that Grimmjow didn’t want to talk about it. Or at least he wasn’t ready to talk about it. He knew it. Since when was Ichigo able to read his mind? Reading Ichigo’s mind was meant to be his power. Ichigo was the one that didn’t know that Grimmjow fell for him when he did. How did he get this power? Grimmjow didn’t exactly trust him to use it for good.

Grimmjow thanked Ichigo, he didn’t know if he did it in his mind or out loud, but Ichigo smiled as he brought his fist out in front of him again. Grimmjow mirrored him and then they bobbed their fists up and down again.

Grimmjow’s body stiffened as he saw the pair of scissors that were not match for his rock. He felt a small tinge of relief that the game was not over yet and the dread knowing that the next match would decide it all. 

He was talking to the universe too much about a silly childs’ game, but here he was praying again for the same thing that he has been praying for the entire time. ‘Just let me win’ he repeated over and over in his head. There was a part of him that would rather have Ichigo win then have it be a tie. He didn’t think he could handle the tension again.

They immediately went into their third match, Grimmjow’s arm eventually feeling stiff from holding up Grimmjow’s weight as his other hand held the weight of fate. He couldn’t feel his weight in his arm anymore. He felt like he was floating. Grimmjow felt so much relief that he was surprised that his body didn’t give out as he was holding his fist out while Ichigo once again held out his scissors that had lost in the last round. He finally won. The universe finally granted him a sliver of satisfaction. Satisfaction that meant so much more than what it seemed.

Grimmjow used the hand that had won him the battle to hold onto Ichigo’s head as he met his lips. It was happening. It was really happening. This could finally be the change that he needed. He has been fantasizing about this moment for so long and he wasn’t sure if it would ever come, but he didn’t hear the final answer and he needed to hear it from Ichigo’s mouth.

He pulled away for only a moment so that he could ask the question. “Are we really—” Grimmjow started before Ichigo met his lips once more, deep, tongue already in his mouth upon contact. It was a long wet kiss that was long enough so that Grimmjow forgot he even asked before Ichigo pulled away and said the word he was hoping to hear. “Yes.”

The freshly crowned top’s eyes grew wild as the chain that was holding his panther down became undone as Grimmjow immediately started to take his belt off.

“Easy, easy.” Ichigo said, hands already at the bottom of his shirt pulling the unneeded fabric over his head. “If we’re doing this then I want it to last.” He said already placing and gripping his hand around the appointed top’s hard on that was growing harder by the second. Grimmjow grumbled, feeling it in his throat leaving an impression that he was growling like a wild cat.

He was right though and for God’s sake he’s so hot. As much as he wanted to cut to the chase he wanted to enjoy his boyfriend that has granted him permission, permission to indulge in a way to make him forget all about today. At least for now. He wanted to recognize that it was Ichigo’s ass, not just some random chick’s ass that he had the pleasure of partaking in. So he granted Ichigo’s wish, pulling his shirt off to start there. Grimmjow made no time to attack Ichigo’s neck. Enough gay porn has shown him that nipples are sensitive and though that it true, Ichigo’s neck is significantly more sensitive. As much as Ichigo wanted to take it slow Grimmjow was too excited to see him squirm. He’s seriously too freaking hot.

Ichigo gasped before moving in for the attack as well. He gripped the guy on top of him by the nipples causing him to flinch. It wasn’t just the gay porn that taught him that a man’s nipples are sensitive. He now had experience granted to him by the very guy he was kissing. At first he was embarrassed by it, but now he just didn’t give a shit. It felt good and no one had to know about it. It was just his and Ichigo’s secret. He couldn’t imagine doing that with anyone else. Even his soon to be ex girlfriend never touched them before and it seemed like that was never going to change.

The moment Grimmjow freed his neck his partner’s mouth took the place of his hands as he started to suck eagerly on his pink bud. Grimmjow’s trapped member started to throb as he couldn’t stand the torment anymore. He pulled away and gave himself some space to tear his jeans off and toss them to the other side of the room. He resumed position and grinded his member against Ichigo’s clothed one that was forming a tent underneath him.

Ichigo understood his request as he undressed the moment his pants were off they repositioned themself so that they were upright. Ichigo gripped onto Grimmjow’s member in his hand and gave it a few pumps. Ichigo’s hand was different from all the girls he’s been with. It was larger, rougher. Despite knowing how to fight and being stronger than what his reputation had people believe his main hobbies primarily involved reading. Those rough hands were used to turn pages of book after book yet they were delicate, but also so rough. And they felt so good.

“No matter how many times I look at it it’s still so big.” Ichigo said as if he were hypnotized by the girth, stroking his ego as well as his dick, leaning forward to run the tip over his lips. Grimmjow’s entire body shuddered from his breath and exhilaration as Ichigo gave a few testing licks, starting at the head and moving his way down the shaft before taking him slowly into his mouth, slowly, slowly, it kept going in. “Holy shit, you have no gag reflex.” Grimmjow said in a gasp, saying a fact that he already knew. He had no idea if he trained it or if he was just born with a magic throat that could take his oversized dick to the point where his nose is touching his light blue pubes.

There was no way Grimmjow could have possibly been his first no matter what he had him believe. If he wasn’t he was going to hunt down whoever Ichigo was with, but Ichigo was just far too good to be new at this. Granted they weren’t entirely strangers to each other’s bodies. Every moment they’ve had to themselves they would always find a way into one another’s beds. With Grimmjow’s mom working at the hospital full time there was plenty of time. He didn’t need to have a reminder that he’s bisexual. That curiosity was gone after a long while and was now full acceptance.

Ichigo’s tongue teased him as he sucked and bobbed his head, eyes closed and hand on Grimmjow’s thigh in a small effort and reminder for Grimmjow to not thrust upwards into his mouth. As much as the receiver wanted to do just that there was no need. His mouth felt so good that his lower half felt like jelly. This was bad, if he kept going he was going to prematurely cum before he got to do what he prayed so hard for.

“W-wait, get off.” Grimmjow said, gripping Ichigo’s hair and tugging it slightly so that his mouth was no longer wrapped around his member.

Grimmjow's arm flopped around on the side, grasping for his bedside table, looking for the contents in that drawer. Ichigo helped him out. He has seen the contents of that drawer to know the contents, condoms and lube.

He didn’t have much use for the condoms after his test that Ichigo insisted that he take came back negative, but they were there for his girlfriend that he was practically forced to sleep with. Not anymore. There was plenty of use for the lube though, like right now. Grimmjow uncapped the lube with a snap, strawberry flavored. A little joke that amused him, but not Ichigo. They used it constantly, not because of how active they were in bed, but for another reason. Grimmjow applied a little bit to the back of his hand, a weird habit as he blew on it causing the warming lube to heat up on the back of his hand. He saved that lube only for him and Ichigo. Cirucci isn’t even allowed to know that he has it.

Grimmjow squirted more on his finger and traced Ichigo’s butt to find the opening. He never so much as stuck a finger in there, but he wasn’t completely new to this. Even though he wasn’t a stranger to fingering Ichigo wasn’t as he sucked in air and tightened around Grimmjow.

“Ichi, I need you to relax.” He said trying not to squirm around before Ichigo took a deep breath and loosened up a bit.

“Good boy.” Grimmjow said, leaning in to quickly kiss him on the mouth.

“I told you not to call me that.” Ichigo said in annoyance. “I’m not a dog.” What crawled up his ass, besides the other finger that joined the first? Ichigo sucked in his teeth as Grimmjow moved his fingers around, scissoring them in search of his prostate.

As Grimmjow has seen this wasn’t the first time Ichigo experimented with anal, but Grimmjow couldn’t tell why he was so tense now. He must have been nervous, but he was powering through. Grimmjow had a really rough time lately so the face that Ichigo was doing this must mean that he’s trying to make it easier for him. He does so by waving Grimmjow’s hands away so that he could get in a better position to access him.

Grimmjow grabbed his ass with both hands and spread it open. Ichigo, blushing as Grimmjow stared at the hole that he had prepared let out a small whine. Grimmjow’s brow furrowed. As excited as he was to dive in there was one thing bothering him.

“Umm Ichi,” Grimmjow started nervously already bracing to be laughed at, “where’s the part that feels good?”

Without any words Ichigo grabbed onto the lube applying some to his finger and gestured for Grimmjow to present his ass.

“Wait, no,” Grimmjow said, immediately changing his mind. With absolute honesty that he would only show to Ichigo he spoke his true emotions. “I’m scared.”

Ichigo responded by rolling his eyes. “You literally wagered your ass in a game of rock, paper, scissors. You’re chickening out about one finger?” Ichigo sighed. He had a point there. “I’m just going to show you. It won’t hurt.” Ichigo said, reassuring him.

Grimmjow temporarily turned over. He has never experimented with his own ass before and he wasn’t planning on doing it today. He wagered his ass before, but he was honestly not sure if he could follow through. He knew if he chickened out last second Ichigo would let him. There was no way he was going to force himself on him.

Without much of a warning Ichigo dove in causing Grimmjow to slightly panic. It didn’t hurt, but it wasn’t exactly comfortable. This was the first time something was going in and not out. His heart raced as Ichigo curled his finger, leaning his it against the walls of his ass, causing pleasure to jolt through him. What the fuck? He didn’t expect it to feel that good, but he couldn’t stop the groan from slipping from his mouth. If he didn’t have that cool down time when he was preparing Ichigo’s ass it would take everything in him to not fuck himself with Ichigo’s finger until he came. Ichigo slipped his finger out of him causing Grimmjow to unintentionally whine.

“You got it? Want me to show you again?” Ichigo asked. Did Ichigo’s game just change? Did he want to get Grimmjow hooked to his finger until he was begging for something bigger? Not today, maybe next time. Grimmjow didn’t know it would feel that good, but he knew what he wanted today.

“I got it thanks.” He said as they got back in position as Grimmjow lubed up his finger again. Grimmjow wasn’t that quick of a learner in school, but when it came to sex he was a master. He slipped it in with no hesitation as he went to the same spot Ichigo showed on him. Ichigo spasmed from ecstasy.

“Yup, got it.” Grimmjow said with a grin. He leaned down and kissed Ichigo on his forehead before he kissed his lips, then neck again as he lubed up his dick. 

The lube was warm and started to heat up as it made contact with the air. It was about to get even hotter as he positioned himself in front of Ichigo’s entrance.

“I’ll be gentle.” Grimmjow said, silently.

“You better or I’ll kill you.” Ichigo said straight forward with the threat of death in his voice. When they did it for the first time Grimmjow assumed it would be more loving, but that wasn’t exactly his and Ichigo’s speed.

Grimmjow started to push inwards. “Holy shit.” He slipped from his mouth. It was just the head, but for some reason it felt better than any chick he has tried this with. Ichigo grunted as the thick presence rooted itself in his ass. Grimmjow pushed further and further slowly until he was as far as he could go.

“Hey Ichi, can I take back the ‘I’ll be gentle’ comment?” Grimmjow practically begged as his member throbbed and demanded that he start to move his hips.

“I said I’d kill you.” Ichigo grunted, acclimating to the thick rod that occupied his ass as he willed himself to relax. Grimmjow wasn’t sure how he was doing it considering there was no way he could relax as he started to move his hips.

Prostate. Prostate. Grimmjow kept repeating in his head drowning out the sound of his balls slapping Ichigo’s ass as he tried to put pressure in the spot Ichigo instructed him to do.

“Ah, there.” Ichigo grunted helpfully, sucking in his pride just to tell Grimmjow where he liked it.

Grimmjow smiled and picked up the pace as he aimed for the spot that made Ichigo feel the best. Grimmjow pulled Ichigo's hips up to give him more access, causing Ichigo to grip the bed, red in the face and grunting while Grimmjow railed him.

Ichigo was so hot and tight. Grimmjow didn’t know that he could feel that good as he grunted and growled with every thrust, the sound of Ichigo’s voice giving him the energy to keep going, but all that energy was about to leave him. He was ready to cum.

He has never cum in his girlfriend, knowing that she was crazy enough to go off the pill if he did. He always checked his condoms to see if there were holes in it, but they weren’t using a condom. Ichigo wasn’t on the pill, but there was no risk of him getting pregnant. Grimmjow tested negative for STIs and Ichigo has never been with anyone else.

“I’m gonna—” He started, but finished with an explosion coming from his tensed up testies.

“Jesus Christ.” Ichigo groaned as he unloaded too all over his and Grimmjow’s stomach.

“Please don’t be mad at me for cumming in you.” Grimmjow said immediately as he pulled out, allowing Ichigo to sit up. Ichigo scooted over and wrapped himself around Grimmjow, their cum covered chests meeting. Grimmjow’s cum leaked out of Ichigo’s ass and started to pool on the bed they shared. Fuck it was hot.

“Part of me is because it’s gonna be a pain to clean myself up.” Ichigo shrugged, “but I can’t deny it was hot.”

Grimmjow hugged him and dragged him down so that they were spooning, Ichigo the little spoon this time as his cooling down Johnson flushed itself against his ass. He wanted to stay like this for as long as possible because soon after they finished those thoughts that reminded him that the universe hated him. The thought in particular that was bugging him was this one, he refused to sell his friend for his and Ichigo’s sake. Starting on Tuesday Nnoitra was gonna start blabbing about him and Ichigo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started to experiment with a new story that isn't Bleach. How do you guys feel about Katekyo Hitman Reborn? I'm not sure when or if I'll post it, but I'm having a lot of fun and it would mean a lot if you decided to read that one too.


	22. Renji's Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I mentioned before, I am kind of getting bored of this story so this chapter is going to be a little different. This chapter is completely optional. Also I'm going to add a TRIGGER WARNING. There is self harm in this chapter.

It’s a myth that all trans people can tell right away that they are trans. When they are kids they refuse to play with dolls or wear dresses. This isn’t true. Renji was a prime example of someone who thought there was something wrong with him, but couldn’t tell what or why he felt like that. He didn’t necessarily care for dolls or dresses. He played with dolls because that was what he had and people kept buying them for him for his birthday and Christmas. He wore dresses because his mom picked out his clothes and she seemed attached to the frilliest dresses that she could find that made him stand out even more then he would have liked in his class. He eventually begged his mom to buy him clothes that he could run around in. She complied, but it was still all pink with floral designs that she justified by saying, “Why? You look cute.”

It all started when he was born. “It’s a girl.” The doctors announced as he came screaming into this world and he was locked into the position of being something that he is not. He saw it constantly. Teachers sorted out classes so the boys sat separately from the girls. He was handed a brochure for him to join the Girl Scouts which his mom urged him to do, but he refused to sell cookies in a pyramid scheme fashion. He played softball when he wanted to play baseball, being told that softball was for the girls and there was no girl baseball team.

He didn’t like to think about gender, but he constantly had to remind himself “you’re a girl. You’re a girl. You’re a girl. You’re a girl so fucking act like it.” He had to convince himself that he was normal and not broken. He learned as a kid that he didn’t even need to think about it. He just felt it and he had to push it down. He didn’t want to be different. Being different is too hard and he didn’t want to be some special snowflake unlike other kids that play pretend. While other kids pretended to be super heroes that kept their identity hidden or some mythical beast in a human body, Renji pretended to be normal. He was just a normal little girl.

For most trans people it takes time to figure out they are trans. It takes a lot of analyzing, depression, and unnamed gender dysphoria before they can figure it out. They could even know what being transgender means, but it doesn’t always click right away since it seems so complicated, transgender, gender fluid, non-binary, bigender, agender. Was cis a dirogetory word or not? What about tranny? The only thing that he understood was that being transgender seems hard, complicated, painful.

Renji can remember the exact moment he started to play with the idea that he isn’t exactly cis. ‘I’m a lesbian.’ He constantly thought to himself, never saying it outloud as he sat in a circle at his friend’s slumber party. They were playing truth or dare and the question that was shoved in his face was the inevitable question “Who do you have a crush on?” The eager girl that he forgot the name of asked. He couldn’t just say that he had a crush on the girl sitting next to him, his best friend Momo. He would have to call his mom to pick him up after getting thrown out of the party. That’s what he assumed. A lesbian would be kicked out, being called a freak, a pervert, someone who only came to the party to see them change or hope that the party escalates to making out.

So he was stuck with the stupid question and the girls leaning forward weren’t going to take ‘I don’t have one’ as an answer. He said the first name that popped into his head. “Mallia,” a semi attractive guy who was on the rugby team with him. He said without much thought, before hiding in his pillow in embarrassment. It wasn’t because everyone there now thought he liked this guy, a guy that he came in close proximity to whenever he tackled him to the grass.

He was embarrassed because he hated being there. He hated the pink, the gossip, the silly things they did. He felt like he stuck out like a sore thumb, like he was wearing dirty clothes and could smell it while hoping no one else notices. It made him feel sick. Maybe he was actually sick and he should call his mom to pick him up. That probably would have been best, but he couldn’t just leave. Momo was there.

This wasn’t the first time he was feeling this uncomfortable. This wasn’t the first time he was hanging out with girls. This was middle school. He long abandoned his guy friends that he constantly regretted leaving. This was the height of everyone’s awkward phase. This weirdness was just constructed by his own middle school brain so he needed to learn to be around girls. It was to fit in he told himself. Every thought that came into his head was about making an effort to fit in. His entire life revolved around it. This was another example of him trying to feel less weird or at least hide that he was different. He played with pieces and fractions of his memories, late at night wide awake, and ignoring the movie they put on as everyone slept. He didn’t fit in. He knew it and constantly found himself reminding him of that every minute he lied awake. He couldn’t fit in since his pieces didn’t fit the puzzle laid out in front of him.

His body was developing with his chest growing larger and the pouring of blood from his uterus into what felt like a diaper. His friends were excited, wearing clothes that showed off their bra straps, and bragging when their period first started and complaining about cramps for the sake of complaining when it came and to show off that they became what they deemed as being a woman. He hated it. So he hid it. Large sweaters, self harm that he felt that he couldn’t control. So many slashes were covered by his clothing. He slept with them at that party, refusing to get changed in front of ‘the other girls.’ ‘I’m not a girl.’ He thought to himself. “I’m not a girl.” He whispered out loud, drowned out by the emotional kiss scene of whatever Nicholas Sparks movie they put on to fall asleep to that he didn’t care about.

He was relieved when he got home. He was finally able to escape the party, already deciding that if there were another one he would look for an excuse to not go. He’ll have to apologize to Momo when it comes. The realization that he came to the night before stuck to his mind and refused to let go, no more pushing it away for the sake of pretending to be normal. The thought was horrifying, but it was weirdly comforting. He finally had an understanding of what was wrong. He finally had a name for what he was feeling, well he didn’t know what the actual word for it was until he looked it up later. It was all gender dysphoria. He may have been weird or at least thought of as weird, but he wasn’t a lesbian after all. He looked in the mirror, and said it. “I’m a boy.” He said it a few times before he started to say. “He/him.” He was locked onto the thought, it was real. He was a transgender straight boy. Now was the question of whether he was going to hide it or embrace it. The answer was obvious for him.

It was back to his normal life, school, big hoodies, hatred directed towards himself. Somehow knowing that he was trans and not doing anything about it hurt more than he could process, all he could do was daydream about changing his name. He already picked his new name out. He loved it because it was a new name that didn’t oppress him like his current one. It was his, but he still didn’t say it outloud to anyone except for the mirror in his room that has become his new best friend as well as worst enemy. As much as he liked to tell himself that he was normal, just trans in the mirror, he hated how it reflected what he looked like. He looked like a developing woman, hidden in a giant sweater that practically consumed him. It was better than the alternative when he faced his mirror without his sweaters to see the seemingly hundreds of cuts that marked him.

He lasted three weeks before he told his parents. It was too hard of a secret to keep. Once he discovered that he was transgender, everything in his existence became a bother to him, the pronouns people use for him, his so called friends saying that he should act girlier, helpfully offering to give him a makeover. It all annoyed the hell out of him and when unprepared he would even visibly flinch to something as simple as being called ma’am or miss.

His father accepted it faster than his mom who looked at him horrified as he asked her to also take down the pictures they had of him in the house. He couldn’t stand to see pictures of him in kindergarten with those frilly dresses that made him want to hurt himself. She left the room with Renji’s dad following her. The pit in Renji’s stomach grew, he wanted to throw up and cry. It didn’t take long for his mom to come in and say “okay, I think I get it. You’ll always be ***** to me and I love you.” Of course she said his dead name and of course she knew what she was saying when she said it. He can officially call his legal name that, a slur that felt as though it was constructed to oppress him. He tried to explain to her that he wanted to be called Renji and why saying ***** to him was a bad thing. He could barely say the crude word himself without feeling sick to his stomach. She didn’t get it, going so far as to refuse to change his name in her contacts on her phone. It even appeared that she refused to get it, hoping that one day he will change his mind. He wished he could. He wished that he could be cis since being trans is so painful, but he wasn’t so he had to do what he could to feel as comfortable as he could. He can figure out ‘trans pride’ later.

The next person he told was Momo, his best friend since leaving his last friend group in favor of hanging out with girls. She was the very girl he liked and though he wasn’t ready to confess his feelings to her he still felt that he owed her the truth about his gender identity. She believed in being progressive, that the world was moving too slow and needed to catch up. She wanted the world to change for the better and that everyone should be open to change. How did she attempt to change the world? Outing him. The very girl he trusted and liked outed him, pulled him right out of the closet before he was ready. She wanted the school to change. The school was not ready to change.

There was the expected bullying that was expected to happen when someone came out as LGBT+ but somehow it felt worse. Every time someone said his legal name it felt like a sting. All his friends left him, calling him a pervert, a snowflake, a liar. Momo didn’t leave him, but she kept her distance, probably feeling sorry for herself for ruining her best friend’s life, ex-best friend, or maybe she didn’t want to be seen with a freak like him.

He was practically forced to quit the rugby team, bullied and hazed. The team was co-ed, but suddenly no one wanted to team up with him. He was one of the best players, but he was benched. He couldn’t do it. His self harm became worse, leaving scars all over his body, his oversized chest, upper arms, ankles, hips, all the places his clothes could cover. He didn’t want to let the bullies know that they were winning. They were. His mind started to entertain thoughts of death and resentment, not towards them, but towards himself.

Now that he was out to the entire school. He didn’t hide his gender identity anymore, buying a binder and his dad took him to cut his hair. He liked his hair, but it didn’t let him pass. He decided that if he survived this dark period of his life he would grow his hair out once he was finally able to pass, actually look like he’s cis. He wanted to start passing as soon as possible, experimenting with makeup to make him look more masculine, a task that not everyone could pull off. He was always pretty good at art and mentally declared that makeup was gender neutral. He was very fortunate that he was born with a semi androgynous face which acted as a perfect canvas for looking like how he wanted at least somewhat. He was being bullied anyway so he told himself he didn’t care even when the cuts and gashes on his skin told a different story.

He slept in short sleeves when his room was hot. It was normal to wear t-shirts to bed and he was an only child with his own room. He should have locked the door at night. He slept in so his mom walked in to wake him up for school, a nice thing for her to do, but it would have been better if she knocked. If she did then she wouldn’t have had to see the gashes on his upper arms that his sleeves that rolled up in his sleep barely covered.

He wasn’t allowed to go to school that day. He wasn’t allowed to go to that school ever again once she saw just how bad the cuts were. He was sent to live with his grandma across the country, someone despite being old fashioned took him in with open arms and was immediately able to transition to using his proper pronouns and his name, his real name. His mom and dad said goodbye to him. His mom, never understanding, gave him a big hug and once again not realizing how hurtful her words are or maybe even intentionally saying them “you’ll always be my little girl no matter what you decide.” Those were the last clearly transphobic words she said to him in person before he left. It was clear that she obviously thought it was just some middle school phase and that living with his grandma would fix him.

He took a year off for mental health. He helped his grandma around the house, doing all the chores which he didn’t mind. It was better than school. He started to visit a therapist and a psychiatrist, pumping him with antidepressants and mood stabilizers that made him stop thinking about self harming… at least somewhat. He marked down days on a calendar where he didn’t intentionally hurt himself to create a chain that he didn’t want to break. It was hard. At a certain point his self harm became an addiction, but he was able to go a year without reaching for a blade or lighter. That was when his grandma, who used to teach, started to homeschool him. He was a year behind, but it didn’t matter. He now had the motivation to learn despite admittedly not being that smart.

He couldn’t play rugby anymore now that he had no friends to play with, but he became obsessed with working out. Lifting and cardio, building up his muscles despite him still hiding them. It made him feel good, it made him feel like he could pass so much so that he started to grow his hair out again. He mentally accepted that his scars were too deep and it’ll never go away, but when he flexed his arms he barely noticed them now that the size of his biceps became more important. It took a lot of time and hard work, but they looked like real, muscular, cis man arms.

He started hormone therapy as soon as he could. It couldn’t help his oversize chest, but the moment he turned 17 his grandma took him to the doctor who took care of his blood work and gave him the clear to his hormone therapy. Testosterone gel because Renji admitted that he couldn’t fully understand intramuscular injections and that he wasn’t ready to direct any sharp objects towards himself in fear of relapsing.

The gel meant everything to him, shaking as he held the box of little packets, 30 to a box, NDC 0591-3217-30. The moment he stepped in his room he took his sweater off and rolled up his short sleeve, then tore open the first of many little packets and squeezed the gel onto his upper arm, right on top of one of his scars. In retrospect he should have taken his shirt off entirely, binder included and turned on his fan. The edge of the sleeve kept falling into the gel, getting it wet as he sat in an uncomfortable position as he waited for the gel to dry while staring at the fan in his room and cursing that he would have put music on if he knew it would take so long for it to dry.

His voice deepened and cracked and his acne spiked around the time the term started for public school. That was exactly where he was going to go. He decided that it was time to stop hiding at his grandma’s house, get a job to start saving up for top surgery which he decided that he wanted with a lot of thought. His binder hid a lot, but his chest was so large that it didn’t cover everything. He still needed his trusty oversized sweaters. It was time for him to rejoin society too, talk to kids his age and make some real friends that weren’t online.

He was out of practice at school. He wasn’t sure how to interact with people, get close to them. It took some time to return to being himself in front of others, outgoing, extroverted, loud. He talked to a lot of people, but none of them were really people he could see getting super friendly with, not enough to tell them that he was trans or even tell them that he was a year older than them. So he kept them at arm's length just enough for them to keep talking to him. There was one good thing that came from talking to a lot of people though, that was that he learned that he was passing. All his efforts with makeup, clothing, muscles, and hormones made everyone believe that he was cis. It was a dream that became reality, the ultimate goal.

However, this reality made it even scarier for him to get close to other people. He feared them finding out and the hellish nightmare that was middle school would start up again. That’s what happened to this gay guy at his school that everyone discriminated against. It vanished when the most popular guy at their school practically adopted him. It was a surprising turn of events that could have only happened to that guy because he was lucky. It was even more surprising that those two became regulars at the restaurant he worked at part time along with the prettiest girl at school. They pretended that he was straight, but Renji could read through the orange haired teenager. He wasn’t straight and he didn’t like pretending to be. He hated himself for assuming, but he recognized a lot of that guy, Ichigo in himself. Maybe that’s why he grew closer to those three quicker than anyone he talked to at school. When shit hit the fan and the orange haired teenager, Ichigo, ended up alone with Renji there to comfort him. Renji didn’t see this as a chance to become better friends with him.

He actually cared for his well being and lent him a shoulder to cry on. It made him wonder why he didn’t approach him at school. That stopped now. He finally found someone in this school who was LGBT+ it was time for him to open up a little.

Ichigo was the first person he told. Ichigo was surprised, but he didn’t view him any differently. He actually seemed relieved, finally knowing that he wasn’t alone in that school. The next person he told was Ichigo’s best friend Rukia, a girl who he clicked with the second they met. She was a girl, finally a girl that wasn’t trying to change him. She encouraged him and wasn’t weirded out when they hung out together without Ichigo.

Words do not describe how grateful he was to Ichigo for introducing him to Rukia. She was amazing. So much better than what he had with his ex-best friend Momo despite them just getting to know each other. She didn’t mind tutoring him when he couldn’t keep up with classes despite her classes being much harder and more time consuming. They liked the same shows and she got him to start reading while he got her to start working out. They both liked art… one of them was better than the other, but she enjoyed doing it and that’s what’s important. All those puzzle pieces that didn’t fit before started to make sense and fit with the help of Rukia.

Ichigo wasn’t exactly a bro since he didn’t fit the stereotype, but he was glad to have a friend that could keep up with him when it came to sports. Ichigo’s blunt personality set him straight quite a few times, keeping him from doing something stupid. He had his back in their gym class, the class that was the hardest for him to hide his secret.

When Grimmjow found out he was trans he was convinced that it was the end of the world yet Ichigo defended him. He wasn’t sure if he needed defending, but when he met Grimmjow again he was doing his best to prevent saying the wrong pronouns by accident...they still decided not to see each other at school out of fear of him slipping up.

Grimmjow was still fun to be around. He didn’t talk to him much since he was such a busy guy with the entire still having a girlfriend while secretly seeing Ichigo thing. Renji did manage to play rugby with him once, having two players per team in, as usual, bad rugby practice considering the very large lack of players. He was still able to keep up though. He couldn’t tell who was more of a problem, him or Ichigo.

There was one person in that friend group that didn’t know his secret. That was Nel. He didn’t know why he was so intimidated to tell the queen of the school when the king of the school already talked to him semi normally behind all the screw ups with his pronouns. It had to be from his experience with girls, those slumber parties with the gossip, talking about other people’s business that isn’t their own. The queen of the school had to be the same way with her girlfriends. She talked to him normally at the restaurant, but he never hung out with her outside there. How could he possibly tell her? Or maybe she already knew because of Grimmjow.

He decided to tell her when the school was ready to know too, but telling from everyone’s reaction to Ichigo being gay the school was never going to change. All those people he talked to would turn on him the same way. They would treat him like a girl that was pretending to be a boy, a snowflake, a freak. He wasn’t ready for that. This was the end of telling people his secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter also completely threw off my "Grimmjow POV chapters odd numbers, Ichigo's POV even numbers" thing. Worth it though, it was a fun chapter to make. I also do think I'm going to change my update schedule because I need to actually give myself time to write chapters. So for now it's gonna be every other week, but I'm gonna try to change it to every week again once I catch up. Thanks so much to everyone who has read this far and those who have commented.


	23. Chapter 23

Ichigo couldn’t believe that he went through with that. He couldn’t believe that he let himself bottom first. He couldn’t believe he let Grimmjow actually win. That’s right, he let Grimmjow win. Ichigo was far from believing that he was a genius, but a seemingly random game wasn’t exactly random. Grimmjow believed that he was able to read Ichigo through and through, but he never considered that Ichigo was pretty good at reading him too now that all the misunderstandings were sorted out and he was pretty much over how stupid they were. Turns out Grimmjow is very expressive. It made sense with his loud and aggressive personality which is why it is extremely easy to play this stupid child’s game that decides everything they do. Despite the small time frame they’ve been playing this Ichigo figured out what he deemed in his head as ‘the Grimmjow pattern.’

When Grimmjow is incredibly tense he clenches up which is why when he is tense he throws out rock frequently. Once he notices that rock is working out for him he will continue to use it probably about 75% of the time if Ichigo were to actually decide to calculate it. It’s super easy to read once you stop thinking of the game as random. It’s the reason why he was able to win most of their rock, paper, scissors games without having a tie. It was a relief since not only was Ichigo winning, but tying was always such a time waster. Grimmjow never noticed because he doesn’t think when he throws out his hand, but he unconsciously does it.

He knew what he was doing when he let himself lose and his ass paid for it. Despite preparing and doing everything right. He knows they did. He practiced this with plugs, but he never tried to fit something that large in him. He was sore. He hated being sore, but he really did enjoy Grimmjow ramming it in. Maybe bottoming first wasn’t such a great loss especially since it made Grimmjow so happy. It also meant that next time Ichigo would be able to convince him to swap places. He seemed to respond to it when he showed him how it felt so it might be easier than he thought to get the king of the school to present his ass to him.

To be honest, Ichigo was just glad to have lost his virginity to him. Ever since he was unintentionally rejected by Mr. Ukitake he’s been trying not to romanticize everything. Though he doesn’t want to romanticize it so much he had to confess that losing his virginity to his first kiss and first crush is pretty romantic. Technically his first kiss was Nel, but his first kiss by a guy was the guy that was currently cuddling him in pure bliss. Cuddling was one word for it. Another word would be trapping him. If Ichigo gave in to his temptations then he would stay in his arms all night with no regard to the time that was passing by way too quickly. If Ichigo really gave into his temptations he would go another round with him, top or bottom, didn’t matter as long as they had fun and felt good. Though Ichigo didn’t want to leave he had a duty as a big brother and even to his friends that he dragged around so that he could be a good big brother.

He thought a bit about what he was doing before he dropped in on Grimmjow as a surprise visit. That big change of heart that concerned Grimmjow's girlfriend was due to his friends that drove him around, beating into him how much of a selfish idiot he was. These ‘friends that were beating into him’ was actually mostly Rukia lecturing him from the backseat. Renji drove the car aimlessly, not giving him an escape unless he wanted to give tucking and rolling a try, not that he wanted to. They were right and he needed to hear it from someone outside their relationship. He was also the one that dropped him off at Grimmjow’s doorstep and brought the presents Ichigo bought to his house, giving them to his dad for safe keeping. They were probably safely sitting on his bed waiting for him to wrap them.

“Grimm?” Ichigo said with a muffled voice as Grimmjow tightened his strong arms that were holding his bare body against his muscular chest.

“Hmm?” Grimmjow responded, tired and happy.

“You gotta let me go.” Ichigo reminded him. “It’s my sisters’ birthday. I gotta be there. I’m the one cooking.”

Grimmjow groaned in response. “I never had your cooking before. I wanna go.”

Ichigo shook his head against his chest. “It’s a family thing, Grimm. I don’t think you’re invited.” Ichigo said, voice not carrying well with his face pressed up against him. “Also last time I checked, Karin doesn’t like you.”

Grimmjow groaned. “She’s too much like you. She’s so stubborn.” He complained, complying to Ichigo’s request by loosening his arms enough for Ichigo to be able to break through.

He scrambled off the bed. The moment he righted himself. Grimmjow’s cum started to leak out of him, trickling down his leg and causing him to groan. “I’ve changed my mind, I hate you so much right now.” Ichigo muttered, making Grimmjow cackle.

“No you don’t. You love it.” Grimmjow said, causing Ichigo to blush and bite down his lip to prevent himself from laughing. 

He wasn’t completely wrong. He said it himself, it was really hot, but it was going to be a pain to clean up especially since it’s been in there long enough for some of it to dry. Ichigo swore that he was going to get him back for that since there was no way he was going to bottom again next time. He needed to show Grimmjow what it was like as a punishment or a reward. He didn’t decide which one yet or he just couldn’t tell whether he was even able to decide which one it would be.

He grabbed a still damp towel that had been thrown carelessly on the floor from the last time Grimmjow showered which was probably pretty gross, but he was lacking options. The alternative was to put his clothes on and risk their dry cum soiling them. He only needed to escort himself to Grimmjow’s shower with his clothes clutched in his hand, trying to keep them from anywhere that had even a drip of the sticky white fluid that felt like it was everywhere.

He welcomed the warm water on his sore body. Grimmjow wanted to join him, but Ichigo was afraid that it would escalate to sex again so he left him to sit on his bed alone. He was tired. It’s been an emotional roller coaster of a day, talking to his soon to be ex girlfriend, pretending to not be cheating with the one she was seeing, being lectured by his best friend while downing water and breath mints to get the gross taste out of his mouth. Now here he was, naked at his boyfriend’s house, getting as much cum out of his ass as possible. His day was not even over yet either. He had to go home and pretend this never happened.

His family didn’t know that he and Grimmjow were seeing each other in  _ that  _ way. They knew that they rekindled their friendship, but didn’t know the extent. Yuzu would be happy. Karin would be annoyed. His dad would be too busy trying to figure out who’s the top and who’s the bottom. His family was not allowed to know yet under any circumstances. Yuzu and Karin’s birthday was uneventful, making the day end with Ichigo alone in his bed, textbook in lap without his boyfriend cuddling him. Maybe it wasn’t too late to go back to his place, but if he did his dad would notice. He always notices. He didn’t need anymore ‘gifts’ from his dad that would result in Grimmjow teasing him.

He didn’t give himself enough time to do his homework the day before which led to him working on it late at night as a struggle to get everything done. This inevitably led to him sleeping in. His dad so lovingly woke him up in his usual loud and violent fashion once it got to be a bit too late. Did he offer him a ride to school? No. Tough love. Wake up earlier next time.

He had to run to school. He mentally thanked Renji for competing and training with him when they worked out. He ran all the way to school with his backpack that was stuffed with heavy books, making good time with his lungs only slightly trying to kill him. When he made it to school there were still people in the halls. That’s a good sign that meant that the bell didn’t ring yet. He wanted to make it to his first period on time because it was about time he asked his favorite teacher, Mr. Ukitake for a letter of recommendation for the colleges that he was about ready to apply for.

Ichigo didn’t believe in horoscopes. Far from it. Even if it says that Cancer is going to have very bad luck Ichigo doesn’t prepare for it at all. He could rip his shirt, lose his wallet, bite the inside of his lip, making it swell a bit so that he can’t not bite it when he talks, but he will still refuse to believe in horoscopes. It was all bullshit, why would people look to the stars to decide what was going to happen? People are so small and insignificant that they can’t even begin to compare themselves to stars. The entire concept of it is so incredibly stupid. Unrelated though Cancer had bad luck that day.

A loud angry voice shouted Ichigo’s full name while he was power walking through the hall. Adrenaline shot through his body at the sound of aggression targeted itself on him, causing him to get goosebumps the moment he noticed the source of the booming voice. Right before his eyes he watched the bystanding students part to either side of the hall like the Red Sea. On the other end of the hall was one of the bullies that started it all, the bulkiest and most aggressive player on the American football team, Kenpachi Zaraki. Ichigo groaned internally. He knew this day would come. No, he was not scared, well he was lying, he was kind of scared when he saw one of the most feared students in the school running towards him, fists clenched, and looking for a fight.

Despite the stressful situation his mind did not go blank as the approaching danger came at him like a bull. He’s been in too many fights most of which happened when he was dragged out of the closet by this asshole. This was bound to happen, but he didn’t know it was going to be today. Still he took a deep breath hoping that whatever happened he would come out of this unscathed.

He reached into his pocket and uncapped his pen that he shoved in there before leaving, not knowing if he had some in his bag or not. The thing he was most scared of was not Kenpachi, but what would happen after the fight. Why did this have to happen at school? Literally the last thing that he wanted was a red mark on his record. Getting into a fight at school was going to be the end of him.

He didn’t have room to complain yet because Kenpachi started his assault with a right punch without so much as a hello which Ichigo quickly dodged, ducking underneath the blow that would have been delivered if his reflexes were just a little slower. Ichigo then gripped onto his wrist that was out stretched. He’s done this dozens of times. Kenpachi wasn’t a professional fighter, he was predictable and easy to read.

He pulled him forward, while he brought his knee up with great speed, digging it into his stomach, causing Kenpachi to grunt. He staggered back, hunched over, but Ichigo tightened hold on his wrist in his hand which he yanked to the side taking the unbalanced bully with him and slammed the offender’s wrist to the wall causing students to move towards the center of the hall and away from the skirmish, and stabbed the pen he was holding right into his right palm, causing the pen to snap.

Kenpachi swore loudly, black ink dripped all over both Ichigo and Kenpachi’s hand, probably mixed with blood that was running from Kenpachi’s hand freely as well. Ichigo threw his backpack to the side so that it wouldn’t get in the way, but since it was so heavy he couldn’t get it off in time. Ichigo was punched hard in the chest, knocking all the air out of his lung and making him double over, not prepared for the second punch that followed. Then Ichigo found himself falling to the floor with the quarterback’s shoulder blades further damaging his chest. Kenpachi followed him down, landing on top of him while Ichigo’s head slammed against the tile, making him see stars and causing his head to ache. How could he make such a stupid mistake like that after the number of fights he’s been in? He groaned in response and clenched his teeth down, preparing for the blows to his face he knew he was about to take.

Those blows followed just as he predicted, one after the other, full force. Of all the ambushes he has faced this was the most painful one, with bystanders that did nothing to pull the gorilla off as they watched in fear, not even running off to get a teacher. This wasn’t a side show. Kenpachi stopped what he was doing, getting all the punches out of his system for only a moment in favor of him yelling at his face.

“You turned him gay!!!” Kenpachi yelled, following up with another punch, staining Ichigo’s face with blood and ink. Seems like he didn’t actually finish yet. So this was what this was all about. How did he find out? They were so careful. The only people who knew were people they trusted, Nel, Rukia, and Renji. Granted Kaien knew which probably meant that Mr. Ukitake knew as well, but he doubted they had a motive that resulted in telling the most muscular guy in school that Ichigo, his favorite student, was dating the ex star of the American football team after they came out to him as well.

“He has always been straight and now he’s gay all because of you.” He yelled even louder. Ichigo opened his eyes that he didn’t realize were closed and studied the man who was on top of him. Hate, anger, frustration...but for what? Ichigo blinked, tears that he didn’t know were they weld as a reaction to the pain. Maybe it was because he read a lot of books. Maybe it was because he used to write so he observed people’s emotions a lot without thinking. Maybe it was because he was a dumb jock that expressed his emotions loudly through fists and yelling.

The only person he thought he was good at studying was Grimmjow, but right now this felt painfully obvious, but even then he wasn’t sure. “Oh my God.” Ichigo said, eyes wide open despite his dizziness and desire to pass out. “You like him, don’t you?”

Ichigo felt Kenpachi flinch on top of him before his brows furrowed even more as he delivered another punch to Ichigo’s face. Ichigo had no idea how he was remaining conscious. He has always been resilient, but this was next level. He should be proud of himself, but it was hard to be when he was in so much pain. Still, Kenpachi’s actions spoke volumes as he leaned forward so that only Ichigo could hear what he had to say.

“I better not see you alone ever outside of school. If I do, I’m gonna rape you raw. Actually that might not be much of a punishment for a perv like you, but that’s what you get for turning him gay. If he was going to be with a guy he should have been with me not some nerdy loser.”

Ichigo squeezed his eyes shut, tears managing to bead out the side of his eyes. His life was already over. There was no way he was going to get into college after this fight. He was already walking a fine line as it is. He could no longer fantasize about sitting in coffee shops on campus, writing a book that he’ll never finish after he’s finished all his homework. No more thinking of making new friends with the same hobbies and discussing that they should be roommates when they change dorms. No more dreaming of the wider selection of classes that could actually pertain to his interests rather than what the school supplies to him. Now on top of that, everyone was going to know about him and Grimmjow. He dragged him into it and now everyone will know about his boyfriend’s sexuality. He loves him and now he doomed him. He was going to get the same treatment as him.

Maybe it was about time he passed out so that he could wake up when it’s over, maybe in the nurse's office or at this point a hospital. Actually at this rate he might actually go into a coma, but it’s better than feeling anymore pain. He didn’t have much time to consider that before he felt the large weight leave his stomach as Kenpachi was shoved off of him. Ichigo managed to lift his head up slightly enough so that he could peek at what was happening, fighting the urge to pass out just a bit more. Grimmjow was standing above him protectively. He looked down momentarily, eyes full of rage and concern, before looking back up to the offender. Was he hallucinating? How the hell did he appear conveniently before him? What kind of deus ex machina was this? He wasn’t going to complain. No use complaining over a good thing. He was going to groan in pain though. He couldn’t do much else.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” Grimmjow roared, guarding his best friend/secret boyfriend. He was relieved that Grimmjow conveniently jumped to the rescue seemingly out of nowhere, but it was only for a moment. Behind him his soon to be ex girlfriend scurried over and squated next to Ichigo. Ichigo groaned, but this time not from the pain but because he was not ready to feel that wave of guilt. Her concern meant that she didn’t know yet and he was about to witness her figuring out what was going on. It was unavoidable. It was going to happen any second now and he could do nothing to avoid it. He sucked his teeth in as Cirucci helped him sit up. He would have rather been lying on the floor then let her help him up, but he was lacking the choice and option.

Kenpachi staggered a few steps before whipping his entire body around to face Grimmjow. Hunched over again like a gorilla as if ready to attack again with full force. Grimmjow wasn’t fazed in the slightest.

“You had every girl in the school fawning over you, but this entire time you wanted dick?” Kenpachi roared.

Grimmjow sighed and shook his head. “No.” Grimmjow yelled back. “I’m not gay.”

Ichigo squeezed his eyes shut. Grimmjow could say whatever he needs to get out of this situation. He just needed it to end and he was hoping that he wouldn’t be here for any of this.

“I’m bisexual!” He shouted back. Ichigo opened his eyes slightly, his vision was still dancing, phasing in and out of blurry and less blurry. He always thought that he would be happy to hear him come out. The most popular kid in school, LGBTQ like him. Maybe people would think that being gay wasn’t so bad. Maybe he would feel less lonely, but now that his head was on his girlfriend’s knee. Grimmjow’s girlfriend was grasping every word that was being said in confusion, not fully able to understand what was going on without all the pieces to the puzzle. Ichigo didn’t want to be there when she figured that out, but there was no way he could run.

“Then why did it have to be him?” Kenpachi said, pointing to Ichigo. Ichigo felt Cirucci gasp, jostling him ever so slightly. There was no way out of this.

“Because I’m fucking in love with him.” Grimmjow explained exasperatedly in just as loud a voice as Kenpachi. Every eye that was focused on the screaming match between the two shifted their focus on the bloody boy on the girl’s knees which then became the boy on the floor again, head swimming as it bounced against the tile as his pillow, not so gently, retreated and stood.

All the noise stopped as Cirruci screamed, shattering Ichigo’s ears quieting the screaming match that should be accompanied by popcorn for the viewers.

“It was you?” She screamed, not exactly a question but a declaration. “This entire time?”

Ichigo groaned in response. Not really an answer, but she took that as a yes. It wasn’t, but it might as well have been.

“I thought we were friends! I trusted you.” She said stomping in his stomach with her heeled boots she wore to make her seem taller. That spike that lifted her did not feel good, but he knew he deserved it, but he wasn’t ready to put a nail in his coffin by telling her that they were never friends. It was already pretty low of her to further attack someone who was hurt, but he couldn’t bring himself to be mad at her.

The fight didn’t wait for her to have that small conversation with Ichigo that ended with her running off with tears in her eyes. After the scream that surprisingly didn’t result in any glass shattering it resumed again. Grimmjow was on top of Kenpachi like a panther attempting to rip it’s prey’s jugular out. If Ichigo had the energy he would have tried to pull Grimmjow off. The last thing he needed was for him to cause even more problems. There was no way his dad wouldn’t hear about this.

Luckily for him it seemed that someone actually did run to get a teacher because the first authority figure to run into the scene was Mr. Ukitake. He would have liked it if he wasn’t exposed to him in this sorry state. Despite his crush on him being gone for the most part he still found him attractive and didn’t like him seeing him on the floor covered in blood and ink, but beggars couldn’t be choosers and he hoped that this wouldn’t change his opinion of him. This was his favorite teacher, and the teacher he was going to ask for a letter of recommendation.

“What is going on?” Mr. Ukitake asked loudly and angrily, looking between the two monsters fighting and Ichigo’s bloody body. Ichigo flinched. He has never seen the calm, soothing teacher angry and it didn’t look good. He grabbed Kenpachi by the back of the shirt and started to pull him towards the principal's office. Ichigo wanted to shout for him to not grab the bull by the horns, but all that came out was a cough and a gasp.

Ichigo was right to worry since Kenpachi didn’t take to being grabbed well and tried to retaliate, thrusting and shaking which resulted in Mr. Ukitake flipping him and pulling him to the ground. Whoa. Turns out there wasn’t much to worry about.

This was the moment when Mr. Ukitake looked up from the bulky boy on the floor to look up at the other offender which he immediately recognized as Grimmjow and right below him was the one he was defending, bloody on the floor.

He took a deep breath as other teachers started to run towards him. “I’m not sure how well I’ll be able to defend you both, but it doesn’t take a genius to guess that you two didn’t start the fight.” Mr. Ukitake took another sorry glance at Ichigo who was slowly trying to pick himself up. “I know Ichigo well enough and I’ll do my best to defend him whatever happens.” He said nervously, directing the conversation to Grimmjow. Mr. Ukitake had a strong standing in the school, but he wasn’t a miracle worker. He wasn’t able to stop the bullying so he wasn’t sure what would happen now.

“In the meantime, Grimmjow, can you take Ichigo to the nurse? We may need to call an ambulance” As he said it, Ichigo fell back to the floor, finally allowing his dizziness to take over, throwing a blanket of sleep over him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if you're interested, but I made a new story for Katekyo Hitman Reborn. It was a lot of fun to write and it would mean a lot to me if you checked it out.

**Author's Note:**

> Please clap. (Comment so I know whether I'm doing a good job or not)


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